That’s a strange title, right? Please read my other answer on different blog, it’s brighter and more fun except the title. I needed to write something about the Darkness of society. And salty wizard!
Warning: dark topics at times
I get motivation from energy drinks and the psytrance music. I listen less to psytrance these days because of the land of much debate actions in the country toward the innocent groups of people and the horrors. I cannot stay silent forever, it’s important to mention this on blog.
I love the salte trollmann song. It’s in a foreign language so they are misheard lyrics create from my mind, I’m a mentally ill woman with a case of moderate-severe Asperger syndrome. And I’m also Norwegian speaking, with influence from Finnish/Kven and North Saami language.
Okay, so some of my motivation comes from caffeine and stimulants and others my most favourite music and not to ever forget the lyrics.
Yes, I enjoy writing for several reasons. But it gets a very useful habit for clarity, insights into my thoughts and feelings in written word and the aspects of connection with other people across vast distances. I guess that’s a big part of why I write for others to read, I write for myself and for all who listen/read something I put together within my mental space for this blog.
I cannot recall the name of some insightful films I was watching with my core being immersive in the plot and symbolism. I have written about the following on other blog. But some of my most favourite movies I can remember name of are:
Kautokeino rebellion 2008 Nils Gaup
Why? My ancestors lived in Kautokeino during the real uprising in year 1852, I identify as Sámi and our Norwegian supremacist teacher made us watch this movie many many times in our school lessons. The religion and the alcohol use, the children in the film. It’s also interesting from a more visual and emotional way of creating the environment. I read that the actors were in particular conditions that made it unique, even difficult filming.
Pathfinder/Veiviseren 1987 Nils Gaup
Why? Classic Norwegian film with beautiful winter environment and interesting story, and as I mention in other blog the blue eyes of the main character of Sámi actor Mikkel Gaup made it special to me. I liked the feeling of watching something truly great, story from long lost times. Plus my aunt actually knew him from 1980s.
Psycho 1960 Alfred Hitchcock
Why? Classic movie of psychological thrillers, the mental madness and I just remember the feeling first time I watch through the real film. I’m diagnosed with severe mental illness and I feel dark at times, even on effective treatments.
The Birds 1963 Alfred Hitchcock
Why? It was so scary with the birds. I have great respect for birds and after seeing this film even more so. We cannot control nature and we must be careful in our actions.
A Complete Unknown 2024 James Mangold
Why? I liked the music, the time in the 1960s, the story was interesting and I watch it at the cinema with my close family members together. The way Bob Dylan never did stop despite the difficulties in life. The different women in his social musical political environment. And I like the immersive nature of watching something I could relate to with my ears.
Ellos Eatnu 2023 Ole Giæver
Why? This really hit home with me, the political, environmental and indigenous struggles of my generation. The main actress is just a few years younger than me. The acting, the Sámi language and Northern Norwegian culture. The identity and human rights, the environment and the pain. I want mention my own grandparents were a part of the activism for this important cause. And it’s not long ago the late 1970s to early 1980s in Finnmark county also, where many of my ancestors lived and many of my living family as well.
I’ve lived in different places in Northern Norway my entire life. Nordland, Troms and Finnmark counties. Always north of the Arctic circle and I’m Norwegian speaking with strong Southern influence on everything, my mix of Northern and Southern is what makes identity police angry they want people to fit neatly into some type of uniform shape, a box with a label on.
Oh, I forgot the question.
Yes, what I love about where I live is our diverse landscape and the wild sea, our Northern type fjords and the big mountains, the forests of pine and birch tree. This is true for every place I’ve lived in, including my current home town. The Light changes, the cold winter days, the summer time Midnight sun and now autumn is coming.
and the people are different here, we don’t take everything so serious and we have the unique sense of humor that the Capital City regions persons or from other (Norwegian ethnicity) culture don’t understand well.
I care about our ethnic minority languages and cultures, even the ones I have no connection to. I know no Forest Finns or Jews, but every minority should be respected and heard.
My mind is a maze, Maze river dam, I’ll have a Sámi general physician some time in the future. I’m on a waiting list.
Btw have I mentioned that I have schizoaffective disorder?
What I enjoy most about writing is it takes my pain away, takes me to another world where things are different. It’s not escape in that way, it’s travel. I like writing in any mood, but my words arrive when I feel inspired by something I care a lot about, my passion and fire inside. Through pain and ecstasy, extremes of emotions and mental state. My schizoaffective bring a different view to life, it’s really dark often and I take medications for it. I’m thankful for my experience because it’s what I have that no one can take away from me, I learn from every day.
Note: I currently live in Finnmark county, but I spend most of my childhood and youth years in different places in Northern parts of Nordland county.
The Mountains of Nordland are beautiful place to be, I remember in Narvik municipality being on many outdoor school mountain trips with my classmates and other peers. Usually my classmates were bullying me a lot, but on these trips they didn’t bully me almost at all.
