Author: polarMidnight

taking my medicine on time. Yes, really on time because I get sicker when I’m late or miss the dose. 

I take anticonvulsants twice daily for epilepsy and I need it to work to prevent seizures and other significant epilepsy symptoms like headaches or confused early mornings.

I take painkillers twice daily as well for several severe pain conditions and this helps keep me functioning at nearly normal level if we consider my other conditions effects on my disability. I don’t get “high” I just suffer less from pain related symptoms and get relief from the type extremely disrupting severity of pain.

Along with these important parts I will listen to music to keep a stable mood and honour the deep feelings inside. I have mentioned my Moon-Pluto in Scorpio within 4th house before and it’s a big issue in life, I need the music as a survival ritual.

Okay, so these thoughts and feelings are my basic priority tomorrow and today. It’s early morning here in Norway at the moment, the day ahead of me and ready to unfold.

Thanks for reading ❤

It’s like.. I know I gave it my best. Nothing could stop me from reaching my goals, my own efforts matter to the results and it could feel rewarding to my schizophrenia negative symptoms of avolition and apathy to get what I need and to move beyond limits.

That’s what’s on my mind at this moment. Simple and clear motivation and efforts pay off inside.

Thanks for reading ❤

Yeah, I would likely be an astrology person full time if I could work. Other related vocation would include being a true musician and a real writer of different types of creative expressive fashion and raw power of words. I love lyrics.

So if you don’t know me well yet, here is some about me. I’m a double Virgo with Sun in 12th house along with Moon-Pluto in Scorpio in 4th house. I’m an Aspie/Aspergian/autistic person and I’m from Norway. In early 30s still. I don’t have children or partner, but I have half-nieces to be their aunt with. My brother is a musician and our family culture is heavily musical. I like writing and I’m also very introspective as probably is visible in the many major planets in water houses (in this 4th, 12th house; also 8th, but I don’t personally have any major placements in 8th house). I’m passionate about anything that interests me. I have a severe mental illness, type of schizophrenia with mood disorder. I really like music and I literally dream of being a deejay at night.

answer to dailyprompt-2074

my most valued trait in myself?

Note: I’m creating several versions of this answer.

yes, I value being deep. I value intensity and true justice. My Moon-Pluto combination in 4th house in Scorpio sign, I was born during early 1990s. Getting through anything life has brought me and learning on the way. But I value also just as much joy and just seeing good in people as well, otherwise the insight doesn’t make sense.

Thank you for listening intently.

answer to dailyprompt-2073

three jobs I’d consider pursuing if money didn’t matter?

well, it’s more of a vocation than a true job. I don’t have paid employment as a young disabled woman on ‘ung ufør’ so I don’t know really what usual work feels like from this perspective.

But I know what I would do if money wasn’t that important.

I would listen and create music together with some friends, almost like my half-brother who is a real musician and song writer. I would use all that creative energy into something meaningful and therapeutic both for me and for the listeners. I could connect different genres and themes from my inner world and do a lot of healing through this process. We all struggle with some part of our life and we all can heal some of our wounds with the right help and guidance. Both inner and outer wounds count, I had chronic infected wounds from surgery and only healing after specialised wound nurse got the right health care and methods for me. I’m eternally thankful for her healing efforts and care.

I would write about everything that interests me in this vast existence inner world and outside events in society. I’m passionate about astrology, like some other Aspergian people feel too. I’m a 12th house Sun and a 4th house Moon so the emotional inner world feels like home to me. I’m a Lunar (Moon sign) Scorpio in connection with Pluto in Scorpio (born 1993 btw) in 4th house. My emotional life is intense to a degree maybe many others don’t know. My Sun and Ascendant are in Virgo (or other systems Leo) and my Mercury is in Leo within 12th house.

I have schizoaffective condition/schizophrenia with mood disorder and I hear voices as part of my experience with this and my history of childhood adversity, bullying and different childhood abuse. I have long history of being a patient in psychiatry since 2007 at age 14 years.

And I would dedicate my life to be a true mental health guide in my community and reach out to anyone online need some help from experienced psychiatric patients like myself to understand the way psychiatry works from the patients perspective. Even my psychiatry doctors have told me to use my abilities this way.

So guess what? That’s where I’m heading and what I’m really going to put first on my work goals along maybe with regular work at the pharmacy. But the writing and the music will be essential to my vocation no matter the title or area I work. So it’s all three in one setting. I love fantasy world and I love living in reality as well, this is both.

Thanks for reading ❤

Yes, one of my names is Ingvild and this is significant to the answer to this prompt. My name is Norse origin and means similar to ‘ancestors struggle’ from ‘Ing’ a Norse mythology fertility god called ‘Freyr’ or ‘Yngvi’ and ‘hildr’ meaning battle or struggle. I’m proud of our cultural features in my family, we are a mix of different ethnicities and regions. Some include Sámi and Kven origins and also ethnic Northern Norwegian, Southern Swedish, Southern Norwegian, Finnish and also Reisende and Romani Traveller roots. I especially like the many different languages and features like sauna, boat culture and modern variant of traditional food and clothing.

I also have these two pair of boots:

These are called Sami and they are from Topaz. They are inspired from Sámi shoes and Arctic.

These are called Amundsen and they are also from Topaz brand. They are Arctic indigenous inspired.

I want to learn Finnish and North Sámi language as well, I’m Norwegian speaking and didn’t learn the languages of my ancestors from home partly because my ancestors were target of the policy of Norwegianization/Fornorskning and the WWII destructive effects on far-Northern heritage like cultural buildings and traditional clothing within the buildings. I know some Finnish, Kven and also North Sámi language from own experience hearing on news and media plus great language courses I joined and enjoy learning.

Other features I like and respect are the spiritual roots and the culture around the unique natural phenomenon of Midnight sun and polar nights. The Light changes from different seasons, from the all-day twilight and Darkness of December to the all-day light of June. We also have the eight seasons system in Sámi roots related to reindeer and natural environments.

