Tag: psychiatry

Lunar Scorpio, fear no more

What’s the trait you value most about yourself?

My most valued trait in my life is the meaning in combination of being a Lunar Scorpio, with Moon-Pluto combination in Scorpio within 4th house. I’m quite intense emotionally and I don’t like surface things, I dive into the depths of my subconscious self, and of my ancestors adversity.

And with my Moon-Pluto combination in Scorpio (I’m a early 1990s type, it matters to Scorpio sign individuals in our generation) I’m basically not afraid of anything other than my mental illness and abusive type people, the worst memories.

I’m human and I’ve gone through difficult times in life, including being target of childhood abuse and significant bullying. My ancestors were of minority groups and it affects us even if it’s not conscious in the mind, but in my life it’s deeply rooted awareness. Btw, I sit in complete darkness writing this now. My dreams are very vivid and immersive, sometimes quite depraved but often insightful in theme after waking.

I don’t fear heights and I’m definitively not afraid of my body, I can watch surgery and medical procedures without being negatively affected. I see it, but I’m not fearful. It’s honestly a gift from the inner world, I was born this way and been learning through experience as well.

Arkaine – Fear No More (hardstyle genre EDM)

I seek truth in my life, even if it can hurt me I still value the real experience with all the aspects in it, darkness and Light. I’m a double Virgo, or a double Leo in some systems. But the Sun and other placements are in 12th house, so the dream world is very active as well as writing from the shadows. I need music and creative expression to function in life, in society as a whole.

So I’m thankful for my depths and intensity, even if it shock others and it’s hard to handle at times. Thank you mother Earth for this hidden blessing.

I hope your nights are good ❤

What is my inner world like?

I mentioned my inner world in previous post and that’s where I live nearly all day (and night!) I remember things good and difficult both so it’s like I mention in other blog both Light and Darkness inside my world. I live in an almost underground environment, the base of our house on the ground. It’s the amazing view that anchors me in the present moment. The local natural environment is a very big part of my experience. Midnight Sun and the dark times of polar nights. It’s again the inner world related also to my astrology; a 12th house Sun and 4th house Moon/Pluto along with a lot of Leo, Virgo, mostly Scorpio and some Sagittarius influence in these water houses. And the darkness is pitch black raw and often emotionally difficult times. Voice-hearing and paranoia used to rule my days for several years, but I’m still living so I get through anything life has brought me so far. But my connections are deep as well, I relate to my close ones on profound levels and we interact with honesty and respect. And I’ve seen and experienced more than my years can show. I like writing about inner world and dreaming. I don’t have children or partner so I’m actually not like my brother and cousins that have several children each, I don’t drive and I’m Asperger syndrome person also with temporal lobe epilepsy so I’m not driving myself. I live on young disabled (ung ufør in Norwegian) and yes I’m Norwegian speaking in everyday life. I’m kind of possibly rambling but it’s real words from my core this time on my blog. I’m connected with the Arctic conditions I live in today weather was summer like sunshine and unusually warm temperatures for september month. I have support network as part of my treatments, I speak with mental health workers often and we go on everyday events like café or local stores. We have a wonderful museum here, tourists visiting year round. I love my home town. Genealogy interests me a lot also, my roots are my guidance in how to answer questions despite my mental illness and strong autistic traits pf the Asperger syndrome diagnosis. My dreams are very vivid and immersive and I value my dreams almost as much as my waking reality.

Jeg elsker å skrive om ting jeg er opptatt av på et dypere nivå. Jeg kommer til å skrive mye om min indre verden også i andre blog posts.

Thank you very deeply for reading my mind represented in words here in this corner of the world wide web ❤ ❤

emotional experience

standing in the rain playing in the background. I love many Billy Talent songs from youth ❤

emo kid with the heavy eyeliner and I also love hoodies still. They bullied me and poured orange juice on my jeans, then told the teachers I had peed on myself. It was worse because I often actually had wet in my jeans in class or during recess, I also had nocturnal enuresis/chronic bedwetting even at age 16. I had other issues with the function of the body. I wore type protective underwear during my heavy womanhood curse and was prescribed this aid from pharmacy like place. The protection works well, I use it still during my womanhood curse and especially at night. I need to write about this sometimes because it does affected my mental health strong.

I was an emo kid but didn’t self-harm with sharp things. I beat myself with glass bottles of Coca-Cola along with plastic bottles, had big bruises I was try hiding from everyone. I had the emo bangs and my hair was it’s own dark brown colour. I listening to MCR and The Used as well as other type emo musicians.

I’m suffering from psychosis and voice-hearing is part of my everyday life. They say very abusive things to me, reminding me of shameful times and emotional pain. They say strange things like ‘she is going to have major accidents in public’, in local grocery store. I’m a psychiatric patient and I’m an Aspie, that is I have Asperger syndrome. I must sometimes write because it actually helps me deal with my mental illness and the vivid memories of childhood adversity and bullying.

I need the medicine

yes, this is kind of random and I’m taking my medications of course. Just not really on time which gives me symptoms of pain.

I’m so sick by Flyleaf

Pain by Jimmy Eat World

billy talent – Nothing to lose

a bootleg version of Borgeous – Invincible

billy talent- Standing in the rain

other bootleg of Borgeous – Invincible

billy talent- River Below

Three Days Grace – Animal

Three Days Grace – I hate everything about you

Bullet for my Valentine – All These Things I Hate (Revolve Around Me)

Temporal lobe epilepsy and schizoaffective

TLE: Confusion on waking up at 4 am shaking like a leaf, nonsense voices and visual hallucinations of neurological origins. Feeling VERY out of it, distant and strange feeling in head. And of course my first documented tonic seizure where I lost consciousness I had in public space, btw my eyes were open and it lasted 5 minutes I don’t remember anything and was so confused by normal questions.

SZA: voice-hearing with words making sense negative critical voices with personality and my severe paranoid delusions, manic depressive and seeing connection between things other people do not. I cannot describe anymore now, might update soon.

Thank you for reading ❤

Talking about the storm, my errands outside

Norwegian language:

Det er mye vind i dag, og jeg skal ut på noen ærend om et par timer. Gleder meg ikke akkurat til å være ute i dette været. Men kanskje vi endelig får orden i medisineringen min, det er viktig å se det positive i livet også ❤

Much of the same topics in English:

Thank you all for listening to my little words, there really is a storm outside here now. And I need some different regular/daily medications (esp other type of antipsychotic) and also my as-needed pharmaceuticals for the flare-ups of my conditions. Seeing the bright side of it ❤