cannot see me

answer to dailyprompt-2016

how would I describe myself to someone who cannot see me?

I’m not certain what reason is they cannot see me, but if they are seeing (seende) I’m going to describe some of my appearance.

I have described my appearance somewhat in other dailyprompt recently, but here are some of my features again; I have dark brown straight thick slightly coarse texture hair, green/hazel colour eyes and I’m petite height at 156 cm/5’1. I’m of Northern European origins mostly, especially of indigenous Saami, Finnish, Kven and Norwegian (from Northern Norway and from Agder sørlandet in the far-Southern regions), my Agder/Rogaland county ancestry include also Traveller/Reisende cultures. Me and many in my family are DNA-tested as well.

about my personality; I’m introspective, curious, very sensitive, have a little bit strange but real sense of humor, a creative side, like to listen more than speaking in offline conversations.

my astrology; I’m a double Virgo with Moon in Sagittarius and a strong Leo influence, my Mercury is in Leo in 12th house and close conjunct my Chiron in Leo plus my early Virgo Sun, all in 12th house. They are rulers of my chart due to my Virgo Ascendant/Rising sign, so I’m strongly Leo influenced. My Sagittarius Moon is within 4th house and an important influence on my astrology is Pluto in Scorpio from 4th house exactly opposite my Taurus Midheaven, it forms aspects to my Moon, Mars, Venus, Chiron, Saturn and Mercury.

about my diagnoses; I’m diagnosed with severe mental illness and Asperger syndrome and I have temporal lobe epilepsy. I hear voices frequently, I suffer from delusions and strong paranoia, I’m having delusions of grandiose nature and I struggle with different schizo-obsessive and schizo-bipolar features. I don’t have mild disorder, I have been in psychiatric hospital several times due to my illness.

my history; I’m soon 32 years old and I don’t know my father well because he is a poly-drug user with addiction to alcohol, medications and illegal substances. He had a lot of childhood and youth adversity and we had to leave him in 1995 after very difficult times. I have a great family and they help me cope with life. I had childhood and youth adversity mostly through being target of moderate bullying in my school years. My Asperger wasn’t diagnosis before 2011. My best friends were extremely helpful in making me feel better, together we made each other very happy and be genuinely thankful to each other.

I like writing about different topics related to my life and interests, so I apologize if it was too much or not exactly related to the question asked. Thank you for reading ❤

the birds are still here

answer to dailyprompt-2012

if I could bring back one dinosaur which one would it be?

I just want to write about birds because they are related to the dinosaurs in some features and origins. I’m around wild birds every time I’m going outside and I cannot imagine life without birds. So maybe the past isn’t truly as distant as we think it can sometimes?

New Zealand and Canada (part II)

If you won two free plane tickets, where would you go?

If I could I would visit not only the main tourist spots but those reminding me of home. I’ve heard they have some fjords in New Zealand and there must be small towns in Canada that somewhat similar to my experience living in the districts regions of Norway in the Northern parts. And I believe in experience different cultures within a country so I would like to meet Maori in New Zealand and First Nations and Inuit persons in Canada. I want to learn from my trip in all regions and every experience will be useful to my understanding of the World around us all. Maybe the Norwegians and Saami are considered kind of unusual or exotic in distant countries? If so that would also be interesting to me.

Thank you for reading my blog ❤

like last year

answer to dailyprompt-2020

I wrote about this on other blog last year so I’m mostly repeating what I said then

1 blogging

2 reading

3 writing in notebooks

4 eating good meals

5 drinking cold beverages

6 drinking warm beverages

7 talking with my family members

8 talking with my friends

9 play with my mothers little dog

10 listening to dubstep

11 listening to drum&bass

12 listening to grunge and post grunge

13 listening to different metal genres

14 being silly sometimes, including here

15 meeting my friends to drive around town together

16 research my family history

17 being outside during summer time Midnight sun evenings ❤

18 trying to speak Finnish language with my Northern Norway accent

19 looking outside to our amazing view

20 wearing blankets any time ❤

21 getting good quality sleep

22 drinking tea; either hot or iced, herbal or Earl Grey

23 wearing my Arctic boots Amundsen and Sami during really cold winter season days

24 getting likes/views/comments on my blogs

25 reading other blogs

26 trying creative writing of some kind

27 contemplate life in introspective work

28 trying out effective medications that really change my life for the better

29 thinking in lyrics

30 answer dailyprompt

Star Trek life

What’s the story behind your nickname?

I’ve answer this several times but I need to write more about the story of why I got the nickname “Seven of Nine’. I was a child during the time Star Trek: Voyager was on air on Norwegian television. I had many traits in common with the character Seven of Nine in large part due to my undiagnosed moderate Asperger syndrome and other significant degree severe psychiatric conditions like early onset schizophrenia and bipolar component.

Seven of Nine was different also, she had a personality similar to mine in many ways. Her history of being part of the Borg was a major aspect of her story and also I really appreciate later in life how my best friend saw my traits as a positive thing referring to a special character in Star Trek ❤

I didn’t understand why I struggled so much with life before getting my autism spectrum condition diagnosed in early 2010s in late teenage years. But now in my early 30s I feel much more comfortable with my identity and living life even with my struggles of severe mental illness.