On my Southern Scandinavian side there is a strong boat culture and very conservative Lutheran Christian faith, both Norwegian and Reisende share this feature. My Swedish roots are strong political left ideology and we are most of us still at least left-leaning or like me quite libertarian socialist/anarchist by political themes.

Here are two different versions of me, they are AI generated and loosely based on my real traits.

And I want people to know I appreciate the many different immigrant influences to our culture. Most of my childhood friends were either European immigrants or non-European origins refugees from Asian and African countries. My favourite part is the food and diversity in these new generation Norwegians. I like food like for example reindeer kebab and I love Asian food of different types.

I’m really quite interested in different cultural roots and my ancestors struggle as is the true meaning of my given name Ingvild. I hope it was good to read about the features of my roots and my love for other cultures.

Giitu go lohket ❤ hyviä aikoja toivottaen!

In addition to English Tea shop I often enjoy some Pukka brand tea and herbal tea. I like Kloster te, london fruit&herb and several other brands too. I often like to combine different mix of tea and herbal tea together in one big tea cup so it’s multiple effects and great harmony of flavour.

In my opinion the Three Ginger by Pukka plus the Strawberry & Vanilla by london fruit&herb taste great mixed in one big cup for the true flavour experience. I like rooibos type tea also. Calming chamomille tea is so useful during stressed times.

I like Grevens cider, especially the great fruit champagne type and the regular pear cider/perry in addition to their alcohol free alternatives like the apple taste. I also like beverages like Bacardi Breezer or the much stronger rum Bacardi Razz.

Battery energy drink brand is my favourite, but I’m liking most of the brand we have in just our local grocery stores. I love the Exotic and the Pearberry taste. I like Red Bull, Monster, Burn and a couple more. But the Battery is my favourite of them; Finnish strenght and determination, similar to the world famous concept of Finnish sisu.

I like buying most of my clothes on Cubus store. Most often I order online but not always, when we go to shopping mall it’s good watch the real clothing in person. As mentioned before on blogs I like Bik Bok also even though I’m past their age target groups, but I visit sometimes anyway. I like their tops and hoodies.

There are a lot of aspects to write more in-depth but I have a little list here with some details, so it might be okay also. Thanks for reading ❤

Another aspect of my everyday living is to be introspective and contemplate reality as it arise from my awareness. I sometimes practice certain activities related to meditation and mindfulness, especially trying to be an observer of my own thoughts and pay attention to the real present sensations in my being.

Note: I’m from Norway, I try writing in good English language for people to understand my posts better. This may go wider in topics than expected.

One of the ways to do it in my life is to drink tea regularly and with some tea rituals along, the rituals are not complicated but still powerful enough to shape my perception of reality. I don’t remember if I’ve told this here before, I love Darjeeling type black tea as well as many other teas and different herbal teas. I drink the lavender tea when I need the peace of mind and matcha green tea for clarity and helping my meditative state of being.

I’m diagnosed with severe mental illness, in particular schizophrenia and mood disorder, sometimes it’s very similar to the condition schizoaffective disorder. I am in addition diagnosed with Asperger syndrome in a moderate-severe case, I have the autistic passion for my environment and the political ideology of my ancestors related to my own political opinion. The medicine is important to keep me stable and feeling better in several life areas.

I’m very interested in exploring genealogy and the astrology features of my life story and my true mission, my vocation in mind. Being a double Leo or Virgo (Sun + Rising sign) in 12th house shapes my path and my spirituality. I’m of Sámi origins and it’s very important to me to honour my ancestors and my cultural roots. I have Moon in 4th house (in Scorpio) and Pluto conjunction with this essential piece of my own emotional life.

The music I listen to is necessary to my complete well-being and mental health. I like the electronic music for some purpose and grunge/post grunge music for the feeling of authentic expression. I listen a lot to heavy metal and the black metal as well. I live for the music and my thoughts are in most ways driven in lyrics, it’s a big part of life to listening to the messages in sound, the overall mood of a track/song plus of course the song lyrics themselves.

I want to mention something I thought about recently and it’s how it can be a burden to be unusually pretty. I’m average and my avatars are truly based on me, but better looking. Yet I’ve heard from some that strong beauty puts a lot of pressure on a person, high expectations and other difficulties. Like they have hidden pain within, I don’t know the experience from their point of view. I’m not really saying I’m extremely not good but the extremely beautiful people do suffer just as much as the average person.

That’s a lot of my writing, but I just want to write something from the heart. And thank you for listening ❤

My favourite tea brand is English Tea shop. I love nearly all their teas of different kinds, it’s special feeling of excited thoughts about the next lovely tea experience. The Earl Grey is wonderful and I like several other teas and herbal mixes they are having. Like their hibiscus and rooibos tea with berries. I buy it mostly through the Norwegian Sunkost supplements/health food stores.

In clothing my most common brand is Cubus and especially the hoodies are my favourite things to buy there, including many different colours. I know the size I wear in this brand and that’s important to my shopping experience.

Lastly the brand of Battery energy drinks is part of my everyday life significantly and affect my mood and subjective experience in well-being. I like the exotic and the pearberry among others like the peachberry and blueberry taste drinks.

Those are some different brands I like. They are not my favourite from just name or image, but because I genuinely like their products and possibly the ethical topics are significantly affect my choices in brands.

Thanks for reading, and have a truly wonderful day ❤

answer to dailyprompt-2070

what could I do more of?

exercise and going outside more. To walk where and when it’s possible without having someone driving me there, and to enjoy what this activity brings to my health and well-being. I don’t own a car and I’m not allowed to drive because I have no drivers license and my epilepsy.

another aspect is being social in general, I live most of my time alone with my thoughts and my memories. It’s meant to do things and meet people to live fully, I’m just as worthy as anyone else in the human company and sometimes we must venture a bit outside our comfort zone to grow as a person.

I could also practice on my writing, especially the creative side. I could do more inner work and try different meditation methods in everyday life. Explore many new foods and several tea types, including the herbal variety.

So these are some things I could do more of. Exercise, walking, nature, social interaction and going outside my comfort zone, writing/creative writing, inner world activities like meditation and explore new foods and drinks like especially for example tea/herbal tea.

