I used to hide myself a lot in earlier life. I was hiding bullying and abuse from adults and someone I will not specific here in age or relationship. I had to grow up struggles with my identity and wounded inside from these adverse life experiences and I developed severe mental illness in late childhood to early teenage years, hearing voices and strong paranoid delusions connected with this, my identity a big part of it. I almost forgot now to mention my enuresis conditions as part of my issues, it was very harsh and affected my self-worth deeply. I got some relief after being prescribed aid for the conditions but some of the mean girls bullied me for using it at school, threatened to post pictures of me on social media visibly wearing it. No way I caved to that! Sometimes I was so vividly dreaming of revenge and justice being carried out I was sad when I woke up.
(AI avatars are based heavily on my teenage self, they look like me that I was then. Can you tell I’m of Sámi and Northern Finnish ancestry/roots?)
so back to the lessons I wish I had learning earlier in life I would not hide so much my pain and my truth inside. Yes, and now I’m not silent or excessive shame over being different. Thank goodness.
so be proud of your inner strenght and authentic personality. It’s what you carry through life.
Note: I go in depth here about my family and our adversity history in terms of ethnic origins.
Yeah it might be a grudge but it’s both personal and cultural in nature, my roots and identity as a ethnic minority person in Northern Norwegian environment. I believe I might have been actually underestimated the influence of my far-Southern origins and cultural features in the way I really was treated by Northern culture children. My mother knew extremely well how her dialect accent was being made fun of being quite different. My father is Northern but different enough to be actually be victim of very severe bullying in childhood and youth in a stranger environment, they lived in same town and went to same high school (ungdomsskole and videregående skole) then they met in Tromsø and became partner with me as a result.
I’ve said many times about my other origins but I’m repeating it now. I’m of significant Sámi roots and Finnish, Kven, Reisende peoples as well as Scandinavian. I also have non-European origins like North African and different Asian ancestry, Arctic indigenous sometimes include in North/Eastern/Central Asian groups. I’m a mix of Norwegian cultures from far-Northern and far-Southern influence plus my ethnic minority background as well.
And I should not forget the autism spectrum condition as part of it, I’m different not only by culture but my mind works in different way from average NT perception and emotional regulation and depth. Most Asperger persons have some/a lot experience with bullying and feelings of being outsiders in the environments local to them/us.
So the bullying and feelings of being different are part of my heritage and identity, we are all just human beings even in our differences we are all equal in our humanity to others. There are no ‘wrong’ type people in my opinion and point of view. Okay so these are some aspects to the topic in question. I appreciate response to my writing, it helps me understand others better in terms of my expression and different perspective of many kinds of people.
Thanks for reading and listening to my writing here, I have a need for putting my feelings into written form. Have a wonderful night ❤
Walking outside in the forest environments way up North in my country, especially pine trees and now it’s September month but unusually warm at 18° celsius outside. I love forests, always have.
So yes, I walk every day; not always in the forests but always connected with nature and health.
I walk in winter seasons also, including the forests; in deep snow sometimes and very cold temperatures down to -30° celsius. I wear the suitable clothing for the seasons, including the very high quality shoes that keep us warm in the Arctic North.
I love the seasons, we have eight seasons system in my cultures and I think that’s cool. Sometimes it’s cold and very dark, but we have Midnight sun here in summer time.
potatoes, like especially baked potato with a little extra on top. We make own potatoes in garden and they are great, straight from the earth.
I love all kinds of tea. Herbal or true tea like for example chamomille and ginger and Earl Grey or oolong tea.
I’m a Sámi woman and I must mention the reindeer based food like bidos and modern foods like reindeer kebab. I don’t over use the meat but it’s some better for health than other source of meat. Btw the Norwegian word for all types food is ‘mat’.
i also enjoy cold drinks a lot, including plain water with ice cubes and more exotic like hard fruit cider or energy drinks with different fruit + berry flavour like esp the Pearberry Battery type.
The love of flavour and satisfy my hunger both physically and emotionally, roots and to explore different cultures through food. Music combined with food is powerful, especially Sámi joik and the bidos together. And the beverages are strongly connected with creative energies in several ways depending on the drink and moods.
Really the drinks are the foundation of life, especially pure water. In previous times people often were drinking alcohol-containing beverages because water wasn’t safe and other reasons. My family history of alcohol related conditions make me pay more attention to my own choices in these topics, I’m luckily not chronically alcoholic so that’s a very good fortune for me in spite of difficult experiences and mental illness.
The favourite food is a reflection of life and values we have. My roots, the flavour and health related aspects of the different types to keep us healthy and promote well-being and happiness.
what topics would I like to be more informed about?
i would like to be better informed and have more practical knowledge regarding money and economic decisions. I need to know how better to save money wisely and still get to enjoy life to the fullest. I also would like to be informed on psychology both pathologic and general concepts. Astrology on a wide spectrum both mine and in relation to other people and even the different political themes of our day. And I’m right now enjoy a cup of English Breakfast tea even though it’s summer temperature outside today.
I love learning more about different topics and life experiences. Thanks for listening, visiting and reading my blogs ❤
Walking every day, even shorter distances. I run when I was a child; both sports and the bullies chased me like they did to my father when he was 10 years old. But yeah, I walk every day; we don’t drive and I have the epilepsy. Walking can be peaceful and still good exercise. The other day I was walking in a real forest environment and forests walk is truly special, we were a group of people on a forest trip to have outside fireplace meeting and grill food on the fire as well. The forest had steep hills and that really is very good for health and the well-being of the natural environments is deeply rooted (pun intended).
In one of my former home towns the base of the mountains so walking a lot kept us fit and more physical strenght, plus other effects on health and well-being.
