I wake up, drink water, take some care of my needs, go upstairs to take my morning medications, then a cup of Darjeeling tea. It’s very basic rituals, I think it’s actually okay this way.
What makes you laugh?
Title is a quote from Norwegian rally/rallycross driver Petter Solberg and it is strong Norwenglish, it really means ‘the steering wheel is loose’.
There are many other funny Norwenglish quotes from him, including the very well-known in Norway quote; ‘it’s not the fart that kills you, it’s the smell’. fart = speed/velocity, smell = bang/impact.
Link in Norwegian with more quotes;
Petter Solberg Sitater – Stor samling av sitater med ekte Solberg-engelsk
I enjoy these kind of funny situations, I laugh out loud several times during the day together with my close family and I’m so thankful for this.
Thank you for reading ❤
I don’t watch a lot of sports but I’m watching sometimes our famous Norwegian athletes doing amazing at their particular choice of winter sports like especially ‘langrenn/cross-country skiing’, ‘skiskyting/biathlon’ and ‘alpint/alpine skiing’ among other sports. It’s partly my proud patriotic side and a big part just loving to see how great human beings can be in action.
What is one word that describes you?
That’s a strange word, right? It combines the ethnic minority Kven group and also the included Finnish roots of my ancestors. I could include many more ethnicities from my research and DNA-testing, but right now it’s true Kveninnish ❤
I have a vivid, strong imagination and I still wish to live in a fantasy world where anything can happen if only we dare to try.
I’m actually somewhat good at acting as different people in plays and drama lessons, I don’t know if that is one strange trait for an autistic person. I value being honest in everyday life but I’m also a child of big imagination and grandiose fantasies of my bipolar type psychosis so I’m this way and that is reality, imagination is a part of reality within us.
thanks for visiting ❤
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
I have several good strategies to cope with negative/difficult feelings and I have mentioned some of them on blogs. But there is the option of escaping ordinary life in ways that some might see as dysfunctional in nature, in my case I have some psychoactive beverages combined with my different types of medications that can be a powerful way to escape my difficulties for a couple of hours.
But the best thing after this experience is to sleep some and let the mind process it fully, without limits.
Thank you for reading ❤
Most people who don’t have mental-health conditions in first-hand experience or in close family relation don’t understand it. Even the psychiatric doctors may not truly understand what it’s really like from inside view, or they understand some conditions but not others or the comorbid medical/neurological diseases their patients struggle with. My own experiences are deep, profound and has made me very empathic with my fellow psychiatric patients whether family, friends, people I meet at the psych ward or a complete stranger I hear about online or in the news.
My illness affects everything I experience in day to day life. I have abusive voice-hearing and paranoid delusions even I’m on two different antipsychotics and other medical or social interaction treatments. The anxiety, bipolar, obsessive thoughts, and lets not forget to mention my temporal lobe epilepsy and Asperger syndrome as well, are strong influences to my experiences.
And thank you so much for visiting my blog today ❤
What is your favorite type of weather?
I actually enjoy being out in the sunshine when we are lucky enough to have it, since we have several months every year with no sunlight at all; from late November to mid January months we have all-day twilight or polar nights as a result of our Arctic location. And my favourite weather conditions include lots of sunlight whether it’s spring, summer, autumn or winter.
I haven’t found my sunglasses yet and I’m often light sensitive so I often need them, especially outside in brighter days on Easter holiday in the Mountains at our family cottage. Another great thing about living so far North is in summer time we have real all-day light for almost entire summer season, the Midnight sun is real and a powerful reason to visit here if you want to experience the Northern conditions. Being outside during Midnight sun is very rewarding mentally, I have done errands I could get done outside and walking home is easy and importantly quite safe. It can be somewhat difficult even for natives like me to be able to fall and stay asleep during this time, so have sleep aid/sleeping pills and very importantly find some type of dark cover on the bedroom window.
Thanks for reading this blog, and enjoy the pretty sunshine weather while you can ❤
that’s kind of strange title but that’s how I see it. If I say yes it must be a completely honest heartfelt yes. And no is the same thing because I value honest expression, at the very least in offline conversations. And I don’t live to lie.
What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?
