What brings a tear of joy to your eye?
Yes, beautiful environments brings a tear (or many) of joy to my eye. In awe of the view and feel the wind in my hair on an autumn evening outside. An eagle flying above us, even a fox running in the forests makes me emotional.
Other aspects that does this is pain relief and I feel relief when my opiate pain medicine works, and I don’t mind the slight euphoria from it either. Sometimes I cry literal tears of joy, when I’m not in agony anymore.
Why do you blog?
Honestly I blog for my own sake and the healing of my inner wounds. I’m 32 years old and I know it’s really needed to make efforts to grow as a human being, if I want peace and harmony I must face the dark side to my nature. I am diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder/paranoid schizophrenia and Asperger syndrome. I was bullied, abused and suffering from untreated mental illness. It’s not easy facing this darkness. It’s even harder seeing the Light hiding behind it.
So I decided to post something recently that I’ve been thinking about for some time. I’m not afraid of the thunderstorm or the mountains or my body. I’m afraid of people mostly.
Fordi hun ikke har tissa på seg. Because she hasn’t peed on herself.
Thank you for visiting ❤
Why do you blog?
NOTE: Difficult themes and might be quite triggering or heavy reading. And I don’t hide here anything about what it’s like peeing in my pants in childhood, youth years, continues to adulthood. It might seem off-topic but it’s a lot about why I blog, to process my memories and inner world while sharing moment with the visitors to my blog. I want people to feel less alone in the darkest times, and bring some personal experience with my journey.
Norwegian language title, and sometimes it really is true. Like I haven’t peed on myself recently. I was target of bullying and abuse. I didn’t pee myself yesterday. I also have several disabling neurological conditions that can cause me to lose control of my function of the body.
Wanting to be brutally honest, but not offensive. Sharing without shame, dignity of my words. Knowing when to stay silent and when to say yes. Nothing can clean my memories away.
They bullied me because I wasn’t like them.
So my issues were several and it wounded me inside. Soaking wet down to shoes, I hope they didn’t see it at all. Temperature. Feelings. Spot.
Plus. Double. Accidents. At. School. Yeah I pooped in my pants, too. It hurts writing but I need to say it because it’s taboo and it’s against any shaming for people to talk about this. The following is related to try breaking taboos and the connection to my own astrology features.
It’s often easier writing about taboo topics so this where I start. I’m not afraid of my body, I have seen so many different things little can shock me. And I’m not cowardly about physical wounds either. Honestly I’m kind of proud I’m not too sensitive and being unafraid of my own body function.
I’m a Lunar Scorpio in fourth house with Pluto in Scorpio exactly opposite my Taurus Midheaven. Quadruple Leo. Double Virgo. Astrology for the big girls… with Asperger syndrome.
So this is my experience, accidents at school and on my way home from school. Wetting the bed. Feeling of wanting to hide inside forever. The sad shameful times. And how do I really see it now, at this moment?
One thing genuine good about my situation I’m also having a lot of joy in my life. I’m so blessed with life and here I am, telling my story to the readers and my healing process is awake, alive and aware.
Thank you for reading my blog ❤
Where did your name come from?
So one of my given names is Ingvild. As I’ve told before it means similar to ‘ancestors struggle’ in Norse origin, and I’m very interested in modern plus traditional genealogy so it’s perfect. It’s the most common used of my names, especially in younger generations like Millenial type I belong to, being born early 1990s in Northern Norway.
My mother had intended to choose Ingvild as my first name, but they call me something else. I got different name so I am not certain how it would have been growing up as an Ingvild in my official life. Bullies can use any name to hurt someone so nothing is safe. I’m a proud Kven, one the ethnic minority groups in Norway. I have a lot on my maternal grandmother side, she identify as quite strongly Kven in culture and ancestry. I feel we all should learn either Kven language or modern Finnish to understand better and communicate well with other Finns.
I like being Ingvild officially, it’s part of my real identity as the main family researcher together for my close relatives, in one word.
Thanks for visiting ❤
How are you feeling right now?
Yes, I’m now writing this post about my condition and me. Real me. The one that doesn’t understand people in everyday life and the one not ever good enough for society standard. I haven’t said this often but I’m extremely sensitive and private as well as quite strongly proud. I have this condition even if I don’t want to see it. Always there, no escape. I know some things others don’t often think about. Like my routine or my psychotic state, and how the paranoid delusions play a big role in my worldview even when I’m not in acute psychosis then.
Schizophrenia is different, people at least many understand it’s actually an illness and severe condition in psychiatry and society. But Asperger or even autism? No, that’s nothing.. well, it is. Some people just dismiss autistic people and blame anything on this even if it’s actually treatable and not normal autism symptoms. A depressive Aspergian is still depressed, a real illness in them. I know first hand this experience of being rejected only based on my label, I used to be diagnosed with a different type of autism condition that’s consider more severe.
But then came antipsychotics and my life opening up after many years closed off. So it was not directly the Asperger cause of it, it was actually a treatable condition that I could have been diagnosed with at age 12 years instead of 20. It didn’t disappear or heal immediately, it’s a part of life being this way. I am not my illness but my condition is still a real thing. I cannot think my way out of it, and by the way why would I be someone else? Taking the autism out of someone is not possible, nor is it in any way ethical.
So basically I’m feeling right now very Aspergian and maybe my mind is on some type of rambling episode, but life is life.
Thank you for listening ❤
answer to dailyprompt-2045
how am I feeling right now?
Short answer: I feel quite strong right now. In more than one meaning.
I’m in relief from anxiety and severe pain, it’s a big thing to me to feel normal and slightly more happy with life. They always ask why I chose my names, but I know at my core I’ve always been a Synnøve in addition to my other names.
