My iPod-life

Tell us about the last thing you got excited about.

What does the title mean? I will try my best to answer it.. somewhat well!

My iPod touch device is my best music friend, I’ve had it for over 10 years as my place of escape from the Darkness and the haven for Light in life. That may sound a bit much, but it’s true. So I get especially excited when it’s been a long time not hearing the tracks and playlist and when I get the new music mix from YouTube at end of year.

It lets me be somewhere else when it gets too heavy in other areas of life, I’m mentally ill and autistic so the experience really saves my days in ways I cannot do justice to with words.

And it’s also so diverse in different electronic music genres from dubstep, drum&bass, hardstyle, psytrance and gabber etc. I have some metal music on the device as well, I’m making room for it so I can listen being on a road trip with someone else driving (I have epilepsy, so I cannot really be driver of the car) and I truly love listening when we see the natural environments of our journey. The trip is both literal travel and emotional exploration.

I need music in everyday living, it’s also because I mostly think in lyrics and associated features of music and creative writing. A song comes to mind and I use them to understand what’s going on inside and connection with other people and the greater consciousness beyond the personal aspects, the spiritual side of my experience.

So this is what got me excited most recently, I live for the music; it’s often what gets me through any hardship or difficulties and very importantly also what enhances my joy and faith in life.

Thank you for reading ❤

twilight hours

answer to dailyprompt-2041

Question/prompt; what is your favourite time of day?

I like the twilight hours during Čakčadálvi season, or like autumn-winter in English. I like twilight hours because they are special when the dark times, the polar nights are near. We celebrate the sun Light returning around late January or some slightly later in winter. I live in Finnmark county, Arctic location in the far-Northern region of Norway. I feel connection with early morning as well, when I was born it was right after sunrise in late summer.

I’m connected with the Sun from my strongly Leo influenced astrology, in sidereal astrology system I’m a quadruple Leo. I like writing about astrology and my own traits like my fire inside, the warmth of physical nature and the fighter spirits of my ancestors passed down through generations of several different Finnish cultures. I’m a Kven and I’m learning our language from a type of basic level language courses soon. I already have the books for education and I’m looking forward to meeting other Kven people.

I am also a Sámi person and I’m register within samemanntallet, I just very recently voted (forhåndsstemming) in the elections this year; both in Stortingsvalget and in Sametingets valg. I’m not saying exactly what I voted, but I’m a hard left-leaning person with anarchist values. And I’m city Sámi of culture, so I’m not involved in reindeer husbandry or any livestock farming.

And thank you for reading my blogs ❤

exit

answer to dailyprompt-2039

The last thing I got excited about?

Finding new music, my iPod and online living. Or my episodes of drunk shopping with the very intoxicated conversations. Or seeing a bright, vivid rainbow in the sky the other day.

All are real reasons to be excited about for, we all get our fire from many different type fuels and we still move forward with the power of will.

Thank you for reading ❤

Disabled rights and needs

How would you design the city of the future?

Note: medical conditions and information, somewhat possibly upsetting health topics.

As I mention on other blog last year I really want autism-friendly areas of town where autistic people like myself can feel welcome and more comfortable being. I would also prioritize other disabled people needs and wishes, I really feel like society must adapt to the blind persons and wheel chair users. I’ve been using wheel chair after some of my leg surgery, I am very thankful they had one at the shopping mall for people in need of having this aid. I would also have easy bathroom access for elderly and people suffering from loss of control of the function of the body. Everyone matter to our society and the need for the many disabled people in Norway still is far from good enough.

Thank you for reading ❤

Old names, Norse and Hebrew

Where did your name come from?

Note: about my old birth given names.

My first of three given names is Torunn. But I used to have another first given name, that I will not directly reveal. It also began with the letter T and is of Norse origin like Torunn. But I didn’t like my name growing up being bullied for my ‘old aunts name’ so recently I chose my real core names, including Torunn. Old name means ‘Peace’ or ‘beauty for’ (a particular Norse mythology god). So I wished to have a different name in my childhood and youth years. Only now at 32 years old I changed to my true name, and it’s also an ‘old aunts name’ in my generation just much more uncommon than the other name.

My former second given name was Johanne and it’s Hebrew origins meaning ‘god is gracious’ or ‘mercy of God’. One of my great-grandmother name was Johanne, she was from the Valley and a true Kven/Sámi/Finnish ethnicity woman.

So those are my old given names and they are still mine even after the name change, part of my history and identity of youth and roots.

Thank you for listening ❤

Foremothers struggle

Where did your name come from?

Yes, that is the meaning of my name Ingvild. My own foremothers struggle. And it’s so true to my family research passion, plus my interest in roots of my own life story. My mother had intended to name me Ingvild when I was born. I think my father may also agreed to it, but I got a different name. So I chose it. Again.

I’m autistic/an Aspie and it matter to my writing. I like to mention always my background, I will apologize for repeating words and topics. I’m also Norwegian speaking, but my silly Norwenglish is, however, quite good 🤭😂💖💕

In addition I recently changed my name to feel more comfortable and genuine in my identity. I have currently three given names, and all of them are of Norse origin. I’m a Sámi girl and I feel like my names are ‘Sámi enough’ names for my deep roots in the Arctic region.