Home is about how it feels deep inside. So this is a type of answer of some parts of my ideal home. There will also be cups of tea made for warmth and safety. Blankets and pillows, and I won’t lie; it is a place of relief and release so the recreational aspect is something of respect. Music ❤ ❤
Yes, submerge into the deep roots within. My Scorpio sign influence in 4th house with Moon and Pluto inside, it’s really under the ground. It’s dark and the feeling is heavy sometimes only to shine later. I love music and music is especially welcome underground, in different meanings and all forms. Highs and lows, it hurts and it’s real. Thank god for this gift of life.
Tea, a smartphone and music. My day is a relief now, it’s been a lot this week in offline living. Good and I’m tired, not too sad for enjoying music. Including the sadness and pain.
Oh yes, I like trip whether inside or outside. Like going different places; not about taking any type psychoactive substances. The inside journey of dreams we experience and the creative energy needs expression in some form. And I really like the word quadruple. I’ve said some time on my blog about being in sidereal system astrology a quadruple Leo and honestly I think that’s great. Four times something, double double.
Enjoy the music and the ice cold beverages. Writing under the gentle influence in the moments of pleasure. September month heat and sunshine, far beyond our usual here in the Arctic location. I wear my sleeveless hoodies and of course the evening view will be a part of the experience as well. Pearberry fun and sweet dreams of wild strawberry passion and the pear fruit fullness. Oh yes, I’m Finnish to the core.
I’m feeling in the mood for just living, not too much trouble and worry tonight. Often people cannot get good sleep after caffeine but I’m most often different, I do have more trouble with the Midnight sun in May month so I take sleeping pills and the darker curtains so I’m getting real dark curtains before the following next year Midnight sun season. This is from far-Northern Finland in summer time Midnight sun ❤ ❤
What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?
People telling me things I already know.. yes, I am aware of it. They don’t need to say anything. But if I want to get some response I will let people know with my own words and my own time. So that’s an aspect of my actual offline interactions, I live in this online reality for some hours. But to be honest I live mostly in my mind, my inner world of memories and dreaming at night.
Note: sorry about the drinking, I’m craving it now and I chose image because I feel like drinking now and it relates to the question as well.
I notice these red flags in myself often. So that’s said first. I feel it’s not good being less than honest, but I understand why people are sometimes or quite often fall prey to it.
and fear of truth because it’s painful to see clearly how fuckd up we truly are inside. I have this every time I look in a mirror and god yes I hate my reflection with a burning passion.
even if I cannot percieve my inner Light I know there is Light behind any darkness. So at times I don’t want to see the Light because the darkness is familiar to me.
but one aspects I really really raise red flags is you guess it? Intrusive bullying behaviour. I’m an anarchist for a reason and good at spotting bullies even before they speak. I know well because these people affected my education and social life tremendously. I still struggle with these experiences through my schizoaffective disorder symptoms of voice-hearing and paranoia. I’m officially diagnosed with moderate-severe Asperger syndrome and a strong case of bipolar type schizoaffective/schizophrenia with mood disorder.
so the last part is the biggest one for me. I don’t like being around bullies because they prey on the good-natured and naive persons. Plus they kick your friend to the ground for several minutes. No way I will ever forget, even if I find healing.
Note: I’ve written about it on my other blog, but I will write here also.
Home made meals and dinner on every day except Friday when we order takeout food for the family. During the week I work a couple of hours at the pharmacy behind the scenes and doing important part of my job.
Friday is my wild days, I have a couple cans of alcohol-containing cider to enjoy the freedom of expression that come with my fortune of being a Norwegian citizen. Everyone should be of freedom in expression that is my point of view and opinion.
Saturday is special for family being together in small social gathering like max three people present. We watch online television together and listening to music. We eat lørdagsgodt only on Saturday (lørdag) it’s a combination of sweets, chocolate, candy and other indulgent food. It’s tradition to only eat on Saturday; hence the name ‘lørdagsgodt’.
I am a young disabled woman with psychiatric conditions and neurological illness, including epilepsy. I have moderate-severe Asperger syndrome and schizoaffective disorder.
So I do my best efforts for enjoying life throughout the week.
Name the professional athletes you respect the most and why.
I wrote about it on my other blog but I love watching cross-country and biathlon on nett-tv (online television) and I must admit I don’t know much about the current athletes so I will mention the ones I know more. Therese Johaug, Marit Bjørgen and Vegard Ulvang plus Petter Northug. They are part of Norwegian skiing culture and good at what they do best. Their strenght is in both physical and mental, their determination and the true skill of top winter athletes. So it’s the real Norwegian pride and respect for tradition and innovation together.
What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?
Yes, I search for lyrics related to women and I love music that makes me feel good about my identity and passion for life. I remember vividly how we had an acting session with creative way of making a music video based on the Cyndi Lauper song ‘Girls just want to have Fun’, we got praise for our results by the teacher. And yes we had real fun with the assignments 😂💙🫂
‘All the Things she Said’ by t.A.T.u. and ‘Girls just want to have Fun’ by Cyndi Lauper.
Sometimes the best things are very ordinary aspects of life. I have my favourite merino wool blankets and my inner world of faith. The whole experience is wonderful and it goes well with my beverages together. These are of alpakka wool:
I like the hot tea during winter seasons and it’s september now, we get snow here sometimes in september month.