Depending on the astrology system I’m a Lunar Scorpio or a Lunar Sagittarian within 4th house in my birth chart. I’m very strongly Leo and Virgo, up to four placements in Leo in 12th house if the Ascendant/Rising sign is included. Okay, the reason I mention my astrology features so often is that I feel it’s useful in understanding my own inner world reality and my place in society, my relationships with close ones and with strangers. Here are some links to astrology information;
https://advanced-astrology.com/moon-in-scorpio/
https://advanced-astrology.com/moon-in-sagittarius/
https://advanced-astrology.com/uncategorized/natal-moon-in-the-fourth-house/
https://advanced-astrology.com/signs-of-the-zodiac-scorpio-in-astrology/
https://advanced-astrology.com/pluto-in-fourth-house-natal-meaning-in-astrology/
https://advanced-astrology.com/pluto-in-third-house-natal
https://advanced-astrology.com/signs-of-the-zodiac-virgo-in-astrology/
https://advanced-astrology.com/uncategorized/signs-of-the-zodiac-leo-in-astrology/
https://advanced-astrology.com/twelfth-house-natal-chart
https://advanced-astrology.com/fourth-house-in-natal-chart
https://advanced-astrology.com/mercury-in-twelfth-house-natal
That’s a lot of links to this one site.. but I just discovered it today so this is why I post about it.
I also have moderate-severe degree Asperger syndrome and (bipolar type) schizoaffective disorder. I hear voices frequently and I’m delusional often, and my 12th house and 4th house placements contribute to the expression of the conditions. Plus most of Scorpio sign is within my third house and Pluto in Scorpio sign. I really feel like both 3rd and 4th house Pluto in Scorpio. I don’t know why I talk relatively little about my Asperger syndrome diagnosis, maybe it’s the fact I don’t like thinking too hard about what it really actually means? How embarrassing it is? It’s difficult to understand this condition, even for me. Every time I intend to write about it my mind just goes straight to assuming people think I’m narcissistic or something horrible like that. I hate narcissists. The real ones, vel og merke.
Here is 2NE1 with the song I Am The Best
What daily habit do you do that improves your quality of life?
It’s like to see things others miss in life, to notice what’s good for our lives. I am kind to fellow human beings and this is good for both me and the others even like a positive ripple effects. So that’s one of my good habits!
answer to dailyprompt-2053
how do I relax?
Drum&bass music.. tea of different kinds, including iced tea. Reading and writing, release and relief. Medicine. Blankets and comfortable clothing. Mindful state of being. Being thankful for what I have in life.
that’s some of them, I could go into much more detail later. May write another answers soon, just to add on and clarify.
thank you all for reading ❤
answer to dailyprompt-2050
furthest I have travel from home?
Yes, Tornio in Finland. I’ve been further in distances but not in feeling of being far from Norwegian home. I don’t speak Finnish or Swedish, but most understand Norwegian people as the Swedish is more similar often. I love Finnish language and my ancestors spoke Finnish and or Kven language along with Sámi languages. I’m learning Finnish now.
Otherwise the absolute furthest culturally I have been from me is most definitively Oslo. I always feel foreign in Oslo. I felt more home in places like Pello in Northern Finland than in our capital city. It’s surreal being in a large city where the Norwegians are very different nature from home. It’s not that they are necessarily very mean or anything like that, it’s the culture shock. They tend to actually like the Northern people cultures when they move here.
thank you for reading my blog ❤
What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?
Lyrics from Teen Idle by Marina. I search because I just felt like reading and hearing in my mind, I remember this song from my late teenage years. I like listening to it. And I wanna drink until I ache. So I can feel infinity. Yes, my post is a bit strange. That maybe suit the title?
Thank you always for visiting ❤
answer to dailyprompt-2051
Grudges. Maybe I do, or it’s not really used to describe for this type of events. I will not let people get away with child abuse or cruel behaviour. Maybe that’s not the correct feeling, but that’s how I feel currently. And I don’t give a flying fuck. I’m fine now, just drinking some Burn energy drinks.
And Children of Bodom with In Your Face
(I enjoy this track and I love this Finnish metal band especially because of this track and also Are You Dead Yet)
I’m fucking up my head with memories of my Nordic appearance blond male primary school teacher that abused me in 3rd and 4th grade. I think that is maybe isn’t usually what people mean by grudges, but it’s a part of me always as just background noise. I’m not revealing much about this other than what I’ve written before. He told me the kids would stop bullying me if I did what he wanted. He also called me a bad girl so many times I could not help believe it at age eight or nine years old. He always used me after I had some type accident during gym class or recess, likely because I was especially vulnerable then. I resisted him once and then he was physically violent with force. This was in first half 2003, but soon after the summer break that school year I had moved somewhere else. Don’t ask why I didn’t report this to anyone.
So I’m honestly feeling very hurt and wounded inside sometimes. But I still don’t think about it at all much, it gets to this point only when I try to explain in writing to someone that’s outside my situation in 2002. I don’t talk about this anywhere else either. Sorry this was kind of (or very) heavy, but so was the question. At least it’s heavy enough for me writing about that abusive blond Nordic teacher. He isn’t in my life anymore and good is that! (Og godt er det!)
Thank you for reading.. and Finnish metal!
What positive emotion do you feel most often?
Note: astrology. And a lot of psychiatry related themes as well, political ideology. AI art of drinking strong alcohol directly from the bottle. Ethnic minority groups of my country. LGBT persons. I’m here to stay, not shy away.