Some info on my sidereal astrology and strong liking for many types of beverages, different off-topic from this particular dailyprompt:

I do some deep inner work related to my ancestors adversity being of ethnic minority groups and my own shame from youth years related to my moderate-severe degree case (I’m since officially diagnosed in 2010 at age 17) of Asperger syndrome and other conditions being target of bullies and other abuse. Yes, I’ve been nearly broken and I’m still deeply wounded in some quite profound ways. I’m a quadruple Leo of 12th house as I’ve said before with a Scorpio sign Moon in 4th house and I love drinking cold beverages like iced tea, the Battery energy drinks of Finland and rusbrus/alcopop plus hard (alcohol-containing) cider. I also enjoy hot tea like Earl Grey and herbal tea like the calming nature lavender and chamomille types.

So that’s something about my name Ingvild. Ancestors battle and deep spiritual needs for knowing my roots, where I really feel at home.

Thank you for reading my blog post ❤

gift of the Sun

answer to dailyprompt-2037

One of my other names is Synnøve from Norse and it means ‘sun gift‘ or ‘gift of the Sun‘. I’m an August child and a strong Leo sign in astrology, up to four placements in Leo.

My Sun, Rising/Ascendant, Mercury and Chiron in Leo within 12th house. My Moon in late Scorpio to late Sagittarius, in 4th house. (Quad Leo in sidereal system, in the usual tropical system a double Virgo) and I feel like more of a lioness than a Maiden. But the Virgo is there, I’m quiet and very sensitive to my environment.

Leo sign is ruled by the Sun, I live in Arctic region Norway and we have months of all-day twilight or darkness in winter season. Plus Midnight sun during summer time, the Sun never sets!

Do I feel like a Synnøve? Absolutely yes!

I’m also a proud Kven; the roots of the Finnish forests, our family fighter spirits and silent inner strenght.

Bold and loving. Silent, fierce, and with very deep feelings.

thank you for visiting my blog and I hope your days are good ❤ ❤

Dubstep

Daily writing prompt
What motivates you?

Yes, I love dubstep. I did listen even before most other non-British people knew about it. But I was already into many different electronic dance music genres in my mid and late teenage years, so that might be reasons along with it was just so fucking cool.

Faen altså, jeg lever på grunn av musikken jeg føler meg sterkere med. Uansett hva som skjer og har skjedd med meg i livet mitt, er dubstep alltid allerede tilstede og bare venter å bli hørt på.

The dubstep gives me a strong motivation so I actually feel it deep inside, that inspire my own expression of some powerful energy and determination. I’m serious, it’s everything. The bassline and the different mood lyrics, the drops and all the things I never experience in other areas of life; I don’t go to party with my (mostly middle aged) friends, I most often don’t drink alcohol in these settings and I’m genuinely very happy in my own company.

Thanks for listening (pun intended)

loved by the god of thunder

answer to dailyprompt-2037

My name is Torunn and it comes from Norse mythology/origin. I means ‘loved by Tor/Thor’ and I have close male relatives with this Norse mythology name for the god of thunder. And I’m not any fearful of thunder and lightning, I feel energy from thunderstorm. So I’m quite strong inside in addition, it’s no other way to effectively cope with severe psychosis and Asperger syndrome, in my case at least that’s true.

Ecstasy (II)

What positive emotion do you feel most often?

Note: About psychoactive medications and intensity of emotions. Mental illness. And my astrology!

The positive emotion I feel most often is the type of ecstasy that’s a mix of dreaming and belief in life being both wonderful and very intense. I live with severe pain and mental illness, I have the condition schizoaffective disorder in my case a psychotic disorder with depression and mania.

My opiate medication is a part of my everyday life, it can give me a very nice deep comfortable feeling sometimes.

And in combination with my caffeine stimulant drinks it’s not only pleasant, but more effective in pain relief. I’m letting you guess the strenght of my opiate painkillers, but it’s a low dose. ‘I want a girl with lips like morphine’ the thing that lyrics, knock me out again.. yes. I am a bisexual/lesbian woman and an Aspie.

The Asperger syndrome is moderate-severe in degree, I’m also a Leo, Virgo and Sagittarius with strong Pluto in Scorpio influence in astrology systems. 12th house and 4th house is where my Sun and Moon and Pluto are placed. Venus in Cancer sign within 11th house.

I’m currently feeling a mix of emotions, both guilt and being very strong within myself. I also don’t believe in that emotions are good or bad, they are all part of life and without dark times things get very complicated to deal with.

Thanks for reading, my fellow terrestrial beings ❤

Battery, salty wizard

What motivates you?

That’s a strange title, right? Please read my other answer on different blog, it’s brighter and more fun except the title. I needed to write something about the Darkness of society. And salty wizard!

Warning: dark topics at times

I get motivation from energy drinks and the psytrance music. I listen less to psytrance these days because of the land of much debate actions in the country toward the innocent groups of people and the horrors. I cannot stay silent forever, it’s important to mention this on blog.

I love the salte trollmann song. It’s in a foreign language so they are misheard lyrics create from my mind, I’m a mentally ill woman with a case of moderate-severe Asperger syndrome. And I’m also Norwegian speaking, with influence from Finnish/Kven and North Saami language.

Okay, so some of my motivation comes from caffeine and stimulants and others my most favourite music and not to ever forget the lyrics.