My faith is strong, I don’t just believe; I have a vocation to write about different topics from my experiences. Sometimes it’s difficult doing this but putting struggles into words can affect the experience being in a more positive light soon afterwards. Here is a green wool blankets:
And I’m not kidding about the blankets, I have many of them. Like at least 5 big blankets, likely some more. I wish every person in the world had a warm blankets to feel more safe 💔🫂
So I’m a Leo sign strongly influenced person in my astrology birth chart. I also have a lot of Virgo influence. Together these combine in significant ways to make me better able to doing both to serve and to lead. In addition I have a Moon sign in deep water sign of Scorpio or in the idealist fire sign of Sagittarius.
my placement is in 12th house and 4th house. I sometimes forget my true Virgo influence on my life and my inner world, I don’t know why.
I like being of service and practical guidance and be useful to someone who will in real honestly appreciate my work and efforts. I really like help person with something I know well about, such as family research and info plus long personal experience with psychiatric medications.
I like to lead the way on certain paths, especially the inner world explore the depth of these oceans within all of us. I like being creative in some quite profound ways and in my childhood I was especially talents with being the actress that few peers expected me to be. Despite being have the experience of chronic bullying and other abuse I was actually good at it.
So do I see myself this way? I would say yes but in my unique quiet way driven from within my own inner core nature.
If you had to give up one word that you use regularly, what would it be?
Absolutely is one word I use in conversations every day. Absolutt. But all words have their place not to be used especially often regularly. Absolutely is absolutely a great word in itself.
I also say ‘unnskyld‘ or ‘sorry‘ too much, I apologize even to the chair I suddenly run into at home. I also mention the single word ‘I‘ but that’s online writing and not my offline life. ‘Æ‘ as it’s called in my Northern Norwegian dialect term, in bokmål it’s ‘jeg‘
Then there are the words I don’t use, but should be using. I cannot get myself to speak the words. Like the words mobbing, misbrukt, sengevæting, bleier. Those are four Norwegian language words I’m afraid of using, and especially in deep offline conversations.
right now I’m extremely comfortable and quite relaxing. I took the medicines and wear to different blankets to a comfortable place to rest.
I suffer from severe pain every day so I usually take my strong painkillers two times daily, an opiate in very low dose plus a Norwegian OTC medicines it’s called phenazone. This type of combination often works somewhat significant better than used alone.
I also like certain flavour beverages mostly of soft drinks like Solo and Battery energy drinks. I bought the pearberry one yesterday 🍐🍓 (pear plus wild strawberry mix) and I really like it.
Isn’t it slightly strange energy drinks do these things? I think it’s I have drive so I make it extra comfortable. Music is big part of my routine to cope with my conditions if I really feel like relax with music gentle electronic dance music type genres is the best.
I maintain balance of my inner world and spending time with other people and the outside world. I look forward to dreaming at night, but during severe psychosis state I cannot tell dream apart from my waking reality.
in my everyday life I always use the word ‘absolutely‘ in a conversations. Absolutt. My native Norwegian language words in speech. I want to use more different words but I just say absolutely. Yet most of all the feeling and intentions matter more than words.
I just say things like a habit I have for speaking. I don’t really pay a lot of attention to the words I use, but it clearly matters to all of us.
Myhistory; I was bullied and abused during my school years, undiagnosed moderate-severe Asperger syndrome, psychosis, the mood disorder and medical illness related to my control of the function of the body. Yes, I had these episodes at school where I couldn’t hold it anymore or the urge came too quickly and the results were visible on my clothes.
they called me names and I was much shorter so the bullies could successfully hold my things far above me. I usually hated going to school. I’m actually still somewhat afraid of tall children, but my cousins teenage daughter is extremely tall for her age and gender so I’m less fearful now. Many Asperger syndrome persons are often target of bullying because we are different from the others, in addition I have a type of schizophrenic mood disorder that affects every part of my mind states and emotional regulation.
I had an abusive teacher at one of my three different primary school. Yeah, we moved school three times part because of significant bullying. It was extremely difficult experiences. He used me in ways I cannot describe here. I don’t trust people the same way after these horrible things happening to me at nine years old. I’m getting help now for my childhood adversity history, so it’s part why I write about this now.
These are some sentences in North Saami and Finnish languages, my ancestors were native Finno-Ugric language speakers. They tried to stop our cultural features but here we are in 2025 very proud of our ethnic diversity in all forms.
Eahket lea nuorra, eallin lea issoras. Mun in bala máilmmis, ii oktage sáhte bissehit mu. Ilta on nuori, elämä on ihanaa. En pelkää maailmaa, kukaan ei voi minua pysäyttää. (The evening is young, life is wonderful. I am not afraid of the world, no one can stop me.)
Sii eai nagodan billistit mu. Mun lean ain dáppe, in goassege vuollán. He eivät kyenneet murtamaan minua. Olen yhä täällä, enkä koskaan luovuta. (De klarte ikke å knekke meg. Jeg er fortsatt her, og gir aldri opp.)
My astrology: I’m a 12th house Sun, Mercury and Chiron. Born in late summer shortly after sunrise. (I’m the Lioness Maiden!) the Leo or Virgo Rising/Ascendant sign. Double Virgo in Western tropical astrology. In some other systems I’m a quad Leo. A quadrupleLeo! Moon within 4th house in Scorpio or Sagittarius. Moon closely aspects my Pluto and Saturn. Saturn within 6th house in Aquarius, Mars + Jupiter in Libra sign within 2nd house. The extremely close Uranus/Neptune conjunction in Capricorn of early 1990s within 5th house. Venus in Cancer sign in 11th house. Pluto in Scorpio is exactly opposite my Taurus Midheaven/MC so it’s in my deep roots in transformation and healing process. Chiron (in Leo sign) is the mythology wounded healer and my Sun/Mercury conjunction aspects these symbols in 12th house.