I loved the beaches. We had so much interesting experiences out in nature environments with our school trips and in my free time after school I spent hours alone in outside. I remember with pure ecstasy what it was like being twelve years old looking up at the clear night sky with the Northern Lights, the powerful Spirit in the Sky.
The people are open and honest, the culture of being a good student that other Northern Norwegian culture doesn’t value as highly. But to be honest it’s a difficult topics, I had really hard times living in Nordland because of my different cultural background and my still undiagnosed moderate-severe Asperger syndrome.
Yes, all powerful and delicate feeling is worth to be experienced including the darkest times. They all have their use in our lives, I’ve learned through living with my mental illness and adversity how vast this inner universal story is, what they mean for my health, well-being and healing process.
The life isn’t complete without dark side or missing the Light, we are strongly reminded of this fact living in the Arctic North of Midnight sun and polar nights, of the unique natural environment here.
I’m serious to fully cherish and appreciate my emotional life, there are no ‘bad’ emotions and the nuanced perspective is useful to me to cope with mental illness, adversity, different types of neurological conditions and pain.
Nothing can break me, and being open to my real feelings helps me every day to move forward. Even if it hurts in several ways it’s still useful.
Professions I admire include genuine musicians of any genres, mental-health workers and therapist, tradition of reindeer herding, teachers and those who work in the Darkness. I admire any work that is done from the heart. Writer, poetry and visual art. So many people to mention but it means we all do something to admire.
Aspergian perspective on life in this battle, my heritage in pleasant and painful experiences.
Ingvild said nothing, but heard everything.
And yes, I’m thinking of something when I chose the image. An aspect that’s profoundly strong within.
Note: not the drug per se, but the mental state of moving beyond the ordinary mind and emotions.
It’s about the range and intensity, I feel it with my entire being. The music is the main part and true to myself I like drinking with my favourite music. I play on my sound system or on my old iPod touch device. I need music and lyrics to function well, my mind gets a lot of fuels from this unique activity. Btw, I’m from Norway. So back to the emotions again, it’s true ecstasy.
No drug can be exactly as magical as this state of being, natural intensity and range of emotional life. I feel any emotions on level very deep within me. I’m a 4th house Moon in a fire sign, specific Sagittarius, or very late degree Moon in Scorpio, and my Sun sign and Rising depending on system is double Leo or double Virgo.
I always like to mention astrology because I feel it describes my world very well from within, the good times reading something someone thought or was feeling about profound topics and type life philosophy are some of my favourite parts of living online life.
Deep level connection with something greater than myself, the spiritual origins of my ancestors and national identity. I’m a happy girl today. Nothing can stop my passion, I’m a fighter spirit with strong roots. I went through my darkest days yet and I’m still here, loving this life.
Thank you for visiting this blog, I hope it was worth the read ❤
I don’t know why but it bothers me sometimes how it’s used for everything
It’s kind of difficult understand what they mean, i often wonder what they could say instead
Btw, (my favourite word here, so often used) this is commonly used word in Norway at least many places I have lived. And in media, online conversations.
Note: I go into details about different topics. And I have chosen the pictures with deliberate action.
Yeah, I’m a summer season alcoholic since around year 2019. I’m binge-drinking alone listening to my favourite music on my good quality sound system or just with earphones on my old iPod touch, I like cider and alcopop (rusbrus) plus raspberry flavour rum and mild taste blueberry vodka. I call myself a ‘Razzpergian’ because I love Bacardi Razz and I have Asperger syndrome.
I plan my goals in management ways, I break down what I do in several pieces. I get these plans working together with family and mental health support network including psychiatric doctor and specialised nurse. I have written down plan with what actions to take in mental illness worsening.
So these are a few ways how I get things done and plan for future, coping with my mental illness. And my alcohol use.. could be less, and willbe less!
Psychiatric emergency, yes. You really need to have enough medications for at least two weeks forward and keep the refills up to date. I needed an oxazepam today because of my psychotic anxiety getting very strong. But yes the part of psychiatry and mental health well-being is very important. Someone to speak with and trust in the darkest moments, some light during hard times. I’m wondering if the image is decent or very inappropriate.
My ancestors were many of ethnic minorities in Scandinavia and Finland, including the Sámi and the Kven people. On my Southern Scandinavian side there are Romani Traveller roots with dark history of discrimination just like the Sámi and Kven people were targets of, just even worse.
So my point is our ancestors languages are in danger of disappearing from use if we don’t do something to keep it in daily conversations, in music and in writing.
We are fighter spirits and never give up. Let us honour that fire inside and speak with pride again.
My dreams are my life, there is clarity in the morning after a series of vivid scenes and the powerful plots. Of real danger and of pure joy.
Btw I’m for some reason feeling really cold, maybe it’s early autumn/Čakčageassi temperature rainfall? I want to sleep in a true bedroom soon on a cozy comfortable bed, not on sofa in the living room with window open. I don’t know if I should share much more about my life to strangers I don’t know reading.
