Intensity of Ingvild

What positive emotion do you feel most often?

Note: astrology. And a lot of psychiatry related themes as well, political ideology. AI art of drinking strong alcohol directly from the bottle. Ethnic minority groups of my country. LGBT persons. I’m here to stay, not shy away.

In some astrology systems I’m a quad Leo (Sun, Ascendant/Rising sign, Mercury and Chiron in Leo sign), all within 12th house. I also have Moon sign in Scorpio within 4th house. In other systems I’m a double Virgo with Moon in Sagittarius sign, in the same astrological houses (12th and 4th house). So my feelings are very deep; very much intense, but with broad spectrum of emotions.

My mental illness is quite severe in degree, I have bipolar type schizoaffective condition plus moderate-severe degree Asperger syndrome. And yeah I’m an alcoholic, no doubt. I hate it. I love it.

I don’t know if I feel the Scorpio influence stronger because of my strong Pluto in Scorpio influence in Western astrology or my Moon being in Scorpio sign in 4th house. I don’t know if I’m feeling like a quadruple Leo or a double Virgo or what is just really the very strong 12th house influence in my chart. I’m quiet, but not at all a doormat. I’m very proud by nature, but also quite humble. Astrology is a real form of psychological art and methods of self-discovery, at least to me.

I have both Reisende and Romani origins from South region and Kven + Sámi ethnic minority groups from North region.

My history of childhood abuse and the other type of youth adversity has deeply influenced my view of different parts of life in strong ways. I really didn’t trust male teachers, especially the blonde Nordic appearance type like the one that abused me. I didn’t feel good about my appearance since I was different from the tall Nordic youth where I lived at that time, I was darker and much shorter.

Very far-left politically, an anarchist in several ways. I’m very against war and against abuse toward any of minority groups in society, I believe in being good-natured and genuine. I have a strong faith without being Christian or Muslim, any organized religion or belief systems.

Overall I live to write from the heart and see Light in the darkest moments, the corners of the Mind that hurt like infected wounds. I don’t fear the heights of the mountains or the sound of thunder. I’m strong within myself and never give up. My name is Ingvild and I am lesbian/bisexual by orientation.

I know it doesn’t sound like much very positive emotions. But they are very strong and that’s a big part of truly living. Not everything is meant to be sunshine and rainbows. And the real Light is found by way of seeing through Darkness inside every aspects of our experience. Bright colours in any mood, pitch black metal and white tea. Deep red t-shirt with some black design and a yellow colour hoodie with the blue design. Blue hoodie. Raspberry rum. Blueberry vodka silence breaking through the icy shell.

Thank you for listening ❤

Ecstasy (II)

What positive emotion do you feel most often?

Note: About psychoactive medications and intensity of emotions. Mental illness. And my astrology!

The positive emotion I feel most often is the type of ecstasy that’s a mix of dreaming and belief in life being both wonderful and very intense. I live with severe pain and mental illness, I have the condition schizoaffective disorder in my case a psychotic disorder with depression and mania.

My opiate medication is a part of my everyday life, it can give me a very nice deep comfortable feeling sometimes.

And in combination with my caffeine stimulant drinks it’s not only pleasant, but more effective in pain relief. I’m letting you guess the strenght of my opiate painkillers, but it’s a low dose. ‘I want a girl with lips like morphine’ the thing that lyrics, knock me out again.. yes. I am a bisexual/lesbian woman and an Aspie.

The Asperger syndrome is moderate-severe in degree, I’m also a Leo, Virgo and Sagittarius with strong Pluto in Scorpio influence in astrology systems. 12th house and 4th house is where my Sun and Moon and Pluto are placed. Venus in Cancer sign within 11th house.

I’m currently feeling a mix of emotions, both guilt and being very strong within myself. I also don’t believe in that emotions are good or bad, they are all part of life and without dark times things get very complicated to deal with.

Thanks for reading, my fellow terrestrial beings ❤

Feeling emotional

What positive emotion do you feel most often?

Yes, all powerful and delicate feeling is worth to be experienced including the darkest times. They all have their use in our lives, I’ve learned through living with my mental illness and adversity how vast this inner universal story is, what they mean for my health, well-being and healing process.

The life isn’t complete without dark side or missing the Light, we are strongly reminded of this fact living in the Arctic North of Midnight sun and polar nights, of the unique natural environment here. 

I’m serious to fully cherish and appreciate my emotional life, there are no ‘bad’ emotions and the nuanced perspective is useful to me to cope with mental illness, adversity, different types of neurological conditions and pain.

Nothing can break me, and being open to my real feelings helps me every day to move forward. Even if it hurts in several ways it’s still useful.

Thank you for listening ❤

Ecstasy

What positive emotion do you feel most often?

Note: not the drug per se, but the mental state of moving beyond the ordinary mind and emotions.

It’s about the range and intensity, I feel it with my entire being. The music is the main part and true to myself I like drinking with my favourite music. I play on my sound system or on my old iPod touch device. I need music and lyrics to function well, my mind gets a lot of fuels from this unique activity. Btw, I’m from Norway. So back to the emotions again, it’s true ecstasy.

No drug can be exactly as magical as this state of being, natural intensity and range of emotional life. I feel any emotions on level very deep within me. I’m a 4th house Moon in a fire sign, specific Sagittarius, or very late degree Moon in Scorpio, and my Sun sign and Rising depending on system is double Leo or double Virgo.

I always like to mention astrology because I feel it describes my world very well from within, the good times reading something someone thought or was feeling about profound topics and type life philosophy are some of my favourite parts of living online life.

Deep level connection with something greater than myself, the spiritual origins of my ancestors and national identity. I’m a happy girl today. Nothing can stop my passion, I’m a fighter spirit with strong roots. I went through my darkest days yet and I’m still here, loving this life.

Thank you for visiting this blog, I hope it was worth the read ❤