Author: polarMidnight

Well, the point of this is I don’t cook or bake. I heat food in the microwave (mikrobølgeovn) so I do not many things. It’s many things I don’t do. But I mix up drinks of different kinds and that’s where it gets interesting in my life. I mix tea and most often it’s wonderful combination, but other times it’s a strange time drinking the brew. And my mixed alcohol-containing drinks (either low volume % or Bacardi Razz) plus soft drinks or energy drinks. 

I write before about this. It’s like something is missing..

Oh, I forgot I put triple spice on a mexican food dish (meksikansk gryterett) and it was so strong I couldn’t eat. I like spicy food, but it was extreme. And I need to mention that time I put pepper on the oranges in our kitchen at age ten years because I was just feeling in rare moments both very curious and compulsive. So my mother and half-brother were supposed to eat when they noticed the pepper and they just burst out laughing because I never did those type things and it was funny.

Thank you for visiting my blog ❤

Just kidding, I’m talking about me sometimes the pizza getting too well burnt in oven or char grilled(?) hot dog (grillpølser). The cooking is very simple but still mistakes can be made. Like with my relatives that actually cook and bake real food for people every day it’s much more interesting. Like drop and lose the cake on the floor or the pork belly (ribbe) in the washing water. Yes, it’s things like that we remember well.

(I’m Norwegian and I’m great at Norwenglish, it’s not just only-only. I was at the sick-house in Hammer Party today)

Daily writing prompt

Write about your most epic baking or cooking fail.

View all responses

Being an adult I’m still curious about mixing together different tastes, the mood effects of food and especially beverages. This is a story of my scientific experiment with energy drinks and hard cider plus a Sprite and Bacardi Breezer.

I like beverages of many kinds and I remember from childhood we mix together different soft drinks in one paper cup with a drinking straw. Me and my same-aged cousin would try different things and we had a lot of fun.

So fast forward to 2011 I was old enough to drink alcohol-containing drinks at 18 years. I was already using energy drinks on regular basis and unfortunately I’m predisposed to alcoholism through my family-history and severe mental illness of schizoaffective/schizophrenia along with my Asperger syndrome. (Actually my close relative is a poly-drug user with long-term addiction to several substances, mostly alcohol and sedating medications. He has had a lot of childhood adversity and childhood abuse and he is a triple Pisces in astrology themes).

I’m rambling in some ways but I get to the main point eventually. So I mixed an alcoholic type apple cider and an apple energy drinks and it was actually good taste to it. Then I made mistakes being tipsy and then actually drunk so I mix pear cider with lemon energy drinks. And I got quite strong nausea so I took a zofran and cyclizine (Marzine) medication and fell asleep.

Taio Cruz feat Flo Rida – Hangover (lyrics)

Another time I mixed Sprite and water melon Bacardi Breezer alcopop together and similar effects on my well-being and mental health emerged quickly. So the Zofran plus Marzine combined again and it stopped my feelings of almost throwing up the strange beverages.

So this was kind of long text and I hope it was okay reading. Thank you for listening ❤

answer to dailyprompt-2068

What things give me energy?

I’m not a native speaker of English, but I guess it’s actually just the same as usual. Like, I’m easy to understand reading even if it’s not my native language. And thank you for reading.

Firstly caffeine and herbal tea with stimulating effects. Like ginseng or the certain other herbs. They were here first.

Secondly it’s the feeling of looking forward to something happening soon like an event such as for example New Years Eve celebration with some family members or good friends. Hide and Seek.

Thirdly it is without doubt music. It’s the best combined with beverages and excited feeling for near future. I’m drinking a Battery energy drinks now, listening to music and contemplate life situation and society.

Chains and sowing machines. I know that isn’t the real lyrics but that’s what I heard. Metal chains used in hate crime, machines sowing seeds. Twelve is a unique age.

And here is something about the Darkness that inspires my writing. It’s heavy and dark.

Heavy and dark times these days. Even when the sun shines, it’s the weight of the world on our shoulders. And the Darkness is the contrast we need to see and life experiences. Strenght and determination, healing process. The horrors must end, we cannot let it keep heading the path to icy frozen Hell.

I hope we all have good days ahead, I wish you the best times possible even in the chaos around.

answer to dailyprompt-2062

lessons I wish I had learned earlier in life?

I used to hide myself a lot in earlier life. I was hiding bullying and abuse from adults and someone I will not specific here in age or relationship. I had to grow up struggles with my identity and wounded inside from these adverse life experiences and I developed severe mental illness in late childhood to early teenage years, hearing voices and strong paranoid delusions connected with this, my identity a big part of it. I almost forgot now to mention my enuresis conditions as part of my issues, it was very harsh and affected my self-worth deeply. I got some relief after being prescribed aid for the conditions but some of the mean girls bullied me for using it at school, threatened to post pictures of me on social media visibly wearing it. No way I caved to that! Sometimes I was so vividly dreaming of revenge and justice being carried out I was sad when I woke up.