About my passion for television series and documentaries;

I am so thankful for my friends and also my love for Star Trek I develop early in life from this series and Seven of Nine was a large influence on my life. I love watching different types of series and interesting documentaries also. I mention a Norwegian documentary film about the Norwegian Travellers of far-Southern regions called sometimes ‘skøyere’ and the documentary title is ‘Folket som forsvant’ it’s from year 2022, so it’s recently made. I have far-Southern roots and our family has Traveller origins very likely, so it’s personal to our family culture, our identity.

Thanks for reading ❤

Seven of Nine (aka Synnøve) typical today

answer to dailyprompt-2014

Was today typical?

today is young, but yesterday was interesting. I was sleeping late into the day and this was due to taking sleeping pills little bit late in the night. Then I took my other medications including my strong painkillers and was able to function well. I was writing on my blogs and speaking with my family members. I love my family and I’m looking forward to meeting my good friend soon.

At night to today I had a really strange dream about my cousin being extremely critical of me and she isn’t that way at all in waking reality. Good-natured and she cares about animals a lot and being involved with Dyrebeskyttelsen

Today I woke up slightly late and took my morning medications. I have severe pain so I need to take strong medicines for this including painkillers and anticonvulsants, I also have TLE, a type of epilepsy. I have Asperger syndrome. I’m not a native speaker of English language, btw. I live in Norway and in the far-Northern region in particular, in Finnmark county. I just mention in case of confusion over my written English if you haven’t read my other posts before. I’m currently drinking cold vitamin water to help with my pain from the conditions. The brand is Vitamin Well and it’s apple flavour, I really like it. They sell it at our local Bunnpris grocery store.

I’m looking forward to the rest of today, writing about different topics and my experiences here on my blogs. I was called nickname Seven of Nine (a character from Star Trek: Voyager) in my childhood years by my friends. One of my given names is Synnøve, it means ‘sun-gift’ and it’s a name of Norse origin. Today the weather here is overcast with clouds and some slightly rainfall and also wonderful light now.

Thanks for listening ❤

about Finnmark county/fylke

This is the Northernmost county/fylke in Norway and I have lived different places here for 16 years. It’s the size of the country Denmark and our largest town has a little over 20 000 people living there. There are two hospitals in the entire county, one in the Western part in next largest town (Hammerfest) and the other in the far-Eastern part (in Kirkenes) close to border with Russia. The winters are long and dark, the polar nights for entire December month.

The mountain passes (fjelloverganger) are frequently closed during winter season and this is especially important for those living far from the hospitals. It’s a hot topics in our region, a lot of underliggende local conflicts within it.

I have lived several places in Finnmark, but I’ve spent most of my childhood and youth in Nordland county/fylke and Troms county/fylke including the largest city in Northern Norway named Tromsø.

I love living here. The long winters are worth it, we get the best community here because of our authentic experience of nature and the cultures together. Our summer has been great, now it’s finally raining again after long time warm sunny weather days. The Midnight sun is ending tomorrow, it’s both a kind of yearly sadness and sometimes useful for sleeping better.

Thanks for reading ❤

Jay

What’s the story behind your nickname?

From one of my former given names ‘Johanne’ I got the nickname ‘Jay’, it was also the story of my passion for electronic dance music and deejays.

I wish I had the courage to be a female DJ writing my own lyrics and making different melodies that resonates with people. I create music in my dreams, so maybe I can get there.

I have other nicknames as mentioned in other answers to this question, and I wanted to mention this part also. Btw I liked my old name and I still feel like it’s ‘me’ inside. My identity in Kven culture from my great-grandmother named Johanne and my history of being Jay.

But times change and I was ready to be living as an Ingvild, a Torunn and a Synnøve as my given names. My own chosen path, the mission in life.

Thanks for reading ❤

New Zealand and Canada

answer to dailyprompt-2011

where would I go if I won two free plane tickets?

I would visit places in Canada and New Zealand. I’ve been living and visiting only Northern European countries in my current life. I have been wanting to see for myself how English speaking cultures are in real life experience. As may be known I’m from Norway and our culture is often more Scandinavian in nature, I’m heavily Finnish and Sámi influenced by heritage and family cultures. It would be quite different being a true outsider even though understand very well the language spoken.

And I often feel like I’m an outsider in Oslo, not about my autism spectrum condition or schizoaffective but like almost it’s a culture shock just being for a couple of hours on public transport like the especially the train or on the airport Gardermoen. We don’t have any trains in Troms county and Finnmark county. Some few places in Nordland county have trains, but otherwise none in Northern Norway.

I’m wondering how the natural environments are in these locations, I’m used to fjords and the coastal regions with the mountains and pine trees. I remember Northern Finland thick forests and oak trees in Agder county, exotic environment to us. I went outside today in the heat and sunshine it’s lovely but I’m happy to gwt home also, drinking pearberry type Battery energy drink in the Darkness of my firsr level ground apartment.

I hope to know more about our World out there and I would definitively visit if the tickets were free.. and the rest also for free!

thank you for reading my blog ❤

Torunn Ingvild and her strategies

What strategies do you use to maintain your health and well-being?

