Author: polarMidnight

I really need to switch medications to high dosage quetiapine as soon as I can because this sleepless state makes me more crazy and the antipsychotics stop working decent when no sleep no dreams no rest. But I have the motivation to keep moving toward quetiapine instead of no sleep and psychotic thinking. I’m sorry if this made no sense. Hood evening front Norway

Daily writing prompt

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

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It would definitively be the experiences with my childhood adversity and bullying, my experiences with severe mental illness and my long-term recovery.

I just enjoy anything with this taste, I rarely drink true grapefruit juice due to my medications and the interactions but I enjoy small amounts in energy drinks or other soft drinks. I’ve tried finding pink grapefruit hard cider as well in our local store, I believe I found a possible candidate to try some time ❤

Thanks for the visit ❤

Explanation: this is to add on to my previous answer to this prompt. Hope it’s okay reading, and also thanks everyone for the visit ❤

I’m passionate about genealogy and family-history, including our cultural identity and genetics. So when I convinced many of my relatives to join me in DNA-testing, we have learned a lot about our connection with different relatives we didn’t even know of. The gift of this knowledge cannot be ignored and it’s actually profound in nature, compassion and unity.

I’m especially interested in our connection with indigenous cultures and Traveller peoples, and we are documented Sámi ethnicity of course like the genealogy research had shown. It’s deep within me to research history in several ways, my favourite ways being traditional genealogy and research related to DNA-testing matches.

I also write about our ethnicity estimates, my own recent estimate said around 75% Norwegian, 17% Finnish/Sámi, 7% Swedish and 2% Danish. My paternal grandmother also had around 2% Irish estimate, it’s so cool in my humble honest opinion ❤

On our family roots in Traveller cultures it’s on both sides; my father Scandinavian Romani from Trøndelag region and my mother indigenous Norwegian Traveller from Agder and Rogaland region, Scandinavian Romani of Trøndelag and Southern Sweden plus quite distant Yenish origins via the Agder+Rogaland Norwegian Traveller peoples. Our ancestors sometimes lived on boats year-round and the love of traditional travel by the Sea is strong in our family culture.

I’m a true far-left anarchist in my view of society and political themes, my political ideology. So I believe our family roots being very left-leaning or some cases communist ideology combined with ethnicity based discrimination and even violent racism has influenced us a lot.

Thank you, MyHeritage, for introducing me and others in family to genealogy research online. Have a wonderful day everyone ❤

I like most people, and I’ve heard from family members (and even doctors) that I have a friendly way of being that can help in communication in good ways. I’m autistic but social when my socialise energy is up. So I see potential in other people for kindness and unique way of living life, we need every person on Earth to have the best opportunity to shine.

I don’t know what more to write, thanks for reading ❤

I have plenty of shoes, especially boots. I’m going to post on other blog about these pairs of black boots, so that could be possibly interesting to read/see as well.

This is about two of my favourite boots from New Rock, I wore these even in winter time and I had quite good heel-walking skills back then, so it was great. One aspect of wearing high heels is the feeling of being average height, how strange it is to be able to reach objects you cannot otherwise.

And I went to a very small rave wearing them, being a badass rave girl. I write about the rave on this blog, btw.

Here are some pictures of both pairs:

I love these boots ❤

Thank you for visiting my blog ❤

Daily writing prompt

If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why?

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if I could be someone else they would have to be me for one day, which is terrifying to imagine. But if I would choose someone I know to significant degree it would be my fathers mother. The reasons are many, I thought of my father first but mostly change my mind. But I truly believe in boundaries and privacy so this deep change would alter everything forever.

Daily writing prompt

Share one of the best gifts you’ve ever received.

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I don’t exactly know who really gifted it, but it changed my life forever. It was when I found MyHeritage in 2007 and began researching our family history. I was 14 years old and my autistic passion was powerfully ignited by this deep discovery of my roots. I spent many hours every day to research and record our ancestry. (I was undiagnosed at that time, btw).

There are physical gifts included in this kind of interest, especially photos and other images of relatives and ancestors going back many generations. I love pictures and it’s one of my favourite aspects of genealogy, my grandfather gave me many old photos of his side of family. I wish he was still here so I could thank him again.

