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Daily writing prompt

What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times?

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I saw this on cinema and a lot of times during school when our Norwegian supremacist teacher wanted to do something different than planned. Or something like that. I’m of Sámi origins and I was really extremely passionate about genealogy at this young age. I loved the film partly because my ancestors lived in Kautokeino during the real historical revolt/uprising in the 1850s. We also had the dvd eventually so I could watch whenever I wanted to.

Other series, movies and videos are mention in other post on this blog like Lost, Friends and especially a documentary about the Okavango Delta that I saw so many times as a child. I love being immersed in something interesting and beautiful, seeing different aspects of life together in creative ways.

Thank you for reading this, and happy watching something you like to see several times ❤

I mention these on my other blog site, I feel like both can be compared to some part of my life. The Raven is dark, mystical, wise and unique. The marten is quite beautiful in a unique way, a small animal, solitary and it loves to climb trees.

Btw I like all kinds of animals and their animal rights and I like most human beings also plus of course our universal human rights ❤

Daily writing prompt

Are you superstitious?

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I’m not really superstitious in everyday life. But my mental-health conditions affect my beliefs especially in dark times. I should mention I have schizoaffective condition with obsessions and several other symptoms. The thoughts in my head about triggering natural disasters with the wrong thoughts and emotions, my delusions of being identified with infamous people in the news. Once my treatments have continued working I don’t live in constant fear and anxiety, so afraid of my thoughts being wrong and sinful. And also I feel like every experience is potentially useful in some way even if it’s difficult or painful, and our lives are complex in nature. There is nothing wrong with having thoughts and emotions.

thank you for reading ❤

Daily writing prompt

Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

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Hei Torunn, hvordan går det med deg? Kan du huske da du var 31 år gammel og hadde denne bloggen som lidenskap? Det har gått mange år siden den tid og jeg håper du har minner fra hele livet, hvordan vanskeligheter i yngre dager gjorde deg sterkere og ga deg stor medfølelse med de vanskeligstilte i samfunnet. Lykke til videre fra ditt yngre jeg ❤

English summary: hi Torunn, how are you doing? Can you remember being 31 years old and having this blog as a true passion in life? It’s been many years since this time and I hope you have memories from every age through life, how adversity in younger days made you stronger and gave great compassionate feeling with the underdogs in society. Best wishes from your younger self ❤

Daily writing prompt

What was the best compliment you’ve received?

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the best compliment I’ve got was from my first psychiatric doctor who was very experienced with treating psychotic patients. I had written a kind of different levels of my psychosis and my particular features in these different situation. When he saw my writing he told me it was the best described he had ever seen. This really open my eyes to my strenghts in writing about my inner world and experience.

thank you T, for listening to me and the compliment from a experienced doctor

When I was younger we moved quite often from different towns mostly due to my mothers studies being at different places. Every time we moved to other house was a new beginning and an end to what was. 

I had to navigate different local cultures and deal with same-aged peers that were at times downright abusive toward me, and moderate bullying was a part of my everyday life for many years. My undiagnosed Asperger syndrome affected my education and social life as well, I could not focus well partly because of the adversity and my mind working very different from the average kid.

So every time we moved was hard to say goodbye to, and even if I went to my old towns they are not the same place as 20 years ago and my adult perspective is different from the child I once was.

Thank you for visiting and have a wonderful Saturday evening ❤

I went to city centre at the police station to get new ID and passport and I was wearing a hoodie like usual. I wear hoodies without t-shirt under and the police woman asked me if I could take off the hoodie for the photo, but I had literally nothing underneath it so we found a compromise instead. I didn’t do anything illegal btw, just a social thing related possibly to my Aspergian nature. We learn something every day ☺️💗💕

Daily writing prompt

Where would you go on a shopping spree?

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I have a particular store I use for buying clothing, it’s a well-known chain in Scandinavia. When I lived in Nordland fylke/county I loved Bik Bok; often it was the hoodies I wore in my teens, I still love them and still wear them.

my absolute favourite shop in our town(s) are supplements/tea/organic/etc chains named Sunkost and Life. I get my tea from these places and I sometimes buy supplements as well. I enjoy also shopping at the pharmacy, both medications and skin care, pill reminders/boxes etc.

and I really enjoy shopping at places like Clas Ohlson and Normal stores, they have a bit of everything you could need for home and well-being. I buy things like ear buds, digital scale and medication storage/medicine cabinate there.

I enjoy shopping but I don’t like when there is too much crowded space, especially teenagers so I usually shop early to be less likely upset and paranoid by groups of youth strangers or (most importantly) stressed people in rush time.

thanks for reading ❤

Daily writing prompt

You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, car, or bike?