But this is about dreaming, and it does matter a lot with the 12th house placements in astrology. I’m a 12th house Sun and a 4th house Moon in most astrology house systems, the fire element very strong. 12th house and Neptune, escape. I write about my dreams, of my roots, in more ways than one. I’m on a healing path now, writing about dreams for a very good reason.
I love melodic black metal, the different feeling within lyrics of many music genres. Music is my life, my life-line through any storm.
I hope your nights are good; like the days are bright, the nights can shine from the Darkness illuminated by awareness.
This topic is so painful, but it’s honestly a forgotten groups that really make very important impact for children suffering from abuse and adversity. I thank every good therapy professions for their hearts and the mind working to save the children in pain.
I don’t want to reveal much about my experiences but I’ve lived through difficult times in childhood and youth years. I’m a psychiatric patient with severe mental illness and autism spectrum. And good-natured therapist are actual angels on Earth.
If you were going to open up a shop, what would you sell?
I know this isn’t legal in my country, but I would sell alcohol-containing cider and energy drinks together. I’m not a criminal btw, I just like drinking and I should of course follow both Norwegian law and make good health decisions. So it’s a dream, lucky for me (and for Norwegian Vinmonopolet and grocery stores!)
What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?
Schizophrenic mind writing about faith and smartphone.
I believe in having faith in life, it’s important part of my philosophy. I’m a spiritual oriented person and I find meaning in little things also, like the comfort of hot tea on cold day. I enjoy the English Tea shop brand of different tea I had the pure white earlier today. I carry my faith in everyday living, I contemplate on life in my quiet space at home. But without my phone I cannot keep my current lifestyle the same. I like being able to look up something immediately after I remember. I enjoy writing blogs and my smartphone is a way to write easily in any settings. I wish to be useful to the World out there I can give insight to our culture and my experiences with different conditions and adversity. I drink a bit too much alcohol containing cider but it’s been several days without them, I have a couple energy drinks instead. I love energy drinks and iced tea.
What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?
I’m talking about me and my strong imagination, the reality of being both a true proud Leo and a humble Virgo in one woman. And this girl liked that girl, too. My first true love was a wonderful young woman that saw who I truly am, saw through my defense from pain and hurt.
I have experience a lot of hard times through my illness and cruel people, but I still love life and the people in it 🫂💙 I want everyone to feel it, the connection with someone far away that truly cares about them 🇧🇻❤️🔥
Yes, I think of this song always to be honest I’m crying now. Hardstyle music ❤
I’m vulnerable and open with the whole world through my blogs. In the alternate universe I’m still me inside just look absolutely exactly like my AI avatars that are based on my true appearance and to be my best version of self. I have different conditions related to psychiatry, neurology and pain. I’m diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia with mood disorder and moderate-severe Asperger syndrome. I’m a Sámi woman; one of different Arctic indigenous peoples of Northern Scandinavia, Finland and North Western Russia. I’m a Kven Finnish woman also.
I drink too much alcohol cider mostly due to I’m very sad and deeply wounded inside, my Chiron (astrology) influence is that of the (wounded) healer qualities also. I was bullied throughout my youth. I live with chronic pain, severe in degree.
In the alternate universe I would be myself without apologies for being different. I’m really emotional inside now. I don’t know if it’s relevant to this prompt. I’m thankful for every readers of this blog and I really truly mean it.
I’m from Norway and around 1/4th of my ancestry is far-Southern or South Western regions Norwegian, from Agder and Rogaland counties. My ancestors travel by the sea some generations back and we have strong connection with boat life and travel as well in our times. I have ancestors from Southern Sweden and from Trøndelag in Norway, some were likely Romani people or called ‘tatere’ by local Norwegians.
But I’m also really curious about our deep roots, what countries our Reisende ancestors were influenced by or where they came from many centuries back. Our forefathers likely spoke Rodi language and it’s very interesting learning more about, what influence from Norwegian, German and Yenish languages.
So I’m deeply curious about my Reisende ethnicity ancestors and the culture that is part of our roots, just like my Northern region origins are part of my identity as well.
It’s likely it was take out food, it can quite easily cost 1000 Norwegian kroner if we ordered several warm food types, lactose-free oreo shake, cakes and soda-like rusbrus. Yes, some takeout place we can have alcohol together with it. For the adult of course.
Well, as I said on other blog last year most of the online news are hidden mostly by a pay wall. This is what capitalism is about, make money for public information.
but I’ll find something to write about. I also think every article has a meaning to it if we look at it from a certain perspective, so there are not completely actual entirely uninteresting news.
so this is about a possible future mine in Repparfjord in Finnmark county and reindeer husbandry, I don’t agree much with the author point of view because I’m not against reindeer husbandry and I’m supporting environmental conscious topics. Honestly I think it’s very biased against reindeer husbandry and pro-mining. So it’s relevant to our society in terms of the local debate over mines and reindeer.