(AI avatars are based heavily on my teenage self, they look like me that I was then. Can you tell I’m of Sámi and Northern Finnish ancestry/roots?)

so back to the lessons I wish I had learning earlier in life I would not hide so much my pain and my truth inside. Yes, and now I’m not silent or excessive shame over being different. Thank goodness.

so be proud of your inner strenght and authentic personality. It’s what you carry through life.

Note: I go in depth here about my family and our adversity history in terms of ethnic origins.

Yeah it might be a grudge but it’s both personal and cultural in nature, my roots and identity as a ethnic minority person in Northern Norwegian environment. I believe I might have been actually underestimated the influence of my far-Southern origins and cultural features in the way I really was treated by Northern culture children. My mother knew extremely well how her dialect accent was being made fun of being quite different. My father is Northern but different enough to be actually be victim of very severe bullying in childhood and youth in a stranger environment, they lived in same town and went to same high school (ungdomsskole and videregående skole) then they met in Tromsø and became partner with me as a result.

I’ve said many times about my other origins but I’m repeating it now. I’m of significant Sámi roots and Finnish, Kven, Reisende peoples as well as Scandinavian. I also have non-European origins like North African and different Asian ancestry, Arctic indigenous sometimes include in North/Eastern/Central Asian groups. I’m a mix of Norwegian cultures from far-Northern and far-Southern influence plus my ethnic minority background as well.

And I should not forget the autism spectrum condition as part of it, I’m different not only by culture but my mind works in different way from average NT perception and emotional regulation and depth. Most Asperger persons have some/a lot experience with bullying and feelings of being outsiders in the environments local to them/us.

So the bullying and feelings of being different are part of my heritage and identity, we are all just human beings even in our differences we are all equal in our humanity to others. There are no ‘wrong’ type people in my opinion and point of view. Okay so these are some aspects to the topic in question. I appreciate response to my writing, it helps me understand others better in terms of my expression and different perspective of many kinds of people.

Thanks for reading and listening to my writing here, I have a need for putting my feelings into written form. Have a wonderful night ❤

Walking outside in the forest environments way up North in my country, especially pine trees and now it’s September month but unusually warm at 18° celsius outside. I love forests, always have.

So yes, I walk every day; not always in the forests but always connected with nature and health.

I walk in winter seasons also, including the forests; in deep snow sometimes and very cold temperatures down to -30° celsius. I wear the suitable clothing for the seasons, including the very high quality shoes that keep us warm in the Arctic North.

I love the seasons, we have eight seasons system in my cultures and I think that’s cool. Sometimes it’s cold and very dark, but we have Midnight sun here in summer time.

I walk every day. I run rarely, but not never.

Thank you for watching my steps ❤

answer to dailyprompt-2061

my favourite types of food?

potatoes, like especially baked potato with a little extra on top. We make own potatoes in garden and they are great, straight from the earth.

I love all kinds of tea. Herbal or true tea like for example chamomille and ginger and Earl Grey or oolong tea.

I’m a Sámi woman and I must mention the reindeer based food like bidos and modern foods like reindeer kebab. I don’t over use the meat but it’s some better for health than other source of meat. Btw the Norwegian word for all types food is ‘mat’.

i also enjoy cold drinks a lot, including plain water with ice cubes and more exotic like hard fruit cider or energy drinks with different fruit + berry flavour like esp the Pearberry Battery type.

The love of flavour and satisfy my hunger both physically and emotionally, roots and to explore different cultures through food. Music combined with food is powerful, especially Sámi joik and the bidos together. And the beverages are strongly connected with creative energies in several ways depending on the drink and moods.

Really the drinks are the foundation of life, especially pure water. In previous times people often were drinking alcohol-containing beverages because water wasn’t safe and other reasons. My family history of alcohol related conditions make me pay more attention to my own choices in these topics, I’m luckily not chronically alcoholic so that’s a very good fortune for me in spite of difficult experiences and mental illness.

The favourite food is a reflection of life and values we have. My roots, the flavour and health related aspects of the different types to keep us healthy and promote well-being and happiness.

Thank you for reading my blogs ❤

answer to dailyprompt-2066

what topics would I like to be more informed about?

i would like to be better informed and have more practical knowledge regarding money and economic decisions. I need to know how better to save money wisely and still get to enjoy life to the fullest. I also would like to be informed on psychology both pathologic and general concepts. Astrology on a wide spectrum both mine and in relation to other people and even the different political themes of our day. And I’m right now enjoy a cup of English Breakfast tea even though it’s summer temperature outside today.

I love learning more about different topics and life experiences. Thanks for listening, visiting and reading my blogs ❤

Walking every day, even shorter distances. I run when I was a child; both sports and the bullies chased me like they did to my father when he was 10 years old. But yeah, I walk every day; we don’t drive and I have the epilepsy. Walking can be peaceful and still good exercise. The other day I was walking in a real forest environment and forests walk is truly special, we were a group of people on a forest trip to have outside fireplace meeting and grill food on the fire as well. The forest had steep hills and that really is very good for health and the well-being of the natural environments is deeply rooted (pun intended).

