It wasn’t the ordinary surgery where they clip and cut off the nails, they actually did the much more complicated procedure of removing skin tissue around the nails and both of my foot had this condition. It’s minor surgery in some ways, but major pain and difficult recovery for many without specialised wound nurse healing the wounds from the surgery. And also that last type of surgery I had at least 10 times in a few years. I took strong medications after this and it was just to ease pain and get to sleep through the night.
The benign tumor was removed in early childhood after I got it around my eye and after the surgery they did tests to find what it was. I have a very, veryfaint scar around my eye from the surgery.
Very important. I am introspective in type and it to me is looking inward, seeing the inner world. I love dreaming, dreams and related inner work. Healing wounds both physical and emotional. My inner strenght is a big part of my beliefs, I see things many others don’t. I hear voices and that is both very painful and of some value to a powerful insight into fear and into the mind itself.
I also have spiritual roots from different cultures as I’ve mentioned before on blog. Btw I’m from Norway, in the Northern parts. My grandfathers family were conservative Lutheran Christians and my grandmothers family were Saami/Finnish with unique healing powers of inherited spiritual roots. It was back when most people went to Church on Sunday, yet my ancestors were not ordinary believers in mainstream way. It has good aspects and unique difficulties in society, my grandfathers family were true outsiders, they were growing up in a different faith and society from the other, state Church way of practice religion. Okay, so here is to write summary of thoughts and beliefs.
I’m very interested in history, genealogy and my roots in spiritual journey. I’m also diagnosed with Asperger syndrome so my autistic passion is quite strong in my writing. I believe in my own path in life, it’s a real daily mission to involve my inner core within any activity that matters to me.
If you were forced to wear one outfit over and over again, what would it be?
My deep red t-shirt with black design, a black leggings and a type of mini skirt in deep red plus black. Only in summer season, however. So I couldn’t wear outside year round.
Winter season, that is most of our year, I would wear hoodies, jeans, wool socks, wool basics under hoodie and jeans, a suitable underwear. All would be combination of black and deep red. But by far most importantly also a long thick black winter jacket with a hood, somewhat similarity with Inuit native traditional clothing and my new very warming seal hide boots, especially the Amundsen, from Topaz brand.
We must adapt to the changes in season and weather conditions, especially when being in outside world in real Arctic environment. It gets reallycold here in December and January!
What’s the most delicious thing you’ve ever eaten?
Note; I’m not a native speaker of English. And I’m also kind of strange.
Baked potato is delicious and it goes a while between each time I eat it. Then we have the energy drink aspect with food, it’s humorous in my family because I hear song lyrics wrong and often the theme is food and drink. Battery energy is a Finnish brand of energy drinks. I like a lot of type electronic music and I’m also a Norwegian. Salty wizard, Battery potato. (Two misheard lyrics examples). So what I really like about baked potatoes is the skin on the outside, butter inside the potatoes, other ingredients and it’s so good to enjoy in the winter too ❤
Thank you for visiting, and I hope you have a great day ❤
Original Norwegian language text;
Bakt potet er nydelig og det går en stund mellom hver gang jeg spiser det. Så har vi aspektet med energidrikk til maten, det er humoristisk i familien min fordi jeg hører sangtekster feil og ofte er temaet mat og drikke. Battery er et finsk merke av energidrikk. Jeg liker mye typer av elektronisk musikk og jeg er også norsk person. Salte trollmann, Battery potato. (To eksempler på noe jeg har hørt feil). Så det jeg virkelig liker med bakt potet er skallet utenpå, smør inni potetene, andre ingredienser og det er så godt å nyte om vinteren også ❤
Takk for besøket, og jeg håper dere har gode dager ❤
I’ve grown up without own car and my mother is an environmental conscious woman, with political tone and a love of nature. I admire old beautiful trees in my local town, living right next to forests, the mountains and the sea in every place when I was a child and teenager. I still live in natural surroundings and it’s wonderful, awesome view, profound joy. I walk much more instead of driving from childhood to currently, and I rarely get new phone.
I choose organic food, drink our good quality tap water (I am Norwegian) and I try limit my shopping clothes to when I really must have new clothing. And I don’t have a car, btw I cannot drive due to my epilepsy. I don’t do much long distance travel by airplane or other activities I know that affect the global environment in some way. I recycle everything we recycle here in Norway.
so those are some things I do to be more sustainable in lifestyle.
oh, I love Saami food a lot. Even the local reindeer meat kebab is wonderful, it is kind of a tradition in modern ways. But the best was when I had surprise meal on 6th of February in a health-care setting. It was in a small Eastern Finnmark town with a strong Saami culture influence so they served traditional Saami food on our Samefolkets dag. I’m partly of Sámi origins and I’m really passionate about the culture and mixed influence of my other ancestors food culture. This was also special because I didn’t expect to get that good food in a health-care environment.
it was not just one dish on a plate it was different food on the menu. Reindeer meat, margebein, heat cooked potatos, all very good.
so it was not only food it was the perfect setting for it. Thank you for reading ❤
If you were forced to wear one outfit over and over again, what would it be?