I have answer before but here is some more.

Note: discussing some medical conditions and adversity of childhood and teenage years.

I read a lot different texts in different languages and I’m trying to learn Finnish language better.

Listening to my body when it’s telling me I need to do things differently, btw during my childhood and youth years I had chronic bedwetting and also frequently wet myself at school so they made fun of my embarrassing accidents and also bullied me quite often. I eventually after turning 13 years because also of my heavy cycles along got (free) aid to avoid this from happening visible in my jeans, thank goodness for Norwegian health-care systems helping teenage girls suffering from these conditions. It felt kind of strange wearing protection as a teenager, but yet I’m so thankful for it.

I write blog to express my thoughts in words and post music videos to share my passion for life and the lyrics important to me, memories and emotions. I eat healthy foods and try my best to stay active physically and socially, I enjoy the summer time when the short time we have it. During winter seasons (three types in our native Sámi culture) I stay warm during cold days (like under -20°C, some days -30°C) drinking the hot tea and wear soft merino wool blankets to feel comfortable and embrace my well-being fully.

I’m happy today, and I hope this was okay texts. Have a wonderful day fellow terrestrial beings ❤

kort

answer to dailyprompt-2010

that’s what I was called often, the short weird one. They kept repeating the word ‘kort’ so one day when we had a lessons where we could talk about important topics I spoke about how it was bothering me a lot. It was a part of my Asperger syndrome that I sometimes could not understand why they bullied me so much, I got diagnosed not before age 17 years so in 4th grade I didn’t get the right help in school to deal with mean girls and the male bully named Kim. I mostly disliked school because of the bullies and I couldn’t concentrate on my school work, very lucky I was sharp and intelligent by nature because that really helped me learn despite this quite difficult time.

so my nickname was related to my short height; I’m of Arctic origins unlike my classmates who were unusually tall Nordic kids with strong xenophobic tendency from local town culture.

thanks for listening to my story and have a good day everyone ❤

How they teach

Daily writing prompt
What makes a teacher great?

It’s all about how they teach. In my case it needs to be not too easy for my own level and I like a challenge sometimes. They believe in my potential and are easy to relate with, passionate about their vocation and inspired thought.

The important aspects are also defined by what makes a teacher not helpful; if I know the person hates me and especially if it’s based on my ethnic roots and/or diagnoses I feel differently and think more for myself than listening to empty words and judgement based on stereotypical views.

born again

Daily writing prompt
What are your future travel plans?

I’m planned for a visit to our largest city in Northern Norway that is Tromsø where my parents lived in early 1990s when I was born along with visiting the town Narvik in Nordland county, one of the places I lived in childhood and youth years.

I want to visit Finland in different regions of the country, my ancestors came from mostly Northern Finland and Eastern Finland like Savonia, Karelia and what is now part of Russia. Visit the Capital City of Helsinki and as said previous time Oulu and Kemi. I liked visit Pello in year 2016, I’m coming back next time ❤

Portugal, Spain and Russia. Sweden, Denmark and Western regions of Norway esp in Rogaland county. Countries like Mongolia, Tunisia and India if travel outside of Europe. So many places to see and experience, anywhere on planet Earth is a paradise. Thanks for visiting ❤

Pride and prejudice, thoughts on identity and health

What bothers you and why?

The stereotypical image of bisexual people as confused and hypersexual, impulsive decisions.

The idea that trans people are more narcissistic than the other groups in modern society.

The notion that female alcoholics are not to be taken equally seriously as actually addicted to as male alcoholics. (Pardon my own English)

The morally wrong belief that autistic people are not real humans and that we have no soul inside.

All are bothering me because it’s not true and it’s plain false. It’s also very unfair and hypocritical toward other human beings of many vulnerable groups in society.

So those are four of the topics that bothers me.

Thanks for listening, reading and remember we all truly belong to the Spirit world whether we are straight or queer, white or a person of colour.

cloudB/cloudberry story

answer to dailyprompt-2010

what’s the story of my nickname?

my blogs name has a story, I had a profile on a website using the nickname cloudB online. Unfortunately I was kicked out, but it got me where I’m online right now so nothing is meaningless.

It’s from my ancient roots in Northern Scandinavia and Finland; we use cloudberries as part of our cultures, my family like to make cloudberries in dessert or jam/(syltetøy) so it’s deep in our roots.

And I wish you happy mid week from here in the Arctic regions ❤

more musical contemplation

Answer to dailyprompt-2006

I come from a musical family and environment. It’s part of my core identity to listen to and appreciate the message within the sounds and lyrics, my mind thrives on music and other creative expressions and experiences.

I listen to music when I write, tidy, contemplate and other inner world work. Reading I can do if the music genre and particular track is good for the topic and gentle encouragement to go beyond the surface, beyond the usual expectations.

I listen to different genres of music depending on my current mood and mental state, even in sadness happy music can be heard even if not felt as deeply inside as I would like. Music is awesome and profound to me and my brother is a true metal genre musician, producer, song writer and vocalist. I’m so proud of my older brother for his passion and talent in music, he sings and writes in most often our in common native Norwegian language.