In one of my former home towns the base of the mountains so walking a lot kept us fit and more physical strenght, plus other effects on health and well-being.

Thank you for reading ❤

Home is about how it feels deep inside. So this is a type of answer of some parts of my ideal home. There will also be cups of tea made for warmth and safety. Blankets and pillows, and I won’t lie; it is a place of relief and release so the recreational aspect is something of respect. Music ❤ ❤

Yes, submerge into the deep roots within. My Scorpio sign influence in 4th house with Moon and Pluto inside, it’s really under the ground. It’s dark and the feeling is heavy sometimes only to shine later. I love music and music is especially welcome underground, in different meanings and all forms. Highs and lows, it hurts and it’s real. Thank god for this gift of life.

Oh yes, I like trip whether inside or outside. Like going different places; not about taking any type psychoactive substances. The inside journey of dreams we experience and the creative energy needs expression in some form. And I really like the word quadruple. I’ve said some time on my blog about being in sidereal system astrology a quadruple Leo and honestly I think that’s great. Four times something, double double.

Thank you for visiting ❤

People telling me things I already know.. yes, I am aware of it. They don’t need to say anything. But if I want to get some response I will let people know with my own words and my own time. So that’s an aspect of my actual offline interactions, I live in this online reality for some hours. But to be honest I live mostly in my mind, my inner world of memories and dreaming at night.

answer to dailyprompt-2056

Red flags? Here is my opinion, my thoughts.

Note: sorry about the drinking, I’m craving it now and I chose image because I feel like drinking now and it relates to the question as well.

I notice these red flags in myself often. So that’s said first. I feel it’s not good being less than honest, but I understand why people are sometimes or quite often fall prey to it.

and fear of truth because it’s painful to see clearly how fuckd up we truly are inside. I have this every time I look in a mirror and god yes I hate my reflection with a burning passion.

even if I cannot percieve my inner Light I know there is Light behind any darkness. So at times I don’t want to see the Light because the darkness is familiar to me.

but one aspects I really really raise red flags is you guess it? Intrusive bullying behaviour. I’m an anarchist for a reason and good at spotting bullies even before they speak. I know well because these people affected my education and social life tremendously. I still struggle with these experiences through my schizoaffective disorder symptoms of voice-hearing and paranoia. I’m officially diagnosed with moderate-severe Asperger syndrome and a strong case of bipolar type schizoaffective/schizophrenia with mood disorder.

so the last part is the biggest one for me. I don’t like being around bullies because they prey on the good-natured and naive persons. Plus they kick your friend to the ground for several minutes. No way I will ever forget, even if I find healing.

Note: I’ve written about it on my other blog, but I will write here also.

Home made meals and dinner on every day except Friday when we order takeout food for the family. During the week I work a couple of hours at the pharmacy behind the scenes and doing important part of my job.

Friday is my wild days, I have a couple cans of alcohol-containing cider to enjoy the freedom of expression that come with my fortune of being a Norwegian citizen. Everyone should be of freedom in expression that is my point of view and opinion.

Saturday is special for family being together in small social gathering like max three people present. We watch online television together and listening to music. We eat lørdagsgodt only on Saturday (lørdag) it’s a combination of sweets, chocolate, candy and other indulgent food. It’s tradition to only eat on Saturday; hence the name ‘lørdagsgodt’.

I am a young disabled woman with psychiatric conditions and neurological illness, including epilepsy. I have moderate-severe Asperger syndrome and schizoaffective disorder.

So I do my best efforts for enjoying life throughout the week.

Thank you for listening ❤ ❤

I wrote about it on my other blog but I love watching cross-country and biathlon on nett-tv (online television) and I must admit I don’t know much about the current athletes so I will mention the ones I know more. Therese Johaug, Marit Bjørgen and Vegard Ulvang plus Petter Northug. They are part of Norwegian skiing culture and good at what they do best. Their strenght is in both physical and mental, their determination and the true skill of top winter athletes. So it’s the real Norwegian pride and respect for tradition and innovation together.

Thank you for reading ❤

Yes, I search for lyrics related to women and I love music that makes me feel good about my identity and passion for life. I remember vividly how we had an acting session with creative way of making a music video based on the Cyndi Lauper song ‘Girls just want to have Fun’, we got praise for our results by the teacher. And yes we had real fun with the assignments 😂💙🫂

‘All the Things she Said’ by t.A.T.u. and ‘Girls just want to have Fun’ by Cyndi Lauper.

And I still miss my dear Maiden so much 💔✨️🥺💖💕🫂

Sometimes the best things are very ordinary aspects of life. I have my favourite merino wool blankets and my inner world of faith. The whole experience is wonderful and it goes well with my beverages together. These are of alpakka wool:

I like the hot tea during winter seasons and it’s september now, we get snow here sometimes in september month.