Hoodies. My favourite clothing by far. It helps keep warm, is very comfortable, often a nice appearance on and it even helps my TTM condition. I have sleeveless hoodies also. I cannot overstatement my love for hoodies. I also would wear either a nice pair of jeans mostly, esp in winter season or possibly a leggings for using in summer time.
Kind of strange rambling about fashion, astrology and Asperger syndrome;
Btw I really like fashion and self expression in different forms, I’m quite Leo influenced in astrology so we Leos often like to make statement and expression of self. I’m being genuine about this topic, I have Asperger syndrome and I like astrology ss well as different fashion/other creative expression.
My ancestors were very spiritual people from different ethnic groups. I have a type of paranoid schizophrenia and also Asperger syndrome. This is relevant to my spiritual side, just like my roots in different cultures.
My far-Southern (Agder)/Southwestern Norwegian (Rogaland) ancestors were very, very strongly conservative Lutheran Christians and form a outside regular (state) religion setting. They had some Reisende ancestry, a type of Norwegian/Central European/Traveller origin group travelling by sea in boats.
My Sámi, Kven and Finnish ethnicity ancestors were spiritual healers with unusual ability of healing powers. They could stop bleeds and cure chronic pains with rituals. The languages are one part that the State tried to stop us from using, the Norwegianization/Fornorskning policies. I want to see profound change in our society about acceptance of mixed culture, we all belong here.
But in me these influences come together and my own spirituality is different from my ancestors in some ways. I appreciate the beautiful nature around me and our unique Arctic regions phenomena like Midnight sun and even the total darkness of November, December and January months. Polar nights. Northern Lights; aurora borealis of the North ❤ ❤
I believe in being good toward my fellow human beings and all that lives of Earth. I believe in something greater than just our conscious minds and what many people believe is just the way it is. I see potential in myself and others, we can do so much better on Earth together when we don’t fight wars and exploit our environment.
Note; I’m on sedating medications now and typing on my smartphone as usual. The spelling errors are not intended to be made.
I have autism and severe mental illness so self-care can be a challenge often. I wrote about this topic on other blog, here are some more thoughts on this here;
In addition to thd things i mentioned in other post, there is the topic of listening to my body ehen it needs something different.
I take time to rest after challenging days and events. Including a comfortable chairs like my title suggests, I love physical comfortable times with some happy calm feeling as well. It’s often enough with a chairs and some blankets, maybe a cup of Earl Grey or other tea.
I like to treat my being with something like skin treatments and water activity. Savor time ❤
I eat healthy food and drink enough water. Sometimes I need a small treat to motivate myself to do useful activities for myself. So I do so, and success is made for my goals. The treat is vitamin well, s type of low calorie vitamin water that I really enjoy on occation like this.
So those are some aspects of my self-care in general. Thank you for reading ❤
I met Emil in start of third grade. He was a good looking boy and quite popular among the other children, he was truly a good boy. He even liked me too, even though I was often quite bullied by many kids. We even met outside school environment like outside or at birthday party of him and other children.
I really really liked him a little crush on him even in fourth grade. Then I moved somewhere else living in other towns for several years. When moving back it was high school age, in 8th grade I met him again.
But he had turned to the dark side by then, very much physical attractive but quite mean-spirited. He indirectly bullied me and yet ignored me also. It hurt like hell, I was so upset that the boy Inhad known was no more.
I always wonder what turned him toward the Darkness. I wasn’t there for several years so something must have happen with him to be different in behaviour and thought.
So it’s a sad topic and a sad story of life as a teenager. I used to look up to him so much.
I tillegg til det jeg nevnte sist er det også det at jeg grubler i timesvis og tenker alt for mye. Det er en stor del av livet mitt. Jeg har ganske alvorlig grad av paranoid schizofreni og tydelige bipolare trekk, i tillegg til at jeg har Asperger syndrom. Det påvirker meg hele døgnet og jeg lever i min egen verden der alt er farlig og jeg føler at jeg ikke har et snev av privatliv, ingen grenser. Jeg tar Zyprexa på kvelden og en annen medisin om morgenen. Jeg er paranoid mesteparten av tiden, og stemningsleie svinger nesten konstant fra hyper til nedstemt og fra eufori til angst.
Så jeg kunne virkelig hatt bruk for mer effektiv behandling av lidelsene mine, andre medisiner kanskje så kraftig som preparatet Leponex/klozapin, og i tillegg betydelig mer sosial kontakt i hverdagen. Jeg trenger nok alenetid, men det må ikke bli til sosial isolasjon.
