Well, I don’t give a flying fuck

answer to dailyprompt-2051

Grudges. Maybe I do, or it’s not really used to describe for this type of events. I will not let people get away with child abuse or cruel behaviour. Maybe that’s not the correct feeling, but that’s how I feel currently. And I don’t give a flying fuck. I’m fine now, just drinking some Burn energy drinks.

And Children of Bodom with In Your Face

(I enjoy this track and I love this Finnish metal band especially because of this track and also Are You Dead Yet)

I’m fucking up my head with memories of my Nordic appearance blond male primary school teacher that abused me in 3rd and 4th grade. I think that is maybe isn’t usually what people mean by grudges, but it’s a part of me always as just background noise. I’m not revealing much about this other than what I’ve written before. He told me the kids would stop bullying me if I did what he wanted. He also called me a bad girl so many times I could not help believe it at age eight or nine years old. He always used me after I had some type accident during gym class or recess, likely because I was especially vulnerable then. I resisted him once and then he was physically violent with force. This was in first half 2003, but soon after the summer break that school year I had moved somewhere else. Don’t ask why I didn’t report this to anyone.

So I’m honestly feeling very hurt and wounded inside sometimes. But I still don’t think about it at all much, it gets to this point only when I try to explain in writing to someone that’s outside my situation in 2002. I don’t talk about this anywhere else either. Sorry this was kind of (or very) heavy, but so was the question. At least it’s heavy enough for me writing about that abusive blond Nordic teacher. He isn’t in my life anymore and good is that! (Og godt er det!)

Thank you for reading.. and Finnish metal!