My faith is strong, I don’t just believe; I have a vocation to write about different topics from my experiences. Sometimes it’s difficult doing this but putting struggles into words can affect the experience being in a more positive light soon afterwards. Here is a green wool blankets:

And I’m not kidding about the blankets, I have many of them. Like at least 5 big blankets, likely some more. I wish every person in the world had a warm blankets to feel more safe 💔🫂

Thank you for reading ❤

answer to dailyprompt-2059

Do I see myself as a leader?

So I’m a Leo sign strongly influenced person in my astrology birth chart. I also have a lot of Virgo influence. Together these combine in significant ways to make me better able to doing both to serve and to lead. In addition I have a Moon sign in deep water sign of Scorpio or in the idealist fire sign of Sagittarius.

my placement is in 12th house and 4th house. I sometimes forget my true Virgo influence on my life and my inner world, I don’t know why.

I like being of service and practical guidance and be useful to someone who will in real honestly appreciate my work and efforts. I really like help person with something I know well about, such as family research and info plus long personal experience with psychiatric medications.

I like to lead the way on certain paths, especially the inner world explore the depth of these oceans within all of us. I like being creative in some quite profound ways and in my childhood I was especially talents with being the actress that few peers expected me to be. Despite being have the experience of chronic bullying and other abuse I was actually good at it.

So do I see myself this way? I would say yes but in my unique quiet way driven from within my own inner core nature.

Thanks for reading ❤

Absolutely is one word I use in conversations every day. Absolutt. But all words have their place not to be used especially often regularly. Absolutely is absolutely a great word in itself.

I also say ‘unnskyld‘ or ‘sorry‘ too much, I apologize even to the chair I suddenly run into at home. I also mention the single word ‘I‘ but that’s online writing and not my offline life. ‘Æ‘ as it’s called in my Northern Norwegian dialect term, in bokmål it’s ‘jeg‘

Then there are the words I don’t use, but should be using. I cannot get myself to speak the words. Like the words mobbing, misbrukt, sengevæting, bleier. Those are four Norwegian language words I’m afraid of using, and especially in deep offline conversations.

So it’s words absolutt, unnskyld and mobbing.

Thank you for reading ❤

another answer to dailyprompt-2053

how do I relax?

right now I’m extremely comfortable and quite relaxing. I took the medicines and wear to different blankets to a comfortable place to rest.

I suffer from severe pain every day so I usually take my strong painkillers two times daily, an opiate in very low dose plus a Norwegian OTC medicines it’s called phenazone. This type of combination often works somewhat significant better than used alone.

I also like certain flavour beverages mostly of soft drinks like Solo and Battery energy drinks. I bought the pearberry one yesterday 🍐🍓 (pear plus wild strawberry mix) and I really like it.

Isn’t it slightly strange energy drinks do these things? I think it’s I have drive so I make it extra comfortable. Music is big part of my routine to cope with my conditions if I really feel like relax with music gentle electronic dance music type genres is the best.

I maintain balance of my inner world and spending time with other people and the outside world. I look forward to dreaming at night, but during severe psychosis state I cannot tell dream apart from my waking reality.

thanks for listening ❤

answer to dailyprompt-2052

If I had to give up one word I use regularly?

in my everyday life I always use the word ‘absolutely‘ in a conversations. Absolutt. My native Norwegian language words in speech. I want to use more different words but I just say absolutely. Yet most of all the feeling and intentions matter more than words.

I just say things like a habit I have for speaking. I don’t really pay a lot of attention to the words I use, but it clearly matters to all of us.

I also could say unnskyld a lot less.

And by the way I could say less btw.

answer to dailyprompt-2051

Grudges? About? Here it is:

Note/warning: dark topics, hope and resilience.

Most important part at end of my blog post

My history; I was bullied and abused during my school years, undiagnosed moderate-severe Asperger syndrome, psychosis, the mood disorder and medical illness related to my control of the function of the body. Yes, I had these episodes at school where I couldn’t hold it anymore or the urge came too quickly and the results were visible on my clothes.

they called me names and I was much shorter so the bullies could successfully hold my things far above me. I usually hated going to school. I’m actually still somewhat afraid of tall children, but my cousins teenage daughter is extremely tall for her age and gender so I’m less fearful now. Many Asperger syndrome persons are often target of bullying because we are different from the others, in addition I have a type of schizophrenic mood disorder that affects every part of my mind states and emotional regulation.

I had an abusive teacher at one of my three different primary school. Yeah, we moved school three times part because of significant bullying. It was extremely difficult experiences. He used me in ways I cannot describe here. I don’t trust people the same way after these horrible things happening to me at nine years old. I’m getting help now for my childhood adversity history, so it’s part why I write about this now.

These are some sentences in North Saami and Finnish languages, my ancestors were native Finno-Ugric language speakers. They tried to stop our cultural features but here we are in 2025 very proud of our ethnic diversity in all forms.

Eahket lea nuorra, eallin lea issoras. Mun in bala máilmmis, ii oktage sáhte bissehit mu. Ilta on nuori, elämä on ihanaa. En pelkää maailmaa, kukaan ei voi minua pysäyttää. (The evening is young, life is wonderful. I am not afraid of the world, no one can stop me.)