Håper du får oppleve en meget god dag videre ❤
English translation;
In addition to what I mentioned last time, I also spend hours brooding and overthinking. It’s a big part of my life. I have a fairly severe degree of paranoid schizophrenia and clear bipolar traits, in addition to having Asperger’s syndrome. It affects me 24/7 and I live in my own world where everything is dangerous and I feel like I have no privacy, no boundaries. I take Zyprexa at night and another medication in the morning. I’m paranoid most of the time, and my mood swings are almost constant from hyper to depressed and from euphoria to anxiety.
So I could really use more effective treatment for my disorders, other medications perhaps as powerful as the drug Leponex/clozapine, and in addition significantly more social contact in everyday life. I certainly need alone time, but it must not turn into social isolation.
Hoping you will experience a wonderful day onward ❤
Det jeg bruker mest tid på er smarttelefonen min, bruker så mye krefter på å skrolle og finne nettsider jeg er vant med fra før. Når jeg gjør mer produktive aktiviteter involverer det ofte energidrikk og rusbrus eller mild alkoholholdig cider som jeg kjøper på nærmeste lokale nærbutikken/matbutikken rett borte for huset vårt. Jeg elsker kombinasjonen av Battery Pearberry/blue/peachberry osv og et par Grevens cider, jeg bare trenger det noen ganger for å faktisk komme igang med det jeg må gjøre den dagen. Jeg vil benekte at jeg på noen måte er alkoholiker, jeg bare trenger det i perioder. Ok, så det er Internett, smarttelefon og ulike kalde drikkevarer som gir meg en type mild rus i hverdagen. Det er det jeg bruker mest tid på og det er av og til ganske bortkasta tid.
Takk for besøket ❤ ❤
English translation mostly from translate google;
The thing I spend the most time on is my smartphone, using so much energy scrolling and finding websites I’m used to from before. When I do more productive activities it often involves energy drinks and soft drinks (rusbrus) or mild alcoholic cider that I buy at the closest convenience store/the grocery store right across from our house. I love the combination of Battery Pearberry/blue/peachberry etc and a couple of Grevens ciders, I just need it sometimes to actually get started with what I have to do that day. I will deny that I am in any way an alcoholic, I just need it from time to time. Okay, so it’s the Internet, smartphone and various cold beverages that give me a kind of mild intoxication in my everyday life. That’s what I spend most time on and sometimes it really quite a waste of time.
Which food, when you eat it, instantly transports you to childhood?
Talking about my first sip of freedom, in 2006 I had this new experience with something actually forbidden then. It was an energy drink and I’m Norwegian born early 90s in the North of our country. Drinking a Burn energy drink transports me right to that special overnight mountain trip we had at start of ungdomsskolen education in 2006. A wonderful trip ❤ ❤ ❤
Øyvind is a Norse origin male given name. I went to school with a boy named Øyvind, he had a tic condition with his eye but he was high-status and did extremely well in sports like soccer/football and general gym class activities in school. I think of him as a part of my childhood/youth; a mix of his very high status, skills and popularity and also his visible kind of mental origin condition.
So this is part of what notable things happening inside my world today.
My life is different, I cannot explain sometimes why people don’t get me especially online where we don’t see each other. I’m quite good-natured in real life to the people I meet and I don’t realise how others lives differ from mine.
I’m also diagnosed with autism spectrum condition. Or in other words; I’m an Aspie. I don’t understand intuitivt how different I am without seeing it from my inner world of own mind and emotions. I have empathy and I really care. But I am also self-absorbed and that’s a part of me I don’t see so well. But I’m still basically good-natured inside. And no one can take that away from me.
I live in my own world of being kind of insane at times. And I really don’t like seeing the darkest side of my mind but today I went there looking.
So it was revealing what I saw, I really want people to like me without me trying to be not my own real personality, to play a role in a play I don’t even understand at all what the plot is, what my own lines are.
Yes, one of the parts of the dark side include the bullying and other adversity in my youth. I like writing. I don’t like talking, especially about being bullied. So there is more to this than my post can tell you directly.
I’m Norwegian and I like writing in my native language sometimes. So it’s part of the title ‘faens helvetta’ is a type of mild swearing in my world. Jeg trodde jeg hadde kommet over det, men det er der under teppet fortsatt. Hun er forbanna og har tisset i buksa, gråter hysterisk og det er virkeligheten hun lever i. Meg inne i mørket.
Yes, that is how my mind works. The lyrics and the sound of music in my mental state at that moment. My family is also a musical one, my brother is a musician and I grew up with musical instruments in the home. I like electronic dance music and rock music especially metal genres including Children of Bodom Finnish metal and also bands like Nirvana and Pearl Jam.
I like having this way of percieve the World around me, i like listening to music and it’s interesting also how it influence my psychotic voice-hearing.