Thank you all ❤

Ctrl alt delete

What could you let go of, for the sake of harmony?

I should just post what comes to mind when I write and be genuine about who I am. Often people appreciate honest expressions more than we believe they are, I’m trying to just be me and not the person I want others to see me as.

Btw, Noisecontrollers with Give You Bassline

(I love it, a great hardstyle genre track)

Privacy

What would you change about modern society?

All of us deserve some real privacy and it’s not okay to be above it and be like a sociopath intrusive to others space and freedom. Good times are yours it doesn’t to belong to everyone. We should share things we are meaning good saying. I have this psychotic disorder and I dislike intrusive acts in general, I leave other people business alone because of respect for privacy, the other person and my self respect, my conscious values

Idk if you can read my posts, real space for all people and true respect toward all living beings.

Midnight sun season soon over

As we are getting close to Midnight here now it’s still light, but not like it was in May or June. We get these weeks of all-day light and quite warm temperatures for considering our Arctic location. I’m hoping my refills will be ready for the rest of summer through August month. I’m seeing my psych and the gyn in mid month, the answers to my questions about treatments may come through these appointments. I’m really done with the severe pain affects my sleep and rhythms. I hope it’s not very serious illness or maybe not be able to treat at all. Life is still good at the core and I’m so lucky living here in beautiful place, safe and often serene. I remind myself often ❤

Those are some thoughts about my own life and conditions on this summer late evening in Arctic Norway.

Thank you all for reading ❤

Three Days Grace

answer to dailyprompt-2006

Listening to music when I write or physical work like walking outside or to tidy in my home, I like different genres of music including this type of rock music. Here’s some lyrics from ‘Animal I have Become’

‘So what if you can see the darkest side of me, help me believe, it’s not the real me’

I say I think in song lyrics along with the sounds so this comes to mind, lyrics are part of my life in-depth experience.

Dance, Dance or the Darkness

What do you listen to while you work?

I can fall asleep while listening to hardstyle, I love the rhythms of the psytrance music sub-genres like hitech progressive darkpsy and other. I’m most liking dubstep or psytrance for writing and introspective work. Other times black metal albums and individual songs playing on deep journey into my darkest side prepare for spirituality type dreams with the shadows inside.

And Norwegian. Usic definitively I listen to for familiar culture and my roots in Norwegian ethnicity and language. I’m on Stilnoct now, soon sleep some.

Medicine for the souls of Fire

answer to dailyprompt-2009

what strategies do you use to maintain your health and well-being?

I do a couple of things. Taking my different medications is a part of my daily routine. They help me function in both inside and outer level in society to some degree. I write a lot, especially on these blogs and I choose topics based on my mental and emotional state of being. And I listen to music every day, often for several hours. These summer days it’s so good having cold drinks anywhere it’s not like extremely warm at all just around 20 degrees celsius outside perfect temperature actually. I keep active in some aspects of life, both socially and energetic type physical activities like walking fast up a steep hill carrying 10 kilos of beverages for… okay the last part wasn’t that healthy, I’m aware of it.

I think I’m actually thirsty so I need to trade for a can of just regular cola from upstairs, Sunday so every grocery stores are closed today. I’m kind of losing my mind right now. Happy end of week from Northern Norway ❤

soon Invincible

answer to dailyprompt-2014

Was today typical?

Listening to hardstyle bootleg versions of Borgeous – Invincible

I need some cheer up mood so I listen to happy music to feel better. Both are on my blog if you wish to listen yourself, it’s a type of electronic dance music/EDM genre. I like the lyrics ❤

it’s summer time now, I enjoy a cider in the evening and some writing as well. It’s soon the times of many birthdays in our family in August and September months, including my own birthday I’m turning 32 years this year.

The Darkness I’m not letting it pull me down too much, this summer is special and I’m really lucky living in comfortable temperatures in summer time. It’s around 20°C outside, a lovely evening and truly great weather, real bright sunshine all night (Midnight sun here until very end of July) and I just love some cold drinks along a wonderful summer day ❤

Reden mit Ingvild

answer to dailyprompt-2014

Was today typical?

I like the song ‘Reden’ by Tokio Hotel so I try some German in the title along one of my names. I was supposed to learn more German language in videregående but I was too psychotic to study anything and wasn’t on medications before young adult.

Btw, I’m an Aspergian/autistic so this is important to mention some time in my posts for new people not knowing my history of diagnosis and treatments.

so far this day is slightly different from usual, I wish I had more to drink tbh. I’m again not actually alcoholic, the more I say that it seems strange right? I like our summer time light and sunshine and when temperature is just perfect both inside and outside.

I remember my teenage school many video projects with us being actors in the films we made, it was so funny and deeply painful both same time. I’m reminded of my teenage years usual teen angst all of teenagers have, of the bullies and the severe psychosis untreated and not aware of even in youth psychiatry in knowing my conditions.

Okay so that’s part of it, but not everything.

Så faen altså, har bare lyst å skrive om det jeg hiver innpå når jeg trenger det, en pause fra psykosen og når føler meg utilpass i livet:

Smirnoff Ice; very nice.