Sii eai nagodan billistit mu. Mun lean ain dáppe, in goassege vuollán. He eivät kyenneet murtamaan minua. Olen yhä täällä, enkä koskaan luovuta. (De klarte ikke å knekke meg. Jeg er fortsatt her, og gir aldri opp.)

My astrology: I’m a 12th house Sun, Mercury and Chiron. Born in late summer shortly after sunrise. (I’m the Lioness Maiden!) the Leo or Virgo Rising/Ascendant sign. Double Virgo in Western tropical astrology. In some other systems I’m a quad Leo. A quadruple Leo! Moon within 4th house in Scorpio or Sagittarius. Moon closely aspects my Pluto and Saturn. Saturn within 6th house in Aquarius, Mars + Jupiter in Libra sign within 2nd house. The extremely close Uranus/Neptune conjunction in Capricorn of early 1990s within 5th house. Venus in Cancer sign in 11th house. Pluto in Scorpio is exactly opposite my Taurus Midheaven/MC so it’s in my deep roots in transformation and healing process. Chiron (in Leo sign) is the mythology wounded healer and my Sun/Mercury conjunction aspects these symbols in 12th house.

So I’m wounded inside and feelings of hurt deep within, traumatic memories and the old times thinking kicks in when triggered by teenagers or blond hair adult men. I’m uncomfortable around being alone with male persons, even very good natured mental-health workers I feel unsafe.

My Scorpio traits are interesting, one of the worst bullies I’ve met was a Sun/Pluto conjunction in Scorpio sign. I disliked her intensely and thinking of her makes me feel hurt and wounded inside.

I was ashamed of my medical conditions and different way of being, I didn’t know of my autism spectrum disorder until 2010. I’m very interested in astrology partly because it helps Asperger syndrome person understand better how others mind is working together with our own basic perception and perspectives.

Yeah, I like drinking. I’m trying to stop using this substance as my preferred escape methods from memories and emotional pain. It’s also expensive. But I’m just drinking cold beverages with caffeine in right now it’s a Battery Exotic Fruit. Sometimes I feel like drinking a whole large bottle of Bacardi Razz in one evening. But then I decide not act on that very destructive impulse 🫂💙

But in the end I’m happy with life as it is, we cannot change the past. I’m thankful for this gift of life I’ve been given, no matter what happened to me or family members. I am a survivor, and with strong Finnish fighter spirits as part of my core values. We need true freedom inside us. To feel like we can move on in our world. The person hurt the most by grudges is the self. The persons own well-being and health.

We all are good enough for living here on planet Earth and it’s important to remember:

we only have this life once.

Thank you for listening ❤

My ideal home is my current living arrangement. I would not live anywhere else at this point, it’s my safe place.

I’m from Norway, the far-Northern region. I’m autistic and I love being comfortable to a great degree, more so than most other people.

My ideal home is colourful and you are never too cold when inside. The blankets are made from pure soft merino wool and the sofa is big and perfect to sit while drinking hot tea in winter time. The bathroom is blue colour overall and large size. Heated floor. Everything is easy to clean and enough space for belongings in any of the rooms. I have my winter season shoes in the entré room. My sound system in the living room, the living room kitchen together in one.

I have small kjøleskap (fridge?) and a dish washer(?) (oppvaskmaskin) in the kitchen. I make cups of tea in my kitchen with the vannkoker (kettle?) to heat water for tea.

I’m going to mention my astrology again because it is important to my home environment. I have Moon in fourth house (depending on the system I’m a Lunar Scorpio or Lunar Sagittarian) and home is my safe place. In my early life it wasn’t a safe place, but now I’m comfortable and it’s real mostly peaceful. I have Pluto in Scorpio exactly opposite my Taurus Midheaven and I’m very connected to my roots in general, because it’s powerful forces of energy and inspiration.

Some thoughts on my ideal home and what it means to me. I spend a lot of time at home and that’s where I sleep and start my days 🫂💙

Btw my bedroom is wonderful!☀️🇧🇻❤️

Thank you for reading ❤

Like when I was a child and was bullied a lot, crying on my way from school and sometimes peeing myself as I was walking home. Getting home and place my ‘pee clothes/tisseklær’ in a bucket of water before mother came home.

And often when she came home was upset I had wet myself, but she still help me feel better. So I was in tears of relief when I got home.

I feel relief when my opiate pain medication works, and I don’t mind the slight euphoria from it either. Sometimes I cry literal tears of joy, when I’m not in agony anymore.

I’m thankful for life and we can get through this together, nothing is completely lost.

Thank you for visiting ❤

Yes, beautiful environments brings a tear (or many) of joy to my eye. In awe of the view and feel the wind in my hair on an autumn evening outside. An eagle flying above us, even a fox running in the forests makes me emotional.

Other aspects that does this is pain relief and I feel relief when my opiate pain medicine works, and I don’t mind the slight euphoria from it either. Sometimes I cry literal tears of joy, when I’m not in agony anymore.