I have schizophrenia and I hear voices frequently. Before treatments it was constant, even in sleep I experience it also. I think music has useful effects on health in general, including with psychosis and bipolar type conditions among many.
I’m rambling now but I think in lyrics most often.
Note; I’m actually psychotic and so this post is affected in this way slightly. I wrote about this last year on other blog.
He was a Sámi man who was a politician in the early 1900s born 1875 in Nesseby in Finnmark county Norway. He wrote the Sámi national anthem and he was pioner of Saami rights in Norway. He was a Scorpio Sun by day of birth. I like astrology a lot. I could write more in-depth about his role in politics of Norwegian history. Maybe I’ll add something soon.
I’m also of Sámi origins born 90s and I’m going to really learn well the North Saami language. It goes deep. really, I identify with almost every related topics to Sámi people because that was part of my fathers history and my own experiences as well.
I just love drinking cold beverages in warm weather days. I like cider and rusbrus plus many different brand energy drinks, I don’t like champagne, wine or beer. I like some flavour vodka and rum. My father has strong addiction. I’m not alcohol drinking today. Okay so my habit is a daily one, I really need cold drinks every day (even if not alcohol) even in coldest winter season times like the minus 30 degrees celsius outside. I’m try getting a Bacardi Breezer tomorrow shopping ❤ ❤
This is about the inner events today, my psychotic mind, what happenings my head and feelings I write about, physical pain and other things.
I’m Northern and today I feel like swearing in my Norwegian language to express this emotional pain I’m feeling now. I was target of moderate bullying in my childhood and youth, and one thing they did was prevent me from reaching the faen yes faen. Trying to write real English words. I’m not able saying more because it’s too much.
Jeg er schizofren, altså har paranoid schizofreni, har bipolar schizoaffektiv type lidelse. Paranoid og forbanna for at de fikk meg til faen I’m trying to write I’m too upset to write directly about my issues. I’m going to stop I’m in tears and I should be open and honest with you it hurts to say it like it is. I’m taking my painkillers now, and that’s possibly not interesting to others but it’s an opiate and I’m in a lot of pain yhe memories of when they chased me so I had accidents at school. Okay now I’m writing about something else later. Helvettas skolegang og faen jeg glemmer aldri det de gjorde med min far sin egen skolegang heller, mye verre enn mitt tilfelle av mobbing han.. okay enough.
thoughts go around in my head like a loop machine you know that track from DBSTF hardstyle music duo
I think it’s just me writing something about my thoughts and inner world. I cannot make everything nice or decent if that’s not of my true feeling then.
I still love the old school hardstyle music. And I’m quite good at Northern style Norwegian swearing online when I’m upset, it is my way of expression when I cannot speak a word to others. Don’t judge my 10 year old self, i really couldn’t help it and they bullied me just like that. Okay I’m not doing that well and I’m just going to not deny that, truth first, comfort later or something like that. Psychotic symptoms.
it would be my favourite t-shirt of all time a deep red background with beautiful black design of anarchist values and on the edges black. It’s a strong symbolic features of my anarchist passion, I would also wear my favourite black colour jeans, high waist and bootcut/flare legs, plus it could hide well my everyday biker shorts or boxer underwear and the necessary protective things worm under them. This is another topic slightly, but related. Yes, I do need them every day and night. I’m 32 years old and I have syringomyelia that causes some accident often in me. I have Chiari malformation type 1 and I have seizure disorder too, in particular temporal lobe epilepsy. Life is better when you feel free and not being in strong shame over embarrassing illness.
Okay, so black and deep red, thank you for listening to my strange story. I speak Norwegian language in everyday life and I have autism spectrum condition with severe mental illness.
Yes, to post my monocrome self in AI images was significant to my online identity. I’m autistic and I don’t know what people think inside their minds and perception. I think in lyrics and I’m also strongly mentally ill with psychosis. I say this because I really have to say it to feel okay within my mind, I’m telling it like it really is. Thank you for reading my thoughts (pun intended)
She is my favourite historical figure for her work in LGBT rights and acceptance, influenced the Norwegian law of homosexuality being illegal being removed and classify being lesbian or gay as a mental illness/psychiatry related themes. I’m very thankful to activists like her for their passion and brave nature in sometimes even dangerous situation. Thank you, late Kim Friele for the society being paved in good direction for LGBT persons in Norway and other countries.