Thanks for reading ❤

This piece of advice came from an inner voice in a psychotic state, but it’s so true in it’s words. We need complete honesty inside ourselves to be truly living our best life possible. It’s also an example of voice-hearing being not always a bad experience at the core, even if it’s very difficult times inside and truth sometimes is hard to hear.

So that’s one of the useful advice I’ve received in my lifetime, even if it came from within my own mind. Sometimes that’s the lessons we learn the most from.

Thanks for listening ❤

answer to dailyprompt-2071

what brands do I associate with?

I use a lot of things from these brands;

Cubus (clothing store), English Tea shop (tea, herbal tea) Grevens (alcohol-containing cider, plus a few couple regular non-alcoholic options) Battery, Red Bull, Monster, Burn (all energy drink brands, I don’t use just one brands because I’m just like that. But I do prefer Battery for several reasons, it’s a Finnish brand and I truly like the cultures of country Finland and Finnish themes also partly because I’m a very proud Finnish and including Kven origins woman) and yes I also drink Coca-Cola regularly. My cousin loves the Coca-Cola but her partner only drinks Pepsi Max.

I love energy drinks, and I like the astrology symbols of these AI illustrations.

Thanks for visiting ❤ ❤

As I mention on other blog last year I’m feeling energy from green tea and matcha. It’s a balanced energy partly from the theanine in tea contribute to calm feeling and gentle focus.

I also am actually given energy from herbal teas like the ginseng based tea and my favourite blend of ginger and strawberry tea because it’s rich taste and very warm from the ginger part.

Otherwise of course I feel the quite stronger stimulating effects of energy drinks combined with mild alcohol-containing beverages. It motivates me like a stimulant and the alcohol makes me feel slight euphoria and much less inhibitions.

So it’s different beverages that contribute to my energy levels most. And I truly love matcha type tea as well as Earl Grey, oolong and white tea to name different kinds of tea also.

Have a wonderful Sunday and thanks for reading  ❤ ❤

Life in Cartoon Motion by Mika, especially the songs Grace Kelly, Relax, Take It Easy and Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)

It makes me happy in listening to it when I’m already feeling okay so it’s a mood lift of some type. I was listening to these songs in my early teenage years mostly so it’s a part of this time.

So that’s my favourite album in some ways. I also have plenty I like to listen to in different mental states and moods.

answer to dailyprompt-2072

What am I most proud of or interested in about my cultural heritage?

note: I’m from Norway, from Northern regions including Nordland, Troms and Finnmark counties. I currently live in Finnmark county, but spent my childhood and early to mid teenage years in Nordland and Troms. Btw it’s somewhat long text because I had a lot on my mind writing.

I’m proud of our diversity in cultures in the Northern regions and also the far-Southern roots of my grandfather side. Our different languages and ethnicities traditionally and the modern influence from immigrants, including both European and non-European groups. I’m proud of our traditional clothing, the Sámi cuisine in general and our unique sense of humor. I have Finnish roots as well as Sámi, Kven and general Scandinavian plus Traveller/Reisende ancestry.

I love Finnish language and I want to learn how to speak Finnish so Finnish natives understand me when I say something in their language. I want to learn North Sámi language also, maybe learning two Uralic origin languages will help a lot more to understand both Finnish/Kven and Sámi languages and way of thought; a big part of culture and identity is tied to language.

(This is not my own gákti, but I really want one)

I like sauna experience and the culture of great strenght and brave determination in my heritage, our polar nights or twilight of winter seasons and summer Midnight Sun phenomenon are part of our cultural features that give us special point of view as an Arctic regions population.

The Light changes is a large influence on our everyday life, and sometimes visiting Southern Scandinavian persons are surprised by the bright Midnight sun and cannot sleep at all. In our case it’s strange the sun (in their location) actually sets in June! And Christmas Eve sunlight? That’s actually even more strange!

Some more about the sauna tradition; in Norway it’s often called ‘badstue’ or ‘sauna’ and they are always present in swimming halls. It’s very good sometimes to be in strong heat with other people, we talk about different topics while relaxing in the warm environment. It’s kind of fun when we pour water on the stones and it makes the sound.

These are a pair of my own Arctic indigenous inspired (modern) boots from Topaz called Sami:

Our languages are important part of my passion for family research and the big community of the local Kven group as well as the many different Sámi identities, including city Sámi culture like I’m identified with being from small-medium size Northern towns currently and growing up. I’m pro diversity in all forms, European or any other background is welcome here, if you ask me at least so it is. I’m also interested in identity themes in general like trans/non-binary identity and I’m myself a bisexual/lesbian woman. I’m autistic/Asperger syndrome person and have severe mental illness including schizoaffective disorder and childhood adversity history. My political opinions go far left, and it’s also in my deep family roots being left-leaning culture.

I also have done DNA-tests myself and many family members and relatives have also take the tests. The results match well what our research has shown with records and I also importantly have many true photos/pictures of my ancestors in my genealogy collection of many aspects of our heritage. I keep some in frames on my living room wall, they watch me with care and it can be very insightful into both general history and the family dynamics of our roots.

So that’s something about my cultural features and family heritage, there is so much more than I can write down in words.

It’s Friday fun today ❤

(Giitu go lohket ❤ Kiitos kun luit ❤ )

(and thanks for reading!)

History, science, health and to manage money

I also want to be very deeply informed about spirituality and psychological insight in terms of alternative systems like astrology and symbols.

The money management is very important and I don’t have high pay as I’m 100% on ung ufør (disability pay for people with severe conditions appear before adulthood, I’m Aspergian and severely mentally ill with psychosis and mood disorder, plus some neurological conditions like temporal lobe epilepsy) so I need to plan well my choices in economic topics.

Health is kind of obvious from my last part, I’m after all strongly Virgo influenced so I pay attention to my health in general like eating well and getting good sleep. And I want to know more about my many necessary medications and other treatments.

I want to know about science topics, climate change and technology to help us live sustainable lifestyle and communicate better with diverse groups of people. I also very much value social science and research into minority populations and neurodiversity. Ethics and social justice, legal justice for all who need help from these useful institutions.