Battery Blue; I love you.

I’m the Razzpergian.

(Ja, Bacardi Razz og Asperger syndrom. Helt logisk, ikke sant?)

I wish happy days for everyone ❤

I need the medicine

yes, this is kind of random and I’m taking my medications of course. Just not really on time which gives me symptoms of pain.

I’m so sick by Flyleaf

Pain by Jimmy Eat World

billy talent – Nothing to lose

a bootleg version of Borgeous – Invincible

billy talent- Standing in the rain

other bootleg of Borgeous – Invincible

billy talent- River Below

Three Days Grace – Animal

Three Days Grace – I hate everything about you

Bullet for my Valentine – All These Things I Hate (Revolve Around Me)

Culture wars

answer to dailyprompt-2007

What would I change about modern society?

note: I’m from Norway and I don’t know the united states of America or Western countries like United Kingdom or Australia conditions that well from the inside perspective. But we have some of the culture wars a little in Norway also. Especially around the immigration, ethnicity and Sametinget.

the culture wars are not really about minorities mostly, it’s a way to prevent us from class struggle and uprising against the Ruling class of the rich and those who profit from ecocide and wars. It’s not in my name that they use the downtrodden and minority groups that some I am a part of and others are part of my little social circle, especially non-European origins refugees, immigrants and the immigrants children growing up in Norway. I really am against Progress party politicians and the use of these prejudice against minority persons of different kinds. The rhetoric bothers me a lot for big reasons, I’m a left-leaning anarchist and growing up in leftist family culture going back generations.

I am of Sámi origins and I’m allowed to vote in political elections to Sametinget due to my recent ancestors spoke Sámi languages and I identify as Sámi in my life. But it’s getting more very toxic political environment around our identity as Sámi because some media, politicians and ordinary people are so divide oriented in these topics. It’s harming our culture tbh how it’s a target of social control and identity police.

I don’t have much strong understanding of why people gets very passionate about these topics and not on real war or our destructive acts toward mother Earth.

another part is the unity of our human beings and how we can work together once we truly clear see how the Ruling class is treating everyone else in all of our society.

I’m really hoping we can get focus on human rights and the topics important to class struggle and revolution.

thank you for listening and for the read, fellow members of human nature ❤

Three names, one woman

answer to dailyprompt-2013

how would I describe myself to someone?

I would describe my appearance, my interests, my experiences in life and all the little things that are unique to me. My cultures and ethnicity, my family, my psychiatric conditions and political ideology. And my three given names.

Here is an example;

I am Synnøve/Ingvild/Torunn and I’m a woman in my early 30s. I’m from far-Northern Norway and my ethnic background is mixed Norwegian, Sámi, Kven, Finnish, in addition of Romani (tatere) plus the indigenous Norwegian Traveller (skøyere, further back Yenish peoples of Central Europe) and some Swedish origins in recent generations. I have quite thick straight hair and a little coarse in texture in dark brown colour, hazel/green colour eyes and I measure at 156 centimeters in height. I’m passionate about genealogy, DNA-tests, genetic genealogy research, far-left political ideology, astrology and diversity in different life areas. I have a Virgo Ascendant/Rising sign. I’m also autistic, I have temporal lobe epilepsy and I’m diagnosed with the severe mental illness of schizoaffective/schizophrenia plus mood disorder. I had some difficult times growing up, especially being bullied. I love listening to music and writing.

Thank you for listening, comrade/fellow terrestrial ❤ ❤

Reindeer kebab and culture

What foods would you like to make?

Note: This is not my own image, I found it online.

I like kebab and I like reindeer meat, so it’s something I would like to make myself without paying so much for it for the fast food aspects.

It’s good to my mind that we are even open to more diversity in food including Sámi traditional types. I’m very thankful for foreign friends and other cultures influence society in ways that we didn’t know before.

And if new to my blog I’m of part Sámi indigenous origins and I know core Sámi regions people in everyday life even though I’m not of the people speaking North Saami language in true free conversations.

Most of us, at least in my home town between the coast and the Mountains, are actually quite mixed background going back many centuries of good relations between the Sámi, Finnish, Kven, Norwegian, Swedish etc.

Note: this is not my own image

Many of my ancestors herd reindeer and some were Mountain Sámi group. Many were Sea Sámi group and at least in one family census record from coastal regions show they had own reindeer on their land. I don’t know if that was common or rare at the time of the census (folketelling) being done.

So I would love to make my own reindeer kebab.

Thank you for looking, reading and have a wonderful summer night ❤

I’m so impulsive

What foods would you like to make?

note: this is about drinks, fruit, summer time and lifestyle topics.

oh, yes the summer time. Some wonderful fruit and Smirnoff Ice very nice. I’m not an addict I love summer season drinking cold beverages to cool down and chill outside in the sunshine days. Fruit salads in the outdoor environments, sometimes we visit family who have bbq and grilling different food outside. I love fruit in different forms and especially orange. Pear flavour drinks like pear cider and Battery energy drinks with pearberry type taste experience.