I’ve written in general about my crush on different people through childhood and youth. But here are my first stories;
the boys name was beginning with M, he was an outsider and he had dark har like myself. I believe I was 11 years old then. I could not stop thinking about him and I felt drawn to him in ways unknown before. In the end I dared to ask him if we could be together because my friend told me to do it. He said no but in a kind and surprised way. I genuinely believe he didn’t expect to be a target of someone interest. I found out later that we shared the conditions of nocturnal enuresis, bedwetting girl meeting bedwetting boy. I hope he found someone in the end, a person he liked who wanted him as more than a friend.
the girl was one of the high-status members of our class, a thin blonde girl with very long hair. It really was strange how I was knowing my preferred direction in this stage, but I believe it was a sign to my self from this young teenage times that I was different. But I was fascinated by her unusually thin features and her very long blonde hair. She was different but popular, something I honestly also wanted to be, a person people look at with interest. I recently found out she is now a doctor, she was very intelligent and a good girl with school work and social interactions.
i believe the crushes were about more than the features they had, it was about my own place in the social hierarchy and who I wanted to be in our youth environment.
thank you for reading this, I hope it was okay to hear my story of crushes. I wish you a good day today ❤
I enjoy the spring-summer. Because the grass comes alive, the trees have green leaves and snow on ground has gone away.
Geassi;
I enjoy the slightly warmer temperature outside, if it stays at around 22 degrees celsius plus the Midnight sun provide free D-vitamin from the sunrays. I like wearing light clothing sometimes, i have sleeveless hoodies for some type of warmer summer days. And plenty of cold beverages ❤
Čakčageassi and Čakča;
My own birth season, it’s getting darker during nights and I can wear regular hoodies when it’s average outside. I enjoy the new start of autumn/fall which I also quite like, I can stay up to the evening by drinking slightly more cans of energy drinks in the ‘høstmørket’ as it called here.
I really enjoy every season including our very long winters (Čakčadálvi, Dálvi, Giđđadálvi) including the polar night darkness of December and our super cold temperatures in especially December and January. I love my Amundsen boots (Sami boots) I got earlier this year ❤
Not giving up on life, the fire inside. I’m strongly of fire element in astrology features, mostly Leo and Sagittarius and I’m a type physically warm person. My cousin call me radiator for my heat in even very cold weather. But there is more to this than being warm, I’m passionate about life and the dream world partly related to my 12th house placements in Leo sign and the Sagittarius Moon in 4th house as well. I really enjoy writing about astrology, including my own chart features.
I’m a type of activist in human rights and it’s a part of my everyday life, I don’t go a day without my passions and I also go on demonstrations in our town when the themes are my political/social causes. I’m very thankful for my foreign friends in childhood and youth years and I value the people coming to our country to be safe. I care about the struggles of non-European origins persons in Norwegian society, the diversity and the culture in true compassion of immigrants and refugees. I don’t at all like right-wing comments on foreign influences in Norway, it’s actually sickness of thought and actions.
I want people to know of my Light within, what I value most in others and also my own shared values with others.
Thank you for reading, and love the people of every origins living in our global world ❤
I’ve been sleeping the entire day up to now, it’s very unusual for me and I wonder how the rest of the day will be. But I’m okay basically, not very sad or depressive this evening. I’m writing mostly to remember this for myself, and I’ll likely write some more this evening/night in the Midnight sun light through the window.
really I’m mostly lesbian but I had crush on some boys at age 11. I liked R, M and M. I’m not giving full name. One of the M’s was an outsider and I asked him if we could be together, he said no in a surprised but kind way. I later learn he had enuresis like myself and I hope he is doing well in adulthood. The other M was likely interested mostly in male partner and he was so physically beautiful with dark eyes and blond hair. I liked him a lot. R was my favourite and I felt drawn to him even in teenage years when I mostly look at girls.
And the girls I was wanting to know better in a different relationship were often high-status girls who were not bullies, I however could not relate really as I was an outsider and mentally unwell. Sometimes I liked girls more like myself, I believe one was an Aspie like myself. But she was somewhat younger and I was shy and with insecurity in getting to know people.
in the gym change(?) room I may look too long at the others, but I meant no harm. I was known as ‘that short weird lesbian with dark hair’ in certain groups of teens.
Some information on my background, slightly off-topic but I thought I would share;
I’m from Norway and English is not my native language, plus our Northern Norwegian culture is slightly different. The youth in the different Nordland county places I lived in youth were more Nordic looking and much taller than me, my roots are a lot of Finnmark region Sámi ancestry. Sámi persons are more often shorter like I am and in childhood I was veryshort and they bullied me, but in late childhood and my teens I grew fast to my current height at 156 centimeters.
so that’s some information abour my early crushes in tween/teenage years. Btw I’m not in a relationship and never have been. I’m soon 32 years old. Well well, so it is.
What’s the oldest thing you own that you still use daily?