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I enjoy travelling by train and I’ve been further south where they have trains and railways. But our Norwegian State do not care to pay for train further North and this honestly is f*ckd up to say it like a Northern woman speaking in a type of Norwenglish. They don’t give us this despite our much greater need for it due to our location and distances being significantly longer between the towns. This is one of the many reasons I’m strongly left-leaning and against the concept of centralised government far from the districts.

but yeah, I truly love travelling by train ❤

This is one of my fears, meeting the same-aged peers and possibly my Norwegian supremacist teacher who disliked me and my foreign non-European origin friends. To get me to do this reunion I need plenty of oxazepam and someone I know and trust coming along with me. I don’t live in the same region as my former classmates and teachers and I’m not active on usual social media sites/apps so I’m quite an outsider just like I was back then. Maybe it will happen one day, and I will be stronger within me if I dare to try.

Thanks for visiting ❤

My birth name is Torunn and it’s not a middle name, it is of Norse origin and the meaning is close to ‘loved by Thor’. I have a close relative with the name Tor and there are plenty in our both sides family with Norse names like Jorunn, Solveig and Bjørn among others. I used to be kind of shameful about my name and it’s very uncommon in my generation, my experiences of people thinking it was unusual still happen even at 31 years now. But I love being a Torunn after all, it’s a special part of my life and identity. I’m an Ingvild and I’m a Johanne too, but my life would not be the same without this particular name growing up. I believe every experience has some potential for good/useful things happening at a certain point in life.

Thank you for reading this blog, I needed to write about my experiences of being different in several ways and share with you. I hope for bright moments in everyone’s life ❤ ❤

Note: This contains some rambling thoughts and psychotic experience from first person perspective.

As some people may know about me I’m dx with severe mental-health conditions and I’ve been psychotic since 2005 at age 12. And many parts of my experiences have made me more mature and given greater strenght to my already strong fighter spirits. And they have torn me apart, wounded my pride, affected my relationships and a lot of emotional struggles in the years.

I remember a couple of times in my manic depressive psychosis that I was listening to some great music and my mind start working at interpretation from my own perspective. This is not always a good thing to act on or ruminate a lot about, but it can be insightful and deeply connected to your inner world. So I was listening to this metal track and I wanted a cup of hot tea, I love tea a lot in everyday life. It was that really great Earl Grey tea from English tea shop and everything made so much sense in that moment, I saw connection with inner world and society in general. Btw I’m a 12th house Sun + Mercury + Chiron in conjunction group (Leo + Virgo signs) and my Saturn in 6th house (Aquarius).

Some examples of songs I’ve listen through over the years that I recall and can recommend to interested music listeners;

Tears don’t fall, all these things I hate revolve around me, waking the demon (Bullet for my Valentine tracks/songs, type of metal genres).

the Power of the Mind, Psychedelic, Just say my Name, Megasound (Headhunterz tracks/songs, hardstyle genre of electronic music).

The tea helps me focus and I like the feeling of having these tea rituals grounding me in the present moment to some degree even when going through a severe episode of schizoaffective condition. It’s not magic, but it’s close.

Thank you so much for reading ❤

Daily writing prompt

What is the last thing you learned?

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as I said on my other blog the weather is wonderful today here, and I heard they had 18°C in Oslo (I heard from someone else, I don’t know for certain if it’s correct). And our local SnowCastle is having difficulties in the warming weather, btw I live in Finnmark county and our local temperature in this town was around 0°C today with wonderful sunny, nice weather and we spent time walking outside.

I like writing about the weather and our local culture, like with the Midnight sun coming here in late May month.

thank you for reading this blog ❤

So who are you, then? (Så hvem er du, da?)

Where do you come from? (Hvor kommer du fra?)

What’s your fathers job? (Hva jobber faren din med/hva er yrket til din far?)

This first and second question made me feel like I was meant to explain to someone everything yet I didn’t know what I was supposed to answer and that they were really wondering why I went along with the other people there since I was obviously not like them.

The third question bother me because I didn’t know my father and he was (and is still) an addict; a poly drug user with difficult life.

These questions doesn’t bother me as much anymore, but it reminds me of the way it used to be in youth. Thank you for reading ❤

My mean girl tormentors took advantage of my different conditions to lie about their abusive behaviour toward me. They said I had wet in my pants after they intentionally spilled orange juice on me in class, the teacher didn’t believe me and this really hurt my pride deep. And it didn’t help the situation that I actually had real enuresis as well, night and day. Sorry if that’s TMI. I inherited this from my father actually, he was very severely bullied so it’s very painful to say it out loud. xenophobic kids all over the place.. spreading fear and misery in young hearts.

But where is the success in this? It’s my true inner strenght and determination to keep fighting no matter what happens. I don’t let people walk over me, I have pride in my opinions and my perspective and most importantly I’m kind to others as well. We learn by living, our experiences both pleasant and very difficult ones.