Thanks for listening ❤

The colours, the grey and the writer of blogs

What do you enjoy most about writing?

Black metal, white tea

Yes, I enjoy writing for several reasons. But it gets a very useful habit for clarity, insights into my thoughts and feelings in written word and the aspects of connection with other people across vast distances. I guess that’s a big part of why I write for others to read, I write for myself and for all who listen/read something I put together within my mental space for this blog.

Thank you for visiting ❤

Favourites of the Leo rebel Queen

What are your top ten favorite movies?

I cannot recall the name of some insightful films I was watching with my core being immersive in the plot and symbolism. I have written about the following on other blog. But some of my most favourite movies I can remember name of are:

Kautokeino rebellion 2008 Nils Gaup

Why? My ancestors lived in Kautokeino during the real uprising in year 1852, I identify as Sámi and our Norwegian supremacist teacher made us watch this movie many many times in our school lessons. The religion and the alcohol use, the children in the film. It’s also interesting from a more visual and emotional way of creating the environment. I read that the actors were in particular conditions that made it unique, even difficult filming.

Pathfinder/Veiviseren 1987 Nils Gaup

Why? Classic Norwegian film with beautiful winter environment and interesting story, and as I mention in other blog the blue eyes of the main character of Sámi actor Mikkel Gaup made it special to me. I liked the feeling of watching something truly great, story from long lost times. Plus my aunt actually knew him from 1980s.

Psycho 1960 Alfred Hitchcock

Why? Classic movie of psychological thrillers, the mental madness and I just remember the feeling first time I watch through the real film. I’m diagnosed with severe mental illness and I feel dark at times, even on effective treatments.

The Birds 1963 Alfred Hitchcock

Why? It was so scary with the birds. I have great respect for birds and after seeing this film even more so. We cannot control nature and we must be careful in our actions.

A Complete Unknown 2024 James Mangold

Why? I liked the music, the time in the 1960s, the story was interesting and I watch it at the cinema with my close family members together. The way Bob Dylan never did stop despite the difficulties in life. The different women in his social musical political environment. And I like the immersive nature of watching something I could relate to with my ears.

Ellos Eatnu 2023 Ole Giæver

Why? This really hit home with me, the political, environmental and indigenous struggles of my generation. The main actress is just a few years younger than me. The acting, the Sámi language and Northern Norwegian culture. The identity and human rights, the environment and the pain. I want mention my own grandparents were a part of the activism for this important cause. And it’s not long ago the late 1970s to early 1980s in Finnmark county also, where many of my ancestors lived and many of my living family as well.

Thank you all for reading ❤

Northern Norwegian thoughts

What do you love about where you live?

I’ve lived in different places in Northern Norway my entire life. Nordland, Troms and Finnmark counties. Always north of the Arctic circle and I’m Norwegian speaking with strong Southern influence on everything, my mix of Northern and Southern is what makes identity police angry they want people to fit neatly into some type of uniform shape, a box with a label on.

Oh, I forgot the question.

Yes, what I love about where I live is our diverse landscape and the wild sea, our Northern type fjords and the big mountains, the forests of pine and birch tree. This is true for every place I’ve lived in, including my current home town. The Light changes, the cold winter days, the summer time Midnight sun and now autumn is coming.

and the people are different here, we don’t take everything so serious and we have the unique sense of humor that the Capital City regions persons or from other (Norwegian ethnicity) culture don’t understand well.

I care about our ethnic minority languages and cultures, even the ones I have no connection to. I know no Forest Finns or Jews, but every minority should be respected and heard.

My mind is a maze, Maze river dam, I’ll have a Sámi general physician some time in the future. I’m on a waiting list.

Btw have I mentioned that I have schizoaffective disorder?

It takes my pain away

What do you enjoy most about writing?

Jimmy Eat World – Pain

What I enjoy most about writing is it takes my pain away, takes me to another world where things are different. It’s not escape in that way, it’s travel. I like writing in any mood, but my words arrive when I feel inspired by something I care a lot about, my passion and fire inside. Through pain and ecstasy, extremes of emotions and mental state. My schizoaffective bring a different view to life, it’s really dark often and I take medications for it. I’m thankful for my experience because it’s what I have that no one can take away from me, I learn from every day.

Nordland

What do you love about where you live?

Note: I currently live in Finnmark county, but I spend most of my childhood and youth years in different places in Northern parts of Nordland county.

The Mountains of Nordland are beautiful place to be, I remember in Narvik municipality being on many outdoor school mountain trips with my classmates and other peers. Usually my classmates were bullying me a lot, but on these trips they didn’t bully me almost at all.

I loved the beaches. We had so much interesting experiences out in nature environments with our school trips and in my free time after school I spent hours alone in outside. I remember with pure ecstasy what it was like being twelve years old looking up at the clear night sky with the Northern Lights, the powerful Spirit in the Sky.

The people are open and honest, the culture of being a good student that other Northern Norwegian culture doesn’t value as highly. But to be honest it’s a difficult topics, I had really hard times living in Nordland because of my different cultural background and my still undiagnosed moderate-severe Asperger syndrome.

To end this post I’ll just say this;

I love Nordland still to this day 🇧🇻❤️❄️🫂

Feeling emotional

What positive emotion do you feel most often?