I wear my wool blankets every day, even in summer time and they are very useful. I use them as cover when I’m sleeping and to keep warm when I’m feeling cold, I have a couple that really are a decade since I bought them. And I’m wearing one of them right now, its in grey and white with very cute patterns of sheep that one side white and the other side grey. I just love blankets ❤ ❤
I’ve written about the food panini before and it’s definitively a favourite among foods that throws me back in time to my youth. Warm, with cheese and with some type of salami inside the bread. I used to buy at local kiosk in a small town in Northern Norway one of the places where I grew up, but I don’t live in the same town now that I live in currently, I’m forever being a passionate Northern person in spirit. Okay so back to the panini and youth; I really like the particular type they had in this kiosk and I want to mention some beverages that transport me back in the same way. It was slightly like a heat sandwich, quite big in size.
after I got old enough I enjoy a couple of cans of alcohol-containing cider or the alcopop/rusbrus. I really still very miss the energy drinks Pure Rush that was available here in 2009 and 2010, when I was 16 years old. They were so nice in taste that even my mother liked them enough to drink.
this type of experience isn’t always completely pleasant, sometimes it actually feels like being thrown back in time with strong force. But it’s special and valued in my life to experience sometimes, life is mostly good at the core.
This is about a particular day that was special to me in June of 2016. I want to share it with you in this post, and I hope it’s possibly useful.
NOTE; MOSTLY ABOUT MY MEDICATIONS AND EFFECTS ON MOOD AND ANXIETY. PLUS INSECTS.
The first day I took an SSRI medication was very interesting. I went to a local store and didn’t feel afraid of random people and I was quite happy, with my usual dilated pupils got more intense on SSRIs. I imagine it’s different from the ADHD stimulants or illegal stimulants, but who knows. Anyway, later we were at my grandmothers house out in the garden and I wasn’t even afraid of most slightly dangerous insects even my phobia of wasp or similar insects that can cause pain. I’ve never experienced anything like this day, it was a good day and it got me after some time much more social and open in way of being.
I don’t notice my medications effects most often, they just keep me somewhat more stable. This also especially apply to my antipsychotics, but I feel like they don’t work like they used to.
Thankful for this experience on that special day, it was a big surprise to me. Thank you as well for reading my blog ❤
I was with my grandmother went to the hair salong, happy with the results and we also went to local store for shopping before the usual Saturday shopping. I bought some special type cider to enjoy. I don’t go out much so it’s special to me. The weather was very nice and just some slightly strong winds. Thanks for visiting ❤
honestly I drink too much at times and mostly that is a waste of money and time. Alcohol in particular is really expensive here in Norway. And I get mild symptoms of hang over and wanting more right after I run out of them. Shaking and other symptoms after several weeks of daily use and quit suddenly because being admitted to be in semi closed psych wards.
I would really not claim music is in any possible way a waste of time, but it can get too much. I’m good at doing things to an extreme degree. When I had worse psychosis I spent entire days listening to high energy music along with energy drinks and other beverages.
I also scroll a lot on my smartphone, including reading my own posts and pages. I know it’s often a waste of time.
The horrors of this world are rising to the extreme. Whether it’s man-created atrocity, the recent horrible disaster within of India and our environment being destroyed by our actions (and inaction), basic human rights rejection including of LGBT freedom and acceptance in society. Many other immense suffering on planet Earth.
I’m writing something later about brighter topics.
I want peace on Earth and peace of mind. My mind is going to pieces and I fear the future so strong everyone know who i am sorry rambling words I’m not crazy but I want to say this now
Psychosis is waking extremely painful nightmare to me my experiences of schizoaffective is this ambivalent and self-hatred self-harm I want you to like me bor hate why I don’t really know you why do I need likes to feel normal
Unnskyld alle sammen jeg blir innlagt snart på psykiatrisk avdeling og takk for at dere leser bloggene mine ❤
this combination throws me back to my late teenage years in Hammer party (Hammerfest really) when I had warm panini from the kiosk and when I turn 18 I loved Grevens cider along so I got tipsy feeling later slightly drunk. I know this isn’t childhood but it throws me back in time like no other food.
Some background info: I’m very passionate about astrology and the realm of dreams. I’m a 12th house Sun along with Mercury and Chiron. 4th house Moon and also 4th house Pluto in Scorpio. 6th house Saturn in Aquarius, the Uranus/Neptune conjunction in 5th house. I’m mostly Leo and Virgo from 12th house placements.
I’m very passionate about dreams and creative work related to dreams and the collective consciousness as well. My 4th house influence is of the personal subconscious, often family and roots within this part of life. I withdraw from outside world quite often and I’m sometimes too intense for other peoples comfort, I have schizoaffective disorder and Asperger syndrome as well.
I enjoy learning about my family roots and genetics also, I’ve taken DNA-tests to see the deep level connection of every person I’m related to. It’s very fascinating to me. I’m of Sámi origins significantly, live in Finnmark county but grow up in Northern parts of Nordland county mostly.
I don’t know how long text it will be, I’ll just write til it feels right. I like creative activities like writing, performing a play or fantasy drama films we did in youth school assignments/work. I’m autistic and I like being sometimes creative.