In some astrology systems I’m a quad Leo (Sun, Ascendant/Rising sign, Mercury and Chiron in Leo sign), all within 12th house. I also have Moon sign in Scorpio within 4th house. In other systems I’m a double Virgo with Moon in Sagittarius sign, in the same astrological houses (12th and 4th house). So my feelings are very deep; very much intense, but with broad spectrum of emotions.
My mental illness is quite severe in degree, I have bipolar type schizoaffective condition plus moderate-severe degree Asperger syndrome. And yeah I’m an alcoholic, no doubt. I hate it. I love it.
I don’t know if I feel the Scorpio influence stronger because of my strong Pluto in Scorpio influence in Western astrology or my Moon being in Scorpio sign in 4th house. I don’t know if I’m feeling like a quadruple Leo or a double Virgo or what is just really the very strong 12th house influence in my chart. I’m quiet, but not at all a doormat. I’m very proud by nature, but also quite humble. Astrology is a real form of psychological art and methods of self-discovery, at least to me.
I have both Reisende and Romani origins from South region and Kven + Sámi ethnic minority groups from North region.
My history of childhood abuse and the other type of youth adversity has deeply influenced my view of different parts of life in strong ways. I really didn’t trust male teachers, especially the blonde Nordic appearance type like the one that abused me. I didn’t feel good about my appearance since I was different from the tall Nordic youth where I lived at that time, I was darker and much shorter.
Very far-left politically, an anarchist in several ways. I’m very against war and against abuse toward any of minority groups in society, I believe in being good-natured and genuine. I have a strong faith without being Christian or Muslim, any organized religion or belief systems.
Overall I live to write from the heart and see Light in the darkest moments, the corners of the Mind that hurt like infected wounds. I don’t fear the heights of the mountains or the sound of thunder. I’m strong within myself and never give up. My name is Ingvild and I am lesbian/bisexual by orientation.
I know it doesn’t sound like much very positive emotions. But they are very strong and that’s a big part of truly living. Not everything is meant to be sunshine and rainbows. And the real Light is found by way of seeing through Darkness inside every aspects of our experience. Bright colours in any mood, pitch black metal and white tea. Deep red t-shirt with some black design and a yellow colour hoodie with the blue design. Blue hoodie. Raspberry rum. Blueberry vodka silence breaking through the icy shell.
Thank you for listening ❤
answer to dailyprompt-2046
24 years ago I was 8 and with early development of (untreated) schizoaffective condition and undiagnosed moderate-severe case Asperger syndrome. This is an interview with my childhood self.
Note/warning: difficult topics/themes related to childhood adversity
how do you feel about school?
They take my things and hold it above my head, I’m so much shorter that I cannot reach. They make fun of my names. They pretend that I pee in my pants when they pour orange juice on my jeans/tights in class. They kicked my friend to the ground for several minutes. My friend is of part Asian roots and the bullies don’t like the outsiders. It doesn’t help the bullying situation that I actually lose control of myself at school some days and my blonde teacher does very wrong things to me after gym class, especially when I’m having accidents.
what do you like to do in free time?
I watch cartoon series and read books inside, I write in my journal about everything and most of all I enjoy playing with my best friend outside in forest for several hours right by our home areas. We also play computer games together. My mother lets me play outside with my friend and she comes to our apartment often, too. It makes almost all of my hard efforts that I get through the days very worth it.
what happen inside your mind?
I create those different worlds that I tell the adults about with great passion. I’m sometimes wondering if I have magical powers and I hear things often that others really don’t. I don’t know why I don’t understand what they mean with the words and expressions, I often forget going back to class after recess. I cannot listen to teacher because I have fantasies and live in my head, the much safer place inside. I make myself throw up after food, if only I was thinner they would stop. My blonde teacher says so, be a good girl and not so chubby.
what is your nationality and do they make fun of your background?
I believe they are bullying me because I’m a strange one; not like them, very much shorter, with my very long and thick dark colour hair, I have a golden-ish ivory skin tone, my eyes are the Northern type with hazel colour, I’m a Finnish/Saami girl with the more strong cheekbones, but I don’t know why it seems it matters so much to the bullies.
what would you like to be when you are grown up?
I maybe would write a book series like Harry Potter books or maybe help other girls feel better when the others are bullying them or teacher doing wrong things to them. Fairtrade tea. Save the forests. Be kind to the refugees. Best friends forever and nothing else matters. Metal, pitch black and heavy. Yeah, I said that. At eight!
Thanks for listening to my late-mid childhood self ❤
What TV shows did you watch as a kid?
I watched ‘The Powerpuff Girls’ and other cartoons on Cartoon Network. We had included cable TV for around two years when my mother was student at higher education.
Other show I watch was more adult/non child topics like Friends, Lost, Star Trek: Voyager, Åndenes makt (ghosts, paranormal and history programs) and Uti vår hage (I and II, Norwegian humor)
So those are some shows I watched in 2000s Norwegian television environment. A mix of everything; Star Trek, several type very funny Norwegian humor or sometimes almost slightly scary programs about a haunted house.
Thank you for reading my blogs ❤
How do you plan your goals?
Warning: mix of very serious topics and some strange sense of humor in writing.
The favourite of mine is the fruit champagne cider. I like the perry and the raspberry ones a lot also. It’s 4,7% alcohol and half litre cans. I have tendency for binge-drinking and some frequent use of these in summer time. But.. I don’t have a winter habit, mostly because the snow makes heavy drinks very challenging.. no, the drinks make the snow storms worse?
If you don’t know me already; I’m an autistic with schizoaffective condition and I’m from Norway. My name include Ingvild as part of my identity.
Some lyrics in my mind thoughts put together:
I want a girl with lips like morphine. Fallen leaves on the ground. Determined and strong, in it’s pride and glory. Exit light, enter night. Caution, there’s just no limits to the boundaries you push.