I want to know much more in-depth about history; both general and personal/family history. The process of researching Norwegianization (or in Norwegian called Fornorskning) is one large part of it) and how it impacts us today. I want to get to the roots of my family heritage, what we came from and how it shaped us.

So these are some of the topics I want to be more informed about.

Thank you for reading ❤

Oh yes, I’m holding a grudge. It’s my favourite beverages and the thing I escape to in hard times. But it ruins life, family relationships and is even involved in deadly cancer for many. I don’t want my fathers addiction to be inherited by me, I’m not supposed to fall prey to this lovely poison.

So I’m doing my best to keep away, at least in my everyday life. It’s not worth it.

Note: I’m very much a music person and quite introspective by nature, shown in my 12th house and 4th house influences from astrology. I think in lyrics and my world is shaped by music.

Daily writing prompt

What would your life be like without music?

View all responses

I’ve always been deeply connected with music, my mother told me I used to sing when I was little. As mentioned in previous posts I dream of making electronic dance music at night, a deejay of the dark hours.

I like this: Bleed American by Jimmy Eat World

I also think in lyrics, music is always a part of my thoughts and inner world it’s how I do inner work to heal wounded parts of my mind. I’m mentally ill and autistic so my inner world is quite intense and emotional, it would severely alter my moods and also my mental well-being if music disappear completely. To function I need rhythms and melodic beauty, and without lyrics with sounds associated with my identity I would likely collapse into psychosis and deep emotional numbness.

I also like this: Pain by Jimmy Eat World

I choose the path of music to introspective work and spiritual side, it’s as important to me as writing feels. It’s on a profound way my life being connected with these creative energies, including my dreaming state of consciousness.

thank you for visiting my blog ❤

Note: about music, astrology and a lot of inner world topics. Plenty of music videos here as well.

My life would be very difficult without music, I cannot imagine how empty it could get. I think in lyrics together with the sound and overall mood associated with my inner world. I truly heal with the help of music listening and other inner work. I live for the music, it’s profoundly important to my well-being and mental health. And I have schizoaffective disorder and Asperger syndrome, so I often struggle with voice-hearing and deep paranoia. My musical family is also a very big part of my appreciation of music, instruments, vocals and last but definitively not least: lyrics.

Okay, so it’s my astrology features I will include in my answer to this prompt. I have Sun in 12th house and Moon in 4th house. Depending on the system I’m either a double Leo or Virgo and with Moon in Scorpio conjunct the 4th house Pluto. Alternative my Moon is in Sagittarius, also within my 4th house. Sun+Asc/Rising in Leo or Virgo. Midheaven in Taurus. My Mercury is in Leo sign within 12th house conjunction with my Sun and Chiron, the ‘Wounded Healer’ as it’s called.

My Moon-Pluto combination in Scorpio in 4th house influences my taste in music and lyrics that resonates with this. Combined with my 12th house placements it’s deep within me to listen and learn from lyrics; it helps me understand other people on a level I cannot reach otherwise.

Here are some tracks I really like:

the song Hatred by Dimension (drum&bass)

Do you feel alive?

the anthem The Power of the Mind by Headhunterz (hardstyle)

the intention of our minds is powerful.. and a curse

the song Going Under by Deetox

(rawstyle, female deejay! Yay!)

save me from myself, I’m going under

And to end.. this (yes, Norwegian black metal!)

The Pentagram Burns by Satyricon

Determined and strong

Thank you for listening ❤

Note: Nearly every holiday in my family/our home country of Norway.

First there is 6th of February, Samefolkets dag in Norwegian language. It’s a special day for the Sámi and in my region we celebrate in public with wearing traditional clothing like gákti/samekofte of our particular ancestors location like the Kautokeino gákti, Lule Sámi or Sea Sámi among several other types and regions. I don’t have one yet, but I’m going to choose which and get one made from my measurements and the associated silver and other important parts of the traditional dress and modern features.

Then 16th of March, the Kven people’s day. I am strongly Kven ethnicity and culture so we celebrate with family and the wider groups local Kven community. I have a Kven costume but I was 17 years old and very thin back then so I cannot wear it anymore. They are expensive because it’s such high quality clothing and hand made from experienced persons, just like with the different types of Sámi gákti.

Easter is important to us, in my family we stay at our mountain cabin for several days when every grocery stores are closed and we enjoy being outside during day and playing board games at night. Eating Kvikk lunsj chocolate and oranges, warm dinner like reindeer based food and it’s very family oriented activities plus skiing across the frozen lake with the fellow cabin staying families.

So comes 17th of May, the National Day of Norway. We celebrate big time with several different ways, including parade (tog) wearing our traditional clothing like a Norwegian bunad or other culture like as mentioned before Sámi gákti and Kven costume. In addition many wear non-traditional clothing with special occations features.

Sankthans/Midsummer is also celebrated in Norway, but quite different from the Swedish type celebration. We have bonfire events and community activities like bbq or grilling outside.

My birthday is celebrated with family in the form of eating wonderful cakes together and some gifts. I also have my own way of giving myself a gift like a couple cans of alcohol-containing cider and energy drinks while listening to music at home.

Halloween I listen to dark music at home or we sometimes have party with friends sometimes dress in kind of supernatural themes.

Christmas and New Years Eve are during the darkest time of year, in the Arctic region we have polar nights and the sun doesn’t rise for over a month. We get together with family members big celebration with Christmas Eve dinner including pork belly/ribbe and sausages among others type. The presents gifts are another big main feature of this yearly event. It takes several hours and we love sometimes being with the large group of close family. New Years Eve is also special, we eat together and often at Midnight go outside with fireworks like many celebrate with. Many adults drink a lot on this night, so some are struggling with hangover on 1st of January.

Thank you for reading my long yearly celebration of different Northern holidays. Have a great day ❤

Well, the point of this is I don’t cook or bake. I heat food in the microwave (mikrobølgeovn) so I do not many things. It’s many things I don’t do. But I mix up drinks of different kinds and that’s where it gets interesting in my life. I mix tea and most often it’s wonderful combination, but other times it’s a strange time drinking the brew. And my mixed alcohol-containing drinks (either low volume % or Bacardi Razz) plus soft drinks or energy drinks. 