The perfect place to meet for rebels and the downtrodden we fight for. Books, fashion, true community and let me make this very clear: awesome music will be playing on the sound system inside the buildings 🤩❤️
I used to have a heavy energy drink habit. For ten years from 2008 to 2018 I was using every day all year. Not just one little can or two. I had 4 to 6 big cans every day, at least. When I was on travel out of our town I could lose count of how many and only notice my head felt like it was up in a cloud. Like the physical sensation of being high up, and enjoy it. I honestly miss it now.
I began drinking them at age 15 and kept my habit up for ten years. When I turn 18 and had my first taste of alcohol I was basically ‘hekta’ as we call it where I live. It’s like you feel 13 times better than just one apart. Escape from my mind. High on music, so much better sounding and pleasure emotionally. Energy and nice tastes.
It was great I got things done when I had it. The big trouble was when I ran out of supply and it was Sunday (I’m from Norway, every normal size grocery store is closed on Sundays) or in several days holidays like Easter and the Christmas days.
The feeling of running out of supply is headaches even before they arrive in the morning. Joint pain and muscle ache. Even dysphoria and worse voices in my head than usual. When I woke up it was basically the first things on my mind: more. I walked to the nearest grocery store looking for that feeling. Carry 10 kilos of drinks nearly every day. Monster. Red Bull. But the real Queen of Energy for me currently is Battery Pearberry and Grevens fruit champagne cider.
Yeah, a combination of caffeine, vitamins, taurine and sweet-tasting alcoholic beverages.
I don’t know if this post is at all relevant to the question asked, really. But this is my story of joy and pain.
I really enjoy drinking hot tea, both herbal teas and Darjeeling, oolong, Earl Grey and many others. During long winters it keeps me warm and when wearing soft blankets it’s very comforting in the Darkness of December month when (btw, we have 28° celsius and very heavy thunderstorm right now. My mothers dog is barking a lot upstairs) the polar nights from end of November to mid January here; no sunrise, no sunshine, we have twilight hours at noon and complete darkness rest of the day.
So tea and blankets are one of my habits that bring me joy ❤ Thanks for listening, and gods of thunder really rule the nights. Or the afternoon. From me, Torunn Ingvild to all of you;
Being of Sámi origins and I must mention my blog name cloudberry/cloudB nature is meaning a lot to my deep values as an indigenous peoples.
I’m curious about several many topics but I’m mentioning this in particular because it’s big part of our cultural identity and tradition.
We use cloudberry in dessert and jam/syltetøy in particular. We gather it outside in wild nature and make our own types of products for use in family gatherings like birthday celebration or other events like confirmation of teenage youth.
I’m not of close family reindeer husbandry heritage like some traditional families in inner Finnmark; Finnmarksvidda where most are native speakers of North Saami language and many live the region traditional lifestyle.
I’m a city Saami culture person with strong Sea Saami origins my ancestors living in Northern fjords and in coastal regions by the open sea. But I have deep roots in Finnmarksvidda; especially in Kautokeino in Norway and Karesuando in Northern Finland/Sweden.
So cloudberry delights and the strong heritage of our family environment passed from generation to next for centuries.
The mutual trust it’s a communication and chemistry thing. It isn’t important the cats or dogs aspects, it’s how we relate to the particular being we interact with. I watch in distances around strangers dogs and I’m careful around all animals because they are vulnerable to misunderstanding from any human.
My mother has an elderly little black dog that we all see as dear family member and she is so funny; not like ordinary dogs are funny, but hilarious.
I like cats also my grandmother had a three leg cat he was originally a stray cat but Dyrebeskyttelsen (animal protection?) and my cousin the volunteer help him recover from severe injury so he could thrive well.
I care for animal welfare and animal rights, we never can forget the suffering of many pets neglect or abuse.
Nature is sacred to our people the Saami (an Arctic, mostly European origin peoples with some Siberian and Mongolian, like North Asian more further back in roots also) that indigenous to Norway, Sweden, Finland and Russia.
So I love both dogs and cats in addition to caring about biodiversity and plantlife. Thank you for reading ❤ ❤
I’m really on a deep level today. I want to reach out to everyone suffering in life now. I’m writing in Norwegian because it’s my native language
Det er viktig å bli sett og å se andre, uansett hvem vi er. Jeg ser meg selv nå, på den måten jeg er. Mørket i den lyse årstid i varme og hvor mye det betyr å ha noen å snakke med i vanskelige stunder.
Jeg har en mental lidelse og jeg hører stemmer som tidligere styrte livet mitt hver dag. Jeg er åpen om det jeg har opplevd og hva jeg tenker om det nå, hvordan fortiden er en del av livet selv om det er vanskelig. Det finnes ting jeg aldri hadde tenkt å si som nå jeg klarer å skrive om.
Det finnes ingen falske samer og jeg er ikke sykdommen min, jeg er meg. Den jeg er inne i alt det vi ikke kan se utenpå, den personen som drømmer om natta og vet hvordan det er i å leve i mørket. Jeg skriver dette for akkurat deg som leser uansett hvem du er så møtes vi nå i ord.