I like our garden and I must also get the refills on my prescribed medications to function well in the evening and morning, I’m not using them together at same time with a lot of cider because even though I’m impulsive, I use my head to make better decisions on important lifestyle choices and my health, physical and mental. I want to have more little cans of Smirnoff Ice for tomorrow. Summer holiday ❤

Leah Aurora, Johanne and Mia

If you could host a dinner and anyone you invite was sure to come, who would you invite?

Note: about psychiatry related topics, my inner world and plenty of psychoactive beverages.

Yes, my inner world characters. Leah Aurora is the perfect pretty one, Johanne is the Aspergian I wish I wasn’t and Mia is my evil twin born of wounds from life and my inner Darkness. I don’t have DID/dissociative identity, I really have the schizoaffective condition and the moderate case of Asperger syndrome. My own names Ingvild, Synnøve and Torunn. I hear voices since late childhood and it used to be constantly abusive and never-ending agony. Now it’s less intense.

And I would have a pasta salads plus other pasta dish. Plenty of alcohol-containing pear and fruit champagne cider. Along with energy drinks in especially the Battery blue and the pearberry.

I would have deep, open difficult conversations at table of four parts of me. The roots (IC/Nadir point in astrology) of my being are in Scorpio sign with Pluto in it’s own power. The mild percentage alcohol will have an effect on the mood at the gathering.

Sometimes I wonder if this event would help my healing journey become the living reality of my deep dreams. So these are the inner world characters I would invite to have dinner together.

Thank you for reading ❤

Expressions

How do you express your gratitude?

I thank the good-natured Spirit for the life I get to experience. Faith in my own 100% concentrated power of will (yes, from a song lyrics) and my strenght and determination of the Finnish roots in our family culture. A sense of humor that honor the sacred forces of true grateful living.

Maybe this doesn’t sound very deep, but it really is profound to me.

hide and seek

an extra answer to dailyprompt-2004

Also known in my Norwegian language as ‘gjemsel’ (sounding more like ‘gjømmsel’, really in this dialect mix) and it’s really hide and seek, quite straight-forward? Both yes and maybe not so clearly after all.

it’s a classic game. And even with the Sheltie we played this game outside. So hide and seek, it’s interesting how we choose to hide ourselves well and where to find others using our mind, the senses and many other inner qualities we have like empathy and memory.

thanks for listening ❤

Lavender tea and merino wool

What strategies do you use to increase comfort in your daily life?

Note: I’m a very comfort driven person as said in some my other answers to the dailyprompt.

Drinking hot lavender tea during the cold polar nights of December with my soft merino wool blankets and warming merino wool clothing close to me is the best I know in these times when the sun doesn’t rise. I listen to the signals I get from within, I act on my feeling and experiences. Music also plays a big part, sometimes it’s black metal and others like dubstep on my quite good sound system. I’m not lazy, I’m conscious of my limits and needs. We all could listen more to our body and mind, the connection between these and our actions.

Thank you for reading my blog ❤

Sleeping beauty

another answer to dailyprompt-2010

my classmate called me ‘Tornerose’ because I arrive late to class in the mornings. I really was difficult waking up and actually get out of bed. Sadly for me I also had nocturnal enuresis so I had this routine when I woke up. Not going into much details. I had a slightly long walk for school so I had to walk fast to arrive in time for lessons. This was in 5th grade level. But the funny thing was it wasn’t percieved by me as an insult really, I’ve been through much worse names called.

so my nickname was Tornerose/Sleeping beauty back then in mid 2000s Norway. Some names stick around and others are just a moment in time. Btw, my current first given name is Torunn 🤭❤️

Heated debate

what is warm here? What is warm to me?

yeah, 30 degrees celsius is in the sun

like a sauna stepping in, outside

86°F or similar idk to you

I cannot imagine the situation of 100 degrees

outside the sauna experience of our culture

is it warm to you, in other regions, other nations

30°C, I’m very lucky now

I don’t live in Oslo, they have 32°C at the moment

but rainfall we miss

dry ground is dangerous ground

even here fire can burn

writing sometimes about that

Awkward, always

yeah I’m drinking, again

sorry I say, every time

fashion, energy and perry

so I had

no clue really

my dear one

Pisces soul, true light

blonde

blue eyed friend, her

Finnish fighter spirits, they

kicked her, minutes pass

both in pain, again

forget good enough

perfect pictures of me, I took

with some pride, inside

black eyeliner thicker, thin skin still

the very mean girls calling

her, or my, name so

differently, darkness inside

Life, as it just is

I’m a wild one

What time do you go to bed and wake up currently?

Currently I’m drinking a lot. But I have it under control somewhat at least. So I drink day and night, now it’s Midnight sun time at 3 in “night” so it’s not at all dark. I wake up when it just happen to stop dreaming or alarm/phone call in morning. That is if I have been sleeping of course. When I stay up it’s wild times of day, and very irregular in nature. I wish to keep the things under control, I have history of addiction in family and certain drugs/substances I really dislike and will never use even if legal in future or currently. I cannot tell people completely to not use substances because I use substances, even if it’s alcohol and legitimate medicines for disabling conditions. So sleep when you can, dreaming is good for us all.