So my goals are not planned, I just follow my heart and use my very strong imagination for the most part.
Now I mention some of my usual mentioned astrology info again;
I’m a fighter spirit and sidereal system astrology quadruple Leo (Sun, Ascendant/Rising sign, Mercury and Chiron; all planets in 12th house) plus a 4th house Scorpio sign Moon with Pluto right on IC/Nadir point. In the tropical system (Western) astrology double Virgo and Sagittarius sign Moon. In 12th and 4th house in this system, too.
answer to dailyprompt-2042
yes, The Powerpuff Girls. I watched this cartoon on Cartoon Network from around 2001 to 2003. I once had an outfit like Blossom, big pink colour eyes along and temporary dye my very long hair orange!
Where did your name come from?
Torunn: loved by Thor, Ingvild: foremothers/ancestors struggle and Synnøve: gift of the Sun
I chose my names in adult life, a few months ago officially mine. All are of Norse origin. I’m from far-Northern Norway with Sámi, Finnish and Kven ethnic and cultural origins. Plus ethnic Northern Norwegian. Southern Scandinavian as well, including some Romani/Reisende (tatere/skøyere) ancestry.
It’s very relevant to my names related to the ethnic minority roots, where they truly came from in my own situation. Consider for example the meaning behind the name Ingvild; foremothers struggle. I also have genetic ethnicity estimates of North African origins as well as Arctic region indigenous among other non-Northern European regions.
Name days for all names:
Torunn has name day 23rd of February
Ingvild has name day 8th of November
Synnøve has name day 8th of July
(Pisces, Scorpio and Cancer signs, all name days are in water element!)
(My real birthday is in August, yeah.. so I’m both a Maiden and a lioness! Quadruple Leo.. Moon sign in either Scorpio or Sagittarius within 4th house. The true Romani freedom of group fireplace spirits from Moon in Sagittarius, or the powerful force of profound emotional depth from combination of both the Moon sign and Pluto in Scorpio).
Thank you all for reading ❤
What’s your favorite time of day?
Good evening. In North Saami language. I love evening because it’s a time where most of the errands are done and we can connect and bond with family members over a meal or watching online television together. Like even Ođđasat, the Sámi language topics news of our current society. I like the sky in evening, we see from our view the wonderful colours and beauty of nature surrounded by familiar feelings.
So; buorre eahket to all people all over the World ❤ ❤ ❤
note/warning: I was on sleeping pills writing. It affects my thoughts writing and topics, my mood or high distant feeling.
answer to dailyprompt-2047
why do I blog?
I have a deep need to write, a drive to create something written from my mind. I’m very introspective person and spend time listening to music while I’m affected by the overall experience. I’m dreaming at night of things I feel like inspire me to create something from, especially my little works of creative writing. 12th house in astrology are related to the dream world. My 12th house placements are definitively a part of my vocation, like my mission in this lifetime. I also have 5th house Uranus/Neptune conjunction of my type of Millenial (esp 1992/1993) generation, we all have this conjunction in Capricorn in any of the 12 houses and my placement in 5th house is the place for recreational activities and creative acts like hobbies and writing. I’m in sidereal astrology a quad Leo with Moon in late Scorpio. In tropical astrology I’m a double Virgo with Moon in Sagittarius. Moon is in 4th house in my chart. I like recreational beverages very intensely. So this is something about my astrology interest, I like to deeply contemplate and research around topics related to human behaviour and the spirituality of the human experience. I’m also curious about how this art form can be relevant to people with different kinds of mental illness and with Asperger/autistic condition persons like myself.
My blogs are where I express my mind in words. I love, and live for, music and lyrics. To connect with the whole world out there just show what’s on my mind and use my imagination in this way using the unique platform.
So that is part of why I blog. My self-awareness and creative side expression, my curiousity about different topics and other people from different cultures all around the world.
Thanks everyone for visiting ❤
answer to dailyprompt-2049
my ideal home?
it would look much like my current home mostly, but with some improvements in electricity and room plan. I will have one bathroom with everything I need in that one room, and everything would be well made and last for long time even after I moved away some day.
I’m getting more pictures of my ancestors on the wall in living room, it keeps the room very special to me on a deep level. And also have my merino wool blankets with the sofa when I’m having hot tea.
my rooms would be very easy to tidy and clean, just like they are now but better still. I love my new bed, it’s very comfortable.
thanks for reading ❤
What’s your favorite recipe?
Norwegian traditional Christmas Eve celebration of foods like pork belly (ribbe) and sausages. I also on some occations enjoy Bacardi rum like the Razz or the Breezer, including on Christmas Eve dinner and opening presents. I’m careful with alcohol around children so I’m absolutely not binge-drinking with young ones in our family gathering. I like Christmas food in December only, it’s very heavy in nature and best on these times of year. My grandmother is especially skilled with pork belly being just right in every way, she makes it for entire family on Christmas Eve all visiting her lovely home. I like the iced tea along with the rum and even berry teas on late night sessions. Yes, hot tea and the intoxicating moments of the polar nights that stay in my own wonderful living room.
So I enjoy some luxury in food and drinks, when they along that get to enjoy the same meals with our family members it’s definitively worth it.
Thank you for listening ❤
What’s your favorite recipe?
I’m talking about tea. In particular Pukka Three Ginger and London fruit&herb Strawberry brew together in one big tea cup.
It’s absolutely delicious and warm, wonderful for cold weather days in winter seasons like Dálvi. (I’m a Sámi origins woman and we have eight seasons in our native systems, it’s related to the reindeer own life rhythms of migration and our Arctic natural environments).