I love music of many types; mostly electronic dance music like drum&bass or metal genres like heavy metal or black metal. I love the bands like Nirvana and early Pearl Jam music. I’m soon 32 years old this year. I don’t know more what to write about now. It’s my mind in words in some ways and I like blogging a lot.
I can speak with health care workers about my psychiatric illness/disorders much easier after many difficult years. I overcome because I had to learn being open and completely honest about my mental state and emotions. It wasn’t easy, but I did it I can speak open about my voice-hearing and delusions.
What I haven’t overcome is the quite difficult experiences in my childhood and youth years. I have moderate case of Asperger syndrome and experiences of moderate bullying as well. Some other abusive events in my past. I had a condition known as nocturnal enuresis or more often called bedwetting, I really wet myself every night. I had accidents during daytime also of several types I’m sorry if this is TMI. When I turn 13 years I began wearing heavy protective underwear due to my nine days long, heavy womanhood curse and this without does make it extremely difficulties with sleep. So I wore them at night, at school during womanhood curse. I don’t know how to speak about this with other offline people, I just turn red and stuttering words.
I’m Norwegian and when I write in my native Norwegian language it’s very difficult writing even online, it’s too close to my wounds of youth and roots of shame. My name is Torunn and I wish you all well ❤
here I can pretend to be anyone, but offline people know when I’m real or lying to myself about something. But this trait is a good one, I’m very honest with my offline people I meet. If I say something nice it is real and genuinely felt. I might be good at acting, performing a role but that’s different from other areas of life. I’m not perfect in any way, I’m still doing my best.
I have an online persona and it’s real in it’s own way. But it isn’t all of me in any way. I’m more deep in my real life self, even if I share with you many things it’s not my whole being. I’m not ever intend to lie or anything like it, it’s just not really me.
so my favourite trait about me is offline honesty and genuine friendly nature.
Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Netherlands and in my own country the town Eigersund in Rogaland county. I love being tourist in my own country. I want to go to music festival or one night music events in the Netherlands. Denmark I want to hear Danish language and see cultures there in far-Southern Scandinavia plus far-Southern Sweden as well. I have deep roots in these regions from mothers side. And I’ve visited Northern Finland like Tornio in somewhat South in Torne River Valley and Pello further North.
I love Finland and Finnish cultures, language and sense of humor! ❤ ❤ ❤
Outside Europe I also want to visit Mongolia and travel along the Trans-Siberian railway. I have distant Northern Asian origins according to DNA-testing from 23andMe and MyHeritage ethnicity estimate results. But mostly Mongolia, I’m curious about the languages and cultures within the country. It sound very different from Korean words from K-pop music.
I want to visit Tunisia as well, North African origins from DNA-testing and it’s a part of what Norwegians call ‘Syden’ and plus I’ve never been out of Scandinavia and Finland ever before.
So these are some of the regions I wish to visit. Thank you so much for reading and compassion from Arctic Norway ❤
I really feel passion for genealogy and the roots of my family members and my self. I have a drive to understand the past to shape my current life, the darkness of our roots can be illuminated by introspective work and communication with others. I have history in my family of xenophobia toward our ethnic minority origins, even a actual hate crime toward one of my close relatives. Even if we are mostly white/European we look different enough to spot for abuse from racist youth. My Pluto in Scorpio is exactly opposite my Taurus Midheaven, I know dark hidden riches in my roots. One of my ancestors died from attack from an actual bear. I’m diagnosed with severe mental illness and went eight years untreated from psychosis, I have early onset schizoaffective/schizophrenia. That is another topics I’m passionate about, mental-health and psychiatric patient human rights and well-being.
I truly like this blog in my life and I hope you will appreciate something about my writing.
Jeg liker høsten/Čakča, høstvinter/Čakčadálvi og vårsommer/Giđđageassi i tillegg til de andre jeg har nevnt før. Høsten er en vakker årstid i nordnorsk natur og før snøen kommer hit er det mørkt ute på kvelden.
Naturen er viktig for meg og jeg liker å gå turer i skog og mark, fjellturer og bare gå på fortauet ute i høstmørket med kjølig temperatur i luften. De fargerike bladene om høsten. På vårsommer er det herlige tider når naturen våkner opp fra den lange vinteren, blomster langs veien og snøen er stort sett borte da.
Jeg er noe mer psykotisk på høstvinter tider men det er verdt å sette pris på alle årstider. Som jeg har nevnt tidligere liker jeg også vinter/Dálvi og sommer/høstsommer i Norge, spesielt der jeg bor nå. Og også i nordlige deler av Nordland fylke der jeg bodde mesteparten av oppveksten og tenårene.