Jeg kjenner til en kvinne (som er venn med min psykisk syke kusine) med alvorlige lidelser som også får LAR behandling.
Livet er herlig og helt forjævlig til tider, for å si det på den måten jeg faktisk føler det. Jeg har hatt det vanskelig og nå vil jeg hjelpe andre å se hvor mye denne bloggen har vært med på reisen min rettet mot innsikt i hvem jeg egentlig er bak diagnoser og medisinsk behandling.
I have three given names. One of the three is Synnøve. ‘Sun gift’ or ‘gift of the Sun’ it means in Norse and I like being a Synnøve. But what is my nickname? I have many through the years, some nice and some cruel. I was ‘Sleeping Beauty’, I was ‘Jay’, I was ‘Seven of Nine’ and many more.
Sometimes I was the stereotypical “good girl” and did what the others told me to do. My classmates when they play nice called me ‘snill‘ and being snill (kind) is a truly good thing, it should not be ever used as insults. But over some years of experience I was more of a rebel, I define my own identity as a teenager learning about the world. Then after many years of being bullied, psychotic and suffering I went to the dark side.
As soon as I got to legally buy rusbrus and cider I was drinking the way Aspergian alcoholics do; alone listening to music and binge-drinking. I could call myself ‘Razzpergian’! But at my core I’m not the bad girl person I sometimes feel like being to make things okay, that at least I’m a real ‘bad girl’ not someone that needed to be better than she was. But in truth I actually just want to be comfortable living as myself in this society.
Write about a random act of kindness you’ve done for someone.
This isn’t much about random topic with strangers, but I wanted to share with you.
I want to mention something that someone else did for me as well. My same-aged friend helped me feel better after a especially difficult day when I had an accident at school and the bullies were so much worse than usual. My friend made me feel much less alone in this, didn’t mock me for my very embarrassing episode at recess. Just the pure kindness and support for me in that emotional pain and feelings of shame. I was so lucky to be friends with good people caring about me no matter what.
In addition I show the same kindness and loyalty for my friends. They were not allowed by parents to go on days school trips in other places due to the family religion. They told me to give other explain to classmates about why she wasn’t on the trip. I really tried to follow her words in actions and that felt great being loyal to my foreign friends.
I love being helpful and kind with others. They all deserve it so much when we are fellow human beings with real wounds and real compassion for others. Thank you for listening ❤
It’s getting really warm tomorrow, up to 29° celsius and I’m both inside and outside then, drinking enough cold drinks. However I enjoy really the psychoactive beverages during summer time, our winter time is very long here in Finnmark so the summer is truly a blessing.
Right now I’m having a Monster energy drink and listening to different music I like a lot. Btw, Finnish is an awesome language 💙🇫🇮
I guess it’s so far both typical and atypical, I enjoy the weather conditions even inside in my living room. The Monster is cold from kjøleskapet/the fridge and my painkillers really helped me today, much less pain than usual now.
I love today so far ❤ ❤
I hope your days are very good and thanks for reading ❤
Norwegian language text about me and some AI avatars based on myself:
Her er noen AI avatarer basert på meg. Jeg heter Torunn. Jeg er samisk, kvensk, finsk, svensk og norsk med noe sannsynlig innfødt arktiske aner/inuitt og i tillegg endel nordafrikansk (kanskje fra Tunisia) noe lengre tilbake i fortiden. Jeg er både nordlending og finnmarking. Jeg har mye aner i Troms fylke og vi bodde i Tromsø og på Senja tidligere. I tillegg fra Agder og Rogaland i nær familie. Jeg har tatt DNA-tester fra MyHeritage og 23andMe, jeg har forsket på slekt siden 2007. Jeg er fylt 32 år snart. Jeg har aner av de Reisende på sørlandet og av Romanifolket i Norge og Sverige.
Jeg har moderat-alvorlig grad av Asperger syndrom og liker å skrive 😂❤️
standing in the rain playing in the background. I love many Billy Talent songs from youth ❤
emo kid with the heavy eyeliner and I also love hoodies still. They bullied me and poured orange juice on my jeans, then told the teachers I had peed on myself. It was worse because I often actually had wet in my jeans in class or during recess, I also had nocturnal enuresis/chronic bedwetting even at age 16. I had other issues with the function of the body. I wore type protective underwear during my heavy womanhood curse and was prescribed this aid from pharmacy like place. The protection works well, I use it still during my womanhood curse and especially at night. I need to write about this sometimes because it does affected my mental health strong.
I was an emo kid but didn’t self-harm with sharp things. I beat myself with glass bottles of Coca-Cola along with plastic bottles, had big bruises I was try hiding from everyone. I had the emo bangs and my hair was it’s own dark brown colour. I listening to MCR and The Used as well as other type emo musicians.