Yes, all powerful and delicate feeling is worth to be experienced including the darkest times. They all have their use in our lives, I’ve learned through living with my mental illness and adversity how vast this inner universal story is, what they mean for my health, well-being and healing process.

The life isn’t complete without dark side or missing the Light, we are strongly reminded of this fact living in the Arctic North of Midnight sun and polar nights, of the unique natural environment here. 

I’m serious to fully cherish and appreciate my emotional life, there are no ‘bad’ emotions and the nuanced perspective is useful to me to cope with mental illness, adversity, different types of neurological conditions and pain.

Nothing can break me, and being open to my real feelings helps me every day to move forward. Even if it hurts in several ways it’s still useful.

Thank you for listening ❤

Hard to choose just one

What profession do you admire most and why?

Professions I admire include genuine musicians of any genres, mental-health workers and therapist, tradition of reindeer herding, teachers and those who work in the Darkness. I admire any work that is done from the heart. Writer, poetry and visual art. So many people to mention but it means we all do something to admire.

Aspergian perspective on life in this battle, my heritage in pleasant and painful experiences.

Ingvild said nothing, but heard everything.

And yes, I’m thinking of something when I chose the image. An aspect that’s profoundly strong within.

Ecstasy

What positive emotion do you feel most often?

Note: not the drug per se, but the mental state of moving beyond the ordinary mind and emotions.

It’s about the range and intensity, I feel it with my entire being. The music is the main part and true to myself I like drinking with my favourite music. I play on my sound system or on my old iPod touch device. I need music and lyrics to function well, my mind gets a lot of fuels from this unique activity. Btw, I’m from Norway. So back to the emotions again, it’s true ecstasy.

No drug can be exactly as magical as this state of being, natural intensity and range of emotional life. I feel any emotions on level very deep within me. I’m a 4th house Moon in a fire sign, specific Sagittarius, or very late degree Moon in Scorpio, and my Sun sign and Rising depending on system is double Leo or double Virgo.

I always like to mention astrology because I feel it describes my world very well from within, the good times reading something someone thought or was feeling about profound topics and type life philosophy are some of my favourite parts of living online life.

Deep level connection with something greater than myself, the spiritual origins of my ancestors and national identity. I’m a happy girl today. Nothing can stop my passion, I’m a fighter spirit with strong roots. I went through my darkest days yet and I’m still here, loving this life.

Thank you for visiting this blog, I hope it was worth the read ❤

Whatevr

What is a word you feel that too many people use?

I don’t know why but it bothers me sometimes how it’s used for everything

It’s kind of difficult understand what they mean, i often wonder what they could say instead

Btw, (my favourite word here, so often used) this is commonly used word in Norway at least many places I have lived. And in media, online conversations.

Thank you for reading ❤

I always keep a bottle near (part II)

How do you plan your goals?

Note: I go into details about different topics. And I have chosen the pictures with deliberate action.

Yeah, I’m a summer season alcoholic since around year 2019. I’m binge-drinking alone listening to my favourite music on my good quality sound system or just with earphones on my old iPod touch, I like cider and alcopop (rusbrus) plus raspberry flavour rum and mild taste blueberry vodka. I call myself a ‘Razzpergian’ because I love Bacardi Razz and I have Asperger syndrome.

I plan my goals in management ways, I break down what I do in several pieces. I get these plans working together with family and mental health support network including psychiatric doctor and specialised nurse. I have written down plan with what actions to take in mental illness worsening.

So these are a few ways how I get things done and plan for future, coping with my mental illness. And my alcohol use.. could be less, and will be less!

Thank you for listening ❤

I got no idea, I don’t ever want to drink again

Create an emergency preparedness plan.

Psychiatric emergency, yes. You really need to have enough medications for at least two weeks forward and keep the refills up to date. I needed an oxazepam today because of my psychotic anxiety getting very strong. But yes the part of psychiatry and mental health well-being is very important. Someone to speak with and trust in the darkest moments, some light during hard times. I’m wondering if the image is decent or very inappropriate.

Too few (part II)

What is a word you feel that too many people use?

My ancestors were many of ethnic minorities in Scandinavia and Finland, including the Sámi and the Kven people. On my Southern Scandinavian side there are Romani Traveller roots with dark history of discrimination just like the Sámi and Kven people were targets of, just even worse.

So my point is our ancestors languages are in danger of disappearing from use if we don’t do something to keep it in daily conversations, in music and in writing.

We are fighter spirits and never give up. Let us honour that fire inside and speak with pride again.

Writing about dreams

What brings you peace?

My dreams are my life, there is clarity in the morning after a series of vivid scenes and the powerful plots. Of real danger and of pure joy.

Btw I’m for some reason feeling really cold, maybe it’s early autumn/Čakčageassi temperature rainfall? I want to sleep in a true bedroom soon on a cozy comfortable bed, not on sofa in the living room with window open. I don’t know if I should share much more about my life to strangers I don’t know reading.

But this is about dreaming, and it does matter a lot with the 12th house placements in astrology. I’m a 12th house Sun and a 4th house Moon in most astrology house systems, the fire element very strong. 12th house and Neptune, escape. I write about my dreams, of my roots, in more ways than one. I’m on a healing path now, writing about dreams for a very good reason.