So I’m wounded inside and feelings of hurt deep within, traumatic memories and the old times thinking kicks in when triggered by teenagers or blond hair adult men. I’m uncomfortable around being alone with male persons, even very good natured mental-health workers I feel unsafe.
My Scorpio traits are interesting, one of the worst bullies I’ve met was a Sun/Pluto conjunction in Scorpio sign. I disliked her intensely and thinking of her makes me feel hurt and wounded inside.
I was ashamed of my medical conditions and different way of being, I didn’t know of my autism spectrum disorder until 2010. I’m very interested in astrology partly because it helps Asperger syndrome person understand better how others mind is working together with our own basic perception and perspectives.
Yeah, I like drinking. I’m trying to stop using this substance as my preferred escape methods from memories and emotional pain. It’s also expensive. But I’m just drinking cold beverages with caffeine in right now it’s a Battery Exotic Fruit. Sometimes I feel like drinking a whole large bottle of Bacardi Razz in one evening. But then I decide not act on that very destructive impulse 🫂💙
But in the end I’m happy with life as it is, we cannot change the past. I’m thankful for this gift of life I’ve been given, no matter what happened to me or family members. I am a survivor, and with strong Finnish fighter spirits as part of my core values. We need true freedom inside us. To feel like we can move on in our world. The person hurt the most by grudges is the self. The persons own well-being and health.
We all are good enough for living here on planet Earth and it’s important to remember:
My ideal home is my current living arrangement. I would not live anywhere else at this point, it’s my safe place.
I’m from Norway, the far-Northern region. I’m autistic and I love being comfortable to a great degree, more so than most other people.
My ideal home is colourful and you are never too cold when inside. The blankets are made from pure soft merino wool and the sofa is big and perfect to sit while drinking hot tea in winter time. The bathroom is blue colour overall and large size. Heated floor. Everything is easy to clean and enough space for belongings in any of the rooms. I have my winter season shoes in the entré room. My sound system in the living room, the living room kitchen together in one.
I have small kjøleskap (fridge?) and a dish washer(?) (oppvaskmaskin) in the kitchen. I make cups of tea in my kitchen with the vannkoker (kettle?) to heat water for tea.
I’m going to mention my astrology again because it is important to my home environment. I have Moon in fourth house (depending on the system I’m a Lunar Scorpio or Lunar Sagittarian) and home is my safe place. In my early life it wasn’t a safe place, but now I’m comfortable and it’s real mostly peaceful. I have Pluto in Scorpio exactly opposite my Taurus Midheaven and I’m very connected to my roots in general, because it’s powerful forces of energy and inspiration.
Some thoughts on my ideal home and what it means to me. I spend a lot of time at home and that’s where I sleep and start my days 🫂💙
Like when I was a child and was bullied a lot, crying on my way from school and sometimes peeing myself as I was walking home. Getting home and place my ‘pee clothes/tisseklær’ in a bucket of water before mother came home.
And often when she came home was upset I had wet myself, but she still help me feel better. So I was in tears of relief when I got home.
I feel relief when my opiate pain medication works, and I don’t mind the slight euphoria from it either. Sometimes I cry literal tears of joy, when I’m not in agony anymore.
I’m thankful for life and we can get through this together, nothing is completely lost.
Yes, beautiful environments brings a tear (or many) of joy to my eye. In awe of the view and feel the wind in my hair on an autumn evening outside. An eagle flying above us, even a fox running in the forests makes me emotional.
Other aspects that does this is pain relief and I feel relief when my opiate pain medicine works, and I don’t mind the slight euphoria from it either. Sometimes I cry literal tears of joy, when I’m not in agony anymore.
Honestly I blog for my own sake and the healing of my inner wounds. I’m 32 years old and I know it’s really needed to make efforts to grow as a human being, if I want peace and harmony I must face the dark side to my nature. I am diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder/paranoid schizophrenia and Asperger syndrome. I was bullied, abused and suffering from untreated mental illness. It’s not easy facing this darkness. It’s even harder seeing the Light hiding behind it.
So I decided to post something recently that I’ve been thinking about for some time. I’m not afraid of the thunderstorm or the mountains or my body. I’m afraid of people mostly.
Fordi hun ikke har tissa på seg. Because she hasn’t peed on herself.
NOTE: Difficult themes and might be quite triggering or heavy reading. And I don’t hide here anything about what it’s like peeing in my pants in childhood, youth years, continues to adulthood. It might seem off-topic but it’s a lot about why I blog, to process my memories and inner world while sharing moment with the visitors to my blog. I want people to feel less alone in the darkest times, and bring some personal experience with my journey.
Norwegian language title, and sometimes it really is true. Like I haven’t peed on myself recently. I was target of bullying and abuse. I didn’t pee myself yesterday. I also have several disabling neurological conditions that can cause me to lose control of my function of the body.
Wanting to be brutally honest, but not offensive. Sharing without shame, dignity of my words. Knowing when to stay silent and when to say yes. Nothing can clean my memories away.
They bullied me because I wasn’t like them.
So my issues were several and it wounded me inside. Soaking wet down to shoes, I hope they didn’t see it at all. Temperature. Feelings. Spot.
Plus. Double. Accidents. At. School. Yeah I pooped in my pants, too. It hurts writing but I need to say it because it’s taboo and it’s against any shaming for people to talk about this. The following is related to try breaking taboos and the connection to my own astrology features.
It’s often easier writing about taboo topics so this where I start. I’m not afraid of my body, I have seen so many different things little can shock me. And I’m not cowardly about physical wounds either. Honestly I’m kind of proud I’m not too sensitive and being unafraid of my own body function.
