Author: polarMidnight

Daily writing prompt

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

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stepping out in society feels strange to put it mildly, I do it a couple of times a week now. In my late teens I was housebound for over six months due to my untreated and undiagnosed schizoaffective condition and my severe paranoid delusions played big part in this. But in my late 20s I began more withdrawal from people and I don’t socialise almost any currently. I guess to get me out of my house and out of my dark inner world when I spend time in public I need some help from friends, family and of course health-care workers. In addition I believe I need continuing treatments with medications and to optimise these drugs positive effects.

those are some of my thoughts now around this, thanks for reading ❤

Daily writing prompt

Do you need a break? From what?

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iI’m struggle with my alcohol use and psychosis bipolarity ocd etc. I have been to psych ward many times, last time in end of 22 when I got really strong paranoid delusions and wild bipolarity along, mixed states. And drinking isn’t good for my conditions both psychiatric and of course my temporal lobe epilepsy/TLE. So I need a break from my usual surroundings and 24/7 acsess to psychiatric nurse and social interaction with other patients.

And maybe I will recover after good sleep and not buying the cider too much/often. It often helps a lot sleeping if you have building level psychosis or mixed states.

thank you everyone for visiting my blog ❤

I really do complain about my way of being, especially on my blog. My looks mostly and the autism spectrum condition. Btw I’m kind of drunk so this is strange maybe, I have a strong bipolar component to my conditions and alcohol + energy drinks is powerful. Okay so on we go. I wish I was like my AI avatars and could fake normal very well in real life, I’m an Aspergian and cannot hide it well. I’m sorry being drunk/high writing and you are very worthy of respect.

I wish I accepted being exactly who I really am, but I’m going to keep fighting till the very end and I’ll achieve my main goals in life I believe.

Thank you all ❤

I love watching winter sports and these are the most eventful in general. And since I’m from Norway we have a lot of culture around skiing overall and watching television sports is a part of it. I like biathlon especially, because of the variety and skill involved. In Norwegian language it’s called ‘skiskyting’ and ‘langrenn’ and we have world famous skiers in both women and men teams.

I hope you thought it worthy of reading, and thanks for the visit everyone ❤

One of my favourite times of year is Easter when we visit our family cottage in the Mountains by a (most often) frozen lake. We sit outside and get the Easter sun tan, and make heated food on the fire outside and we enjoy it sitting outside on reindeer hide to have comfortable place, we also have outdoor chairs. We play Yatzy and other games including question games meant for Easter fun times. Another thing that’s funny for the adults there is having a cold can of cider, not drunk at all but nice slight tipsy feeling. We have some candy Easter eggs as well. 

I love Easter holiday with family ❤

1. I watch beach volleyball, chess matches and slalom

2. I read astrology books, or use astrology websites/apps

3. I use my different apps, like MyFace (it guesses your nationality based on selfie (or in my case AI avatars based on myself)

4. I drink hot tea/herbal tea on cold days, and iced tea on warm days

5. I write something on my blog, in this case especially with my strange Aspie sense of humor

Daily writing prompt

What do you complain about the most?

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it can sound like I’m complaining a lot, but I’m not going to pretend being perfectly happy with what’s going on either in offline life or in society in general. And the people who complain about other people speaking their minds is just not right, speak the truth from your perspective and don’t pretend to be fake happy.

Btw, can you tell I’m in a dark mood?

Daily writing prompt

What would you do if you won the lottery?

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Norwegian language text:

grunnen til at jeg ville blitt overrasket hvis jeg vant er at jeg ikke tipper lotto eller andre ting man kan vinne ved å betale for noe. Men jeg bruker av og til å pante flasker/bokser på butikken og der kan man vinne ganske mye penger hvis man er heldig. Men hva hadde jeg brukt pengene til? Litt til meg selv og familien som betale tilbake på boliglånet og nødvendig oppussing av huset, men også betale tilbake til samfunnet og det spesielt hvis pengesummen var stor. Jeg hadde støttet de foreningene jeg er medlem av og de organisasjonene jeg allerede støtter på nåværende tidspunkt.

I don’t know how to explain in English but in Norway we can get some money back if we bring our empty bottles and cans to the local store and put them in a machine. You can choose to donate the money to charity and get a chance to win a lot of money by doing this kind act. And as I wrote in Norwegian language I would spend the money wisely on both my own home/my family and society, different organisations I support at present time.

thank you for reading ❤

I have a couple of books I have yet to read in my bookshelf, and I really feel I should actually read through them to know what I truly need to save. I like reading and I also like physical books, and I know many of the books in the shelf are very good and truly useful to me as well. This might inspire me to read more, and that’s a very nice aspect of having litterature and other writing in the house ❤

Daily writing prompt

Write about your first computer.

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My father bought me one, he loves to give gifts and this was indeed a good buy. I used it for several years, it was colour white. I played the Sims games on it and used the Internet and video program/CD player to listen to certain music/series. Btw I don’t know my father in everyday life, he struggles with different mental conditions and addictions. This was in 2008 at age 15, that I got the computer from him.

I’m thankful for the laptop and it was a very useful gift. Thank you, father of mine.