I love melodic black metal, the different feeling within lyrics of many music genres. Music is my life, my life-line through any storm.

I hope your nights are good; like the days are bright, the nights can shine from the Darkness illuminated by awareness.

Therapy for abused children

What profession do you admire most and why?

Note/warning: difficult topic.

This topic is so painful, but it’s honestly a forgotten groups that really make very important impact for children suffering from abuse and adversity. I thank every good therapy professions for their hearts and the mind working to save the children in pain.

I don’t want to reveal much about my experiences but I’ve lived through difficult times in childhood and youth years. I’m a psychiatric patient with severe mental illness and autism spectrum. And good-natured therapist are actual angels on Earth.

Thank you for listening ❤

Intoxicated wonderland

If you were going to open up a shop, what would you sell?

I know this isn’t legal in my country, but I would sell alcohol-containing cider and energy drinks together. I’m not a criminal btw, I just like drinking and I should of course follow both Norwegian law and make good health decisions. So it’s a dream, lucky for me (and for Norwegian Vinmonopolet and grocery stores!)

Thanks for reading ❤

Faith (and my phone)

What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?

Schizophrenic mind writing about faith and smartphone.

I believe in having faith in life, it’s important part of my philosophy. I’m a spiritual oriented person and I find meaning in little things also, like the comfort of hot tea on cold day. I enjoy the English Tea shop brand of different tea I had the pure white earlier today. I carry my faith in everyday living, I contemplate on life in my quiet space at home. But without my phone I cannot keep my current lifestyle the same. I like being able to look up something immediately after I remember. I enjoy writing blogs and my smartphone is a way to write easily in any settings. I wish to be useful to the World out there I can give insight to our culture and my experiences with different conditions and adversity. I drink a bit too much alcohol containing cider but it’s been several days without them, I have a couple energy drinks instead. I love energy drinks and iced tea.

Thank you all for visiting ❤

Lioness and the Maiden

What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?

I’m talking about me and my strong imagination, the reality of being both a true proud Leo and a humble Virgo in one woman. And this girl liked that girl, too. My first true love was a wonderful young woman that saw who I truly am, saw through my defense from pain and hurt. 

I have experience a lot of hard times through my illness and cruel people, but I still love life and the people in it 🫂💙 I want everyone to feel it, the connection with someone far away that truly cares about them 🇧🇻❤️‍🔥

Love from the North ☀️❤️

Save me from myself

Hi, my name is Ingvild

Describe your life in an alternate universe.

Yes, I think of this song always to be honest I’m crying now. Hardstyle music ❤

I’m vulnerable and open with the whole world through my blogs. In the alternate universe I’m still me inside just look absolutely exactly like my AI avatars that are based on my true appearance and to be my best version of self. I have different conditions related to psychiatry, neurology and pain. I’m diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia with mood disorder and moderate-severe Asperger syndrome. I’m a Sámi woman; one of different Arctic indigenous peoples of Northern Scandinavia, Finland and North Western Russia. I’m a Kven Finnish woman also.

I drink too much alcohol cider mostly due to I’m very sad and deeply wounded inside, my Chiron (astrology) influence is that of the (wounded) healer qualities also. I was bullied throughout my youth. I live with chronic pain, severe in degree.

In the alternate universe I would be myself without apologies for being different. I’m really emotional inside now. I don’t know if it’s relevant to this prompt. I’m thankful for every readers of this blog and I really truly mean it.

my Reisende heritage

What are you curious about?

I’m from Norway and around 1/4th of my ancestry is far-Southern or South Western regions Norwegian, from Agder and Rogaland counties. My ancestors travel by the sea some generations back and we have strong connection with boat life and travel as well in our times. I have ancestors from Southern Sweden and from Trøndelag in Norway, some were likely Romani people or called ‘tatere’ by local Norwegians.

But I’m also really curious about our deep roots, what countries our Reisende ancestors were influenced by or where they came from many centuries back. Our forefathers likely spoke Rodi language and it’s very interesting learning more about, what influence from Norwegian, German and Yenish languages.

So I’m deeply curious about my Reisende ethnicity ancestors and the culture that is part of our roots, just like my Northern region origins are part of my identity as well.

Thank you for reading my blog ❤

cannot remember

answer to dailyprompt-2022

what is the most money I have spent on a meal?

It’s likely it was take out food, it can quite easily cost 1000 Norwegian kroner if we ordered several warm food types, lactose-free oreo shake, cakes and soda-like rusbrus. Yes, some takeout place we can have alcohol together with it. For the adult of course.

Norwegian pay wall

Daily writing prompt
Scour the news for an entirely uninteresting story. Consider how it connects to your life. Write about that.

Well, as I said on other blog last year most of the online news are hidden mostly by a pay wall. This is what capitalism is about, make money for public information.

but I’ll find something to write about. I also think every article has a meaning to it if we look at it from a certain perspective, so there are not completely actual entirely uninteresting news.

so this is about a possible future mine in Repparfjord in Finnmark county and reindeer husbandry, I don’t agree much with the author point of view because I’m not against reindeer husbandry and I’m supporting environmental conscious topics. Honestly I think it’s very biased against reindeer husbandry and pro-mining. So it’s relevant to our society in terms of the local debate over mines and reindeer.