Honestly I blog for my own sake and the healing of my inner wounds. I’m 32 years old and I know it’s really needed to make efforts to grow as a human being, if I want peace and harmony I must face the dark side to my nature. I am diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder/paranoid schizophrenia and Asperger syndrome. I was bullied, abused and suffering from untreated mental illness. It’s not easy facing this darkness. It’s even harder seeing the Light hiding behind it.

So I decided to post something recently that I’ve been thinking about for some time. I’m not afraid of the thunderstorm or the mountains or my body. I’m afraid of people mostly.

Fordi hun ikke har tissa på seg. Because she hasn’t peed on herself.

Thank you for visiting ❤

NOTE: Difficult themes and might be quite triggering or heavy reading. And I don’t hide here anything about what it’s like peeing in my pants in childhood, youth years, continues to adulthood. It might seem off-topic but it’s a lot about why I blog, to process my memories and inner world while sharing moment with the visitors to my blog. I want people to feel less alone in the darkest times, and bring some personal experience with my journey.

Norwegian language title, and sometimes it really is true. Like I haven’t peed on myself recently. I was target of bullying and abuse. I didn’t pee myself yesterday. I also have several disabling neurological conditions that can cause me to lose control of my function of the body.

Wanting to be brutally honest, but not offensive. Sharing without shame, dignity of my words. Knowing when to stay silent and when to say yes. Nothing can clean my memories away.

They bullied me because I wasn’t like them.

So my issues were several and it wounded me inside. Soaking wet down to shoes, I hope they didn’t see it at all. Temperature. Feelings. Spot.

Plus. Double. Accidents. At. School. Yeah I pooped in my pants, too. It hurts writing but I need to say it because it’s taboo and it’s against any shaming for people to talk about this. The following is related to try breaking taboos and the connection to my own astrology features.

It’s often easier writing about taboo topics so this where I start. I’m not afraid of my body, I have seen so many different things little can shock me. And I’m not cowardly about physical wounds either. Honestly I’m kind of proud I’m not too sensitive and being unafraid of my own body function.

I’m a Lunar Scorpio in fourth house with Pluto in Scorpio exactly opposite my Taurus Midheaven. Quadruple Leo. Double Virgo. Astrology for the big girls… with Asperger syndrome.

So this is my experience, accidents at school and on my way home from school. Wetting the bed. Feeling of wanting to hide inside forever. The sad shameful times. And how do I really see it now, at this moment?

One thing genuine good about my situation I’m also having a lot of joy in my life. I’m so blessed with life and here I am, telling my story to the readers and my healing process is awake, alive and aware.

Thank you for reading my blog ❤

So one of my given names is Ingvild. As I’ve told before it means similar to ‘ancestors struggle’ in Norse origin, and I’m very interested in modern plus traditional genealogy so it’s perfect. It’s the most common used of my names, especially in younger generations like Millenial type I belong to, being born early 1990s in Northern Norway.

My mother had intended to choose Ingvild as my first name, but they call me something else. I got different name so I am not certain how it would have been growing up as an Ingvild in my official life. Bullies can use any name to hurt someone so nothing is safe. I’m a proud Kven, one the ethnic minority groups in Norway. I have a lot on my maternal grandmother side, she identify as quite strongly Kven in culture and ancestry. I feel we all should learn either Kven language or modern Finnish to understand better and communicate well with other Finns.

I like being Ingvild officially, it’s part of my real identity as the main family researcher together for my close relatives, in one word.

Thanks for visiting ❤

Yes, I’m now writing this post about my condition and me. Real me. The one that doesn’t understand people in everyday life and the one not ever good enough for society standard. I haven’t said this often but I’m extremely sensitive and private as well as quite strongly proud. I have this condition even if I don’t want to see it. Always there, no escape. I know some things others don’t often think about. Like my routine or my psychotic state, and how the paranoid delusions play a big role in my worldview even when I’m not in acute psychosis then.

Schizophrenia is different, people at least many understand it’s actually an illness and severe condition in psychiatry and society. But Asperger or even autism? No, that’s nothing.. well, it is. Some people just dismiss autistic people and blame anything on this even if it’s actually treatable and not normal autism symptoms. A depressive Aspergian is still depressed, a real illness in them. I know first hand this experience of being rejected only based on my label, I used to be diagnosed with a different type of autism condition that’s consider more severe.

But then came antipsychotics and my life opening up after many years closed off. So it was not directly the Asperger cause of it, it was actually a treatable condition that I could have been diagnosed with at age 12 years instead of 20. It didn’t disappear or heal immediately, it’s a part of life being this way. I am not my illness but my condition is still a real thing. I cannot think my way out of it, and by the way why would I be someone else? Taking the autism out of someone is not possible, nor is it in any way ethical.

So basically I’m feeling right now very Aspergian and maybe my mind is on some type of rambling episode, but life is life.

Thank you for listening ❤

answer to dailyprompt-2045

how am I feeling right now?

Short answer: I feel quite strong right now. In more than one meaning.