Thanks for listening ❤

Stavanger and Oulu

answer to dailyprompt-2008

my future plans are visiting Stavanger in Rogaland county of Norway. My great-grandfather was born there and we have strong roots to Rogaland county in our family. I want to visit the Western regions of my country, I’ve been only to Oslo and Kristiansand in Southern regions for days.

and even more i want to visit Oulu city of Northern Finland. I have ancestors from Oulu and I love Finland, so sad to see they joined the evil NATO. But Finnish language is a big part of my liking the country as it truly is. I have from before in year 2016 travel down Torne River Valley on a tourist learning trip for Kven origins Norwegian citizen and others.

so my future travel plans are connected to my roots very strongly. Past times meeting the present day and plan for future events.

cider and a triple cheese

aanswer to dailyprompt-2005

what is my go-to comfort food?

I’m so warm now. I’m going for another pear cider to at least in theory cool down. I take lactase supplements when we heat the triple cheese pizza type, being genetics and ethnicity based lactose sensitive/intolerant but I love a lot of cheese on the pizza. It’s so wonderful with just right made pizza with crust and the cheese being a delights for the senses.

i also like as previous mentioned vegan ice cream, lactose-free oreo shake and the iced coffee. If not aware I’m not a native speaker of English. I’m so strongly wanted the cold cider, so I’m getting it from the fridge right now.

Thank you for reading my blog ❤

Katta; the cat and the little black dog

answer to dailyprompt-2002

I’m mostly familiar with dogs from childhood to now in my 30s. But I like cats also, my cousin is a true cat person; she is a part of Dyrebeskyttelsen in Norway for animal welfare and animal rights. She had four cats in house for several years. I like how Bengal cats look and their unique behaviour from the wild side and domestic cat together. They are so intense and yet funny beings.

I’m a dog person. My mother has an elderly little black dog that I see often and one of my grandmothers has several dogs since like the 1970s to now. We got our first dog in 1999 when I was 6 years old, a great Sheltie that stay with us for 14 years.

I love animals ❤

more about the Sims series and me

another answer to dailyprompt-2004

i met the Sims series in 2000 with the original game and I was seven years old then. I loved it! Maybe a little young to play but it’s was great fun. I kept playing the different generations of the games until I moved to other apartment in different town. I really like the concept of Sims games and I have a strong imagination that is useful for enjoying these games. I had a vampire sim that I created and she was me when I was playing at least a very dear friend to my inner world. I play for many hours long sessions. I got so upset when her husband was having secret affair with another sim, I actually killed him by hunger because he did betray my sim and also in extended way me also. That’s an example of how it was back in the days. I wish I still was playing but just now I’m preoccupied by different life aspects that include being outside and other things like writing this blog.

ándagassii, áhčči

Mun áiggun dan bures. Váttisvuohta lea ahte in ádde du. ándagassii, áhčči

answer to dailyprompt-2010

What’s the story of my nickname?

my family and including my fathers side are of Sámi origins a lot, we have a certain look that can be visible to some people in society. I’ve taken different DNA-tests with MyHeritage and 23andMe and father has taken MyHeritage DNA-test to make me happy to know our family and ethnicity estimates. The new MyHeritage ethnicity estimate is different from earlier version so I’ll refer to the menu on right side with my ethnicity estimates.

my father got the nickname ‘Gilbert the Lapp’ because he was different and victim of severe bullying and xenophobic abuse. My fathers name isn’t Gilbert btw.

polarMidnight, my nickname here is from the conditions in natural light of our Arctic environment, polar nights during some months of the winter and the Midnight sun in most of our summer time. Cloudberry is from culture in Finnmark county of the use of the cloudberry in food, drinks and last but not all least; dessert.

I don’t have a close relationship with my father, he is suffering from chronic addictions to several substances and had a difficult past including childhood and youth adversity and he was the victim of a serious hate crime.

My father on earlier version of MyHeritage ethnicity estimate had Scandinavian/Sámi, Finnish/Sámi, Greek/Southern Italian, Arctic indigenous/Inuit, Central Asian, West Asian and indigenous American.

giitu go lohket mu blogga ❤

(in English):

thanks for reading my blog ❤

Cha Cha Cha: dance with me, I’m Finnish 💗💕😂🇫🇮

Which activities make you lose track of time?

I get lost in time from my cans of alcohol pear cider listening to catchy music of different kinds. I’m not in a serious mood at all now 🤩❤️🇫🇮

The music take me somewhere awesome inside, life is feeling very good right now!

Cha Cha Cha by Finnish musician Käärijä I’m listening tonight and I have this cool YouTube lyrics video with the Finnish lyrics plus the English translation. If you are curious you can check out his other music as well 😊👌

And yes, I’m actually Finnish by ancestry and our family is of Kven culture strongly. I love the Finnish language ❤ ❤

hyviä aikoja toivottaen!

En, to, tre, fire

yksi, kaksi, kolme, neljä

okta, guokte, golbma, njeallje

one, two, three, four

Some Finnish language music;

Haloo Helsinki! with ‘Perjantaina’

(I really like this track especially ❤ )

Haloo Helsinki! with ‘Beibi’

Jannika B with ‘Onnenpäivä’

and not to be forgotten:

Some more text, Finnish and North Saami;

Olen ylpeä suomalainen,

olen ylpeä pohjoisnorjalainen,

ja mun lean čeahpes sápmelaš.