I’m a Lunar Scorpio in fourth house with Pluto in Scorpio exactly opposite my Taurus Midheaven. Quadruple Leo. Double Virgo. Astrology for the big girls… with Asperger syndrome.
So this is my experience, accidents at school and on my way home from school. Wetting the bed. Feeling of wanting to hide inside forever. The sad shameful times. And how do I really see it now, at this moment?
One thing genuine good about my situation I’m also having a lot of joy in my life. I’m so blessed with life and here I am, telling my story to the readers and my healing process is awake, alive and aware.
So one of my given names is Ingvild. As I’ve told before it means similar to ‘ancestors struggle’ in Norse origin, and I’m very interested in modern plus traditional genealogy so it’s perfect. It’s the most common used of my names, especially in younger generations like Millenial type I belong to, being born early 1990s in Northern Norway.
My mother had intended to choose Ingvild as my first name, but they call me something else. I got different name so I am not certain how it would have been growing up as an Ingvild in my official life. Bullies can use any name to hurt someone so nothing is safe. I’m a proud Kven, one the ethnic minority groups in Norway. I have a lot on my maternal grandmother side, she identify as quite strongly Kven in culture and ancestry. I feel we all should learn either Kven language or modern Finnish to understand better and communicate well with other Finns.
I like being Ingvild officially, it’s part of my real identity as the main family researcher together for my close relatives, in one word.
Yes, I’m now writing this post about my condition and me. Real me. The one that doesn’t understand people in everyday life and the one not ever good enough for society standard. I haven’t said this often but I’m extremely sensitive and private as well as quite strongly proud. I have this condition even if I don’t want to see it. Always there, no escape. I know some things others don’t often think about. Like my routine or my psychotic state, and how the paranoid delusions play a big role in my worldview even when I’m not in acute psychosis then.
Schizophrenia is different, people at least many understand it’s actually an illness and severe condition in psychiatry and society. But Asperger or even autism? No, that’s nothing.. well, it is. Some people just dismiss autistic people and blame anything on this even if it’s actually treatable and not normal autism symptoms. A depressive Aspergian is still depressed, a real illness in them. I know first hand this experience of being rejected only based on my label, I used to be diagnosed with a different type of autism condition that’s consider more severe.
But then came antipsychotics and my life opening up after many years closed off. So it was not directly the Asperger cause of it, it was actually a treatable condition that I could have been diagnosed with at age 12 years instead of 20. It didn’t disappear or heal immediately, it’s a part of life being this way. I am not my illness but my condition is still a real thing. I cannot think my way out of it, and by the way why would I be someone else? Taking the autism out of someone is not possible, nor is it in any way ethical.
So basically I’m feeling right now very Aspergian and maybe my mind is on some type of rambling episode, but life is life.
Short answer: I feel quite strong right now. In more than one meaning.
I’m in relief from anxiety and severe pain, it’s a big thing to me to feel normal and slightly more happy with life. They always ask why I chose my names, but I know at my core I’ve always been a Synnøve in addition to my other names.
Depending on the astrology system I’m a Lunar Scorpio or a Lunar Sagittarian within 4th house in my birth chart. I’m very strongly Leo and Virgo, up to four placements in Leo in 12th house if the Ascendant/Rising sign is included. Okay, the reason I mention my astrology features so often is that I feel it’s useful in understanding my own inner world reality and my place in society, my relationships with close ones and with strangers. Here are some links to astrology information;
That’s a lot of links to this one site.. but I just discovered it today so this is why I post about it.
I also have moderate-severe degree Asperger syndrome and (bipolar type) schizoaffective disorder. I hear voices frequently and I’m delusional often, and my 12th house and 4th house placements contribute to the expression of the conditions. Plus most of Scorpio sign is within my third house and Pluto in Scorpio sign. I really feel like both 3rd and 4th house Pluto in Scorpio. I don’t know why I talk relatively little about my Asperger syndrome diagnosis, maybe it’s the fact I don’t like thinking too hard about what it really actually means? How embarrassing it is? It’s difficult to understand this condition, even for me. Every time I intend to write about it my mind just goes straight to assuming people think I’m narcissistic or something horrible like that. I hate narcissists. Therealones, vel og merke.
What daily habit do you do that improves your quality of life?
It’s like to see things others miss in life, to notice what’s good for our lives. I am kind to fellow human beings and this is good for both me and the others even like a positive ripple effects. So that’s one of my good habits!
Drum&bass music.. tea of different kinds, including iced tea. Reading and writing, release and relief. Medicine. Blankets and comfortable clothing. Mindful state of being. Being thankful for what I have in life.
that’s some of them, I could go into much more detail later. May write another answers soon, just to add on and clarify.
Yes, Tornio in Finland. I’ve been further in distances but not in feeling of being far from Norwegian home. I don’t speak Finnish or Swedish, but most understand Norwegian people as the Swedish is more similar often. I love Finnish language and my ancestors spoke Finnish and or Kven language along with Sámi languages. I’m learning Finnish now.
Otherwise the absolute furthest culturally I have been from me is most definitively Oslo. I always feel foreign in Oslo. I felt more home in places like Pello in Northern Finland than in our capital city. It’s surreal being in a large city where the Norwegians are very different nature from home. It’s not that they are necessarily very mean or anything like that, it’s the culture shock. They tend to actually like the Northern people cultures when they move here.
What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?
Lyrics from Teen Idle by Marina. I search because I just felt like reading and hearing in my mind, I remember this song from my late teenage years. I like listening to it. And I wanna drink until I ache. So I can feel infinity. Yes, my post is a bit strange. That maybe suit the title?