I think it’s the best combination I’ve tried in my own experience with an original idea.
I hope this can inspire others to try new things with curiousity and being free to explore the tea experience fully.
Thank you for reading and I will enjoy my tea now ❤
Tell us about the last thing you got excited about.
What does the title mean? I will try my best to answer it.. somewhat well!
My iPod touch device is my best music friend, I’ve had it for over 10 years as my place of escape from the Darkness and the haven for Light in life. That may sound a bit much, but it’s true. So I get especially excited when it’s been a long time not hearing the tracks and playlist and when I get the new music mix from YouTube at end of year.
It lets me be somewhere else when it gets too heavy in other areas of life, I’m mentally ill and autistic so the experience really saves my days in ways I cannot do justice to with words.
And it’s also so diverse in different electronic music genres from dubstep, drum&bass, hardstyle, psytrance and gabber etc. I have some metal music on the device as well, I’m making room for it so I can listen being on a road trip with someone else driving (I have epilepsy, so I cannot really be driver of the car) and I truly love listening when we see the natural environments of our journey. The trip is both literal travel and emotional exploration.
I need music in everyday living, it’s also because I mostly think in lyrics and associated features of music and creative writing. A song comes to mind and I use them to understand what’s going on inside and connection with other people and the greater consciousness beyond the personal aspects, the spiritual side of my experience.
So this is what got me excited most recently, I live for the music; it’s often what gets me through any hardship or difficulties and very importantly also what enhances my joy and faith in life.
Thank you for reading ❤
answer to dailyprompt-2041
Question/prompt; what is your favourite time of day?
I like the twilight hours during Čakčadálvi season, or like autumn-winter in English. I like twilight hours because they are special when the dark times, the polar nights are near. We celebrate the sun Light returning around late January or some slightly later in winter. I live in Finnmark county, Arctic location in the far-Northern region of Norway. I feel connection with early morning as well, when I was born it was right after sunrise in late summer.
I’m connected with the Sun from my strongly Leo influenced astrology, in sidereal astrology system I’m a quadruple Leo. I like writing about astrology and my own traits like my fire inside, the warmth of physical nature and the fighter spirits of my ancestors passed down through generations of several different Finnish cultures. I’m a Kven and I’m learning our language from a type of basic level language courses soon. I already have the books for education and I’m looking forward to meeting other Kven people.
I am also a Sámi person and I’m register within samemanntallet, I just very recently voted (forhåndsstemming) in the elections this year; both in Stortingsvalget and in Sametingets valg. I’m not saying exactly what I voted, but I’m a hard left-leaning person with anarchist values. And I’m city Sámi of culture, so I’m not involved in reindeer husbandry or any livestock farming.
And thank you for reading my blogs ❤
answer to dailyprompt-2039
The last thing I got excited about?
Finding new music, my iPod and online living. Or my episodes of drunk shopping with the very intoxicated conversations. Or seeing a bright, vivid rainbow in the sky the other day.
All are real reasons to be excited about for, we all get our fire from many different type fuels and we still move forward with the power of will.
Thank you for reading ❤
How would you design the city of the future?
Note: medical conditions and information, somewhat possibly upsetting health topics.
As I mention on other blog last year I really want autism-friendly areas of town where autistic people like myself can feel welcome and more comfortable being. I would also prioritize other disabled people needs and wishes, I really feel like society must adapt to the blind persons and wheel chair users. I’ve been using wheel chair after some of my leg surgery, I am very thankful they had one at the shopping mall for people in need of having this aid. I would also have easy bathroom access for elderly and people suffering from loss of control of the function of the body. Everyone matter to our society and the need for the many disabled people in Norway still is far from good enough.
Thank you for reading ❤
Where did your name come from?
Note: about my old birth given names.
My first of three given names is Torunn. But I used to have another first given name, that I will not directly reveal. It also began with the letter T and is of Norse origin like Torunn. But I didn’t like my name growing up being bullied for my ‘old aunts name’ so recently I chose my real core names, including Torunn. Old name means ‘Peace’ or ‘beauty for’ (a particular Norse mythology god). So I wished to have a different name in my childhood and youth years. Only now at 32 years old I changed to my true name, and it’s also an ‘old aunts name’ in my generation just much more uncommon than the other name.
My former second given name was Johanne and it’s Hebrew origins meaning ‘god is gracious’ or ‘mercy of God’. One of my great-grandmother name was Johanne, she was from the Valley and a true Kven/Sámi/Finnish ethnicity woman.
So those are my old given names and they are still mine even after the name change, part of my history and identity of youth and roots.
Thank you for listening ❤
Where did your name come from?
Yes, that is the meaning of my name Ingvild. My own foremothers struggle. And it’s so true to my family research passion, plus my interest in roots of my own life story. My mother had intended to name me Ingvild when I was born. I think my father may also agreed to it, but I got a different name. So I chose it. Again.
I’m autistic/an Aspie and it matter to my writing. I like to mention always my background, I will apologize for repeating words and topics. I’m also Norwegian speaking, but my silly Norwenglish is, however, quite good 🤭😂💖💕
In addition I recently changed my name to feel more comfortable and genuine in my identity. I have currently three given names, and all of them are of Norse origin. I’m a Sámi girl and I feel like my names are ‘Sámi enough’ names for my deep roots in the Arctic region.