I write before about this. It’s like something is missing..

Oh, I forgot I put triple spice on a mexican food dish (meksikansk gryterett) and it was so strong I couldn’t eat. I like spicy food, but it was extreme. And I need to mention that time I put pepper on the oranges in our kitchen at age ten years because I was just feeling in rare moments both very curious and compulsive. So my mother and half-brother were supposed to eat when they noticed the pepper and they just burst out laughing because I never did those type things and it was funny.

Thank you for visiting my blog ❤

Just kidding, I’m talking about me sometimes the pizza getting too well burnt in oven or char grilled(?) hot dog (grillpølser). The cooking is very simple but still mistakes can be made. Like with my relatives that actually cook and bake real food for people every day it’s much more interesting. Like drop and lose the cake on the floor or the pork belly (ribbe) in the washing water. Yes, it’s things like that we remember well.

(I’m Norwegian and I’m great at Norwenglish, it’s not just only-only. I was at the sick-house in Hammer Party today)

Daily writing prompt

Write about your most epic baking or cooking fail.

View all responses

Being an adult I’m still curious about mixing together different tastes, the mood effects of food and especially beverages. This is a story of my scientific experiment with energy drinks and hard cider plus a Sprite and Bacardi Breezer.

I like beverages of many kinds and I remember from childhood we mix together different soft drinks in one paper cup with a drinking straw. Me and my same-aged cousin would try different things and we had a lot of fun.

So fast forward to 2011 I was old enough to drink alcohol-containing drinks at 18 years. I was already using energy drinks on regular basis and unfortunately I’m predisposed to alcoholism through my family-history and severe mental illness of schizoaffective/schizophrenia along with my Asperger syndrome. (Actually my close relative is a poly-drug user with long-term addiction to several substances, mostly alcohol and sedating medications. He has had a lot of childhood adversity and childhood abuse and he is a triple Pisces in astrology themes).

I’m rambling in some ways but I get to the main point eventually. So I mixed an alcoholic type apple cider and an apple energy drinks and it was actually good taste to it. Then I made mistakes being tipsy and then actually drunk so I mix pear cider with lemon energy drinks. And I got quite strong nausea so I took a zofran and cyclizine (Marzine) medication and fell asleep.

Taio Cruz feat Flo Rida – Hangover (lyrics)

Another time I mixed Sprite and water melon Bacardi Breezer alcopop together and similar effects on my well-being and mental health emerged quickly. So the Zofran plus Marzine combined again and it stopped my feelings of almost throwing up the strange beverages.

So this was kind of long text and I hope it was okay reading. Thank you for listening ❤

answer to dailyprompt-2068

What things give me energy?

I’m not a native speaker of English, but I guess it’s actually just the same as usual. Like, I’m easy to understand reading even if it’s not my native language. And thank you for reading.

Firstly caffeine and herbal tea with stimulating effects. Like ginseng or the certain other herbs. They were here first.

Secondly it’s the feeling of looking forward to something happening soon like an event such as for example New Years Eve celebration with some family members or good friends. Hide and Seek.

Thirdly it is without doubt music. It’s the best combined with beverages and excited feeling for near future. I’m drinking a Battery energy drinks now, listening to music and contemplate life situation and society.

Chains and sowing machines. I know that isn’t the real lyrics but that’s what I heard. Metal chains used in hate crime, machines sowing seeds. Twelve is a unique age.

And here is something about the Darkness that inspires my writing. It’s heavy and dark.

Heavy and dark times these days. Even when the sun shines, it’s the weight of the world on our shoulders. And the Darkness is the contrast we need to see and life experiences. Strenght and determination, healing process. The horrors must end, we cannot let it keep heading the path to icy frozen Hell.

I hope we all have good days ahead, I wish you the best times possible even in the chaos around.

answer to dailyprompt-2062

lessons I wish I had learned earlier in life?

I used to hide myself a lot in earlier life. I was hiding bullying and abuse from adults and someone I will not specific here in age or relationship. I had to grow up struggles with my identity and wounded inside from these adverse life experiences and I developed severe mental illness in late childhood to early teenage years, hearing voices and strong paranoid delusions connected with this, my identity a big part of it. I almost forgot now to mention my enuresis conditions as part of my issues, it was very harsh and affected my self-worth deeply. I got some relief after being prescribed aid for the conditions but some of the mean girls bullied me for using it at school, threatened to post pictures of me on social media visibly wearing it. No way I caved to that! Sometimes I was so vividly dreaming of revenge and justice being carried out I was sad when I woke up.

(AI avatars are based heavily on my teenage self, they look like me that I was then. Can you tell I’m of Sámi and Northern Finnish ancestry/roots?)

so back to the lessons I wish I had learning earlier in life I would not hide so much my pain and my truth inside. Yes, and now I’m not silent or excessive shame over being different. Thank goodness.

so be proud of your inner strenght and authentic personality. It’s what you carry through life.

Note: I go in depth here about my family and our adversity history in terms of ethnic origins.

Yeah it might be a grudge but it’s both personal and cultural in nature, my roots and identity as a ethnic minority person in Northern Norwegian environment. I believe I might have been actually underestimated the influence of my far-Southern origins and cultural features in the way I really was treated by Northern culture children. My mother knew extremely well how her dialect accent was being made fun of being quite different. My father is Northern but different enough to be actually be victim of very severe bullying in childhood and youth in a stranger environment, they lived in same town and went to same high school (ungdomsskole and videregående skole) then they met in Tromsø and became partner with me as a result.

I’ve said many times about my other origins but I’m repeating it now. I’m of significant Sámi roots and Finnish, Kven, Reisende peoples as well as Scandinavian. I also have non-European origins like North African and different Asian ancestry, Arctic indigenous sometimes include in North/Eastern/Central Asian groups. I’m a mix of Norwegian cultures from far-Northern and far-Southern influence plus my ethnic minority background as well.