I’m not Norwegian, in any way. Yes like 75% according to DNA-testing but still people don’t see me that way. And the Norwegian culture I actually identify with is Agder and Finnmark Norwegian but it’s very mixed, especially the Finnmark region is very strongly Saami, Finnish and Kven influenced always. So I have the secret ability to show my non-Norwegian true nature without saying a word.
Can you tell I’m both not normal not Norwegian?
I honestly truly with my core being wish I could remove any trace of my existence completely forever from the Universe history. I’m not kidding that’s my deepest wish in my depressive psychosis world. It’s serious and very dark. I didn’t deserve to live on this Earth I’m a useless waste of space and you all know it deep within I’m no good this is my psychotic mind in writing no avoid the pitch black Darkness now I’m deeply wounded inside and I fight my wish to die every time my thoughts go in this way
thank you, all good people of the World
What is your favorite type of weather?
My favourite summer season weather is as I answer before around 20°C and mostly clear sky. I enjoy cold drinks and our wonderful view from the garden outside. And the Midnight sun is beautiful in it’s glory, even trying to sleep it’s worth the wait for summer. I take my sleeping pills as needed and try to cover window with dark curtains, i do need better dark curtains this year.
In winter season my favourite weather is quite cold, dry and a mix of cold and warm influences. I enjoy hot tea and my merino wool blankets when inside at home in living room. On errands I often prefer being outside because I’m by nature a warm type person often called ‘radiator’ by my cousin. I’m happy after entering the very pleasant colder environment outside after getting too warm on errands being inside.
I love our climate in this town far North in Norway and our town is quite special for being so Arctic in location, I lived in other town in Finnmark and coastal climate with much stronger wind and more unpredictable weather. But the wonderful summer season sunshine moments were so welcome and I think living there made me more thankful for our environment and the Nature around always.
Thanks for reading my long post and I wish you well today ❤ ❤
I used to read this cartoon series when I was a child and I really wanted those powers they had. And being prodromal schizoaffective I felt like sometimes I had these abilities in real life, I especially believed I had powers to control water element. Btw my psychosis in the long term didn’t make me believe in me having special powers, it actually made me be paranoid to the extreme and have negative, constant voice-hearing. It was still a type of prodromal sign, however.
Who was your most influential teacher? Why?
My mother is a teacher in videregående skole/opplæring and her topics include science, maths and Norwegian language. Her students are mostly young immigrants or refugees that prepare to study in regular classes with native speakers of Norwegian. My grandmother is a retired teacher specialised in Norwegian language education. In my opinion they are both very good teachers in their unique ways, they are very passionate about learning from own experience and to be welcoming for foreign origins persons.
Thanks for reading ❤
What experiences in life helped you grow the most?
My blog is much more important than it seems at surface level, because I really actually dream related to this blog every night. This is where I get feedback and inspiration on my writing and the music videos, my world in writing and feelings from reading. The community is important and my life would be very different without this influence in everyday life. My offline life is solitary and kind of dark in several ways, I hear several kind of voices and have strong delusional ways of thinking in everyday life.
So my blog life matters a lot to me and I really appreciate your time and feedback. Have a good night here from Northern Norway ❤
What do you wish you could do more every day?
I wish to spend more time enjoying hot tea, and I’m planning well for next trip outside to bring my own quality tea along to share with others too. I’m passionate about tea in different forms, including lavender tea and the best Earl Grey tea I have tried yet. Mindful and present in life with these infusions, I add nothing to my tea because it’s good enough or even better as it is from basic.
I look forward to this next trip when I’ll share with other people my passion and knowledge of tea. Have a wonderful evening everyone ❤
You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, car, or bike?
If I’m going on a cross country trip in another country it would be Finland and I would travel by train. I’ve been travelling by tourist bus along the Torne River Valley region bordering in Lapland county of Finland and in Norrbotten county of Sweden. I’m of Finnish and Kven roots and these ancestors lived mostly in Finland and Sweden before migrating to Northern Norway in especially 1700s to 1800s. I also have roots further South in Finland like Oulu, Kajaani, Rautalampi and Vyborg (last one which is currently in Russian territory). But Finland actually has real railroads and trains across the country unlike Norway where all the railroads stop in Nordland county. And I also enjoy Finnish language and culture independent of my ancestry and genetics.
