Aspergian

How are you feeling right now?

Yes, I’m now writing this post about my condition and me. Real me. The one that doesn’t understand people in everyday life and the one not ever good enough for society standard. I haven’t said this often but I’m extremely sensitive and private as well as quite strongly proud. I have this condition even if I don’t want to see it. Always there, no escape. I know some things others don’t often think about. Like my routine or my psychotic state, and how the paranoid delusions play a big role in my worldview even when I’m not in acute psychosis then.

Schizophrenia is different, people at least many understand it’s actually an illness and severe condition in psychiatry and society. But Asperger or even autism? No, that’s nothing.. well, it is. Some people just dismiss autistic people and blame anything on this even if it’s actually treatable and not normal autism symptoms. A depressive Aspergian is still depressed, a real illness in them. I know first hand this experience of being rejected only based on my label, I used to be diagnosed with a different type of autism condition that’s consider more severe.

But then came antipsychotics and my life opening up after many years closed off. So it was not directly the Asperger cause of it, it was actually a treatable condition that I could have been diagnosed with at age 12 years instead of 20. It didn’t disappear or heal immediately, it’s a part of life being this way. I am not my illness but my condition is still a real thing. I cannot think my way out of it, and by the way why would I be someone else? Taking the autism out of someone is not possible, nor is it in any way ethical.

So basically I’m feeling right now very Aspergian and maybe my mind is on some type of rambling episode, but life is life.

Thank you for listening ❤