emotional experience

standing in the rain playing in the background. I love many Billy Talent songs from youth ❤

emo kid with the heavy eyeliner and I also love hoodies still. They bullied me and poured orange juice on my jeans, then told the teachers I had peed on myself. It was worse because I often actually had wet in my jeans in class or during recess, I also had nocturnal enuresis/chronic bedwetting even at age 16. I had other issues with the function of the body. I wore type protective underwear during my heavy womanhood curse and was prescribed this aid from pharmacy like place. The protection works well, I use it still during my womanhood curse and especially at night. I need to write about this sometimes because it does affected my mental health strong.

I was an emo kid but didn’t self-harm with sharp things. I beat myself with glass bottles of Coca-Cola along with plastic bottles, had big bruises I was try hiding from everyone. I had the emo bangs and my hair was it’s own dark brown colour. I listening to MCR and The Used as well as other type emo musicians.

I’m suffering from psychosis and voice-hearing is part of my everyday life. They say very abusive things to me, reminding me of shameful times and emotional pain. They say strange things like ‘she is going to have major accidents in public’, in local grocery store. I’m a psychiatric patient and I’m an Aspie, that is I have Asperger syndrome. I must sometimes write because it actually helps me deal with my mental illness and the vivid memories of childhood adversity and bullying.

I need the medicine

yes, this is kind of random and I’m taking my medications of course. Just not really on time which gives me symptoms of pain.

I’m so sick by Flyleaf

Pain by Jimmy Eat World

billy talent – Nothing to lose

a bootleg version of Borgeous – Invincible

billy talent- Standing in the rain

other bootleg of Borgeous – Invincible

billy talent- River Below

Three Days Grace – Animal

Three Days Grace – I hate everything about you

Bullet for my Valentine – All These Things I Hate (Revolve Around Me)

Arvelig tendens/Inherited tendency

My grandmother told me of her sons bedwetting and enuresis while I was 8 years old, I got hit harder in late childhood years but already at 8 I struggled with deep issues I will not go into details about to protect my basic pride. Even writing that made me feel the old emotions I deal with remember my shame cannot tell you cannot tell anyone I really felt strong pain in different ways. This is the deeper level of my shameful feelings it’s so horrible I just suppressed my memory of it. But return to my mind at times, I remember at 14 telling my relatives not to mention this at the confirmation events. It hurt trying to speak. Unnskyld, jeg skal virkelig prøve å ta meg sammen nå. (Sorry, I’m truly trying to pull myself together now) no wonder they bullied me..

Thank you for the listen/read, I’m in deep emotional issues my schizophrenic mind against my worst flaws and humiliation at the core.

Anders hater meg (II)

he always makes sure that

his words are heard, loud and clearly

I feel like nothing worth

they made cruel fun of him, those 70s kids

so of course the offspring got the curse

only this child was a girl,

and thank god

she had it easier in many ways, exept

the real unspoken truth, living in her head

lost in imagination, being so innocent

this didn’t last long, soon she never wanted

to be in classroom, in school yard or most of all

on her way home from Hell,

then she wishes

for heavy rainfall to pour down, to hide it

very well, sorry little girl; I know it’s hard

to speak of this, the deep issues and wounds

I see through the Darkness,

bright Light within us, both

This is my story, my fathers story as well and to say it’s still painful, is the honest truth. I still move forward, no matter what

Temporal lobe epilepsy and schizoaffective

TLE: Confusion on waking up at 4 am shaking like a leaf, nonsense voices and visual hallucinations of neurological origins. Feeling VERY out of it, distant and strange feeling in head. And of course my first documented tonic seizure where I lost consciousness I had in public space, btw my eyes were open and it lasted 5 minutes I don’t remember anything and was so confused by normal questions.

SZA: voice-hearing with words making sense negative critical voices with personality and my severe paranoid delusions, manic depressive and seeing connection between things other people do not. I cannot describe anymore now, might update soon.

Thank you for reading ❤