Joy and pain

Describe one habit that brings you joy.

This is about beverages. Several.

I used to have a heavy energy drink habit. For ten years from 2008 to 2018 I was using every day all year. Not just one little can or two. I had 4 to 6 big cans every day, at least. When I was on travel out of our town I could lose count of how many and only notice my head felt like it was up in a cloud. Like the physical sensation of being high up, and enjoy it. I honestly miss it now.

I began drinking them at age 15 and kept my habit up for ten years. When I turn 18 and had my first taste of alcohol I was basically ‘hekta’ as we call it where I live. It’s like you feel 13 times better than just one apart. Escape from my mind. High on music, so much better sounding and pleasure emotionally. Energy and nice tastes.

It was great I got things done when I had it. The big trouble was when I ran out of supply and it was Sunday (I’m from Norway, every normal size grocery store is closed on Sundays) or in several days holidays like Easter and the Christmas days.

The feeling of running out of supply is headaches even before they arrive in the morning. Joint pain and muscle ache. Even dysphoria and worse voices in my head than usual. When I woke up it was basically the first things on my mind: more. I walked to the nearest grocery store looking for that feeling. Carry 10 kilos of drinks nearly every day. Monster. Red Bull. But the real Queen of Energy for me currently is Battery Pearberry and Grevens fruit champagne cider.

Yeah, a combination of caffeine, vitamins, taurine and sweet-tasting alcoholic beverages.

I don’t know if this post is at all relevant to the question asked, really. But this is my story of joy and pain.

Thank you for reading ❤

blankets and hot tea

answer to dailyprompt-2019

one habit that brings me joy?

I really enjoy drinking hot tea, both herbal teas and Darjeeling, oolong, Earl Grey and many others. During long winters it keeps me warm and when wearing soft blankets it’s very comforting in the Darkness of December month when (btw, we have 28° celsius and very heavy thunderstorm right now. My mothers dog is barking a lot upstairs) the polar nights from end of November to mid January here; no sunrise, no sunshine, we have twilight hours at noon and complete darkness rest of the day.

So tea and blankets are one of my habits that bring me joy ❤ Thanks for listening, and gods of thunder really rule the nights. Or the afternoon. From me, Torunn Ingvild to all of you;

Love from the North ❤

Nature and my roots

What are you curious about?

Being of Sámi origins and I must mention my blog name cloudberry/cloudB nature is meaning a lot to my deep values as an indigenous peoples.

I’m curious about several many topics but I’m mentioning this in particular because it’s big part of our cultural identity and tradition.

We use cloudberry in dessert and jam/syltetøy in particular. We gather it outside in wild nature and make our own types of products for use in family gatherings like birthday celebration or other events like confirmation of teenage youth.

I’m not of close family reindeer husbandry heritage like some traditional families in inner Finnmark; Finnmarksvidda where most are native speakers of North Saami language and many live the region traditional lifestyle.

I’m a city Saami culture person with strong Sea Saami origins my ancestors living in Northern fjords and in coastal regions by the open sea. But I have deep roots in Finnmarksvidda; especially in Kautokeino in Norway and Karesuando in Northern Finland/Sweden.

So cloudberry delights and the strong heritage of our family environment passed from generation to next for centuries.

Thank you very much for reading ❤

Mutual trust

Dogs or cats?

The mutual trust it’s a communication and chemistry thing. It isn’t important the cats or dogs aspects, it’s how we relate to the particular being we interact with. I watch in distances around strangers dogs and I’m careful around all animals because they are vulnerable to misunderstanding from any human.

My mother has an elderly little black dog that we all see as dear family member and she is so funny; not like ordinary dogs are funny, but hilarious. 

I like cats also my grandmother had a three leg cat he was originally a stray cat but Dyrebeskyttelsen (animal protection?) and my cousin the volunteer help him recover from severe injury so he could thrive well.

I care for animal welfare and animal rights, we never can forget the suffering of many pets neglect or abuse.

Nature is sacred to our people the Saami (an Arctic, mostly European origin peoples with some Siberian and Mongolian, like North Asian more further back in roots also) that indigenous to Norway, Sweden, Finland and Russia.

So I love both dogs and cats in addition to caring about biodiversity and plantlife. Thank you for reading ❤ ❤

Hi everyone

I’m really on a deep level today. I want to reach out to everyone suffering in life now. I’m writing in Norwegian because it’s my native language

Det er viktig å bli sett og å se andre, uansett hvem vi er. Jeg ser meg selv nå, på den måten jeg er. Mørket i den lyse årstid i varme og hvor mye det betyr å ha noen å snakke med i vanskelige stunder.

Jeg har en mental lidelse og jeg hører stemmer som tidligere styrte livet mitt hver dag. Jeg er åpen om det jeg har opplevd og hva jeg tenker om det nå, hvordan fortiden er en del av livet selv om det er vanskelig. Det finnes ting jeg aldri hadde tenkt å si som nå jeg klarer å skrive om.

Det finnes ingen falske samer og jeg er ikke sykdommen min, jeg er meg. Den jeg er inne i alt det vi ikke kan se utenpå, den personen som drømmer om natta og vet hvordan det er i å leve i mørket. Jeg skriver dette for akkurat deg som leser uansett hvem du er så møtes vi nå i ord.