Many, many years later my father (I don’t really know him) agreed to do the DNA-test because I wanted to know more about our roots and this is one of the best gifts I have gotten in adult life. It shows me that sometimes the best things are inside of us always, our connection via DNA and history.

This is both interesting, insightful and fun. I cannot imagine life without genealogy, and it’s my roots and my destiny together.

thank you for reading this ❤

Norwegian language: Jeg tjener ikke så mye siden jeg er ung ufør uten jobb ved siden av, men jeg bor i samme hus som noen som har en ganske godt betalt jobb og min egen inntekt er meget stabil (heldigvis!). Men som jeg skrev om i går har jeg ikke et eget budsjett siden vi samarbeider om utgifter til huset og relaterte tema. Jeg prøver å tenke gjennom om jeg virkelig har behov for det jeg ønsker meg, om det er verdt pengene.

Now, some English language about my own astrology and money: I have a Mars/Jupiter conjunction (both in Libra) in 2nd house, the house of money, values and self-worth. I like buying shoes, clothing, tea, drinks, soft fluffy blankets, merino wool blankets etc. I like pretty sights and wonderful tastes, and feeling very comfortable and safe. My Moon is in 4th house, btw. I am lucky about my money even though I don’t make a lot of it or have a job. And I value fairtrade tea, organic food, co-operation for important justice causes, strenght and determination and an open mind.

Thank you for reading ❤

Daily writing prompt

Write about your approach to budgeting.

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I don’t really have a budget or a well thought out plan, but I do have some inner core rules I follow. I think twice before buying something especially if expensive and I check my account at least weekly. I actually don’t make that much money, but I have Jupiter (in Libra) within 2nd house in my chart so I’m lucky with posessions in some ways (but please don’t ask me what the bullies did to my things..) yeah life is good.

I really want to go to one large event/several day festival but my conditions make it difficult to predict my mood and mental state. I also am not used to lots of young party lovers taking different substances along with heavy drinking, I’m the kind of person who drinks alone listening to music not too loud to disturb my neighbors. I’m wondering why I want to go to festival now, honestly. Teenage dreams of times past?

But I might actually manage a one night music event, it’s my big goal to get there in the not too distant future ❤

Daily writing prompt

If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?

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the word is Norwegian and it’s the word “tilbakestående”. I want to get it out of use because it’s so offensive for the person being called this by someone using it to insult and hurt people and to the disabled people it’s referring to in it’s historical meaning. And it’s not enough to just ban the word, we must work for real changes to the way people think and behave.

Thank you for listening/reading ❤

I love Led Zeppelin and especially ‘Immigrant Song’ the title is inspired by the lyrics from it. And I come from the Arctic North regions and my name is Ingvild (one of three names I have).

I’ve written in other posts about my other topics included in hypothetical bio about me. So I’ll just mention some extra topics here as well. In particular it would describe what it’s like to have schizoaffective condition in my case, the individual experience varies with every person. But some aspects will always resonate with the other schizoaffective/schizophrenic persons experience of it, so it’s also useful to others in feeling not so alone.

Btw, here is Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin:

I need an effective treatment for this cluster headache like condition, I have 10 or more attacks every day of level 9 intensity and it’s not only severe pain, but strong tearing on one eye, congestion on the painful side and being very restless along with this. I also have other neurological conditions including among several my TLE/temporal lobe epilepsy and occationally migraine symptoms. So I need a break from this condition, and some effective treatment in the longer perspective. Thanks for your time reading, and I truly hope you are doing good and not being in any pain.

Norwegian language: Jeg er patriotisk på lokalt nivå og generelt om norske tema og saker. Jeg er stolt av å bo nordpå der jeg vokste opp (ikke samme plass hele tiden, men har alltid bodd i nord-Norge), og er i tillegg veldig stolt av å ha mye slekt på (og aner fra) Sørlandet. Det viktigste for meg er at vi er et samfunn for alle som bor her, ingen blir holdt utenfor og alle er like mye verdt. Musikken er veldig viktig for min type patriotisme og norsk språk i tillegg til samisk/kvensk/Romani etc er en stor del av dette.