I’m a proud Finn, I’m a proud Northern Norwegian

and I’m a proud Sámi.

Gaskaija beaivváš,

keskiyön aurinko,

Midnight sun.

And I won’t forget to say;

buorre idja, hyvää yötä, good night ❤ ❤

the voices, the lyrics and the dubstep

second answer to dailyprompt-2006

I have paranoid schizophrenia with mood disorder (or schizoaffective condition) and I hear voices as part of my inner life and the daily experience of my mental illness. So sometimes I give the voices a chance to speak without censorship, and I note what topics it’s about. I really value my dreams also, the way it shows my inner world in a type of movie version that’s immersive and deep in psychological nature.

as I’ve described before I basically think in lyrics, in musical sounds together. It’s like what comes to mind first when I’m writing or speaking, it’s actually quite useful often.

and I listen to different genres of music, but dubstep is very special to my work activities including mostly writing and introspective work. It’s about the feeling and I really can recommend the songs ‘Elements’ by Fractal, ‘Blue’ by Au5 and Fractal and many others for writing and introspective work.

For energy I listen to a lot of HiTech psytrance as mentioned in earlier answer to this question. Psytrance has several sub-genres like progressive, hitech and forest among others like darkpsy.

so this is what I listen to when working. Thanks for reading ❤

racism, xenophobia

What bothers you and why?

Note/warning; possibly triggering or upsetting topics.

I’m a far-Northern European of nationality (Norway) and most of my more recent ancestors were technically ‘white’. Yet I’m of minority background in my country; a mix of different cultures. And in my childhood and youth the large majority of my friends were non-European origins refugees or immigrants to Northern Norway region.

and our history in my close family is affected heavy by xenophobia and sometimes even plain racism. My father was severely beaten with metal chains and other weapons at age 12 years by some horrible racist violent youths who target him because he was different. They report to police, but nothing came of it so the xenophobic youths got away with this terrible crime.

I had a racist teacher in 8th to 10th grade that hated the different ones generally actually, not only student of foreign origins or of far-Northern mix + far-Southern Romani Traveller peoples ethnicity like me. Btw that teacher taught me a lot about human nature and what is not good about our school system, nothing is without a useful lessons in life.

so xenophobia/racism bothers me on a very profound level due to my experience and seeing friends being affected and our family roots in other minority cultures, and true diversity is the key to inclusive environment overall.

thank you all for reading ❤

research

answer to dailyprompt-2001

What activities lose my track of time?

So I do some type of light research at least daily and more heavy in-depth research on occation. This helps me connect with my inner and outer part worlds and it’s very meaningful and important to me. Whether it’s astrology, spirituality, genetics, genealogy, social causes and political themes etc osv; I lose the sense of hours going by and sometimes I lose myself inside the activities and mental state. I’m right now taking sedating medicine and drinking chamomille tea along so I’m not entirely my normal self. I’m also prone to lose okay so my writing doesn’t work now the medicine is very strong. Thank you for reading and I’m soon going to sleep, Midnight sun shines through my room window tonight. Happy days! ❤

Dubstep, indeed

What is your favorite genre of music?

People are sometimes surprised by my favourite music genres because I’m different from the expected type of person listening and enjoying this music. I really like dubstep and I have since my late teenage years been listening to the bassline and drops, the hybrid genres also.

‘Fall Silently’ by Ephixa is one of my favourite tracks in hybrid of hardstyle and dubstep.

‘Blossom’ by Au5

‘Blue’ by Au5 & Fractal

Thanks for listening and enjoy life ❤

Cloudberry fantasy land

answer to dailyprompt-2003

what food would I like to make?

I wish I had the skills and motivation for it but I like it this way mostly. I buy things especially local Northern brands and the Finnish brand Battery energy drinks.

Note: I can have an unusual sense of humor sometimes and I’m a mixed Northern Norwegian culture person. I don’t make cider, it’s not legal here to make alcohol-containing drinks without real skill and regulation. No hjemmebrent/moonshine for me, thank you. I’m lucky I’ve never tried it myself.

First the food: I like pasta salads a lot. Especially with the strong dressing (I don’t know what to call it in English) and some nice tuna or chicken with. I actually make this food sometimes even though I’m kind of not experienced actually making food. I buy healthy Norwegian food that is easy to prepare for eating soon after it’s done cooking. Btw I’m quite mindful eating and have no distractions from the meal. I like slightly spicy food so maybe I would make spice mix?

Dessert: Cloudberry anything for dessert. Really.

now the beverages: I drink tea and it’s from organic origins. I have special tea rituals that make it extra meaningful to know how to get the best experience from it. I know my tea preferance very well.

I would like to make my own favourite pear cider, make it my specialty. I like different energy drinks taste like for example apple, raspberry or pear.

Maybe I could make my own strange brand of alcohol and energy drinks mixed called ‘hipster-karsk’? 😂👌 (type Norwegian culture silly/odd inside humor)

thanks for visiting ❤