I’m in relief from anxiety and severe pain, it’s a big thing to me to feel normal and slightly more happy with life. They always ask why I chose my names, but I know at my core I’ve always been a Synnøve in addition to my other names.

Depending on the astrology system I’m a Lunar Scorpio or a Lunar Sagittarian within 4th house in my birth chart. I’m very strongly Leo and Virgo, up to four placements in Leo in 12th house if the Ascendant/Rising sign is included. Okay, the reason I mention my astrology features so often is that I feel it’s useful in understanding my own inner world reality and my place in society, my relationships with close ones and with strangers. Here are some links to astrology information;

https://advanced-astrology.com/moon-in-scorpio/

https://advanced-astrology.com/moon-in-sagittarius/

https://advanced-astrology.com/uncategorized/natal-moon-in-the-fourth-house/

https://advanced-astrology.com/signs-of-the-zodiac-scorpio-in-astrology/

https://advanced-astrology.com/pluto-in-fourth-house-natal-meaning-in-astrology/

https://advanced-astrology.com/pluto-in-third-house-natal

https://advanced-astrology.com/signs-of-the-zodiac-virgo-in-astrology/

https://advanced-astrology.com/uncategorized/signs-of-the-zodiac-leo-in-astrology/

https://advanced-astrology.com/twelfth-house-natal-chart

https://advanced-astrology.com/fourth-house-in-natal-chart

https://advanced-astrology.com/mercury-in-twelfth-house-natal

That’s a lot of links to this one site.. but I just discovered it today so this is why I post about it.

I also have moderate-severe degree Asperger syndrome and (bipolar type) schizoaffective disorder. I hear voices frequently and I’m delusional often, and my 12th house and 4th house placements contribute to the expression of the conditions. Plus most of Scorpio sign is within my third house and Pluto in Scorpio sign. I really feel like both 3rd and 4th house Pluto in Scorpio. I don’t know why I talk relatively little about my Asperger syndrome diagnosis, maybe it’s the fact I don’t like thinking too hard about what it really actually means? How embarrassing it is? It’s difficult to understand this condition, even for me. Every time I intend to write about it my mind just goes straight to assuming people think I’m narcissistic or something horrible like that. I hate narcissists. The real ones, vel og merke.

Here is 2NE1 with the song I Am The Best

It’s like to see things others miss in life, to notice what’s good for our lives. I am kind to fellow human beings and this is good for both me and the others even like a positive ripple effects. So that’s one of my good habits!

answer to dailyprompt-2050

furthest I have travel from home?

Yes, Tornio in Finland. I’ve been further in distances but not in feeling of being far from Norwegian home. I don’t speak Finnish or Swedish, but most understand Norwegian people as the Swedish is more similar often. I love Finnish language and my ancestors spoke Finnish and or Kven language along with Sámi languages. I’m learning Finnish now.

Otherwise the absolute furthest culturally I have been from me is most definitively Oslo. I always feel foreign in Oslo. I felt more home in places like Pello in Northern Finland than in our capital city. It’s surreal being in a large city where the Norwegians are very different nature from home. It’s not that they are necessarily very mean or anything like that, it’s the culture shock. They tend to actually like the Northern people cultures when they move here.

thank you for reading my blog ❤

I watched ‘The Powerpuff Girls’ and other cartoons on Cartoon Network. We had included cable TV for around two years when my mother was student at higher education.

Other show I watch was more adult/non child topics like Friends, Lost, Star Trek: Voyager, Åndenes makt (ghosts, paranormal and history programs) and Uti vår hage (I and II, Norwegian humor)

So those are some shows I watched in 2000s Norwegian television environment. A mix of everything; Star Trek, several type very funny Norwegian humor or sometimes almost slightly scary programs about a haunted house.

Thank you for reading my blogs ❤

Warning: mix of very serious topics and some strange sense of humor in writing.

The favourite of mine is the fruit champagne cider. I like the perry and the raspberry ones a lot also. It’s 4,7% alcohol and half litre cans. I have tendency for binge-drinking and some frequent use of these in summer time. But.. I don’t have a winter habit, mostly because the snow makes heavy drinks very challenging.. no, the drinks make the snow storms worse?

If you don’t know me already; I’m an autistic with schizoaffective condition and I’m from Norway. My name include Ingvild as part of my identity.

Some lyrics in my mind thoughts put together:

I want a girl with lips like morphine. Fallen leaves on the ground. Determined and strong, in it’s pride and glory. Exit light, enter night. Caution, there’s just no limits to the boundaries you push.

So my goals are not planned, I just follow my heart and use my very strong imagination for the most part.

Now I mention some of my usual mentioned astrology info again;

I’m a fighter spirit and sidereal system astrology quadruple Leo (Sun, Ascendant/Rising sign, Mercury and Chiron; all planets in 12th house) plus a 4th house Scorpio sign Moon with Pluto right on IC/Nadir point. In the tropical system (Western) astrology double Virgo and Sagittarius sign Moon. In 12th and 4th house in this system, too.