I’m suffering from psychosis and voice-hearing is part of my everyday life. They say very abusive things to me, reminding me of shameful times and emotional pain. They say strange things like ‘she is going to have major accidents in public’, in local grocery store. I’m a psychiatric patient and I’m an Aspie, that is I have Asperger syndrome. I must sometimes write because it actually helps me deal with my mental illness and the vivid memories of childhood adversity and bullying.
What traditions have you not kept that your parents had?
Yes, that’s right; new tradition. I have discovered so much through our family research that our real culture is more Finnish and Kven than Norwegian. We are significantly Sámi origins and it shows in our family culture, the way Saami raise children and parent relationships. But mostly Kven. The strenght and determination, our Finnish sisu. The Kven sauna experience. Our quiet environment in the home that ethnic Norwegians don’t share in culture. Love in actions, less words. Humor mostly the Finnish way. I have Kven costume and sami boots plus my modern Arctic indigenous inspired boots from Topaz; one called Sami and other Amundsen. They are awesome shoes, so warming in cold weather days of -20° celsius.
I love my roots and the State and Norwegian society tried to make us real ethnic Norwegians, but culture survive; some part you cannot erase.
Yes, that’s no typical day! I have short hair and I used to have it very long when I was child and teenager, even at age 28 years! But I like mostly having shorter hair. The experience is always unique in the salon, I’m going to be in a quiet space and have the soft blankets around me. It’s raining a lot today in this town, we are soon getting really high temperatures like 27° celsius and sunny days. It’s good with rainfall some days.
Today we are blessed with lovely weather here. I want to spend time outside in the sunshine. The summer season and the vacation is wonderful time being with family members and I’m going to make this my top priority today and some weeks forward also and many are not as lucky as me in this way.
On different topics slightly;
I’m taking my painkillers now, my pain is severe and my mood needs to relief from pain to be honest about how wonderful life is a great gift we all get to have. I’m feeling the difficult choices in my heart. What to say to readers when I cannot respond right, when they don’t feel heard by me.
Today wasn’t that typical. We had some thunderstorm very close to our home and a random patterns of rainfall. We had nice takeout food and I took every medications I am supposed to take daily and as needed. I’m on my sleeping pills at the moment, Stilnoct or zolpidem it’s called. We did a lot of house chores and tidy the rooms. I liked today as overall experience. Now it’s soon time for sleep and dreaming.
Good night, everyone, even if it’s morning to you now ❤
Sometimes I feel like what is good is the intoxication I get from substances and recreational activities, because it feels like an escape from the Darkness. Yet other times I just stay in the ordinary space and hope for insight to be found in my introspective thoughts and understanding my depraved or grandiose theme dreaming at night. There is not a sharp divide between the two ways, there is clarity to being high/intoxicated and deep delusions in waking sober reality. One thing that comes to mind especially is the topic of love. I have no romantic partner or any relationship of this nature. I honestly feel like it’s too strange to consider for me being in that type relationship, I want to feel absolutely certain that the relationship is respect is privacy plus not in any types abusive. I know from other people experience that love and hate can co exist in very difficult ways between families and partners. I also know the dark side to other types of environments like schools and even hospital wards. Didn’t like being bullied and used in different ways I didn’t want, feeling like I was nothing to be there not like the others. I am really looking forward to being with my family and the little dog, maybe having some good take out food together.
Well, I’ve already posted several answers to this prompt, but here is another:
My name is Torunn Ingvild and I’m from Northern Norway, I’m very soon 32 years old and I’m diagnosed with severe mental illness and Asperger syndrome. I have different ethnicities in my family history and family cultures; a lot Finnish, Kven, Sámi and Norwegian. I’m passionate about genealogy and other research.
In the summer season I enjoy a cold rusbrus/alcopop or hard cider and a couple cans of energy drinks outside in our garden. I enjoy wearing strong colours in clothing and people like it when I wear something that express my sunny type moods. I’m strongly Leo influenced (Mercury, Chiron; both conjunct my Sun) in astrology along with very strong Virgo (Sun, Ascendant/Rising sign) in 12th house and a Sagittarius Moon plus a strong Pluto in Scorpio sign both within 4th house.
I like having a cup of hot tea during the long winters here and wearing merino wool blankets on the cold days like -20° celsius or lower. I like being truly outside for some time during my days, seeing nature in beauty, feeling the breeze of wind through my hair and the scent of wonder of summer after rainfall. I really like hoodies in different colours and they are comfortable.
I enjoy writing, listening to different genres music like black metal and dubstep, grunge and hardstyle etc osv. I like reading different kinds of texts and blogs about anything that the writer is passionate about and we connect over the Internet even from very different cultures from other world regions. I love diversity and my childhood best friends were non-European origins refugees mostly, so thankful for my good friends helping me feel better despite being often bullied. I’m also still here among the living due to my amazing family and some good support system around me. My medications are necessary for me to function in life, I take also anticonvulsants for temporal lobe epilepsy.