Daily writing prompt

What books do you want to read?

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I want to re-read every good book I’ve enjoyed and been moved to tears by. And I’m open minded in nature, maybe a book I didn’t enjoy in my early years would interest me now in adulthood.

it can be any type of book, non-fiction or novels, alternative spirituality or psychiatry themes, Norwegian or English language/cultures etc

thank you all for reading ❤

My half-brother is a musician in metal genres, and writes in our native language about different topics. The lyrics are often really funny as well, in ways our family understand very deeply but others might not understand easily. Many of our family members are musical, including to some extent myself as I’ve mentioned I make music in my dreams sometimes and I love listening to different kinds of music.

I hope you enjoy music as much as we do ❤

I’m not fooling you, because favourite animal is in many ways actually the reindeer. It’s based on their beauty and symbolism, my ancestors kept reindeer including some that seems to have lived on a farm environment when the census (called folketellinger in Norwegian history) was done in one far-North coastal region location in Finnmark county in the 1800s.

Some local people seem to truly hate them but I think the little ones are so cute and special to see. And some of the cultural value is that they are of good use for both the Saami and other ethnicities here, but it’s not vegan of course.

But so is also wool clothing and blankets, they are very useful in our cold winter season and the reindeer meat is quite healthy lean and of course it’s regarded as traditional meals in our region. I especially enjoy modern variants like reindeer kebab that we have in local fast food places. Btw I’m really hungry while writing now.

Have a wonderful evening ❤

I really enjoy the experience of dreaming, I have often quite vivid and interesting dreams almost like movies of some kind. And even the difficult topics in my dreams are useful to my waking life to some degree, we face our fears while asleep. I’m an introspective mind and I enjoy what can never be taken away from me; my dreams.

Thank you for your time and I wish you a good weekend ❤

Daily writing prompt

Write about a few of your favorite family traditions.

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our far-Southern family love boats and traditional Southern food like shrimps/(also known in Norway; reker) and I love the accent/dialects our Agder county close relatives have, and further back in generations Southwest Norwegian dialects from Rogaland county. We are likely of Reisende origins and I’m happy for the diversity of cultures in family tree.

in the Northern Norwegian region, especially those with a lot of Kven and Finnish influenced cultures and language the sauna experience is especially important to our identity. And I enjoy wearing traditional clothing and most of all our unique traditional shoes ❤

and the animals my father side share in common like horses and cats, and further back on his side even a couple of reindeer living at farms according to census records.

btw, can you tell I’m very interested in our families cultural features and identity? ❤

This mountain is very close to our town and I really wish to go to the top at some point soon. It’s famous for it’s history in our region and it’s a quite tall mountain.

I was one of the war prisoners in this play, it was about our towns history in the second World War. I really tried to go deep into this character perspective, and I believe it was maybe noticed by the other actors/actresses. It was not a major role, but I really remember it quite vividly. If you know some of the history of WWII in Northern Norway, it will be quite clear why this was important to our town and why we had this play in the teather.

I’ll be there till the end, no matter what. You are my sunshine in the polar nights, dear little black dog, and even though you are my mothers dog I care a lot about you being happy and healthy.

Thanks for reading ❤

Daily writing prompt

List five things you do for fun.

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I write quasi poetry

I drink hipster-karsk, alcohol plus caffeine cocktail (esp. alcopop and energy drinks)

I listen to electronic dance music

(I also listen to heavy metal music)

I play with words, and speak Norwenglish

I research different important topics and/or order hoodies online

thank you for the visit, and I’m really a silly girl today

As I mention on my other blog my first names are mostly of Norse origin, including Ingvild and Torunn. I’m going to write about our family name Jorunn because it has special place in my heart and the meaning is wonderful. I have an older close relative with this name and a younger close relative being named after her great-grandmother. It’s of Norse origin and it means ‘love of horses’. And horses are amazing animals as I wrote here a couple of days ago.

Jeg er veldig glad i deg, Jorunn ❤

Daily writing prompt

What’s your dream job?

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I want to work for the benefit of the have-nots of our society, straight from my inner core being. I also wish to work at the local pharmacy as I’m very interested in pharmaceuticals and health care in general, plus I like helping people find what they need. It’s all connected actually, many who visit the pharmacy are have-nots with chronic health conditions that affect their ability to work. I also hope to feel useful in this way, that I’m doing something good in this world.

First taste in 2006, it wasn’t legal in Norway then but my classmates got it in Sweden (we lived very close to the Swedish border). It was unlike anything I had tried before, I believe it was Burn brand. I didn’t try it again before the energy drinks became legal in Norway a couple of years later, but one day I had a big can of them and basically I was on a cloud with energy and motivation. My undiagnosed schizoaffective condition made me prone to apathy and avolition, and the energy drinks helped with this.

At some point not long after starting drinking them I became dependent on them to function, and I was a heavy user of these beverages for 10 years. After I turned 18 I could combine them with cider or alcopop/rusbrus (or vodka/rum occationally) and this cocktail was very powerful in my experience, it made me feel much more intoxicated in a good mood. Btw I have periodic alcohol use especially in summer time because drinking is fun in the sunshine.

