Author: polarMidnight

I live in Finnmark county and I write about many different topics. This is where I express my mind in words. I love drum&bass, dubstep and metal.

New Rock 🖤❤️🖤❤️

What are your two favorite things to wear?

I said in my other blog that I have several pairs of New Rock brand boots and I believe I had 4 pairs at one point several years ago when I had a habit of buying shoes. I wish I had kept my thin legs and still had very good heel-walking skills. And the lower limb surgery made me very sensitive to discomfort. But life is still certainly interesting and absolutely worth living from my point of view today 🤔❤️

Genuine

Daily writing prompt
Tell us one thing you hope people say about you.
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My hope is that people say and believe I’m genuine from my core being, it’s something I value in myself and my friends. I’m not saying I never twist the truth or that I am always straightforward in communication, but I do my best to be myself genuinely and act with true compassion for others.

Another aspect is that I hope people know I’m quite mentally sharp and open minded. I hope they see beyond my diagnoses and labels, that we are all equal together even in our differences.

thank you for your time ❤

Happy Saint Lucy’s Day

Also known as Luciadagen in Norway, I remember this from my childhood and youth. We had the blonde girls walking first with the lights, so of course I was last being a brunette. It was normal where I lived, I don’t know if it still is this way. I just want to bring attention to this holiday and our cultural features. I’m also part Swedish and the celebration is very important in Sweden.

True self-worth

What is one thing you would change about yourself?

I would not change one thing about my true self. But I would let go of the heavy defensive barriers around me, because I don’t need them anymore. I’m here on Earth to live this particular life, and I don’t want to waste it on fears and delusions.

And I want to be young forever, but this is also delusional thinking. We all age in some way and this has good parts as well. And thank you for reading ❤

Surgery

Daily writing prompt
Tell us about your first day at something — school, work, as a parent, etc.
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I don’t know if it’s relevant to this question but I will share some of my experiences with the first day after surgery.

I have had many minor procedures in both of my lower limbs due to extremely painful condition. I don’t want to write too much about the reason or graphic detail. Walking is impossible in this state and the first time this surgery I had to be wheeled around the pharmacy to get the pain medications. And you really really need the medications ASAP to be able to fall and stay asleep. And you also need help with anything involving walking or standing for several days after the surgery.

It’s been 4 years since last time thank God and Nature I got treatments that works to prevent this condition.

be strong within yourself ❤

Earl Grey therapy

I’m making several cups of tea today, my favourite black tea is English tea shops Earl Grey. It’s just wonderful. And I love tea in general; herbal, iced tea, oolong etc. Snowstorms outside means the house gets colder and we need other heat sources in addition to electricity. So I drink my favourite hot tea and wear the blankets to feel blissfully warm. Norwegian culture ❤

Julaften snart (about our Christmas Eve celebrations)

Nå er det 12 dager til julaften og mørketiden er i gang her for lenge siden. Vi feirer dagen på storslått vis hvert år, julemiddag og pynte på kirkegården, pakke opp gaver og være sammen med familien. Det er skjønnhet i mørket også, det er aldri helt uten mening.

I love the Midnight sun

Are you more of a night or morning person?

I’ve said this before but not here yet. During May, June and July we have all-day light and night is like day in many ways. We don’t always have sunshine, but it’s literally never dark for several weeks. My favourite part of summer is when we sit outside in our garden in the middle of the night being with a couple of friends and having some cold drinks, in my case a couple of cans of hard alcohol-containing cider and Battery energy drinks. Looking out at the sea, the sky is beautiful and the whole experience is absolutely priceless. I miss the summer time at this moment.

And I’m usually a morning person, usually wake up at 5 in the morning every day. Thank you for reading my blog ❤

Actress with passion

Daily writing prompt
Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech?
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I have several times been one of the main characters in dramatic acting performing with others. I surprised some people with the passion because I’m a quiet and sensitive person in other areas, but creatively I’m kind of confident and bold in my way of being. I act with my inner core being living the characters life inside and outside, I take acting very seriously and I have lightminded fun at the same time.

And in 8th grade I performed my own track to my classmates as part of a school project along with my best friend, I wrote the lyrics by myself inspired by aspects of my everyday life. I say don’t worry and share your passion for life in your own creative ways ❤

Talking about the storm, my errands outside

Norwegian language:

Det er mye vind i dag, og jeg skal ut på noen ærend om et par timer. Gleder meg ikke akkurat til å være ute i dette været. Men kanskje vi endelig får orden i medisineringen min, det er viktig å se det positive i livet også ❤

Much of the same topics in English:

Thank you all for listening to my little words, there really is a storm outside here now. And I need some different regular/daily medications (esp other type of antipsychotic) and also my as-needed pharmaceuticals for the flare-ups of my conditions. Seeing the bright side of it ❤

Being at the heights

What are your favorite physical activities or exercises?

In particular I enjoy climbing, hiking and I love looking out from the top of our Mountain restaurant; seeing our town in it’s true beauty. I truly am not afraid of heights at all. And all of these activities are good for strenght and endurance as well as your mood and the soul.