And of course visiting Helsinki would also be great and to say to others some Finnish phrases.
Love from Northern regions tonight ❤
What is one word that describes you?
This I write because just feeling like doing this now, being a little impulsive because I’m affected by medication and caffeine. I have different diagnoses/psychiatric conditions, some can be called labels if someone uses it negatively or to discriminate. But I cannot deny that they describe me and sometimes they are really accurate in my case, especially the Asperger syndrome since you cannot really make it less visible with medications. I really am an Aspie and I must live with it in everyday life, like my other conditions even taking medications still have symptoms of bipolarity, psychosis, OCD etc.
i write plenty and I think a lot, listening to music on my device and I drink my favourite hot tea daily and two times daily I take my necessary medications for psychiatric conditions and my temporal lobe epilepsy. But I don’t socialise a lot, in fact it’s almost none some days and this activity is one I truy would like to do more every day, and it’s not meant to be always easy and comfortable this life, sometimes doing things takes great effort and patience.
thank you for reading ❤
What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance?
Note: I write about everything and off-topic things that I thought was interesting or useful to the questions. The text is somewhat long.
I have three first names, but mostly I always keep one as the second name, and it’s my name Johanne that always is included as an important second part with deep personal meaning. I am Norwegian speaking and English can be affected by my native ways of expressions, so this can sound different than it seems to my mind. I’m also autistic and with several quite severe in type mental-health conditions like schizoaffective and strong OCD-like conditions together.
I used to dislike my name Torunn in particular as it is an unusual/rare name for my generation because it was used much more often in 1950s and 1960s Norway so when I was born in early 1990s it was less used. And it didn’t help that my peers/classmates either made fun of my names or just said some form of ‘oh, that’s my exactly my grandmother/aunts name!’. And every bully knows how to use any name as a form of harrassing the victims and in other forms of bullying tendency. However I’ve learned to love my names as I age and experiences show me values of embracing my differences with true compassion, plus my name Torunn has the meaning ‘loved by Thor’ in Norse which fit me well because I have a close relative named Tor.
Johanne has origins from Hebrew meaning ‘God is gracious/mercy of God’ and one of my mothers side great-grandmother name was Johanne. It also is related to my mother liking the song ‘Gimme Hope Jo’anna’ from 1980s about South Africa and related topics. My great-grandmother was of Finnish, Kven and Saami origins mostly and she was a unique personality and learned our languages as an adult woman because the policy of Norwegianization had limited her learning languages from parents who were told only to speak Norwegian language with children.
In my usual conversations with people I know from before I use either Ingvild or Torunn along with Johanne. In speaking with strangers or health-care workers/doctors I need to use all of my names to identify and I particularly remember being asked after I had a tonic clonic epileptic seizure outside in winter they needed to know my true name and I was so confused, but luckily my friend there helped me and I’m really thankful to him and even the fact that this five minutes seizure was outside in public space.
Thank you all for reading ❤
Unfortunately I don’t have ordinary employment and that’s just the way it is, being disabled is difficult no matter if you have paid work or not. I live on ‘ung uførepensjon’ (disabled before a certain age with strongly significant disability) and it’s not a lot of money but it helps me function better and we all need food, water, health care services etc regardless of who we are.
And thanks for visiting my blog, fellow Earthlings and extraterrestrial beings ❤
apart from the great teacher of life itself, I remember two teachers in particular.
I’ve talked about my high-school Norwegian supremacist teacher that strongly disliked me and my foreign/non-European friends and I mention him because it affects my view of what a good teacher does to help students learning in all parts of life, not only what we are told about what school is meant for teaching us but about general society, the nature of human kind as a whole deeply felt true lesson. I credit him for seeing good in others no matter what background and ethnicity, even if the lesson was very harsh and unfair.
my other teacher was a great role model and she was unique, funny and inspiring plus we got along great not only as teacher and student but as fellow human beings. She was honest about her views on society and show interest in my strong points, my passion for learning from my own point of observation. Thank you C, for helping me see my strenghts I didn’t know I had.
thanks for reading, we all learn from each other about our inner + outside world ❤
What activities do you lose yourself in?