And I should not forget the autism spectrum condition as part of it, I’m different not only by culture but my mind works in different way from average NT perception and emotional regulation and depth. Most Asperger persons have some/a lot experience with bullying and feelings of being outsiders in the environments local to them/us.

So the bullying and feelings of being different are part of my heritage and identity, we are all just human beings even in our differences we are all equal in our humanity to others. There are no ‘wrong’ type people in my opinion and point of view. Okay so these are some aspects to the topic in question. I appreciate response to my writing, it helps me understand others better in terms of my expression and different perspective of many kinds of people.

Thanks for reading and listening to my writing here, I have a need for putting my feelings into written form. Have a wonderful night ❤

Walking outside in the forest environments way up North in my country, especially pine trees and now it’s September month but unusually warm at 18° celsius outside. I love forests, always have.

So yes, I walk every day; not always in the forests but always connected with nature and health.

I walk in winter seasons also, including the forests; in deep snow sometimes and very cold temperatures down to -30° celsius. I wear the suitable clothing for the seasons, including the very high quality shoes that keep us warm in the Arctic North.

I love the seasons, we have eight seasons system in my cultures and I think that’s cool. Sometimes it’s cold and very dark, but we have Midnight sun here in summer time.

I walk every day. I run rarely, but not never.

Thank you for watching my steps ❤

answer to dailyprompt-2061

my favourite types of food?

potatoes, like especially baked potato with a little extra on top. We make own potatoes in garden and they are great, straight from the earth.

I love all kinds of tea. Herbal or true tea like for example chamomille and ginger and Earl Grey or oolong tea.

I’m a Sámi woman and I must mention the reindeer based food like bidos and modern foods like reindeer kebab. I don’t over use the meat but it’s some better for health than other source of meat. Btw the Norwegian word for all types food is ‘mat’.

i also enjoy cold drinks a lot, including plain water with ice cubes and more exotic like hard fruit cider or energy drinks with different fruit + berry flavour like esp the Pearberry Battery type.

The love of flavour and satisfy my hunger both physically and emotionally, roots and to explore different cultures through food. Music combined with food is powerful, especially Sámi joik and the bidos together. And the beverages are strongly connected with creative energies in several ways depending on the drink and moods.

Really the drinks are the foundation of life, especially pure water. In previous times people often were drinking alcohol-containing beverages because water wasn’t safe and other reasons. My family history of alcohol related conditions make me pay more attention to my own choices in these topics, I’m luckily not chronically alcoholic so that’s a very good fortune for me in spite of difficult experiences and mental illness.

The favourite food is a reflection of life and values we have. My roots, the flavour and health related aspects of the different types to keep us healthy and promote well-being and happiness.

Thank you for reading my blogs ❤

answer to dailyprompt-2066

what topics would I like to be more informed about?

i would like to be better informed and have more practical knowledge regarding money and economic decisions. I need to know how better to save money wisely and still get to enjoy life to the fullest. I also would like to be informed on psychology both pathologic and general concepts. Astrology on a wide spectrum both mine and in relation to other people and even the different political themes of our day. And I’m right now enjoy a cup of English Breakfast tea even though it’s summer temperature outside today.

I love learning more about different topics and life experiences. Thanks for listening, visiting and reading my blogs ❤

Walking every day, even shorter distances. I run when I was a child; both sports and the bullies chased me like they did to my father when he was 10 years old. But yeah, I walk every day; we don’t drive and I have the epilepsy. Walking can be peaceful and still good exercise. The other day I was walking in a real forest environment and forests walk is truly special, we were a group of people on a forest trip to have outside fireplace meeting and grill food on the fire as well. The forest had steep hills and that really is very good for health and the well-being of the natural environments is deeply rooted (pun intended).

In one of my former home towns the base of the mountains so walking a lot kept us fit and more physical strenght, plus other effects on health and well-being.

Thank you for reading ❤

Home is about how it feels deep inside. So this is a type of answer of some parts of my ideal home. There will also be cups of tea made for warmth and safety. Blankets and pillows, and I won’t lie; it is a place of relief and release so the recreational aspect is something of respect. Music ❤ ❤

Yes, submerge into the deep roots within. My Scorpio sign influence in 4th house with Moon and Pluto inside, it’s really under the ground. It’s dark and the feeling is heavy sometimes only to shine later. I love music and music is especially welcome underground, in different meanings and all forms. Highs and lows, it hurts and it’s real. Thank god for this gift of life.

Oh yes, I like trip whether inside or outside. Like going different places; not about taking any type psychoactive substances. The inside journey of dreams we experience and the creative energy needs expression in some form. And I really like the word quadruple. I’ve said some time on my blog about being in sidereal system astrology a quadruple Leo and honestly I think that’s great. Four times something, double double.

Thank you for visiting ❤

People telling me things I already know.. yes, I am aware of it. They don’t need to say anything. But if I want to get some response I will let people know with my own words and my own time. So that’s an aspect of my actual offline interactions, I live in this online reality for some hours. But to be honest I live mostly in my mind, my inner world of memories and dreaming at night.

answer to dailyprompt-2056

Red flags? Here is my opinion, my thoughts.

Note: sorry about the drinking, I’m craving it now and I chose image because I feel like drinking now and it relates to the question as well.

I notice these red flags in myself often. So that’s said first. I feel it’s not good being less than honest, but I understand why people are sometimes or quite often fall prey to it.

and fear of truth because it’s painful to see clearly how fuckd up we truly are inside. I have this every time I look in a mirror and god yes I hate my reflection with a burning passion.

even if I cannot percieve my inner Light I know there is Light behind any darkness. So at times I don’t want to see the Light because the darkness is familiar to me.

but one aspects I really really raise red flags is you guess it? Intrusive bullying behaviour. I’m an anarchist for a reason and good at spotting bullies even before they speak. I know well because these people affected my education and social life tremendously. I still struggle with these experiences through my schizoaffective disorder symptoms of voice-hearing and paranoia. I’m officially diagnosed with moderate-severe Asperger syndrome and a strong case of bipolar type schizoaffective/schizophrenia with mood disorder.

so the last part is the biggest one for me. I don’t like being around bullies because they prey on the good-natured and naive persons. Plus they kick your friend to the ground for several minutes. No way I will ever forget, even if I find healing.