Grudges. Maybe I do, or it’s not really used to describe for this type of events. I will not let people get away with child abuse or cruel behaviour. Maybe that’s not the correct feeling, but that’s how I feel currently. And I don’t give a flying fuck. I’m fine now, just drinking some Burn energy drinks.
And Children of Bodom with In Your Face
(I enjoy this track and I love this Finnish metal band especially because of this track and also Are You Dead Yet)
I’m fucking up my head with memories of my Nordic appearance blond male primary school teacher that abused me in 3rd and 4th grade. I think that is maybe isn’t usually what people mean by grudges, but it’s a part of me always as just background noise. I’m not revealing much about this other than what I’ve written before. He told me the kids would stop bullying me if I did what he wanted. He also called me a bad girl so many times I could not help believe it at age eight or nine years old. He always used me after I had some type accident during gym class or recess, likely because I was especially vulnerable then. I resisted him once and then he was physically violent with force. This was in first half 2003, but soon after the summer break that school year I had moved somewhere else. Don’t ask why I didn’t report this to anyone.
So I’m honestly feeling very hurt and wounded inside sometimes. But I still don’t think about it at all much, it gets to this point only when I try to explain in writing to someone that’s outside my situation in 2002. I don’t talk about this anywhere else either. Sorry this was kind of (or very) heavy, but so was the question. At least it’s heavy enough for me writing about that abusive blond Nordic teacher. He isn’t in my life anymore and good is that! (Og godt er det!)
Note: astrology. And a lot of psychiatry related themes as well, political ideology. AI art of drinking strong alcohol directly from the bottle. Ethnic minority groups of my country. LGBT persons. I’m here to stay, not shy away.
In some astrology systems I’m a quad Leo (Sun, Ascendant/Rising sign, Mercury and Chiron in Leo sign), all within 12th house. I also have Moon sign in Scorpio within 4th house. In other systems I’m a double Virgo with Moon in Sagittarius sign, in the same astrological houses (12th and 4th house). So my feelings are very deep; very much intense, but with broad spectrum of emotions.
My mental illness is quite severe in degree, I have bipolar type schizoaffective condition plus moderate-severe degree Asperger syndrome. And yeah I’m an alcoholic, no doubt. I hate it. I love it.
I don’t know if I feel the Scorpio influence stronger because of my strong Pluto in Scorpio influence in Western astrology or my Moon being in Scorpio sign in 4th house. I don’t know if I’m feeling like a quadruple Leo or a double Virgo or what is just really the very strong 12th house influence in my chart. I’m quiet, but not at all a doormat. I’m very proud by nature, but also quite humble. Astrology is a real form of psychological art and methods of self-discovery, at least to me.
I have both Reisende and Romani origins from South region and Kven + Sámi ethnic minority groups from North region.
My history of childhood abuse and the other type of youth adversity has deeply influenced my view of different parts of life in strong ways. I really didn’t trust male teachers, especially the blonde Nordic appearance type like the one that abused me. I didn’t feel good about my appearance since I was different from the tall Nordic youth where I lived at that time, I was darker and much shorter.
Very far-left politically, an anarchist in several ways. I’m very against war and against abuse toward any of minority groups in society, I believe in being good-natured and genuine. I have a strong faith without being Christian or Muslim, any organized religion or belief systems.
Overall I live to write from the heart and see Light in the darkest moments, the corners of the Mind that hurt like infected wounds. I don’t fear the heights of the mountains or the sound of thunder. I’m strong within myself and never give up. My name is Ingvild and I am lesbian/bisexual by orientation.
I know it doesn’t sound like much very positive emotions. But they are very strong and that’s a big part of truly living. Not everything is meant to be sunshine and rainbows. And the real Light is found by way of seeing through Darkness inside every aspects of our experience. Bright colours in any mood, pitch black metal and white tea. Deep red t-shirt with some black design and a yellow colour hoodie with the blue design. Blue hoodie. Raspberry rum. Blueberry vodka silence breaking through the icy shell.
24 years ago I was 8 and with early development of (untreated) schizoaffective condition and undiagnosed moderate-severe case Asperger syndrome. This is an interview with my childhood self.
Note/warning: difficult topics/themes related to childhood adversity
how do you feel about school?
They take my things and hold it above my head, I’m so much shorter that I cannot reach. They make fun of my names. They pretend that I pee in my pants when they pour orange juice on my jeans/tights in class. They kicked my friend to the ground for several minutes. My friend is of part Asian roots and the bullies don’t like the outsiders. It doesn’t help the bullying situation that I actually lose control of myself at school some days and my blonde teacher does very wrong things to me after gym class, especially when I’m having accidents.
what do you like to do in free time?
I watch cartoon series and read books inside, I write in my journal about everything and most of all I enjoy playing with my best friend outside in forest for several hours right by our home areas. We also play computer games together. My mother lets me play outside with my friend and she comes to our apartment often, too. It makes almost all of my hard efforts that I get through the days very worth it.
what happen inside your mind?
I create those different worlds that I tell the adults about with great passion. I’m sometimes wondering if I have magical powers and I hear things often that others really don’t. I don’t know why I don’t understand what they mean with the words and expressions, I often forget going back to class after recess. I cannot listen to teacher because I have fantasies and live in my head, the much safer place inside. I make myself throw up after food, if only I was thinner they would stop. My blonde teacher says so, be a good girl and not so chubby.
what is your nationality and do they make fun of your background?
I believe they are bullying me because I’m a strange one; not like them, very much shorter, with my very long and thick dark colour hair, I have a golden-ish ivory skin tone, my eyes are the Northern type with hazel colour, I’m a Finnish/Saami girl with the more strong cheekbones, but I don’t know why it seems it matters so much to the bullies.
what would you like to be when you are grown up?