I’m a dreamer at my inner core and this also include my nighttime dreaming and nightmares. And in my perspective there is nothing better than to wake up feeling normal again; the worst of the psychosis episode is through, the voices not being loud and the feeling very well-rested just from getting some hours of sleep. I credit my dreams for keeping me grounded and authentic.
Thank you for reading ❤
I’m partly of Romani and Reisende origins from mostly coastal areas in far-Southern and Southwest Norwegian. Life spent travelling by boats and on the road. So I missed the boats in the choices, but the train is easier to use with getting nausea.
But as I said in previous post the State in Norway refused to ever build the railroads and of course the trains following. There is actually no Railway in entire Troms county and even entire Finnmark county; the size of Denmark and we need this way of transportation even more than some politicians pretend to be stupid about.
I may update on this post later on. Thank you all for visiting and I love to travel plus Norway is so beautiful at the right moments and close to nature our entire country is awesome and impressive, profound really. And trains are the best according to my own experiences in Sweden and Southern parts of Norway ❤
and I care about the Reisende peoples human rights, lots of discrimination and abusive treatments from State and other officials. Just to be crystal clear ❤
have a wonderful evening ❤ ❤ ❤
this is kind of strange because it’s something I actually have, but it needs an update and a charge like an old computer after long time off. I am autistic and I’m also good at knowing deep within me if I can trust the other persons spoken words, and if they are kind natured and with care for others not only for me; but to everyone. it needs the updated detection and new information to stay accurate about life and the truth inside all of us.
thank you for reading ❤
English: the kind of weather we get in June, sunshine and some light clouds occationally. The temperature is just around 20° celsius, perfect for us Northern people used to either too warm like sometimes 30°C or just 10°C mostly.
norsk/Norwegian language: 20 grader og solskinn, et par små skyer på himmelen som en dagdrømmer er jeg da i det øyeblikket det fanger blikket mitt. Midnattssol ute på platten ved huset, bare leve i nærvær av naturen akkurat da og følelsen av dypere mening i livet.
Write about a few of your favorite family traditions.
Today is Kvenfolkets dag, where we celebrate the living Kven/Finnish culture and our heritage. I’m a proud Kven as I have written on several blogs since 2023 ❤ ❤ I’m a member of our local group for people with Kven and Finnish ethnicity and language plus others who resonate with their identity as Kven in many other ways. I’m also good at family research/genealogy and I’ve convinced a lot of family members with taking their DNA-tests to help us all find out more and on very deep level.
Have a wonderful day and;
Toivon sinulle parasta! ❤
(Updated words, my vision is mostly okay now)
I guess I’m truly genuine according to my friends and family. I’m also trying to promote understanding of our common humanity, we have more than our labels and our similarity is more than you would think my writing is fuckd but I’m just slightly different due to my psychiatric dtste. I’m fixing this when I can see the letters clearly
I also have neurological conditions and it matters to my ability to type coherent sentences. Update later/tomorrow. see more clearly before my many different evening medications.
Thanks ❤
yes, two women symbols to show my love for my fellow same-gender loving women. It would be on my right wrist or my right arm. I love diversity in all areas of life, not just my own groups but everyone.
Don’t let them break your spirits ❤
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
At times I actually break stuff due to the intensity of my strong emotions and my schizoaffective condition does affect my mental and emotional state tremendously. One Saami person I’ve met broke a television set in rage, we (our ethnic group) are known for often seeming laid back and calm. But I’m not always calm, especially during my severe worsening of the state of Mind. I listen to my favourite mood in music for my particular state of mind and emotions. And I let myself feel the emotions and not resisting my thoughts. Btw I struggled with alot of experiences in my childhood and youth, had to hide my strong feelings to keep things calm in the environment. Too much for this time, sorry
Btw the stuff I break is like a pencil or other office things. Of course I don’t physically hurt anyone ever. I’m really frustrated with life right now, but once I let go fully it’s better later on inside.
Note: I’m psychotic now, schizoaffective flare-up and my mind is racing.
i believe in my right to exist as a living person. Everyone can have true confident way of being, don’t let them take that away from you, that inner Light of all people unique to them and shared roots. I know it can sound crazy this way but it’s my inner truth spoken (in strange English?)
thank you for the moment reading ❤
I do a couple of strategies to cope with my difficult feelings and mental health. First, I take my necessary psychiatric medications because I have severe conditions that the medications actually work for. I also listen to different kinds of music; both happy, angry, sad, intense etc lyrics/overall mood. It can be different metal genres or dubstep, hardstyle, drum&bass etc. I write very often and it helps a lot, I don’t hide from myself the psychosis state of mind and my deep fears, I dive into the Darkness sometimes on regular basis to be stronger within myself when I’m through the pain and hurt, the sadness and intensity.
