Category: Uncategorised

Daily writing prompt

What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times?

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This film was about the Okavango Delta and the wild animals there, I constantly saw it again and again for a long time as a kid, it’s worth mentioning my undiagnosed autism spectrum condition/Asperger as a part of reason for this.

I’ve also seen all the seasons of Friends show so many times, the Kautokeino rebellion film (by Nils Gaup) and tv series Lost on DVD player.

My opening sentence:

Music was my escape, and here is my story of songs, sad lyrics.. and the heavy bassline.

Thank you all for the visit ❤

I wrote about this on my other blog, but here is the opening sentence again:

Soon after sunrise in a Northern town, I was born into the outside world.

As I said earlier I’m very interested in astrology, and I’m also an Aspie/Aspergian with severe mental-health conditions in addition. I was born in the late summer in the early morning hours above the Arctic circle, and I’m part Sámi indigenous on both parents origins. I’m very introspective and introverted in nature, and with significant experiences of adversity in youth. The outside world can be a challenge to cope with for the neurodivergent/mentally ill and this is definitively the case for me in particular.

So this is one of my reasons to use this opening sentence in my potential autobiography. And lastly I want to thank you for visiting and I wish you all very well ❤

my medications, my music/iPod and blankets. Plus hot tea ❤ ❤ ❤

I need several different medications every day, including my anticonvulsants to prevent seizures. I’m thankful for this help and it’s really important to be consistent in the routines(?).

I have mentioned the iPod-life and my music within it on my other blog and it really is that important to me. Some joy to my days, electronic music makes me feel better and more aware of beauty in life. And also the heavy bassline ❤

I have a great love of blankets and I use them every day, they are warm, soft and sometimes cute to look at. They are a must-have in the winter season and I need a cup of hot tea along with them if I’m in the living room at night.

Thank you for reading ❤

Daily writing prompt

What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance?

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As I mention on my other blog I don’t have a middle name, but I have three first names and I use all of them in various occations.

My names are Torunn, Ingvild and Johanne and I’m not revealing my full name or the exact order of the first names. The first two are Norse origin and the third from Hebrew. I especially like the meaning behind my name Ingvild; ‘ancestors struggle’ which is very true of my background and being interested in genealogy research.

I used to feel not so good about having an unusual name for my generation but now I see the true value to it, it’s actually unique and part of who I am at the core.

And about my last name I can tell you it comes from a Northern Norwegian farm our ancestors lived in during the 1800s.

Thanks for reading ❤

I’ve written about this topic before, but I wanted to say some more about it. I have schizoaffective condition, a kind of mix of symptoms related to schizophrenia and mood disorder (in my case bipolarity). I also have Asperger syndrome, diagnosed at age 17. My life history is possibly interesting to you, I will mention some of it. My father was absent from most of my childhood and youth, he is an addict to several substances and my mother left him in 1995. After this I went to many different schools and I had a hard time with my conditions being undiagnosed and the bullying I experienced. In 7th grade I had my schizophrenic break and I got into psychiatry in 2007. I also met my father 3 times during my teenage years, in a safe environment. I was into genealogy and wanted to know more about his biological father side like his many half-siblings and about my fathers youth years, especially since I felt like connections were important.

So what helped me grow the most? A combination of my childhood adversity, my mental-health conditions, my autistic passion and my long-term recovery process. I have been taking psychiatric medications for more than 10 years and I’m honestly grateful for the help they give me in everyday life. I also have learned a lot by blogging and reading different blogs and connect with people all over the World.

Thank you for reading, I hope it was interesting to you hearing my story. Have a wonderful day everyone ❤

Note: a lot of nerdy astrology topics in this post, I’m an Aspergian and this is a significant part of my autistic passion.

I’m a 12th house Sun and 4th house Moon in Earth/Fire combination and I really feel like it actually is something to astrology despite people doubt it works. I also have schizoaffective condition and I believe in fate and destiny to some degree being real, or else many things would not make sense to my mind.

Everything is connected and I’m a believer in the Nature based spirits, and my Sámi ancestors had special powers passed from one generation to the next and it’s known our family and our ethnic group are sometimes quite mystical and in particular often especially good as healers. Btw Chiron in astrology/mythology is the wounded healer and this is part of a strong conjunction group in 12th house with Sun, Mercury and Chiron in Leo sign. My father has the conjunction as well but in Pisces sign within 2nd house.

I have a post on my other blog, maybe it’s much better reading as I’m really overtired now with a possible influensa with fever.