I maybe would write a book series like Harry Potter books or maybe help other girls feel better when the others are bullying them or teacher doing wrong things to them. Fairtrade tea. Save the forests. Be kind to the refugees. Best friends forever and nothing else matters. Metal, pitch black and heavy. Yeah, I said that. At eight!
Thanks for listening to my late-mid childhood self ❤
I watched ‘The Powerpuff Girls’ and other cartoons on Cartoon Network. We had included cable TV for around two years when my mother was student at higher education.
Other show I watch was more adult/non child topics like Friends, Lost, Star Trek: Voyager, Åndenes makt (ghosts, paranormal and history programs) and Uti vår hage (I and II, Norwegian humor)
So those are some shows I watched in 2000s Norwegian television environment. A mix of everything; Star Trek, several type very funny Norwegian humor or sometimes almost slightly scary programs about a haunted house.
Warning: mix of very serious topics and some strange sense of humor in writing.
The favourite of mine is the fruit champagne cider. I like the perry and the raspberry ones a lot also. It’s 4,7% alcohol and half litre cans. I have tendency for binge-drinking and some frequent use of these in summer time. But.. I don’t have a winter habit, mostly because the snow makes heavy drinks very challenging.. no, the drinks make the snow storms worse?
If you don’t know me already; I’m an autistic with schizoaffective condition and I’m from Norway. My name include Ingvild as part of my identity.
Some lyrics in my mind thoughts put together:
I want a girl with lips like morphine. Fallen leaves on the ground. Determined and strong, in it’s pride and glory. Exit light, enter night. Caution, there’s just no limits to the boundaries you push.
So my goals are not planned, I just follow my heart and use my very strong imagination for the most part.
Now I mention some of my usual mentioned astrology info again;
I’m a fighter spirit and siderealsystem astrology quadruple Leo (Sun, Ascendant/Rising sign, Mercury and Chiron; all planets in 12th house) plus a 4th house Scorpio sign Moon with Pluto right on IC/Nadir point. In the tropicalsystem(Western) astrology double Virgo and Sagittarius sign Moon. In 12th and 4th house in this system, too.
yes, The Powerpuff Girls. I watched this cartoon on Cartoon Network from around 2001 to 2003. I once had an outfit like Blossom, big pink colour eyes along and temporary dye my very long hair orange!
Torunn: loved by Thor, Ingvild: foremothers/ancestors struggle and Synnøve: gift of the Sun
I chose my names in adult life, a few months ago officially mine. All are of Norse origin. I’m from far-Northern Norway with Sámi, Finnish and Kven ethnic and cultural origins. Plus ethnic Northern Norwegian. Southern Scandinavian as well, including some Romani/Reisende (tatere/skøyere) ancestry.
It’s very relevant to my names related to the ethnic minority roots, where they truly came from in my own situation. Consider for example the meaning behind the name Ingvild; foremothers struggle. I also have genetic ethnicity estimates of North African origins as well as Arctic region indigenous among other non-Northern European regions.
Name days for all names:
Torunn has name day 23rd of February
Ingvild has name day 8th of November
Synnøve has name day 8th of July
(Pisces, Scorpio and Cancer signs, all name days are in water element!)
(My real birthday is in August, yeah.. so I’m both a Maiden and a lioness! Quadruple Leo.. Moon sign in either Scorpio or Sagittarius within 4th house. The true Romani freedom of group fireplace spirits from Moon in Sagittarius, or the powerful force of profound emotional depth from combination of both the Moon sign and Pluto in Scorpio).
Good evening. In North Saami language. I love evening because it’s a time where most of the errands are done and we can connect and bond with family members over a meal or watching online television together. Like even Ođđasat, the Sámi language topics news of our current society. I like the sky in evening, we see from our view the wonderful colours and beauty of nature surrounded by familiar feelings.
So; buorre eahket to all people all over the World ❤ ❤ ❤
note/warning: I was on sleeping pills writing. It affects my thoughts writing and topics, my mood or high distant feeling.
answer to dailyprompt-2047
why do I blog?
I have a deep need to write, a drive to create something written from my mind. I’m very introspective person and spend time listening to music while I’m affected by the overall experience. I’m dreaming at night of things I feel like inspire me to create something from, especially my little works of creative writing. 12th house in astrology are related to the dream world. My 12th house placements are definitively a part of my vocation, like my mission in this lifetime. I also have 5th house Uranus/Neptune conjunction of my type of Millenial (esp 1992/1993) generation, we all have this conjunction in Capricorn in any of the 12 houses and my placement in 5th house is the place for recreational activities and creative acts like hobbies and writing. I’m in sidereal astrology a quad Leo with Moon in late Scorpio. In tropical astrology I’m a double Virgo with Moon in Sagittarius. Moon is in 4th house in my chart. I like recreational beverages very intensely. So this is something about my astrology interest, I like to deeply contemplate and research around topics related to human behaviour and the spirituality of the human experience. I’m also curious about how this art form can be relevant to people with different kinds of mental illness and with Asperger/autistic condition persons like myself.
My blogs are where I express my mind in words. I love, and live for, music and lyrics. To connect with the whole world out there just show what’s on my mind and use my imagination in this way using the unique platform.
So that is part of why I blog. My self-awareness and creative side expression, my curiousity about different topics and other people from different cultures all around the world.
it would look much like my current home mostly, but with some improvements in electricity and room plan. I will have one bathroom with everything I need in that one room, and everything would be well made and last for long time even after I moved away some day.