I can look back and see how I was feeling and my state of mind, the inner world is like a vast ocean of dreams and fears.
we all feel and that’s okay, thank goodness for life’s different experiences being a way to explore every aspect of living and the deep meaning within it.
thanks for reading ❤
I wonder if astrology could be used in psychiatry to understand and treat different mental-health conditions based on the astrological features. It could possibly be used to aid in diagnosis as well.
Those are my thoughts on this topic today, I wish you very well and good weekend ❤
This is to add on to last answer, some more about my lost moments being connected to something deep and wonderful.
I need the break from regular mind, certain type music is the best combined with dark environment, closing my eyes to see clearly. Writing from the inner core, listening to lyrics deep or just for fun. I truly enjoy drinking different beverages of the kind of sweet kind like energy drinks and alcopop or cider, sometimes a little vodka or Bacardi Razz.
I value my dreams, my strange nighttime movies, I need them to cope with waking life. I’m of the introspective type, spend time in peace and in the real depth of thought and emotion. And I’m strongly influenced by my 12th house placements in astrology, the realm of dreaming and hidden collective awareness.
Being outside in Nature and the wonderful beauty of our view from the house we live in. In awe of the power of the weather and Light, Midnight sun is coming in May month; it’s beautiful and it’s both very special and also completely normal and expected to Northerners like me.
I lose myself in computer games, documentaries, tv series and watching movies. It’s special experience and I don’t do these activities often, so it’s extra intense to me.
thank you kind person reading ❤
What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.
I dislike when people are asking me if I was being bullied and if I have been shitting in my pants.
One time the bullying was especially hard, it truly hurts telling anyone about the words.
This is close to some real example of verbal abuse/bullying I often got from other teens after I had shit in my pants. It’s also very much like the abusive voice-hearing I still struggle with in my 30s. And I’m aware of the sensitive nature of the topics and it’s very childish in many ways. But I needed to express this in a way as it truly was.
‘Se! Torunn driter faktisk i buksa nå, har du med deg en ekstra jeans for sikkerhets skyld, Torunn?! Hun er seriøst en kort jævla tilbakestående nerd. Du har Asperger for faen, er du klar over det? Og du går akkurat som om du nettopp har bæsja i buksa, Torunn. Hun trenger tydeligvis å bruke bleier igjen. Hvem skal skifte på deg?! Hahahaha!’
Translated by Google translate into English:
‘Look! Torunn is actually shitting her pants now, do you have an extra pair of jeans with you just in case, Torunn?! She’s seriously a short fucking retarded nerd. You have Asperger’s for fuck’s sake, do you realize that? And you’re walking a lot like you just pooped your pants, Torunn. She clearly needs to wear diapers again. Who’s going to change you?! Hahahaha!’
Thanks for listening to my true stories ❤
I saw this on cinema and a lot of times during school when our Norwegian supremacist teacher wanted to do something different than planned. Or something like that. I’m of Sámi origins and I was really extremely passionate about genealogy at this young age. I loved the film partly because my ancestors lived in Kautokeino during the real historical revolt/uprising in the 1850s. We also had the dvd eventually so I could watch whenever I wanted to.
Other series, movies and videos are mention in other post on this blog like Lost, Friends and especially a documentary about the Okavango Delta that I saw so many times as a child. I love being immersed in something interesting and beautiful, seeing different aspects of life together in creative ways.
Thank you for reading this, and happy watching something you like to see several times ❤
Which animal would you compare yourself to and why?
I mention these on my other blog site, I feel like both can be compared to some part of my life. The Raven is dark, mystical, wise and unique. The marten is quite beautiful in a unique way, a small animal, solitary and it loves to climb trees.
