Honestly I blog for my own sake and the healing of my inner wounds. I’m 32 years old and I know it’s really needed to make efforts to grow as a human being, if I want peace and harmony I must face the dark side to my nature. I am diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder/paranoid schizophrenia and Asperger syndrome. I was bullied, abused and suffering from untreated mental illness. It’s not easy facing this darkness. It’s even harder seeing the Light hiding behind it.
So I decided to post something recently that I’ve been thinking about for some time. I’m not afraid of the thunderstorm or the mountains or my body. I’m afraid of people mostly.
Fordi hun ikke har tissa på seg. Because she hasn’t peed on herself.
NOTE: Difficult themes and might be quite triggering or heavy reading. And I don’t hide here anything about what it’s like peeing in my pants in childhood, youth years, continues to adulthood. It might seem off-topic but it’s a lot about why I blog, to process my memories and inner world while sharing moment with the visitors to my blog. I want people to feel less alone in the darkest times, and bring some personal experience with my journey.
Norwegian language title, and sometimes it really is true. Like I haven’t peed on myself recently. I was target of bullying and abuse. I didn’t pee myself yesterday. I also have several disabling neurological conditions that can cause me to lose control of my function of the body.
Wanting to be brutally honest, but not offensive. Sharing without shame, dignity of my words. Knowing when to stay silent and when to say yes. Nothing can clean my memories away.
They bullied me because I wasn’t like them.
So my issues were several and it wounded me inside. Soaking wet down to shoes, I hope they didn’t see it at all. Temperature. Feelings. Spot.
Plus. Double. Accidents. At. School. Yeah I pooped in my pants, too. It hurts writing but I need to say it because it’s taboo and it’s against any shaming for people to talk about this. The following is related to try breaking taboos and the connection to my own astrology features.
It’s often easier writing about taboo topics so this where I start. I’m not afraid of my body, I have seen so many different things little can shock me. And I’m not cowardly about physical wounds either. Honestly I’m kind of proud I’m not too sensitive and being unafraid of my own body function.
I’m a Lunar Scorpio in fourth house with Pluto in Scorpio exactly opposite my Taurus Midheaven. Quadruple Leo. Double Virgo. Astrology for the big girls… with Asperger syndrome.
So this is my experience, accidents at school and on my way home from school. Wetting the bed. Feeling of wanting to hide inside forever. The sad shameful times. And how do I really see it now, at this moment?
One thing genuine good about my situation I’m also having a lot of joy in my life. I’m so blessed with life and here I am, telling my story to the readers and my healing process is awake, alive and aware.
note/warning: I was on sleeping pills writing. It affects my thoughts writing and topics, my mood or high distant feeling.
answer to dailyprompt-2047
why do I blog?
I have a deep need to write, a drive to create something written from my mind. I’m very introspective person and spend time listening to music while I’m affected by the overall experience. I’m dreaming at night of things I feel like inspire me to create something from, especially my little works of creative writing. 12th house in astrology are related to the dream world. My 12th house placements are definitively a part of my vocation, like my mission in this lifetime. I also have 5th house Uranus/Neptune conjunction of my type of Millenial (esp 1992/1993) generation, we all have this conjunction in Capricorn in any of the 12 houses and my placement in 5th house is the place for recreational activities and creative acts like hobbies and writing. I’m in sidereal astrology a quad Leo with Moon in late Scorpio. In tropical astrology I’m a double Virgo with Moon in Sagittarius. Moon is in 4th house in my chart. I like recreational beverages very intensely. So this is something about my astrology interest, I like to deeply contemplate and research around topics related to human behaviour and the spirituality of the human experience. I’m also curious about how this art form can be relevant to people with different kinds of mental illness and with Asperger/autistic condition persons like myself.
My blogs are where I express my mind in words. I love, and live for, music and lyrics. To connect with the whole world out there just show what’s on my mind and use my imagination in this way using the unique platform.
So that is part of why I blog. My self-awareness and creative side expression, my curiousity about different topics and other people from different cultures all around the world.
cloudB 