(Possibly silly) English language summary: now you know me very well, I’m Norwegian and I love it. No one left out of our society and language is important. Everyone belongs and we are all equal. I live in the North my entire life, and I have roots in the far-Southern regions as well. The music is a big part of my patriotic ways.

Thank you for reading this ❤

I really really want to own a gákti (types of traditional clothing for the Sámi, varies significantly from the different Sámi regions), but currently I cannot afford one. They are expensive to create for the people who know the skills to make them and I think we should truly respect the people who put in a lot of effort and time in this very important cultural activity. They are expensive for a reason, and that’s okay. So this would be absolutely a great gift for me ❤

Thanks for visiting ❤

Yes, I really enjoy wearing blankets on cold weather days and especially while drinking tea. But the tea could be iced tea if I’m not very, very cold. I especially enjoy Earl Grey from English tea shop brand, also their Darjeeling tea and oolong types. Herbal tea is also good. Btw I don’t add anything to the tea, no sugar/sweetener and of course not milk (intolerant of lactose, and also the lactose-free oreo shake in our food places is so good). The blankets include wool blankets, fleece, soft fluffy blankets, faux fur style etc. They really help in our Arctic winter season and also useful for getting to sleep in all different seasons.

I also enjoy dreaming, writing and listening to music. Thinking about the things you like to do can make life be more interesting and fun ❤

Daily writing prompt

What is your favorite drink?

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Battery Blue, I love you,

Smirnoff Ice, very nice

my favourite drinks are Battery and alcopop/rusbrus together, the effects on my mood and mental state is stronger than the legal nature would imply. I quite like cocktails of different kinds not only alcohol + caffeine/energy drinks, must admit I like the OTC cyclizine combined with sedatives and caffeine. I love anything blueberry taste, including cider. In hot drinks it’s tea/herbal tea, no doubt my favourites ❤

I hope your days are good ❤

Daily writing prompt

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

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this is potentially kind of heavy reading. When I was a teenager I struggled with severe psychosis and bipolarity for many years without getting diagnosed. In addition I experienced significant adversity in school and a lot of difficulties in the relationship with my absent and substance using father. Also like my father did in his own youth I struggled with enuresis and bedwetting, well into my late teens actually and was in a lot of physical pain as well.

My advice to my teenage self would be to tell the youth mental-health worker much earlier about the bullying and my psychotic symptoms and to feel less shame in being different and about my different health conditions, especially including those involving shame, embarrassment and humiliation.

thanks for reading this, and I say feel love in your true unique way of being ❤

Daily writing prompt

If there was a biography about you, what would the title be?

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I love Pearl Jam and especially ‘Jeremy’

And since the title is about school and my given name, so the book would be partly about this.

It would describe how my early childhood was, then after we left my father and how I had to deal with a lot of difficult experiences my entire childhood and youth.

And my mental-health conditions evolution through the years, from late childhood to 20 years old when I got a diagnosis (and effective medication) for my psychotic condition.

Astrology would have a large role in the book, 12th house themes especially as my Sun, Mercury and Chiron are all in 12th in strong aspects connected with the whole birth chart.

As I have several different names they will be described as well.

And of course it’s about this track by Pearl Jam ❤

He is 5 years older than me and he is a very creative type of person, especially music his favourite genres are progressive metal and heavy metal. one time he woke me up while I fell asleep in a chair, because he really cared about me being comfortable and safe. I believe he was only 13 years old at the time btw.

I also remember we were driving around town listening to Metallica albums in his car, we enjoy spending time talking and listening around music and his two girls are so wonderful and similar to him in look and personality. I love my brother ❤

This is very honest about my youth, so it can be kind of strange. I had long-term issues with every night bedwetting and I wet myself at school also. The bullying of course didn’t help my mental-health at all and I was really thinking of ending the pain in some way, I ended up self-harming, beating myself hard with glass/plastic bottles of Coca-Cola to release emotions and for punishment. Btw I should never have done this, I believe in self-worth and kindness.

But my mother helped me in the end, because I came of age and needed more protection for the average of 9 days every month. So I saw our general physician to get access to the help I needed and this really I believe saved me from the worst parts even though it was strange and kind of embarrassing.