Note: I’ve written about it on my other blog, but I will write here also.

Home made meals and dinner on every day except Friday when we order takeout food for the family. During the week I work a couple of hours at the pharmacy behind the scenes and doing important part of my job.

Friday is my wild days, I have a couple cans of alcohol-containing cider to enjoy the freedom of expression that come with my fortune of being a Norwegian citizen. Everyone should be of freedom in expression that is my point of view and opinion.

Saturday is special for family being together in small social gathering like max three people present. We watch online television together and listening to music. We eat lørdagsgodt only on Saturday (lørdag) it’s a combination of sweets, chocolate, candy and other indulgent food. It’s tradition to only eat on Saturday; hence the name ‘lørdagsgodt’.

I am a young disabled woman with psychiatric conditions and neurological illness, including epilepsy. I have moderate-severe Asperger syndrome and schizoaffective disorder.

So I do my best efforts for enjoying life throughout the week.

Thank you for listening ❤ ❤

I wrote about it on my other blog but I love watching cross-country and biathlon on nett-tv (online television) and I must admit I don’t know much about the current athletes so I will mention the ones I know more. Therese Johaug, Marit Bjørgen and Vegard Ulvang plus Petter Northug. They are part of Norwegian skiing culture and good at what they do best. Their strenght is in both physical and mental, their determination and the true skill of top winter athletes. So it’s the real Norwegian pride and respect for tradition and innovation together.

Thank you for reading ❤

Yes, I search for lyrics related to women and I love music that makes me feel good about my identity and passion for life. I remember vividly how we had an acting session with creative way of making a music video based on the Cyndi Lauper song ‘Girls just want to have Fun’, we got praise for our results by the teacher. And yes we had real fun with the assignments 😂💙🫂

‘All the Things she Said’ by t.A.T.u. and ‘Girls just want to have Fun’ by Cyndi Lauper.

And I still miss my dear Maiden so much 💔✨️🥺💖💕🫂

Sometimes the best things are very ordinary aspects of life. I have my favourite merino wool blankets and my inner world of faith. The whole experience is wonderful and it goes well with my beverages together. These are of alpakka wool:

I like the hot tea during winter seasons and it’s september now, we get snow here sometimes in september month.

My faith is strong, I don’t just believe; I have a vocation to write about different topics from my experiences. Sometimes it’s difficult doing this but putting struggles into words can affect the experience being in a more positive light soon afterwards. Here is a green wool blankets:

And I’m not kidding about the blankets, I have many of them. Like at least 5 big blankets, likely some more. I wish every person in the world had a warm blankets to feel more safe 💔🫂

Thank you for reading ❤

answer to dailyprompt-2059

Do I see myself as a leader?

So I’m a Leo sign strongly influenced person in my astrology birth chart. I also have a lot of Virgo influence. Together these combine in significant ways to make me better able to doing both to serve and to lead. In addition I have a Moon sign in deep water sign of Scorpio or in the idealist fire sign of Sagittarius.

my placement is in 12th house and 4th house. I sometimes forget my true Virgo influence on my life and my inner world, I don’t know why.

I like being of service and practical guidance and be useful to someone who will in real honestly appreciate my work and efforts. I really like help person with something I know well about, such as family research and info plus long personal experience with psychiatric medications.

I like to lead the way on certain paths, especially the inner world explore the depth of these oceans within all of us. I like being creative in some quite profound ways and in my childhood I was especially talents with being the actress that few peers expected me to be. Despite being have the experience of chronic bullying and other abuse I was actually good at it.

So do I see myself this way? I would say yes but in my unique quiet way driven from within my own inner core nature.

Thanks for reading ❤

Absolutely is one word I use in conversations every day. Absolutt. But all words have their place not to be used especially often regularly. Absolutely is absolutely a great word in itself.

I also say ‘unnskyld‘ or ‘sorry‘ too much, I apologize even to the chair I suddenly run into at home. I also mention the single word ‘I‘ but that’s online writing and not my offline life. ‘Æ‘ as it’s called in my Northern Norwegian dialect term, in bokmål it’s ‘jeg‘

Then there are the words I don’t use, but should be using. I cannot get myself to speak the words. Like the words mobbing, misbrukt, sengevæting, bleier. Those are four Norwegian language words I’m afraid of using, and especially in deep offline conversations.

So it’s words absolutt, unnskyld and mobbing.

Thank you for reading ❤

another answer to dailyprompt-2053

how do I relax?

right now I’m extremely comfortable and quite relaxing. I took the medicines and wear to different blankets to a comfortable place to rest.

I suffer from severe pain every day so I usually take my strong painkillers two times daily, an opiate in very low dose plus a Norwegian OTC medicines it’s called phenazone. This type of combination often works somewhat significant better than used alone.

I also like certain flavour beverages mostly of soft drinks like Solo and Battery energy drinks. I bought the pearberry one yesterday 🍐🍓 (pear plus wild strawberry mix) and I really like it.

Isn’t it slightly strange energy drinks do these things? I think it’s I have drive so I make it extra comfortable. Music is big part of my routine to cope with my conditions if I really feel like relax with music gentle electronic dance music type genres is the best.

I maintain balance of my inner world and spending time with other people and the outside world. I look forward to dreaming at night, but during severe psychosis state I cannot tell dream apart from my waking reality.

thanks for listening ❤

answer to dailyprompt-2052

If I had to give up one word I use regularly?

in my everyday life I always use the word ‘absolutely‘ in a conversations. Absolutt. My native Norwegian language words in speech. I want to use more different words but I just say absolutely. Yet most of all the feeling and intentions matter more than words.

I just say things like a habit I have for speaking. I don’t really pay a lot of attention to the words I use, but it clearly matters to all of us.

I also could say unnskyld a lot less.

And by the way I could say less btw.

answer to dailyprompt-2051

Grudges? About? Here it is:

Note/warning: dark topics, hope and resilience.