I hope your days are good and thanks for reading my blog ❤

Daily writing prompt

What activities do you lose yourself in?

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it must be the magical combination of total/relative Darkness, closed eyes, dubstep/psytrance/drum&bass/other EDM/awesome heavy metal music on my iPod and sometimes some Battery Blue+Bacardi Breezer to get me out of the restless mind. And dreaming is very important to me, it’s one of why I want to get a good nights sleep and independent of the mood of the dream if it’s vivid and deep meaning within I especially appreciate them. I’m a 12th house Sun in astrology and 12th house is the one most often related to dreaming. I just need a friend sometimes, it’s morning in Norway now. Wish you the best ❤

I got out of the deepest Darkness to seeing true bright Light at the end of the beginning.

That’s really my thoughts right now, and thank the good-natured Spirit for life on Earth.

(Note: I can apologize if this makes little logical sense, because it comes from the core being of the schizophrenic mind in a border-psychotic state. I also really need the Seroquel for decent sleep and my OCD. Btw I take an SSRI along with my antipsychotics and anticonvulsants, I need all to function better and feel less unwell. Sorry for rambling now.)

edit: what my point really was is that no matter how many times we fail we will still be able to shine bright somewhere else in our life ❤

Thank you all for reading ❤

Daily writing prompt

What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times?

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This film was about the Okavango Delta and the wild animals there, I constantly saw it again and again for a long time as a kid, it’s worth mentioning my undiagnosed autism spectrum condition/Asperger as a part of reason for this.

I’ve also seen all the seasons of Friends show so many times, the Kautokeino rebellion film (by Nils Gaup) and tv series Lost on DVD player.

My opening sentence:

Music was my escape, and here is my story of songs, sad lyrics.. and the heavy bassline.

Thank you all for the visit ❤

I wrote about this on my other blog, but here is the opening sentence again:

Soon after sunrise in a Northern town, I was born into the outside world.

As I said earlier I’m very interested in astrology, and I’m also an Aspie/Aspergian with severe mental-health conditions in addition. I was born in the late summer in the early morning hours above the Arctic circle, and I’m part Sámi indigenous on both parents origins. I’m very introspective and introverted in nature, and with significant experiences of adversity in youth. The outside world can be a challenge to cope with for the neurodivergent/mentally ill and this is definitively the case for me in particular.

So this is one of my reasons to use this opening sentence in my potential autobiography. And lastly I want to thank you for visiting and I wish you all very well ❤

my medications, my music/iPod and blankets. Plus hot tea ❤ ❤ ❤

I need several different medications every day, including my anticonvulsants to prevent seizures. I’m thankful for this help and it’s really important to be consistent in the routines(?).

I have mentioned the iPod-life and my music within it on my other blog and it really is that important to me. Some joy to my days, electronic music makes me feel better and more aware of beauty in life. And also the heavy bassline ❤

I have a great love of blankets and I use them every day, they are warm, soft and sometimes cute to look at. They are a must-have in the winter season and I need a cup of hot tea along with them if I’m in the living room at night.

Thank you for reading ❤

Daily writing prompt

What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance?

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As I mention on my other blog I don’t have a middle name, but I have three first names and I use all of them in various occations.

My names are Torunn, Ingvild and Johanne and I’m not revealing my full name or the exact order of the first names. The first two are Norse origin and the third from Hebrew. I especially like the meaning behind my name Ingvild; ‘ancestors struggle’ which is very true of my background and being interested in genealogy research.

I used to feel not so good about having an unusual name for my generation but now I see the true value to it, it’s actually unique and part of who I am at the core.

And about my last name I can tell you it comes from a Northern Norwegian farm our ancestors lived in during the 1800s.

Thanks for reading ❤

I’ve written about this topic before, but I wanted to say some more about it. I have schizoaffective condition, a kind of mix of symptoms related to schizophrenia and mood disorder (in my case bipolarity). I also have Asperger syndrome, diagnosed at age 17. My life history is possibly interesting to you, I will mention some of it. My father was absent from most of my childhood and youth, he is an addict to several substances and my mother left him in 1995. After this I went to many different schools and I had a hard time with my conditions being undiagnosed and the bullying I experienced. In 7th grade I had my schizophrenic break and I got into psychiatry in 2007. I also met my father 3 times during my teenage years, in a safe environment. I was into genealogy and wanted to know more about his biological father side like his many half-siblings and about my fathers youth years, especially since I felt like connections were important.

So what helped me grow the most? A combination of my childhood adversity, my mental-health conditions, my autistic passion and my long-term recovery process. I have been taking psychiatric medications for more than 10 years and I’m honestly grateful for the help they give me in everyday life. I also have learned a lot by blogging and reading different blogs and connect with people all over the World.

Thank you for reading, I hope it was interesting to you hearing my story. Have a wonderful day everyone ❤

Note: a lot of nerdy astrology topics in this post, I’m an Aspergian and this is a significant part of my autistic passion.