But in 2018 I decided it was time to end the addiction issues, and at present time I’m only using energy drinks occationally most of the year. I have a can every morning in the polar nights/mørketid to boost my energy in the all-day Darkness/twilight. But the Sun returns now, so I believe there will be less caffeine needed now.

Thank you for reading ❤

I know I’ve mentioned this earlier but I really feel strongly about this. I don’t believe ordinary people should own guns and explosives should only be used to make tunnels or similar jobs, never target people. And so many other weapons do a lot of unnecessary harm, as I mention in my other blog including metal chains used in violent/hate crimes against children even. It’s personal to me because it was a very close relative being the target of this horrible crime.

Thank you all for reading and we must be kind to all living Nature; humans or other life forms ❤

I believe it was 1999 or 2000, my mother was on a several week trip to Russia and my maternal grandmother was taking care of me when she was away. When she came back I was really very emotional and I had missed her so much I could not speak in words. Btw, my mother used to translate Russian language writing and she has had good use of her language skills now with the war bringing youths to Norway.

I love my family members and I know they love me back as well, from the core being ❤

Daily writing prompt

Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?

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this experience was special to me for many reasons, I didn’t expect how strong the culture affects us even through harsh Norwegianization/other forced assimilation policies for centuries. I was with my maternal grandmother in Børselv in Finnmark county, visiting a Kven family we are not known to be closely related to. I had never experienced being so welcomed in this way by strangers or even by my Norwegian friends families, it was like true connection with our roots. We watched television soccer game and had conversations about the reason we were visiting; getting my Kven costume made. And I realised how Finnish and Kven culture is different from Norwegian and this was profound, I had thought of myself as Norwegian in my childhood when I had foreign friends and our home language being Norwegian. But now I knew at 16 years old how it goes deep, our ancestors live within us always no matter what the State and rest of society does to wipe out our subtle but significant differences of culture.

This changed my perspective on myself and our family, and it made a positive inpact on me in several ways. It was both fun and very deep experience.

And I want to thank you for visiting my blog, I hope it was interesting reading ❤

Daily writing prompt

Name an attraction or town close to home that you still haven’t got around to visiting.

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Norwegian language:

Nabokommune til vår egen, familien har vært på sommerferie der og det var idyllisk på strendene der som ofte er tilfellet i Finnmark fylke. Jeg har lyst til å besøke denne kommunen ved kysten i sommer, det hadde vært en interessant opplevelse.

English summary: I want to visit Hasvik in Finnmark county. The beaches are reported to be absolutely wonderful and some of my family members have visited this little place on the coast in summer holiday.

Takk/Thank you ❤

I want to mention some more about my favourite animals I wrote about on other blog. I’ve been horseback riding on several occations and I knew classmates who were very into this activity. In fact it was one of the boys in my class who had horses on the farm, I’m truly hoping he is okay now but I’m worried because my best friend bullied him hard and at one point I joined in with the evil ones due to psychotic symptoms and shame in my own roots. And I’m truly sorry I didn’t help him, I was really psychotic and delusional but still I know I’m a better, a kinder person at my core. And horses are interesting animals in themselves, I recommend learning about them even if you don’t have horses or go horseback riding. I learn from YouTube channels especially.

Okay, so on we move

Reindeer are fascinating beings, and I appreciate them as they are; not through some kind of feeling of hatred toward anything Sámi/indigenous related topic. I wasn’t used to seeing them when I lived in Nordland county so I was surprised with a neighbor boy throwing rocks at the poor animals. Never ever do this I say. And as I said in other blog (and other posts on here) I have a pair of nutukas/Saami boots (with the fur on, outside) and I also have a pair of kommager/summer shoes made from reindeer hide. There are also Sámi inspired regular shoes that are great in any winter weather with ice traction cleats on to keep from harm if you start to fall.

And my favourite everyday animal is the dog, my mother has one and this dog is like no other dog I’ve known, so special and lovely in her strangeness ❤ She is 13 years old at the moment and she is mixed breed and colour black (with a lot of grey with age). I adore dogs in general like the Lapphund, the collie and our Sheltie we had for 14 years before we got this dog (as second owner) 12 years ago.

Thank you so much for reading this, I love animals and my cousin really does very strongly advocate for animal rights and welfare. Good evening from the North ❤

Daily writing prompt

Where can you reduce clutter in your life?

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without going into much detail I’ll just say I could greatly reduce clutter in my home environment. I love having tidy and clean living space and being free to move in open spaces, I need this to feel really good and well-adjusted.

thank you for reading ❤

I don’t have a particular favourite model, but I like the way it feels driving (sometimes at high speed) on the snow. And it’s a big part of our winter season culture, some Saami people with reindeer can use it for herding and travel in Finnmarksvidda region. Lynx is one brand of snowmobile I’ve seen, another brand is Ski-Doo plus several others.

On my other blog I often post YouTube music videos and lyrics, it’s actually a big part of how I communicate my inner world to others. I live for the music and I enjoy interpretation of lyrics and how it connected to the other parts of a track.

Thank so much you for reading, I might find a video to post here on this blog later today ❤