This blog helps me express and reflect on my life and the response from you all is a big part of why I keep writing. Even today with my heavy migraine I really feel like this is an escape from the agony along with my cool, dark room.
how would I describe myself to someone who cannot see me?
I’m not certain what reason is they cannot see me, but if they are seeing (seende) I’m going to describe some of my appearance.
I have described my appearance somewhat in other dailyprompt recently, but here are some of my features again; I have dark brown straight thick slightly coarse texture hair, green/hazel colour eyes and I’m petite height at 156 cm/5’1. I’m of Northern European origins mostly, especially of indigenous Saami, Finnish, Kven and Norwegian (from Northern Norway and from Agder sørlandet in the far-Southern regions), my Agder/Rogaland county ancestry include also Traveller/Reisende cultures. Me and many in my family are DNA-tested as well.
about my personality; I’m introspective, curious, very sensitive, have a little bit strange but real sense of humor, a creative side, like to listen more than speaking in offline conversations.
my astrology; I’m a double Virgo with Moon in Sagittarius and a strong Leo influence, my Mercury is in Leo in 12th house and close conjunct my Chiron in Leo plus my early Virgo Sun, all in 12th house. They are rulers of my chart due to my Virgo Ascendant/Rising sign, so I’m strongly Leo influenced. My Sagittarius Moon is within 4th house and an important influence on my astrology is Pluto in Scorpio from 4th house exactly opposite my Taurus Midheaven, it forms aspects to my Moon, Mars, Venus, Chiron, Saturn and Mercury.
about my diagnoses; I’m diagnosed with severe mental illness and Asperger syndrome and I have temporal lobe epilepsy. I hear voices frequently, I suffer from delusions and strong paranoia, I’m having delusions of grandiose nature and I struggle with different schizo-obsessive and schizo-bipolar features. I don’t have mild disorder, I have been in psychiatric hospital several times due to my illness.
my history; I’m soon 32 years old and I don’t know my father well because he is a poly-drug user with addiction to alcohol, medications and illegal substances. He had a lot of childhood and youth adversity and we had to leave him in 1995 after very difficult times. I have a great family and they help me cope with life. I had childhood and youth adversity mostly through being target of moderate bullying in my school years. My Asperger wasn’t diagnosis before 2011. My best friends were extremely helpful in making me feel better, together we made each other very happy and be genuinely thankful to each other.
I like writing about different topics related to my life and interests, so I apologize if it was too much or not exactly related to the question asked. Thank you for reading ❤
if I could bring back one dinosaur which one would it be?
I just want to write about birds because they are related to the dinosaurs in some features and origins. I’m around wild birds every time I’m going outside and I cannot imagine life without birds. So maybe the past isn’t truly as distant as we think it can sometimes?
If you won two free plane tickets, where would you go?
If I could I would visit not only the main tourist spots but those reminding me of home. I’ve heard they have some fjords in New Zealand and there must be small towns in Canada that somewhat similar to my experience living in the districts regions of Norway in the Northern parts. And I believe in experience different cultures within a country so I would like to meet Maori in New Zealand and First Nations and Inuit persons in Canada. I want to learn from my trip in all regions and every experience will be useful to my understanding of the World around us all. Maybe the Norwegians and Saami are considered kind of unusual or exotic in distant countries? If so that would also be interesting to me.
I’ve answer this several times but I need to write more about the story of why I got the nickname “Seven of Nine’. I was a child during the time Star Trek: Voyager was on air on Norwegian television. I had many traits in common with the character Seven of Nine in large part due to my undiagnosed moderate Asperger syndrome and other significant degree severe psychiatric conditions like early onset schizophrenia and bipolar component.
Seven of Nine was different also, she had a personality similar to mine in many ways. Her history of being part of the Borg was a major aspect of her story and also I really appreciate later in life how my best friend saw my traits as a positive thing referring to a special character in Star Trek ❤
I didn’t understand why I struggled so much with life before getting my autism spectrum condition diagnosed in early 2010s in late teenage years. But now in my early 30s I feel much more comfortable with my identity and living life even with my struggles of severe mental illness.
About my passion for television series and documentaries;
I am so thankful for my friends and also my love for Star Trek I develop early in life from this series and Seven of Nine was a large influence on my life. I love watching different types of series and interesting documentaries also. I mention a Norwegian documentary film about the Norwegian Travellers of far-Southern regions called sometimes ‘skøyere’ and the documentary title is ‘Folket som forsvant’ it’s from year 2022, so it’s recently made. I have far-Southern roots and our family has Traveller origins very likely, so it’s personal to our family culture, our identity.
today is young, but yesterday was interesting. I was sleeping late into the day and this was due to taking sleeping pills little bit late in the night. Then I took my other medications including my strong painkillers and was able to function well. I was writing on my blogs and speaking with my family members. I love my family and I’m looking forward to meeting my good friend soon.