I’m getting more pictures of my ancestors on the wall in living room, it keeps the room very special to me on a deep level. And also have my merino wool blankets with the sofa when I’m having hot tea.
my rooms would be very easy to tidy and clean, just like they are now but better still. I love my new bed, it’s very comfortable.
Norwegian traditional Christmas Eve celebration of foods like pork belly (ribbe) and sausages. I also on some occations enjoy Bacardi rum like the Razz or the Breezer, including on Christmas Eve dinner and opening presents. I’m careful with alcohol around children so I’m absolutely not binge-drinking with young ones in our family gathering. I like Christmas food in December only, it’s very heavy in nature and best on these times of year. My grandmother is especially skilled with pork belly being just right in every way, she makes it for entire family on Christmas Eve all visiting her lovely home. I like the iced tea along with the rum and even berry teas on late night sessions. Yes, hot tea and the intoxicating moments of the polar nights that stay in my own wonderful living room.
So I enjoy some luxury in food and drinks, when they along that get to enjoy the same meals with our family members it’s definitively worth it.
I’m talking about tea. In particular Pukka Three Ginger and London fruit&herb Strawberry brew together in one big tea cup.
It’s absolutely delicious and warm, wonderful for cold weather days in winter seasons like Dálvi. (I’m a Sámi origins woman and we have eight seasons in our native systems, it’s related to the reindeer own life rhythms of migration and our Arctic natural environments).
I think it’s the best combination I’ve tried in my own experience with an original idea.
I hope this can inspire others to try new things with curiousity and being free to explore the tea experience fully.
Thank you for reading and I will enjoy my tea now ❤
Tell us about the last thing you got excited about.
What does the title mean? I will try my best to answer it.. somewhat well!
My iPod touch device is my best music friend, I’ve had it for over 10 years as my place of escape from the Darkness and the haven for Light in life. That may sound a bit much, but it’s true. So I get especially excited when it’s been a long time not hearing the tracks and playlist and when I get the new music mix from YouTube at end of year.
It lets me be somewhere else when it gets too heavy in other areas of life, I’m mentally ill and autistic so the experience really saves my days in ways I cannot do justice to with words.
And it’s also so diverse in different electronic music genres from dubstep, drum&bass, hardstyle, psytrance and gabber etc. I have some metal music on the device as well, I’m making room for it so I can listen being on a road trip with someone else driving (I have epilepsy, so I cannot really be driver of the car) and I truly love listening when we see the natural environments of our journey. The trip is both literal travel and emotional exploration.
I need music in everyday living, it’s also because I mostly think in lyrics and associated features of music and creative writing. A song comes to mind and I use them to understand what’s going on inside and connection with other people and the greater consciousness beyond the personal aspects, the spiritual side of my experience.
So this is what got me excited most recently, I live for the music; it’s often what gets me through any hardship or difficulties and veryimportantly also what enhances my joyandfaith in life.
Question/prompt; what is your favourite time of day?
I like the twilight hours during Čakčadálvi season, or like autumn-winter in English. I like twilight hours because they are special when the dark times, the polar nights are near. We celebrate the sun Light returning around late January or some slightly later in winter. I live in Finnmark county, Arctic location in the far-Northern region of Norway. I feel connection with early morning as well, when I was born it was right after sunrise in late summer.
I’m connected with the Sun from my strongly Leo influenced astrology, in sidereal astrology system I’m a quadruple Leo. I like writing about astrology and my own traits like my fire inside, the warmth of physical nature and the fighter spirits of my ancestors passed down through generations of several different Finnish cultures. I’m a Kven and I’m learning our language from a type of basic level language courses soon. I already have the books for education and I’m looking forward to meeting other Kven people.
I am also a Sámi person and I’m register within samemanntallet, I just very recently voted (forhåndsstemming) in the elections this year; both in Stortingsvalget and in Sametingets valg. I’m not saying exactly what I voted, but I’m a hard left-leaning person with anarchist values. And I’m city Sámi of culture, so I’m not involved in reindeer husbandry or any livestock farming.
Finding new music, my iPod and online living. Or my episodes of drunk shopping with the very intoxicated conversations. Or seeing a bright, vivid rainbow in the sky the other day.
All are real reasons to be excited about for, we all get our fire from many different type fuels and we still move forward with the power of will.
Note: medical conditions and information, somewhat possibly upsetting health topics.
As I mention on other blog last year I really want autism-friendly areas of town where autistic people like myself can feel welcome and more comfortable being. I would also prioritize other disabled people needs and wishes, I really feel like society must adapt to the blind persons and wheel chair users. I’ve been using wheel chair after some of my leg surgery, I am very thankful they had one at the shopping mall for people in need of having this aid. I would also have easy bathroom access for elderly and people suffering from loss of control of the function of the body. Everyone matter to our society and the need for the many disabled people in Norway still is far from good enough.
My first of three given names is Torunn. But I used to have another first given name, that I will not directly reveal. It also began with the letter T and is of Norse origin like Torunn. But I didn’t like my name growing up being bullied for my ‘old aunts name’ so recently I chose my real core names, including Torunn. Old name means ‘Peace’ or ‘beauty for’ (a particular Norse mythology god). So I wished to have a different name in my childhood and youth years. Only now at 32 years old I changed to my true name, and it’s also an ‘old aunts name’ in my generation just much more uncommon than the other name.
My former second given name was Johanne and it’s Hebrew origins meaning ‘god is gracious’ or ‘mercy of God’. One of my great-grandmother name was Johanne, she was from the Valley and a true Kven/Sámi/Finnish ethnicity woman.
So those are my old given names and they are still mine even after the name change, part of my history and identity of youth and roots.
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