The spiritual man; my teacher

The man I mentioned earlier was actually a language teacher with an interest in religions and spirituality as well. He was like a friend to me and we actually connected quite deep, I believe he thought I was worth getting to know well. He was great and also quite funny, he came from Trøndelag in Norway and moved South after he had his own children.

Thank you for reading ❤

Ytre Forsøl

Do you have a favorite place you have visited? Where is it?

I mentioned this beautiful place on my other blog recently, but I want to go more in-depth here. It’s in my home county Finnmark in Norway. This little place is one I lived very close to and I enjoyed to be at the beach and see the truly wonderful scenery every time. And the connections were profound and deep, I was once there with a spiritual man interested in chakras and Eastern religions. I miss him and I hope he is doing great in his native region. We are ment to see/meet many people in our lives and to make it count. The sand and the wildlife, the beauty of the scenery and my mindset connected so strongly to create special feelings and memories I still have over 10 years since being there last time.

Thanks for reading this ❤

Winter shoes, my favourite

What are your two favorite things to wear?

And not just any kind; but those deeply connected to my roots. It’s a special shoe used by Sámi people in the winter, especially when the snow is more dry. They are called nutukas/Sámi boots and they are made from reindeer hide.

I also like the mixing of traditional and modern clothing, I wear hoodies along with my nutukas.

edit much later: I know some Sámi people are against mixing cultures and modern clothing, and I think it’s more complex than just saying no to all non-traditional dress. And of course I wear my nutukas with hoodies, I nearly always wear hoodies. Æ e tross alt same æ også ❤

To heal you need to face reality

Å gro sammen igjen etter vanskene du har opplevd er så viktig og er i tillegg en bragd du skal være stolt over. Ingen klarer det alene, men du kan gro sammen igjen med hjelp fra andre ❤

My goal is to heal from my adversity to my healing mind and emotions. How my history has made me strong and compassionate, also through my knowledge of my fathers difficult childhood and youth. How racism affect our society and how we can fight these forces of evil.

Tusen takk for besøket, og vi er så sterke når vi er sammen ❤

Wounded healers

What is something others do that sparks your admiration?

Let me just mention that Chiron is strong in my astrology birth chart and my current life. So I identify with this theme from experience, interesting fact is that my father has the same Sun-Chiron conjunction as I have in his own chart. I believe we are all healers on some level either within ourselves or helping mend others wounds, I know nurses who are very deeply passionate about caring for others, physical wounds or emotional. I really admire these people because it’s inner strenght and also dedication to something larger.

Thank you for reading my blog ❤

mixed drinks

This post will be in two languages

I currently have an energy drink every morning, and I had a heavy dependence on it for 10 years. I was drinking four big cans every day, I quit in 2018 after my psychiatrist suggested doing this.

Det var ikke lett å slutte med dem etter så mange år med denne avhengigheten, jeg husker spesielt hvor utmattet og trøtt jeg var i starten. Jeg brukte smertestillende med koffein mot abstinenssymptomer og klarte å redusere forbruket betraktelig, i begynnelsen helt uten energidrikk som jeg erstattet med å drikke cola.

My father is an addict and I’ve had struggles with alcohol at times in my own case. The combined habit of drinks really cost me a lot of time, energy and money. And the intoxication was much more pleasant when on the combination, the music was wonderful and I just didn’t care so much about my life difficulties.

my painful conditions

I’m in a lot of pain at this time from the monthly hell, in addition to my usual paroxysmal hemicrania and migraine. It’s so strong I cannot even move and I have errands today, I hope they can be postponed to tomorrow instead.

edit: paroxysmal hemicrania is a neurological condition quite similar to cluster headaches. And at this moment I’m very restless from this, painfully conflicting with my migraine and period pain.

Psykiatri

Jeg har vært pasient i psykiatrien siden 2007 da jeg ble henvist til BUP. Ble psykotisk i 2005 etter mange år med vanskeligheter i livet. Jeg gikk lenge uten noen offisiel diagnose og fikk ikke effektiv behandling før jeg var 20 år gammel i 2013.

Jeg var en kasteball i systemet en god stund, mye på grunn av min daværende diagnose på barneautisme/infantil/klassisk tilstand. Uten medisiner er jeg konstant psykotisk i varierende grad og derfor så de symptomer på schizofreni som tegn på autisme, selv om jeg egentlig har noe som ligner mer på Asperger. Jeg har ikke alvorlig autisme og mange av symptomene mine ble bedre med medisiner.

I’m a proud Kven (II)

My Kven and Finnish roots run deep in our family history. And I really identify as Kven in everyday life. I’m a member of a local group for Kven people, I’m really kind of like an activist on these important topics.

I believe our people are just as indigenous to Arctic regions as the Sámi group I also belong to ethnically and officially. We are not immigrants in the modern sense and the culture (including the language) is worth preserving and protecting from my point of view as a Kven.

Har jeg nevnt at jeg er same?

Norwegian: på den andre bloggen min har jeg skrevet ganske mye om min samiske identitet og det kommer jeg til å gjøre på denne siden også. Jeg kan anbefale å granske slekta grundig for å finne ekte røtter, og jeg har tatt to DNA-tester i fjor som viste noen interessante ting angående etnisitet og ukjente slektskap. Min mormor og farmor er fjerne slektninger uten at de var klar over det.