Some info on my sidereal astrology and strong liking for many types of beverages, different off-topic from this particular dailyprompt:
I do some deep inner work related to my ancestors adversity being of ethnic minority groups and my own shame from youth years related to my moderate-severe degree case (I’m since officially diagnosed in 2010 at age 17) of Asperger syndrome and other conditions being target of bullies and other abuse. Yes, I’ve been nearly broken and I’m still deeply wounded in some quite profound ways. I’m a quadruple Leo of 12th house as I’ve said before with a Scorpio sign Moon in 4th house and I love drinking cold beverages like iced tea, the Battery energy drinks of Finland and rusbrus/alcopop plus hard (alcohol-containing) cider. I also enjoy hot tea like Earl Grey and herbal tea like the calming nature lavender and chamomille types.
So that’s something about my name Ingvild. Ancestors battle and deep spiritual needs for knowing my roots, where I really feel at home.
Thank you for reading my blog post ❤
answer to dailyprompt-2037
One of my other names is Synnøve from Norse and it means ‘sun gift‘ or ‘gift of the Sun‘. I’m an August child and a strong Leo sign in astrology, up to four placements in Leo.
My Sun, Rising/Ascendant, Mercury and Chiron in Leo within 12th house. My Moon in late Scorpio to late Sagittarius, in 4th house. (Quad Leo in sidereal system, in the usual tropical system a double Virgo) and I feel like more of a lioness than a Maiden. But the Virgo is there, I’m quiet and very sensitive to my environment.
Leo sign is ruled by the Sun, I live in Arctic region Norway and we have months of all-day twilight or darkness in winter season. Plus Midnight sun during summer time, the Sun never sets!
Do I feel like a Synnøve? Absolutely yes!
I’m also a proud Kven; the roots of the Finnish forests, our family fighter spirits and silent inner strenght.
Bold and loving. Silent, fierce, and with very deep feelings.
thank you for visiting my blog and I hope your days are good ❤ ❤
Yes, I love dubstep. I did listen even before most other non-British people knew about it. But I was already into many different electronic dance music genres in my mid and late teenage years, so that might be reasons along with it was just so fucking cool.
Faen altså, jeg lever på grunn av musikken jeg føler meg sterkere med. Uansett hva som skjer og har skjedd med meg i livet mitt, er dubstep alltid allerede tilstede og bare venter å bli hørt på.
The dubstep gives me a strong motivation so I actually feel it deep inside, that inspire my own expression of some powerful energy and determination. I’m serious, it’s everything. The bassline and the different mood lyrics, the drops and all the things I never experience in other areas of life; I don’t go to party with my (mostly middle aged) friends, I most often don’t drink alcohol in these settings and I’m genuinely very happy in my own company.
Thanks for listening (pun intended)
answer to dailyprompt-2037
My name is Torunn and it comes from Norse mythology/origin. I means ‘loved by Tor/Thor’ and I have close male relatives with this Norse mythology name for the god of thunder. And I’m not any fearful of thunder and lightning, I feel energy from thunderstorm. So I’m quite strong inside in addition, it’s no other way to effectively cope with severe psychosis and Asperger syndrome, in my case at least that’s true.
What positive emotion do you feel most often?
Note: About psychoactive medications and intensity of emotions. Mental illness. And my astrology!
The positive emotion I feel most often is the type of ecstasy that’s a mix of dreaming and belief in life being both wonderful and very intense. I live with severe pain and mental illness, I have the condition schizoaffective disorder in my case a psychotic disorder with depression and mania.
My opiate medication is a part of my everyday life, it can give me a very nice deep comfortable feeling sometimes.
And in combination with my caffeine stimulant drinks it’s not only pleasant, but more effective in pain relief. I’m letting you guess the strenght of my opiate painkillers, but it’s a low dose. ‘I want a girl with lips like morphine’ the thing that lyrics, knock me out again.. yes. I am a bisexual/lesbian woman and an Aspie.
The Asperger syndrome is moderate-severe in degree, I’m also a Leo, Virgo and Sagittarius with strong Pluto in Scorpio influence in astrology systems. 12th house and 4th house is where my Sun and Moon and Pluto are placed. Venus in Cancer sign within 11th house.
I’m currently feeling a mix of emotions, both guilt and being very strong within myself. I also don’t believe in that emotions are good or bad, they are all part of life and without dark times things get very complicated to deal with.
Thanks for reading, my fellow terrestrial beings ❤
What motivates you?
That’s a strange title, right? Please read my other answer on different blog, it’s brighter and more fun except the title. I needed to write something about the Darkness of society. And salty wizard!
Warning: dark topics at times
I get motivation from energy drinks and the psytrance music. I listen less to psytrance these days because of the land of much debate actions in the country toward the innocent groups of people and the horrors. I cannot stay silent forever, it’s important to mention this on blog.
I love the salte trollmann song. It’s in a foreign language so they are misheard lyrics create from my mind, I’m a mentally ill woman with a case of moderate-severe Asperger syndrome. And I’m also Norwegian speaking, with influence from Finnish/Kven and North Saami language.
Okay, so some of my motivation comes from caffeine and stimulants and others my most favourite music and not to ever forget the lyrics.
Thanks for listening ❤
What do you enjoy most about writing?
Black metal, white tea
Yes, I enjoy writing for several reasons. But it gets a very useful habit for clarity, insights into my thoughts and feelings in written word and the aspects of connection with other people across vast distances. I guess that’s a big part of why I write for others to read, I write for myself and for all who listen/read something I put together within my mental space for this blog.
Thank you for visiting ❤
What are your top ten favorite movies?
I cannot recall the name of some insightful films I was watching with my core being immersive in the plot and symbolism. I have written about the following on other blog. But some of my most favourite movies I can remember name of are:
Kautokeino rebellion 2008 Nils Gaup
Why? My ancestors lived in Kautokeino during the real uprising in year 1852, I identify as Sámi and our Norwegian supremacist teacher made us watch this movie many many times in our school lessons. The religion and the alcohol use, the children in the film. It’s also interesting from a more visual and emotional way of creating the environment. I read that the actors were in particular conditions that made it unique, even difficult filming.