Jeg kjenner til en kvinne (som er venn med min psykisk syke kusine) med alvorlige lidelser som også får LAR behandling.

Livet er herlig og helt forjævlig til tider, for å si det på den måten jeg faktisk føler det. Jeg har hatt det vanskelig og nå vil jeg hjelpe andre å se hvor mye denne bloggen har vært med på reisen min rettet mot innsikt i hvem jeg egentlig er bak diagnoser og medisinsk behandling.

Takk for at du leste dette og ha en god helg ❤

Good girl, bad girl

What’s the story behind your nickname?

I have three given names. One of the three is Synnøve. ‘Sun gift’ or ‘gift of the Sun’ it means in Norse and I like being a Synnøve. But what is my nickname? I have many through the years, some nice and some cruel. I was ‘Sleeping Beauty’, I was ‘Jay’, I was ‘Seven of Nine’ and many more.

Sometimes I was the stereotypical “good girl” and did what the others told me to do. My classmates when they play nice called me ‘snill‘ and being snill (kind) is a truly good thing, it should not be ever used as insults. But over some years of experience I was more of a rebel, I define my own identity as a teenager learning about the world. Then after many years of being bullied, psychotic and suffering I went to the dark side.

As soon as I got to legally buy rusbrus and cider I was drinking the way Aspergian alcoholics do; alone listening to music and binge-drinking. I could call myself ‘Razzpergian’! But at my core I’m not the bad girl person I sometimes feel like being to make things okay, that at least I’m a real ‘bad girl’ not someone that needed to be better than she was. But in truth I actually just want to be comfortable living as myself in this society.

Thank you for reading ❤

Different direction

Write about a random act of kindness you’ve done for someone.

This isn’t much about random topic with strangers, but I wanted to share with you.

I want to mention something that someone else did for me as well. My same-aged friend helped me feel better after a especially difficult day when I had an accident at school and the bullies were so much worse than usual. My friend made me feel much less alone in this, didn’t mock me for my very embarrassing episode at recess. Just the pure kindness and support for me in that emotional pain and feelings of shame. I was so lucky to be friends with good people caring about me no matter what.

In addition I show the same kindness and loyalty for my friends. They were not allowed by parents to go on days school trips in other places due to the family religion. They told me to give other explain to classmates about why she wasn’t on the trip. I really tried to follow her words in actions and that felt great being loyal to my foreign friends.

I love being helpful and kind with others. They all deserve it so much when we are fellow human beings with real wounds and real compassion for others. Thank you for listening ❤

It’s summer time

Was today typical?

It’s getting really warm tomorrow, up to 29° celsius and I’m both inside and outside then, drinking enough cold drinks. However I enjoy really the psychoactive beverages during summer time, our winter time is very long here in Finnmark so the summer is truly a blessing.

Right now I’m having a Monster energy drink and listening to different music I like a lot. Btw, Finnish is an awesome language 💙🇫🇮

I guess it’s so far both typical and atypical, I enjoy the weather conditions even inside in my living room. The Monster is cold from kjøleskapet/the fridge and my painkillers really helped me today, much less pain than usual now.

I love today so far ❤ ❤

I hope your days are very good and thanks for reading ❤

Dette er meg (med modifikasjoner)

Norwegian language text about me and some AI avatars based on myself:

Her er noen AI avatarer basert på meg. Jeg heter Torunn. Jeg er samisk, kvensk, finsk, svensk og norsk med noe sannsynlig innfødt arktiske aner/inuitt og i tillegg endel nordafrikansk (kanskje fra Tunisia) noe lengre tilbake i fortiden. Jeg er både nordlending og finnmarking. Jeg har mye aner i Troms fylke og vi bodde i Tromsø og på Senja tidligere. I tillegg fra Agder og Rogaland i nær familie. Jeg har tatt DNA-tester fra MyHeritage og 23andMe, jeg har forsket på slekt siden 2007. Jeg er fylt 32 år snart. Jeg har aner av de Reisende på sørlandet og av Romanifolket i Norge og Sverige.

Jeg har moderat-alvorlig grad av Asperger syndrom og liker å skrive 😂❤️

emotional experience

standing in the rain playing in the background. I love many Billy Talent songs from youth ❤

emo kid with the heavy eyeliner and I also love hoodies still. They bullied me and poured orange juice on my jeans, then told the teachers I had peed on myself. It was worse because I often actually had wet in my jeans in class or during recess, I also had nocturnal enuresis/chronic bedwetting even at age 16. I had other issues with the function of the body. I wore type protective underwear during my heavy womanhood curse and was prescribed this aid from pharmacy like place. The protection works well, I use it still during my womanhood curse and especially at night. I need to write about this sometimes because it does affected my mental health strong.

I was an emo kid but didn’t self-harm with sharp things. I beat myself with glass bottles of Coca-Cola along with plastic bottles, had big bruises I was try hiding from everyone. I had the emo bangs and my hair was it’s own dark brown colour. I listening to MCR and The Used as well as other type emo musicians.

I’m suffering from psychosis and voice-hearing is part of my everyday life. They say very abusive things to me, reminding me of shameful times and emotional pain. They say strange things like ‘she is going to have major accidents in public’, in local grocery store. I’m a psychiatric patient and I’m an Aspie, that is I have Asperger syndrome. I must sometimes write because it actually helps me deal with my mental illness and the vivid memories of childhood adversity and bullying.