My mother was always there for me, even when I was severely psychotic and depressive. I have schizoaffective condition and got sick in 2005 at age 12. I have an autism spectrum condition as well, undiagnosed before 2010/2011 at age 17. One of the things I’m very grateful for is that she made me seek help while also trying hard to get me to school every day, I needed the social interaction and learning later in life. So my mother is awesome.

Thank you very much for reading this ❤

Honestly I live in the past, when I had untreated conditions and I was forced to socialise with same-aged people who were not nice to me. But I felt alive. I felt the emotional pain with my entire being and I just had to deal with it in my own ways. I spend my time alone in a dark room drinking and listening to music, which is not really that sad. At least if it wasn’t so often and if I had some good friends along there. But still I keep going and I will never give up.

Thank you for reading ❤

Daily writing prompt

What bores you?

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I often believe there is something interesting in everything that happens and we just don’t always see it. What really bores me is my mental illness, sometimes making good activities too difficult to enjoy.

My mother was born in summer of 1968 in far-Southern Norway, her family moved North in mid 1970s to be closer to her Northern mothers side relatives/close family. She has a full sibling, my aunt who is a couple years older. She met my father in high-school years and they met again in Tromsø in 1990s. They lived together until 1995 around two years after I was born.

Since I didn’t know my father well, my mother was very important to relate to in everyday life. In 1999 and 2000 at age 31-32 she was a student and a mother of two children, my half-brother and me. She even visited Russia during this time, she has some knowledge of Russian language and worked as translator to Norwegian occationally.

I really care about my mother and we meet nearly every day. Tusen takk kjære mor, du var (og er fortsatt) der for oss alltid ❤

In my late childhood I was beginning to show signs of my future schizoaffective disorder and one of these signs was my overly active imagination and believe in the power of the mind. Btw I love that track by Headhunterz, the Qlimax anthem of 2007. Okay so yes, I remember being convinced that I could have special powers or there being true mind readers among us.

I remember seeing my distant ancestors both when dreaming and/or awake. It’s something special about ancestors and the feelings of being loved, a deep bond with someone you haven’t met but still lives on within your genetics and family-history.

To be completely honest I feel like bullying should be more severely illegal, the bullies get away with murder and cause severe mental health conditions in their targets.

I have a form of schizo-obsessive condition along with bipolarity and Asperger syndrome and today my obsessions are especially strong and intrusive thoughts mixed with paranoia from the schizoaffective part of this struggle. So today I would really like to be less obsessive about certain painful things in my past, the feeling that I must confess to everything embarrassing happening my entire lifetime. I’m just being honest now, I don’t intend to complain really.

Thank you for visiting my blog ❤

I’m really curious about different aspects of LGBT topics around the World and how we can keep our planet a healthy and wonderful place to inhabit for all living beings and about our environment in general.

As I’m strongly lesbian I wish to get to know other women who understand our common perspective/experiences. I’m not openly lesbian in a relationship but I know what I truly am, at my core being I’m same-gender preferring. I don’t know if my family are aware of my direction, maybe they just think I’m being an autistic woman and not interested in relationships at all.

Back to the books: I want to read all kinds of writing including poetry and novels as well as biography and society/political works. I enjoy the experience of getting different perspectives from reading other peoples skillful writing and the deep passions.

Thank you for reading this ❤

I used to feel like life was a constant battlefield of people working against their fellow human beings for shallow and somewhat surface level reasons. I felt under attack by society and politicians, by the bullies who tormented me (and very importantly also tormented my father before me) and racist ideologies like the extreme far-right persons I have encounter either offline or on online forums. And much of my fears and my own worldview was influenced by my past experiences and my untreated schizoaffective condition, along with undiagnosed Asperger syndrome as well.

When I got treatments for my schizoaffective condition my worldview changed over time partly because I now saw different aspects of political themes, how we can work together and fight for true justice. I also had more space within my mind to form independent opinions with clarity and especially the voice-hearing got less severe and disabling, the voices drain your spirits heavily and this really changed with time.

So I’m a fighter spirit but with faith in our world.

Thanks for reading ❤

Daily writing prompt

Write about your dream home.

