emotional experience

standing in the rain playing in the background. I love many Billy Talent songs from youth ❤

emo kid with the heavy eyeliner and I also love hoodies still. They bullied me and poured orange juice on my jeans, then told the teachers I had peed on myself. It was worse because I often actually had wet in my jeans in class or during recess, I also had nocturnal enuresis/chronic bedwetting even at age 16. I had other issues with the function of the body. I wore type protective underwear during my heavy womanhood curse and was prescribed this aid from pharmacy like place. The protection works well, I use it still during my womanhood curse and especially at night. I need to write about this sometimes because it does affected my mental health strong.

I was an emo kid but didn’t self-harm with sharp things. I beat myself with glass bottles of Coca-Cola along with plastic bottles, had big bruises I was try hiding from everyone. I had the emo bangs and my hair was it’s own dark brown colour. I listening to MCR and The Used as well as other type emo musicians.

I’m suffering from psychosis and voice-hearing is part of my everyday life. They say very abusive things to me, reminding me of shameful times and emotional pain. They say strange things like ‘she is going to have major accidents in public’, in local grocery store. I’m a psychiatric patient and I’m an Aspie, that is I have Asperger syndrome. I must sometimes write because it actually helps me deal with my mental illness and the vivid memories of childhood adversity and bullying.

Shame, abuse, bullying, questions and voices

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

I dislike when people are asking me if I was being bullied and if I have been shitting in my pants.

One time the bullying was especially hard, it truly hurts telling anyone about the words.

This is close to some real example of verbal abuse/bullying I often got from other teens after I had shit in my pants. It’s also very much like the abusive voice-hearing I still struggle with in my 30s. And I’m aware of the sensitive nature of the topics and it’s very childish in many ways. But I needed to express this in a way as it truly was.

‘Se! Torunn driter faktisk i buksa nå, har du med deg en ekstra jeans for sikkerhets skyld, Torunn?! Hun er seriøst en kort jævla tilbakestående nerd. Du har Asperger for faen, er du klar over det? Og du går akkurat som om du nettopp har bæsja i buksa, Torunn. Hun trenger tydeligvis å bruke bleier igjen. Hvem skal skifte på deg?! Hahahaha!’

Translated by Google translate into English:

‘Look! Torunn is actually shitting her pants now, do you have an extra pair of jeans with you just in case, Torunn?! She’s seriously a short fucking retarded nerd. You have Asperger’s for fuck’s sake, do you realize that? And you’re walking a lot like you just pooped your pants, Torunn. She clearly needs to wear diapers again. Who’s going to change you?! Hahahaha!’

Thanks for listening to my true stories ❤

Arvelig tendens/Inherited tendency

My grandmother told me of her sons bedwetting and enuresis while I was 8 years old, I got hit harder in late childhood years but already at 8 I struggled with deep issues I will not go into details about to protect my basic pride. Even writing that made me feel the old emotions I deal with remember my shame cannot tell you cannot tell anyone I really felt strong pain in different ways. This is the deeper level of my shameful feelings it’s so horrible I just suppressed my memory of it. But return to my mind at times, I remember at 14 telling my relatives not to mention this at the confirmation events. It hurt trying to speak. Unnskyld, jeg skal virkelig prøve å ta meg sammen nå. (Sorry, I’m truly trying to pull myself together now) no wonder they bullied me..

Thank you for the listen/read, I’m in deep emotional issues my schizophrenic mind against my worst flaws and humiliation at the core.