Torunn: loved by Thor, Ingvild: foremothers/ancestors struggle and Synnøve: gift of the Sun

I chose my names in adult life, a few months ago officially mine. All are of Norse origin. I’m from far-Northern Norway with Sámi, Finnish and Kven ethnic and cultural origins. Plus ethnic Northern Norwegian. Southern Scandinavian as well, including some Romani/Reisende (tatere/skøyere) ancestry.

It’s very relevant to my names related to the ethnic minority roots, where they truly came from in my own situation. Consider for example the meaning behind the name Ingvild; foremothers struggle. I also have genetic ethnicity estimates of North African origins as well as Arctic region indigenous among other non-Northern European regions.

Name days for all names:

Torunn has name day 23rd of February

Ingvild has name day 8th of November

Synnøve has name day 8th of July

(Pisces, Scorpio and Cancer signs, all name days are in water element!)

(My real birthday is in August, yeah.. so I’m both a Maiden and a lioness! Quadruple Leo.. Moon sign in either Scorpio or Sagittarius within 4th house. The true Romani freedom of group fireplace spirits from Moon in Sagittarius, or the powerful force of profound emotional depth from combination of both the Moon sign and Pluto in Scorpio).

Thank you all for reading ❤

Good evening. In North Saami language. I love evening because it’s a time where most of the errands are done and we can connect and bond with family members over a meal or watching online television together. Like even Ođđasat, the Sámi language topics news of our current society. I like the sky in evening, we see from our view the wonderful colours and beauty of nature surrounded by familiar feelings.

So; buorre eahket to all people all over the World ❤ ❤ ❤

note/warning: I was on sleeping pills writing. It affects my thoughts writing and topics, my mood or high distant feeling.

answer to dailyprompt-2047

why do I blog?

I have a deep need to write, a drive to create something written from my mind. I’m very introspective person and spend time listening to music while I’m affected by the overall experience. I’m dreaming at night of things I feel like inspire me to create something from, especially my little works of creative writing. 12th house in astrology are related to the dream world. My 12th house placements are definitively a part of my vocation, like my mission in this lifetime. I also have 5th house Uranus/Neptune conjunction of my type of Millenial (esp 1992/1993) generation, we all have this conjunction in Capricorn in any of the 12 houses and my placement in 5th house is the place for recreational activities and creative acts like hobbies and writing. I’m in sidereal astrology a quad Leo with Moon in late Scorpio. In tropical astrology I’m a double Virgo with Moon in Sagittarius. Moon is in 4th house in my chart. I like recreational beverages very intensely. So this is something about my astrology interest, I like to deeply contemplate and research around topics related to human behaviour and the spirituality of the human experience. I’m also curious about how this art form can be relevant to people with different kinds of mental illness and with Asperger/autistic condition persons like myself.

My blogs are where I express my mind in words. I love, and live for, music and lyrics. To connect with the whole world out there just show what’s on my mind and use my imagination in this way using the unique platform.

So that is part of why I blog. My self-awareness and creative side expression, my curiousity about different topics and other people from different cultures all around the world.

Thanks everyone for visiting ❤

answer to dailyprompt-2049

my ideal home?

it would look much like my current home mostly, but with some improvements in electricity and room plan. I will have one bathroom with everything I need in that one room, and everything would be well made and last for long time even after I moved away some day.

I’m getting more pictures of my ancestors on the wall in living room, it keeps the room very special to me on a deep level. And also have my merino wool blankets with the sofa when I’m having hot tea.

my rooms would be very easy to tidy and clean, just like they are now but better still. I love my new bed, it’s very comfortable.

thanks for reading ❤

Norwegian traditional Christmas Eve celebration of foods like pork belly (ribbe) and sausages. I also on some occations enjoy Bacardi rum like the Razz or the Breezer, including on Christmas Eve dinner and opening presents. I’m careful with alcohol around children so I’m absolutely not binge-drinking with young ones in our family gathering. I like Christmas food in December only, it’s very heavy in nature and best on these times of year. My grandmother is especially skilled with pork belly being just right in every way, she makes it for entire family on Christmas Eve all visiting her lovely home. I like the iced tea along with the rum and even berry teas on late night sessions. Yes, hot tea and the intoxicating moments of the polar nights that stay in my own wonderful living room.

So I enjoy some luxury in food and drinks, when they along that get to enjoy the same meals with our family members it’s definitively worth it.

Thank you for listening ❤

I’m talking about tea. In particular Pukka Three Ginger and London fruit&herb Strawberry brew together in one big tea cup.

It’s absolutely delicious and warm, wonderful for cold weather days in winter seasons like Dálvi. (I’m a Sámi origins woman and we have eight seasons in our native systems, it’s related to the reindeer own life rhythms of migration and our Arctic natural environments). 

I think it’s the best combination I’ve tried in my own experience with an original idea.

I hope this can inspire others to try new things with curiousity and being free to explore the tea experience fully.

Thank you for reading and I will enjoy my tea now ❤