Btw I like all kinds of animals and their animal rights and I like most human beings also plus of course our universal human rights ❤
I’m not really superstitious in everyday life. But my mental-health conditions affect my beliefs especially in dark times. I should mention I have schizoaffective condition with obsessions and several other symptoms. The thoughts in my head about triggering natural disasters with the wrong thoughts and emotions, my delusions of being identified with infamous people in the news. Once my treatments have continued working I don’t live in constant fear and anxiety, so afraid of my thoughts being wrong and sinful. And also I feel like every experience is potentially useful in some way even if it’s difficult or painful, and our lives are complex in nature. There is nothing wrong with having thoughts and emotions.
thank you for reading ❤
Hei Torunn, hvordan går det med deg? Kan du huske da du var 31 år gammel og hadde denne bloggen som lidenskap? Det har gått mange år siden den tid og jeg håper du har minner fra hele livet, hvordan vanskeligheter i yngre dager gjorde deg sterkere og ga deg stor medfølelse med de vanskeligstilte i samfunnet. Lykke til videre fra ditt yngre jeg ❤
English summary: hi Torunn, how are you doing? Can you remember being 31 years old and having this blog as a true passion in life? It’s been many years since this time and I hope you have memories from every age through life, how adversity in younger days made you stronger and gave great compassionate feeling with the underdogs in society. Best wishes from your younger self ❤
the best compliment I’ve got was from my first psychiatric doctor who was very experienced with treating psychotic patients. I had written a kind of different levels of my psychosis and my particular features in these different situation. When he saw my writing he told me it was the best described he had ever seen. This really open my eyes to my strenghts in writing about my inner world and experience.
thank you T, for listening to me and the compliment from a experienced doctor
Describe a phase in life that was difficult to say goodbye to.
When I was younger we moved quite often from different towns mostly due to my mothers studies being at different places. Every time we moved to other house was a new beginning and an end to what was.
I had to navigate different local cultures and deal with same-aged peers that were at times downright abusive toward me, and moderate bullying was a part of my everyday life for many years. My undiagnosed Asperger syndrome affected my education and social life as well, I could not focus well partly because of the adversity and my mind working very different from the average kid.
So every time we moved was hard to say goodbye to, and even if I went to my old towns they are not the same place as 20 years ago and my adult perspective is different from the child I once was.
Thank you for visiting and have a wonderful Saturday evening ❤
What is the last thing you learned?
I went to city centre at the police station to get new ID and passport and I was wearing a hoodie like usual. I wear hoodies without t-shirt under and the police woman asked me if I could take off the hoodie for the photo, but I had literally nothing underneath it so we found a compromise instead. I didn’t do anything illegal btw, just a social thing related possibly to my Aspergian nature. We learn something every day ☺️💗💕
I have a particular store I use for buying clothing, it’s a well-known chain in Scandinavia. When I lived in Nordland fylke/county I loved Bik Bok; often it was the hoodies I wore in my teens, I still love them and still wear them.
my absolute favourite shop in our town(s) are supplements/tea/organic/etc chains named Sunkost and Life. I get my tea from these places and I sometimes buy supplements as well. I enjoy also shopping at the pharmacy, both medications and skin care, pill reminders/boxes etc.
and I really enjoy shopping at places like Clas Ohlson and Normal stores, they have a bit of everything you could need for home and well-being. I buy things like ear buds, digital scale and medication storage/medicine cabinate there.
I enjoy shopping but I don’t like when there is too much crowded space, especially teenagers so I usually shop early to be less likely upset and paranoid by groups of youth strangers or (most importantly) stressed people in rush time.
thanks for reading ❤
I enjoy travelling by train and I’ve been further south where they have trains and railways. But our Norwegian State do not care to pay for train further North and this honestly is f*ckd up to say it like a Northern woman speaking in a type of Norwenglish. They don’t give us this despite our much greater need for it due to our location and distances being significantly longer between the towns. This is one of the many reasons I’m strongly left-leaning and against the concept of centralised government far from the districts.
but yeah, I truly love travelling by train ❤
What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
This is one of my fears, meeting the same-aged peers and possibly my Norwegian supremacist teacher who disliked me and my foreign non-European origin friends. To get me to do this reunion I need plenty of oxazepam and someone I know and trust coming along with me. I don’t live in the same region as my former classmates and teachers and I’m not active on usual social media sites/apps so I’m quite an outsider just like I was back then. Maybe it will happen one day, and I will be stronger within me if I dare to try.