I’m a 12th house Sun and 4th house Moon in Earth/Fire combination and I really feel like it actually is something to astrology despite people doubt it works. I also have schizoaffective condition and I believe in fate and destiny to some degree being real, or else many things would not make sense to my mind.

Everything is connected and I’m a believer in the Nature based spirits, and my Sámi ancestors had special powers passed from one generation to the next and it’s known our family and our ethnic group are sometimes quite mystical and in particular often especially good as healers. Btw Chiron in astrology/mythology is the wounded healer and this is part of a strong conjunction group in 12th house with Sun, Mercury and Chiron in Leo sign. My father has the conjunction as well but in Pisces sign within 2nd house.

I have a post on my other blog, maybe it’s much better reading as I’m really overtired now with a possible influensa with fever.

Thank you all for listening to my kind of long post, I tend to write a lot more when I’ve been sleepless for some time. Happy Saturday ❤

warning: the Darkness in writing, mental illness

This was the year of 22/07 terrorist attacks in Norway. Everything changed in one fatal day, and it also ignited my worst episode yet of my psychosis. I had severe delusions about the terrorist being connected with me somehow in the mind and soul, he murder children at Utøya and the bombing of Oslo. It’s one person you will never want to believe you are, if you are kind natured inside. I was so obsessive about the trial in 2012 and this is never a good idea when suffering these delusions, just from my own true lived experience with schizoaffective condition. I was obsessed with watching the trial online all of the hours.

I occationally still believe in this delusion, especially after reading something about his case or 22/07 related topics. Anders hater meg, as some of my blog posts here say in the title.

Thank you for your time, best wishes from Norway ❤

edit: this is about my other answers to this prompt, I felt like writing this to explain.

I’ve mentioned my paternal grandmother, my father, my former self as alternatives. But really I believe we are not truly right to be inside someone elses head and mind, especially if it’s through any kind of force and invading their space. Yet I share with you all a lot of thoughts and true stories of my life, but I do from free will. So I just thought I should explain my position.

Privacy matters ❤

This is a little bit strange but it came into my mind now, how I’ve never been at any of the local hotel bars in our town. I am always just drinking at home or rarely along with family members, one thing I especially enjoy is to be in the Midnight sun paradise of our garden in summer time sitting outside drinking cider and Red Bull in the all-day light of the night so bright. The sun doesn’t set for several weeks, I’m not lying.

If we have a large distances perspective I want to visit Rogaland county/fylke in the Southwest region of Norway. I have deep roots in Rogaland on my mothers side, and I want to see for myself what it’s like being there and speaking with the locals. I love travelling in Norway btw ❤

Thanks for visiting ❤

I would like to experience the World like I used to, being outside and hiking or even the very difficult years in my youth. I was anxious and psychotic but I felt alive, like my life was there right in the moment. I need this experience so strong, life is about living.

I have no regrets about taking my medications however as I cannot function at all without them. And this feeling of being alive doesn’t depend on whether or not taking the medications, it’s psychological and lifestyle related. And I don’t expect perfect recovery in a second, it can possibly take months of effort to getting better long-term.

Have wonderful times everyone ❤

Daily writing prompt

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

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one of my least favourite things to be asked when I reveal my epilepsy dx is not really about the topic but the way they ask. It’s about if I wet myself often during these seizures and I don’t mean the neurologists or other doctors, I also remember someone asking this question to a girl on the radio. Btw she was honest about this and handle the question well.

the reason I feel uncomfortable with this is that it is a intrusive question by some of the people asking, they don’t know about my other symptoms of seizures that are much worse. And of course my history of being bullied for my enuresis and bedwetting tendency in childhood and teenage years is a big part, maybe even the main reason.

thank you for reading and I have to say despite not liking to be asked about this it’s still not something to be ashamed of the experiences with epilepsy. We are all just people after all.

Daily writing prompt

Describe the most ambitious DIY project you’ve ever taken on.

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Norwegian language: det første jeg kom på akkurat nå er de prosjektene vi holdt på med i dette faget på skolen. Jeg lagde en fjøl av tre (skjærebrett?) for å ha under når vi skjære brød, jeg tror vi fortsatt har den et sted i huset. En annen ting var kunst og håndverk, jeg ble inspirert til å hekle i fritiden i tillegg til skolearbeidet klassen min fikk i oppgave.

Takk for besøket, kanskje jeg kommer på andre ting jeg har prøvd i tillegg til disse prosjektene.

English summary: the first thing that came to my mind was our arts & crafts project classes in school. I made a wood board for bread cutting and I believe we still have it somewhere in the house. I also was inspired to crochet in my free time in addition to our school work.

thanks for visiting, I may remember other projects in addition to these and write about them later.