Pathfinder/Veiviseren 1987 Nils Gaup
Why? Classic Norwegian film with beautiful winter environment and interesting story, and as I mention in other blog the blue eyes of the main character of Sámi actor Mikkel Gaup made it special to me. I liked the feeling of watching something truly great, story from long lost times. Plus my aunt actually knew him from 1980s.
Psycho 1960 Alfred Hitchcock
Why? Classic movie of psychological thrillers, the mental madness and I just remember the feeling first time I watch through the real film. I’m diagnosed with severe mental illness and I feel dark at times, even on effective treatments.
The Birds 1963 Alfred Hitchcock
Why? It was so scary with the birds. I have great respect for birds and after seeing this film even more so. We cannot control nature and we must be careful in our actions.
A Complete Unknown 2024 James Mangold
Why? I liked the music, the time in the 1960s, the story was interesting and I watch it at the cinema with my close family members together. The way Bob Dylan never did stop despite the difficulties in life. The different women in his social musical political environment. And I like the immersive nature of watching something I could relate to with my ears.
Ellos Eatnu 2023 Ole Giæver
Why? This really hit home with me, the political, environmental and indigenous struggles of my generation. The main actress is just a few years younger than me. The acting, the Sámi language and Northern Norwegian culture. The identity and human rights, the environment and the pain. I want mention my own grandparents were a part of the activism for this important cause. And it’s not long ago the late 1970s to early 1980s in Finnmark county also, where many of my ancestors lived and many of my living family as well.
Thank you all for reading ❤
What do you love about where you live?
I’ve lived in different places in Northern Norway my entire life. Nordland, Troms and Finnmark counties. Always north of the Arctic circle and I’m Norwegian speaking with strong Southern influence on everything, my mix of Northern and Southern is what makes identity police angry they want people to fit neatly into some type of uniform shape, a box with a label on.
Oh, I forgot the question.
Yes, what I love about where I live is our diverse landscape and the wild sea, our Northern type fjords and the big mountains, the forests of pine and birch tree. This is true for every place I’ve lived in, including my current home town. The Light changes, the cold winter days, the summer time Midnight sun and now autumn is coming.
and the people are different here, we don’t take everything so serious and we have the unique sense of humor that the Capital City regions persons or from other (Norwegian ethnicity) culture don’t understand well.
I care about our ethnic minority languages and cultures, even the ones I have no connection to. I know no Forest Finns or Jews, but every minority should be respected and heard.
My mind is a maze, Maze river dam, I’ll have a Sámi general physician some time in the future. I’m on a waiting list.
Btw have I mentioned that I have schizoaffective disorder?
What do you enjoy most about writing?
Jimmy Eat World – Pain
What I enjoy most about writing is it takes my pain away, takes me to another world where things are different. It’s not escape in that way, it’s travel. I like writing in any mood, but my words arrive when I feel inspired by something I care a lot about, my passion and fire inside. Through pain and ecstasy, extremes of emotions and mental state. My schizoaffective bring a different view to life, it’s really dark often and I take medications for it. I’m thankful for my experience because it’s what I have that no one can take away from me, I learn from every day.
What do you love about where you live?
Note: I currently live in Finnmark county, but I spend most of my childhood and youth years in different places in Northern parts of Nordland county.
The Mountains of Nordland are beautiful place to be, I remember in Narvik municipality being on many outdoor school mountain trips with my classmates and other peers. Usually my classmates were bullying me a lot, but on these trips they didn’t bully me almost at all.
I loved the beaches. We had so much interesting experiences out in nature environments with our school trips and in my free time after school I spent hours alone in outside. I remember with pure ecstasy what it was like being twelve years old looking up at the clear night sky with the Northern Lights, the powerful Spirit in the Sky.
The people are open and honest, the culture of being a good student that other Northern Norwegian culture doesn’t value as highly. But to be honest it’s a difficult topics, I had really hard times living in Nordland because of my different cultural background and my still undiagnosed moderate-severe Asperger syndrome.
To end this post I’ll just say this;
I love Nordland still to this day 🇧🇻❤️❄️🫂
What positive emotion do you feel most often?
Yes, all powerful and delicate feeling is worth to be experienced including the darkest times. They all have their use in our lives, I’ve learned through living with my mental illness and adversity how vast this inner universal story is, what they mean for my health, well-being and healing process.
The life isn’t complete without dark side or missing the Light, we are strongly reminded of this fact living in the Arctic North of Midnight sun and polar nights, of the unique natural environment here.
I’m serious to fully cherish and appreciate my emotional life, there are no ‘bad’ emotions and the nuanced perspective is useful to me to cope with mental illness, adversity, different types of neurological conditions and pain.
Nothing can break me, and being open to my real feelings helps me every day to move forward. Even if it hurts in several ways it’s still useful.
Thank you for listening ❤
What profession do you admire most and why?
Professions I admire include genuine musicians of any genres, mental-health workers and therapist, tradition of reindeer herding, teachers and those who work in the Darkness. I admire any work that is done from the heart. Writer, poetry and visual art. So many people to mention but it means we all do something to admire.
Aspergian perspective on life in this battle, my heritage in pleasant and painful experiences.
Ingvild said nothing, but heard everything.
And yes, I’m thinking of something when I chose the image. An aspect that’s profoundly strong within.
What positive emotion do you feel most often?
Note: not the drug per se, but the mental state of moving beyond the ordinary mind and emotions.