Most important part at end of my blog post

My history; I was bullied and abused during my school years, undiagnosed moderate-severe Asperger syndrome, psychosis, the mood disorder and medical illness related to my control of the function of the body. Yes, I had these episodes at school where I couldn’t hold it anymore or the urge came too quickly and the results were visible on my clothes.

they called me names and I was much shorter so the bullies could successfully hold my things far above me. I usually hated going to school. I’m actually still somewhat afraid of tall children, but my cousins teenage daughter is extremely tall for her age and gender so I’m less fearful now. Many Asperger syndrome persons are often target of bullying because we are different from the others, in addition I have a type of schizophrenic mood disorder that affects every part of my mind states and emotional regulation.

I had an abusive teacher at one of my three different primary school. Yeah, we moved school three times part because of significant bullying. It was extremely difficult experiences. He used me in ways I cannot describe here. I don’t trust people the same way after these horrible things happening to me at nine years old. I’m getting help now for my childhood adversity history, so it’s part why I write about this now.

These are some sentences in North Saami and Finnish languages, my ancestors were native Finno-Ugric language speakers. They tried to stop our cultural features but here we are in 2025 very proud of our ethnic diversity in all forms.

Eahket lea nuorra, eallin lea issoras. Mun in bala máilmmis, ii oktage sáhte bissehit mu. Ilta on nuori, elämä on ihanaa. En pelkää maailmaa, kukaan ei voi minua pysäyttää. (The evening is young, life is wonderful. I am not afraid of the world, no one can stop me.)

Sii eai nagodan billistit mu. Mun lean ain dáppe, in goassege vuollán. He eivät kyenneet murtamaan minua. Olen yhä täällä, enkä koskaan luovuta. (De klarte ikke å knekke meg. Jeg er fortsatt her, og gir aldri opp.)

My astrology: I’m a 12th house Sun, Mercury and Chiron. Born in late summer shortly after sunrise. (I’m the Lioness Maiden!) the Leo or Virgo Rising/Ascendant sign. Double Virgo in Western tropical astrology. In some other systems I’m a quad Leo. A quadruple Leo! Moon within 4th house in Scorpio or Sagittarius. Moon closely aspects my Pluto and Saturn. Saturn within 6th house in Aquarius, Mars + Jupiter in Libra sign within 2nd house. The extremely close Uranus/Neptune conjunction in Capricorn of early 1990s within 5th house. Venus in Cancer sign in 11th house. Pluto in Scorpio is exactly opposite my Taurus Midheaven/MC so it’s in my deep roots in transformation and healing process. Chiron (in Leo sign) is the mythology wounded healer and my Sun/Mercury conjunction aspects these symbols in 12th house.

So I’m wounded inside and feelings of hurt deep within, traumatic memories and the old times thinking kicks in when triggered by teenagers or blond hair adult men. I’m uncomfortable around being alone with male persons, even very good natured mental-health workers I feel unsafe.

My Scorpio traits are interesting, one of the worst bullies I’ve met was a Sun/Pluto conjunction in Scorpio sign. I disliked her intensely and thinking of her makes me feel hurt and wounded inside.

I was ashamed of my medical conditions and different way of being, I didn’t know of my autism spectrum disorder until 2010. I’m very interested in astrology partly because it helps Asperger syndrome person understand better how others mind is working together with our own basic perception and perspectives.

Yeah, I like drinking. I’m trying to stop using this substance as my preferred escape methods from memories and emotional pain. It’s also expensive. But I’m just drinking cold beverages with caffeine in right now it’s a Battery Exotic Fruit. Sometimes I feel like drinking a whole large bottle of Bacardi Razz in one evening. But then I decide not act on that very destructive impulse 🫂💙

But in the end I’m happy with life as it is, we cannot change the past. I’m thankful for this gift of life I’ve been given, no matter what happened to me or family members. I am a survivor, and with strong Finnish fighter spirits as part of my core values. We need true freedom inside us. To feel like we can move on in our world. The person hurt the most by grudges is the self. The persons own well-being and health.

We all are good enough for living here on planet Earth and it’s important to remember:

we only have this life once.

Thank you for listening ❤

My ideal home is my current living arrangement. I would not live anywhere else at this point, it’s my safe place.

I’m from Norway, the far-Northern region. I’m autistic and I love being comfortable to a great degree, more so than most other people.

My ideal home is colourful and you are never too cold when inside. The blankets are made from pure soft merino wool and the sofa is big and perfect to sit while drinking hot tea in winter time. The bathroom is blue colour overall and large size. Heated floor. Everything is easy to clean and enough space for belongings in any of the rooms. I have my winter season shoes in the entré room. My sound system in the living room, the living room kitchen together in one.

I have small kjøleskap (fridge?) and a dish washer(?) (oppvaskmaskin) in the kitchen. I make cups of tea in my kitchen with the vannkoker (kettle?) to heat water for tea.

I’m going to mention my astrology again because it is important to my home environment. I have Moon in fourth house (depending on the system I’m a Lunar Scorpio or Lunar Sagittarian) and home is my safe place. In my early life it wasn’t a safe place, but now I’m comfortable and it’s real mostly peaceful. I have Pluto in Scorpio exactly opposite my Taurus Midheaven and I’m very connected to my roots in general, because it’s powerful forces of energy and inspiration.

Some thoughts on my ideal home and what it means to me. I spend a lot of time at home and that’s where I sleep and start my days 🫂💙

Btw my bedroom is wonderful!☀️🇧🇻❤️

Thank you for reading ❤

Like when I was a child and was bullied a lot, crying on my way from school and sometimes peeing myself as I was walking home. Getting home and place my ‘pee clothes/tisseklær’ in a bucket of water before mother came home.

And often when she came home was upset I had wet myself, but she still help me feel better. So I was in tears of relief when I got home.

I feel relief when my opiate pain medication works, and I don’t mind the slight euphoria from it either. Sometimes I cry literal tears of joy, when I’m not in agony anymore.

I’m thankful for life and we can get through this together, nothing is completely lost.

Thank you for visiting ❤