At night to today I had a really strange dream about my cousin being extremely critical of me and she isn’t that way at all in waking reality. Good-natured and she cares about animals a lot and being involved with Dyrebeskyttelsen
Today I woke up slightly late and took my morning medications. I have severe pain so I need to take strong medicines for this including painkillers and anticonvulsants, I also have TLE, a type of epilepsy. I have Asperger syndrome. I’m not a native speaker of English language, btw. I live in Norway and in the far-Northern region in particular, in Finnmark county. I just mention in case of confusion over my written English if you haven’t read my other posts before. I’m currently drinking cold vitamin water to help with my pain from the conditions. The brand is Vitamin Well and it’s apple flavour, I really like it. They sell it at our local Bunnpris grocery store.
I’m looking forward to the rest of today, writing about different topics and my experiences here on my blogs. I was called nickname Seven of Nine (a character from Star Trek: Voyager) in my childhood years by my friends. One of my given names is Synnøve, it means ‘sun-gift’ and it’s a name of Norse origin. Today the weather here is overcast with clouds and some slightly rainfall and also wonderful light now.
This is the Northernmost county/fylke in Norway and I have lived different places here for 16 years. It’s the size of the country Denmark and our largest town has a little over 20 000 people living there. There are two hospitals in the entire county, one in the Western part in next largest town (Hammerfest) and the other in the far-Eastern part (in Kirkenes) close to border with Russia. The winters are long and dark, the polar nights for entire December month.
The mountain passes (fjelloverganger) are frequently closed during winter season and this is especially important for those living far from the hospitals. It’s a hot topics in our region, a lot of underliggende local conflicts within it.
I have lived several places in Finnmark, but I’ve spent most of my childhood and youth in Nordland county/fylke and Troms county/fylke including the largest city in Northern Norway named Tromsø.
I love living here. The long winters are worth it, we get the best community here because of our authentic experience of nature and the cultures together. Our summer has been great, now it’s finally raining again after long time warm sunny weather days. The Midnight sun is ending tomorrow, it’s both a kind of yearly sadness and sometimes useful for sleeping better.
From one of my former given names ‘Johanne’ I got the nickname ‘Jay’, it was also the story of my passion for electronic dance music and deejays.
I wish I had the courage to be a female DJ writing my own lyrics and making different melodies that resonates with people. I create music in my dreams, so maybe I can get there.
I have other nicknames as mentioned in other answers to this question, and I wanted to mention this part also. Btw I liked my old name and I still feel like it’s ‘me’ inside. My identity in Kven culture from my great-grandmother named Johanne and my history of being Jay.
But times change and I was ready to be living as an Ingvild, a Torunn and a Synnøve as my given names. My own chosen path, the mission in life.
I would visit places in Canada and New Zealand. I’ve been living and visiting only Northern European countries in my current life. I have been wanting to see for myself how English speaking cultures are in real life experience. As may be known I’m from Norway and our culture is often more Scandinavian in nature, I’m heavily Finnish and Sámi influenced by heritage and family cultures. It would be quite different being a true outsider even though understand very well the language spoken.
And I often feel like I’m an outsider in Oslo, not about my autism spectrum condition or schizoaffective but like almost it’s a culture shock just being for a couple of hours on public transport like the especially the train or on the airport Gardermoen. We don’t have any trains in Troms county and Finnmark county. Some few places in Nordland county have trains, but otherwise none in Northern Norway.
I’m wondering how the natural environments are in these locations, I’m used to fjords and the coastal regions with the mountains and pine trees. I remember Northern Finland thick forests and oak trees in Agder county, exotic environment to us. I went outside today in the heat and sunshine it’s lovely but I’m happy to gwt home also, drinking pearberry type Battery energy drink in the Darkness of my firsr level ground apartment.
I hope to know more about our World out there and I would definitively visit if the tickets were free.. and the rest also for free!
What strategies do you use to maintain your health and well-being?
I have answer before but here is some more.
Note: discussing some medical conditions and adversity of childhood and teenage years.
I read a lot different texts in different languages and I’m trying to learn Finnish language better.
Listening to my body when it’s telling me I need to do things differently, btw during my childhood and youth years I had chronic bedwetting and also frequently wet myself at school so they made fun of my embarrassing accidents and also bullied me quite often. I eventually after turning 13 years because also of my heavy cycles along got (free) aid to avoid this from happening visible in my jeans, thank goodness for Norwegian health-care systems helping teenage girls suffering from these conditions. It felt kind of strange wearing protection as a teenager, but yet I’m so thankful for it.
I write blog to express my thoughts in words and post music videos to share my passion for life and the lyrics important to me, memories and emotions. I eat healthy foods and try my best to stay active physically and socially, I enjoy the summer time when the short time we have it. During winter seasons (three types in our native Sámi culture) I stay warm during cold days (like under -20°C, some days -30°C) drinking the hot tea and wear soft merino wool blankets to feel comfortable and embrace my well-being fully.
I’m happy today, and I hope this was okay texts. Have a wonderful day fellow terrestrial beings ❤
cloudB 