Thanks for visiting ❤
What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance?
My birth name is Torunn and it’s not a middle name, it is of Norse origin and the meaning is close to ‘loved by Thor’. I have a close relative with the name Tor and there are plenty in our both sides family with Norse names like Jorunn, Solveig and Bjørn among others. I used to be kind of shameful about my name and it’s very uncommon in my generation, my experiences of people thinking it was unusual still happen even at 31 years now. But I love being a Torunn after all, it’s a special part of my life and identity. I’m an Ingvild and I’m a Johanne too, but my life would not be the same without this particular name growing up. I believe every experience has some potential for good/useful things happening at a certain point in life.
Thank you for reading this blog, I needed to write about my experiences of being different in several ways and share with you. I hope for bright moments in everyone’s life ❤ ❤
What experiences in life helped you grow the most?
Note: This contains some rambling thoughts and psychotic experience from first person perspective.
As some people may know about me I’m dx with severe mental-health conditions and I’ve been psychotic since 2005 at age 12. And many parts of my experiences have made me more mature and given greater strenght to my already strong fighter spirits. And they have torn me apart, wounded my pride, affected my relationships and a lot of emotional struggles in the years.
I remember a couple of times in my manic depressive psychosis that I was listening to some great music and my mind start working at interpretation from my own perspective. This is not always a good thing to act on or ruminate a lot about, but it can be insightful and deeply connected to your inner world. So I was listening to this metal track and I wanted a cup of hot tea, I love tea a lot in everyday life. It was that really great Earl Grey tea from English tea shop and everything made so much sense in that moment, I saw connection with inner world and society in general. Btw I’m a 12th house Sun + Mercury + Chiron in conjunction group (Leo + Virgo signs) and my Saturn in 6th house (Aquarius).
Some examples of songs I’ve listen through over the years that I recall and can recommend to interested music listeners;
Tears don’t fall, all these things I hate revolve around me, waking the demon (Bullet for my Valentine tracks/songs, type of metal genres).
the Power of the Mind, Psychedelic, Just say my Name, Megasound (Headhunterz tracks/songs, hardstyle genre of electronic music).
The tea helps me focus and I like the feeling of having these tea rituals grounding me in the present moment to some degree even when going through a severe episode of schizoaffective condition. It’s not magic, but it’s close.
Thank you so much for reading ❤
as I said on my other blog the weather is wonderful today here, and I heard they had 18°C in Oslo (I heard from someone else, I don’t know for certain if it’s correct). And our local SnowCastle is having difficulties in the warming weather, btw I live in Finnmark county and our local temperature in this town was around 0°C today with wonderful sunny, nice weather and we spent time walking outside.
I like writing about the weather and our local culture, like with the Midnight sun coming here in late May month.
thank you for reading this blog ❤
What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.
So who are you, then? (Så hvem er du, da?)
Where do you come from? (Hvor kommer du fra?)
What’s your fathers job? (Hva jobber faren din med/hva er yrket til din far?)
This first and second question made me feel like I was meant to explain to someone everything yet I didn’t know what I was supposed to answer and that they were really wondering why I went along with the other people there since I was obviously not like them.
The third question bother me because I didn’t know my father and he was (and is still) an addict; a poly drug user with difficult life.
These questions doesn’t bother me as much anymore, but it reminds me of the way it used to be in youth. Thank you for reading ❤
How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?
My mean girl tormentors took advantage of my different conditions to lie about their abusive behaviour toward me. They said I had wet in my pants after they intentionally spilled orange juice on me in class, the teacher didn’t believe me and this really hurt my pride deep. And it didn’t help the situation that I actually had real enuresis as well, night and day. Sorry if that’s TMI. I inherited this from my father actually, he was very severely bullied so it’s very painful to say it out loud. xenophobic kids all over the place.. spreading fear and misery in young hearts.
But where is the success in this? It’s my true inner strenght and determination to keep fighting no matter what happens. I don’t let people walk over me, I have pride in my opinions and my perspective and most importantly I’m kind to others as well. We learn by living, our experiences both pleasant and very difficult ones.
I hope your days are good and thanks for reading my blog ❤
cloudB 