It’s about the range and intensity, I feel it with my entire being. The music is the main part and true to myself I like drinking with my favourite music. I play on my sound system or on my old iPod touch device. I need music and lyrics to function well, my mind gets a lot of fuels from this unique activity. Btw, I’m from Norway. So back to the emotions again, it’s true ecstasy.
No drug can be exactly as magical as this state of being, natural intensity and range of emotional life. I feel any emotions on level very deep within me. I’m a 4th house Moon in a fire sign, specific Sagittarius, or very late degree Moon in Scorpio, and my Sun sign and Rising depending on system is double Leo or double Virgo.
I always like to mention astrology because I feel it describes my world very well from within, the good times reading something someone thought or was feeling about profound topics and type life philosophy are some of my favourite parts of living online life.
Deep level connection with something greater than myself, the spiritual origins of my ancestors and national identity. I’m a happy girl today. Nothing can stop my passion, I’m a fighter spirit with strong roots. I went through my darkest days yet and I’m still here, loving this life.
Thank you for visiting this blog, I hope it was worth the read ❤
What is a word you feel that too many people use?
I don’t know why but it bothers me sometimes how it’s used for everything
It’s kind of difficult understand what they mean, i often wonder what they could say instead
Btw, (my favourite word here, so often used) this is commonly used word in Norway at least many places I have lived. And in media, online conversations.
Thank you for reading ❤
How do you plan your goals?
Note: I go into details about different topics. And I have chosen the pictures with deliberate action.
Yeah, I’m a summer season alcoholic since around year 2019. I’m binge-drinking alone listening to my favourite music on my good quality sound system or just with earphones on my old iPod touch, I like cider and alcopop (rusbrus) plus raspberry flavour rum and mild taste blueberry vodka. I call myself a ‘Razzpergian’ because I love Bacardi Razz and I have Asperger syndrome.
I plan my goals in management ways, I break down what I do in several pieces. I get these plans working together with family and mental health support network including psychiatric doctor and specialised nurse. I have written down plan with what actions to take in mental illness worsening.
So these are a few ways how I get things done and plan for future, coping with my mental illness. And my alcohol use.. could be less, and will be less!
Thank you for listening ❤
Create an emergency preparedness plan.
Psychiatric emergency, yes. You really need to have enough medications for at least two weeks forward and keep the refills up to date. I needed an oxazepam today because of my psychotic anxiety getting very strong. But yes the part of psychiatry and mental health well-being is very important. Someone to speak with and trust in the darkest moments, some light during hard times. I’m wondering if the image is decent or very inappropriate.
What is a word you feel that too many people use?
My ancestors were many of ethnic minorities in Scandinavia and Finland, including the Sámi and the Kven people. On my Southern Scandinavian side there are Romani Traveller roots with dark history of discrimination just like the Sámi and Kven people were targets of, just even worse.
So my point is our ancestors languages are in danger of disappearing from use if we don’t do something to keep it in daily conversations, in music and in writing.
We are fighter spirits and never give up. Let us honour that fire inside and speak with pride again.
answer to dailyprompt-2029
I’m guilty of all these common word usage
by the way/btw, faen, ikke sant/right, like, seriously, nothing, everything, anything
but especially; by the way/btw.
What brings you peace?
My dreams are my life, there is clarity in the morning after a series of vivid scenes and the powerful plots. Of real danger and of pure joy.
Btw I’m for some reason feeling really cold, maybe it’s early autumn/Čakčageassi temperature rainfall? I want to sleep in a true bedroom soon on a cozy comfortable bed, not on sofa in the living room with window open. I don’t know if I should share much more about my life to strangers I don’t know reading.
But this is about dreaming, and it does matter a lot with the 12th house placements in astrology. I’m a 12th house Sun and a 4th house Moon in most astrology house systems, the fire element very strong. 12th house and Neptune, escape. I write about my dreams, of my roots, in more ways than one. I’m on a healing path now, writing about dreams for a very good reason.
I love melodic black metal, the different feeling within lyrics of many music genres. Music is my life, my life-line through any storm.
I hope your nights are good; like the days are bright, the nights can shine from the Darkness illuminated by awareness.
What profession do you admire most and why?
Note/warning: difficult topic.
This topic is so painful, but it’s honestly a forgotten groups that really make very important impact for children suffering from abuse and adversity. I thank every good therapy professions for their hearts and the mind working to save the children in pain.
I don’t want to reveal much about my experiences but I’ve lived through difficult times in childhood and youth years. I’m a psychiatric patient with severe mental illness and autism spectrum. And good-natured therapist are actual angels on Earth.
Thank you for listening ❤
If you were going to open up a shop, what would you sell?
I know this isn’t legal in my country, but I would sell alcohol-containing cider and energy drinks together. I’m not a criminal btw, I just like drinking and I should of course follow both Norwegian law and make good health decisions. So it’s a dream, lucky for me (and for Norwegian Vinmonopolet and grocery stores!)
Thanks for reading ❤
What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?
Schizophrenic mind writing about faith and smartphone.
I believe in having faith in life, it’s important part of my philosophy. I’m a spiritual oriented person and I find meaning in little things also, like the comfort of hot tea on cold day. I enjoy the English Tea shop brand of different tea I had the pure white earlier today. I carry my faith in everyday living, I contemplate on life in my quiet space at home. But without my phone I cannot keep my current lifestyle the same. I like being able to look up something immediately after I remember. I enjoy writing blogs and my smartphone is a way to write easily in any settings. I wish to be useful to the World out there I can give insight to our culture and my experiences with different conditions and adversity. I drink a bit too much alcohol containing cider but it’s been several days without them, I have a couple energy drinks instead. I love energy drinks and iced tea.
Thank you all for visiting ❤
cloudB 