It’s more about new tradition

What traditions have you not kept that your parents had?

Yes, that’s right; new tradition. I have discovered so much through our family research that our real culture is more Finnish and Kven than Norwegian. We are significantly Sámi origins and it shows in our family culture, the way Saami raise children and parent relationships. But mostly Kven. The strenght and determination, our Finnish sisu. The Kven sauna experience. Our quiet environment in the home that ethnic Norwegians don’t share in culture. Love in actions, less words. Humor mostly the Finnish way. I have Kven costume and sami boots plus my modern Arctic indigenous inspired boots from Topaz; one called Sami and other Amundsen. They are awesome shoes, so warming in cold weather days of -20° celsius.

I love my roots and the State and Norwegian society tried to make us real ethnic Norwegians, but culture survive; some part you cannot erase.

I’m a proud Kven ❤ ❤ ❤

I got my hair cut today

Was today typical?

Yes, that’s no typical day! I have short hair and I used to have it very long when I was child and teenager, even at age 28 years! But I like mostly having shorter hair. The experience is always unique in the salon, I’m going to be in a quiet space and have the soft blankets around me. It’s raining a lot today in this town, we are soon getting really high temperatures like 27° celsius and sunny days. It’s good with rainfall some days.

Happy end of July to all reading ❤

It’s glorious, and in major pain

Was today typical?

Today we are blessed with lovely weather here. I want to spend time outside in the sunshine. The summer season and the vacation is wonderful time being with family members and I’m going to make this my top priority today and some weeks forward also and many are not as lucky as me in this way.

On different topics slightly;

I’m taking my painkillers now, my pain is severe and my mood needs to relief from pain to be honest about how wonderful life is a great gift we all get to have. I’m feeling the difficult choices in my heart. What to say to readers when I cannot respond right, when they don’t feel heard by me.

Wonderful day to you everyone reading ❤

thunderstorm

(another) answer to dailyprompt-2014

Today wasn’t that typical. We had some thunderstorm very close to our home and a random patterns of rainfall. We had nice takeout food and I took every medications I am supposed to take daily and as needed. I’m on my sleeping pills at the moment, Stilnoct or zolpidem it’s called. We did a lot of house chores and tidy the rooms. I liked today as overall experience. Now it’s soon time for sleep and dreaming.

Good night, everyone, even if it’s morning to you now ❤

issues with love, trust, dreams and alcohol

Sometimes I feel like what is good is the intoxication I get from substances and recreational activities, because it feels like an escape from the Darkness. Yet other times I just stay in the ordinary space and hope for insight to be found in my introspective thoughts and understanding my depraved or grandiose theme dreaming at night. There is not a sharp divide between the two ways, there is clarity to being high/intoxicated and deep delusions in waking sober reality. One thing that comes to mind especially is the topic of love. I have no romantic partner or any relationship of this nature. I honestly feel like it’s too strange to consider for me being in that type relationship, I want to feel absolutely certain that the relationship is respect is privacy plus not in any types abusive. I know from other people experience that love and hate can co exist in very difficult ways between families and partners. I also know the dark side to other types of environments like schools and even hospital wards. Didn’t like being bullied and used in different ways I didn’t want, feeling like I was nothing to be there not like the others. I am really looking forward to being with my family and the little dog, maybe having some good take out food together.

This is me

How would you describe yourself to someone?

Well, I’ve already posted several answers to this prompt, but here is another:

My name is Torunn Ingvild and I’m from Northern Norway, I’m very soon 32 years old and I’m diagnosed with severe mental illness and Asperger syndrome. I have different ethnicities in my family history and family cultures; a lot Finnish, Kven, Sámi and Norwegian. I’m passionate about genealogy and other research.

In the summer season I enjoy a cold rusbrus/alcopop or hard cider and a couple cans of energy drinks outside in our garden. I enjoy wearing strong colours in clothing and people like it when I wear something that express my sunny type moods. I’m strongly Leo influenced (Mercury, Chiron; both conjunct my Sun) in astrology along with very strong Virgo (Sun, Ascendant/Rising sign) in 12th house and a Sagittarius Moon plus a strong Pluto in Scorpio sign both within 4th house.

I like having a cup of hot tea during the long winters here and wearing merino wool blankets on the cold days like -20° celsius or lower. I like being truly outside for some time during my days, seeing nature in beauty, feeling the breeze of wind through my hair and the scent of wonder of summer after rainfall. I really like hoodies in different colours and they are comfortable.

I enjoy writing, listening to different genres music like black metal and dubstep, grunge and hardstyle etc osv. I like reading different kinds of texts and blogs about anything that the writer is passionate about and we connect over the Internet even from very different cultures from other world regions. I love diversity and my childhood best friends were non-European origins refugees mostly, so thankful for my good friends helping me feel better despite being often bullied. I’m also still here among the living due to my amazing family and some good support system around me. My medications are necessary for me to function in life, I take also anticonvulsants for temporal lobe epilepsy.

This blog helps me express and reflect on my life and the response from you all is a big part of why I keep writing. Even today with my heavy migraine I really feel like this is an escape from the agony along with my cool, dark room.

Thanks everyone for the read ❤ ❤