Jeg trives med alle årstider og de åtte årstidene in samisk kultur er noe jeg setter pris på å vite om. Takk for at dere leser bloggen min ❤
English summary translated by Google translate:
I like autumn/Čakča, autumn winter/Čakčadálvi and spring summer/Giđđageassi in addition to the others I have mentioned before. Autumn is a beautiful season in northern Norwegian nature and before the snow comes here it is dark outside at night.
Nature is important to me and I enjoy going for walks in the woods and fields, mountain hikes and just walking on the sidewalk outside in the autumn darkness with a cool temperature in the air. The colourful leaves in the autumn. In spring-summer there are wonderful times when nature wakes up from the long winter, flowers along the road and the snow is mostly gone.
I am somewhat more psychotic during autumn winter times but it is worth appreciating all seasons. As I have mentioned before I also like winter/Dálvi and summer times in Norway, especially where I live now. And also in the northern parts of Nordland county where I lived most of my childhood and teenage years.
I enjoy all seasons and the eight seasons in Sami culture are something I appreciate knowing about. Thank you for reading my blog ❤
one of my favourite moments is when I found out about my Asperger syndrome in autumn 2010 after asking my mother what my condition really was. The youth psychiatry hadn’t told me what they were looking for so I had really no idea. I was reading something online and got very curious about my diagnosis, so I eventually remember my moments when other people like my classmates asking about if I had Asperger syndrome. So I felt like it made some sense and it helped me to know myself better. I was later reading about autism spectrum condition and surprised in February 2011 when my official diagnosis was classic autism and not AS. But I was later dx with Asperger syndrome in 2015 after getting on medications and after a few years on it my psychosis affected my behaviour much less.
it was one of my favourite moments because it really change my perspective on who I was and how it influenced my own experiences in life. It finally made more sense why my peers were bullying me for my childhood and youth, I thought it was mostly my ethnic background they target me for or my slightly different appearance from the Nordic kids, also my glasses and braces I had. But it was the autism really, I didn’t see it before I was diagnosed.
So it may be an unusual answer but that’s a big moment in my life. Thank you for reading ❤
it was wild and kind of depraved, I remember one of my earlier doctors being in a hospital and trying to help me escape the evil ones. They suggested I should take an antipsychotic, in particular the medication clozapine that is used for severe schizophrenic conditions with little or no response to other antipsychotics. I was in a classroom and the teacher was always so critical of my opinions. It was some kind of time travel going on, and special abilities of the other people I travel with. It also feature some strange apartments like where I used to live earlier in life, and then my before mentioned doctor suddenly living in my house when I came home.
I’m very into writing dream journal and I wonder what others think of my dreams when they read through my blog. So if you have any thoughts you are free to share it here. Thank you for reading ❤
I don’t feel like talking about my enuresis and the bullying right this moment. So I’m writing about gákti and Saami culture now. Plus DNA-tests and ancestry, family research/genealogy.
I have ancestry from Kautokeino region from 1850s and going back several centuries before this time. But Kautokeino natives quite often are very passionate about people having recent roots from their town, they really don’t like people who are more outsiders wearing the local Kautokeino gákti.
The gákti is special from place to place, and it’s traditional clothing for the Saami people. It’s called samekofte (or just kofte) in Norwegian language. I currently don’t have one, and they are really expensive for very good reasons. They are made with high quality fabric and other items included traditional silver accessoirer and kommager, a special type of shoes.
I also have significant Sea Saami origins from places like Måsøy and Kvalsund so I’m likely choose one of them as the Saami culture in coastal region are often of ancestors who were much more affected by Norwegianization and found their roots by family research and recently the role of DNA-tests in Norway.
I have done two DNA-tests about my ethnicity estimates and DNA-matches, and it has been useful in several different ways. Btw I’m mostly of Norwegian ancestry, mainly in Northern regions and also Agder county plus Rogaland county regions in the far-Southern parts of Norway. I have around 17% Finnish ethnicity estimate results from these tests and some of it is Finnish/Kven and others of Saami origins. I have a page to the right about my ethnicity and DNA-test results.
‘Sweet strawberry dreams, sleep all night and day‘
There is a story to this because five years ago I slept like over the entire 24 hours without having taken any sleeping pills or other sedating drug. I went to bed slightly early in evening and when I woke up it was morning the day after I was supposed to wake up.
And as I mention in other answer I have a strong passion for vivid, movie like dreams or about my family and ethnic roots, deep stories within it. I used to have them very often, especially in 2016 when I was on other type of antipsychotics.
So that’s about my sweet strawberry dreams and sleeping all night and day.
I’m very interested in the dream world, partly because that’s where most of my life is a real and diverse experience; a reflection of my strong imagination and my 12th house placements in astrology. 12th house is the realm of dreams and the collective consciousness. And my quiet strenght is a big part of my waking reality, a part of my basic nature.
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