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I really like to imagine, to see within my mind how something could be ideal. And my dream home is no exeption, it’s quite colourful and super comfortable inside with fluffy soft rugs and blankets, those kind of pillows with small beads inside them. If you don’t know already I’m on the autism spectrum, officially diagnosed with Asperger syndrome in particular. This is relevant to my dream home as well, I really enjoy having lots of open areas in the home in particular the view to our garden and the absolutely stunning beauty of Nature outside. I don’t need many rooms or expensive things, only comfort and a place to enjoy living on this Earth. One thing I really would prioritere are the dark roll-down curtains in front of bedroom window because of the Midnight sun shine in through the regular curtains. I’m native to the Arctic but I still need dark enough environments to be sleeping well. And zolpidem as well sometimes.

This used to be very similar to my real everyday life some years ago, btw.

Morning: wake up at 5 in the morning, morning rutine and my first can of energy drink (250ml dark blue Red Bull) this day. It’s early June month and I tidy my little apartment for some time, listen to music on my sound system. Enjoy the summer season sunshine right outside our house.

Afternoon: have some small meal like a baguette or similar food. I enjoy my Battery and a Monster together. I go for a long walk outside in the comfortable warmth. Music again when I get home from my lovely trip.

Evening: would it surprise you if I told you I still have energy drinks even in the evening? It helps me focus in a strange way on what’s really important at that moment. Even relaxing activities become easier with some enhanced focus, here and now mentality. And it’s a half litre/liter of Burn Apple kiwi ❤

Night: I listen to some great music on my iPod and get to sleep hearing through ear-bud phones. And my sleep was deep despite caffeine. I even sometimes take my evening/night medication with these cold drinks, often with less sugar.

Btw:

Can you tell I’m missing this part of my habit?

Wonderful any time of day to the readers of this blog ❤

Daily writing prompt

Are you patriotic? What does being patriotic mean to you?

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I would say I’m quite proud of our town, despite it’s shortcomings it’s still home. And 17th of May is a great celebration for us Norwegian citizens no matter ethnic background or faith. 🇧🇻

I’m also eternally grateful for my foreign friends in childhood and youth, the relationships were not just about me and my troubles; they had a good, real friendship with me also ❤

Culture ✨️ and compassion 💗💕

Daily writing prompt

If you had the power to change one law, what would it be and why?

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I have no words that capture entirely how strong I feel about the value of human life. This punishment is immoral and wicked, plus it makes no sense. Abolish it and then move on to the next abusive law to fight.

thank you for your time

As I may have said earlier in my blog life I’m from Northern Scandinavia, in particular Northern Norwegian. But I am also 1/4th Southern Scandinavian, mostly ancestry from Agder county and Rogaland county in Norway. Why am I telling you this now? Well, my reactions to very extremely good news depend on my environment and family; who I’m relating to and how I feel inside at that moment.

If I relate in Southern way I’m going to be calm and coherent and thank God in Heaven for the good news. Then I will tell my family with gentle and humble way that how we are so fortunate today. But Southern persons are not always this way, I know from my mother she gets furious eventually if you go too far.

In the Northern way I just show all my joy on outside, share with close people very soon after hearing the wonderful news. But I have some caution as well, we are not generally of the naive kind. But I still speak from my core being as my default position. There is significant prejudice also toward ethnic Norwegian people of the North, we are diverse in origins and culture. I’m of strong Kven and Finnish roots and our culture is very special, I have spoken before about our visit to Børselv in Finnmark.

Btw I just cannot stop writing and rambling now, so I say thank you so much for reading and have a wonderful evening ❤

In late 2016 my psych asked me if I wanted to help her have a Skype conversations with psychiatry students and other health-care workers about my psychotic condition, Asperger syndrome, bipolarity; experiences in life and my perspective on this topic. I said yes because I thought it could be very interesting and meaningful to everyone involved, including myself. So I wrote a long list in my notebook to bring with me on the conversations, thinking deep about the themes and what I wanted to say.

When I was there my vision was really blurry but I could speak just fine, not especially nervous about the topics. My psych told me she heard some things about my history and conditions that she wasn’t aware of, I think it was important that I prepared well for the talk. I wanted to get my message clear and to maybe open some eyes to how schizo-bipolar-obsessive-Asperger etc (that’s a long phrase) experiences feel from inside perspective.