Thank you all for listening to my kind of long post, I tend to write a lot more when I’ve been sleepless for some time. Happy Saturday ❤

warning: the Darkness in writing, mental illness

This was the year of 22/07 terrorist attacks in Norway. Everything changed in one fatal day, and it also ignited my worst episode yet of my psychosis. I had severe delusions about the terrorist being connected with me somehow in the mind and soul, he murder children at Utøya and the bombing of Oslo. It’s one person you will never want to believe you are, if you are kind natured inside. I was so obsessive about the trial in 2012 and this is never a good idea when suffering these delusions, just from my own true lived experience with schizoaffective condition. I was obsessed with watching the trial online all of the hours.

I occationally still believe in this delusion, especially after reading something about his case or 22/07 related topics. Anders hater meg, as some of my blog posts here say in the title.

Thank you for your time, best wishes from Norway ❤

edit: this is about my other answers to this prompt, I felt like writing this to explain.

I’ve mentioned my paternal grandmother, my father, my former self as alternatives. But really I believe we are not truly right to be inside someone elses head and mind, especially if it’s through any kind of force and invading their space. Yet I share with you all a lot of thoughts and true stories of my life, but I do from free will. So I just thought I should explain my position.

Privacy matters ❤

This is a little bit strange but it came into my mind now, how I’ve never been at any of the local hotel bars in our town. I am always just drinking at home or rarely along with family members, one thing I especially enjoy is to be in the Midnight sun paradise of our garden in summer time sitting outside drinking cider and Red Bull in the all-day light of the night so bright. The sun doesn’t set for several weeks, I’m not lying.

If we have a large distances perspective I want to visit Rogaland county/fylke in the Southwest region of Norway. I have deep roots in Rogaland on my mothers side, and I want to see for myself what it’s like being there and speaking with the locals. I love travelling in Norway btw ❤

Thanks for visiting ❤

I would like to experience the World like I used to, being outside and hiking or even the very difficult years in my youth. I was anxious and psychotic but I felt alive, like my life was there right in the moment. I need this experience so strong, life is about living.

I have no regrets about taking my medications however as I cannot function at all without them. And this feeling of being alive doesn’t depend on whether or not taking the medications, it’s psychological and lifestyle related. And I don’t expect perfect recovery in a second, it can possibly take months of effort to getting better long-term.

Have wonderful times everyone ❤

Daily writing prompt

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

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one of my least favourite things to be asked when I reveal my epilepsy dx is not really about the topic but the way they ask. It’s about if I wet myself often during these seizures and I don’t mean the neurologists or other doctors, I also remember someone asking this question to a girl on the radio. Btw she was honest about this and handle the question well.

the reason I feel uncomfortable with this is that it is a intrusive question by some of the people asking, they don’t know about my other symptoms of seizures that are much worse. And of course my history of being bullied for my enuresis and bedwetting tendency in childhood and teenage years is a big part, maybe even the main reason.

thank you for reading and I have to say despite not liking to be asked about this it’s still not something to be ashamed of the experiences with epilepsy. We are all just people after all.

Daily writing prompt

Describe the most ambitious DIY project you’ve ever taken on.

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Norwegian language: det første jeg kom på akkurat nå er de prosjektene vi holdt på med i dette faget på skolen. Jeg lagde en fjøl av tre (skjærebrett?) for å ha under når vi skjære brød, jeg tror vi fortsatt har den et sted i huset. En annen ting var kunst og håndverk, jeg ble inspirert til å hekle i fritiden i tillegg til skolearbeidet klassen min fikk i oppgave.

Takk for besøket, kanskje jeg kommer på andre ting jeg har prøvd i tillegg til disse prosjektene.

English summary: the first thing that came to my mind was our arts & crafts project classes in school. I made a wood board for bread cutting and I believe we still have it somewhere in the house. I also was inspired to crochet in my free time in addition to our school work.

thanks for visiting, I may remember other projects in addition to these and write about them later.

Norwegian language: Som jeg nevnte før har jeg vært ute halvnaken på vinteren i snøen rett ved veien for å late vannet grunnet at jeg ikke ville tisse i buksa sittende i annen person sin bil, og dette har hendt meg før et par ganger i baksetet som passasjer. Jeg husker å ha glemt å betale for mat på utesteder/kafé et par ganger da jeg enten var beruset eller psykotisk så dømmekraften og hukommelsen sviktet. De uskrevne lovene er vanskelig for autister å følge intuitivt, derfor har jeg brutt disse lovene ofte uten å mene det bevisst og gjennomtenkt.

Daily writing prompt

Describe a phase in life that was difficult to say goodbye to.

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I’m turning 32 this year, in 2009 I had so many things happening and even though it was very hard I miss the intensity a lot. I was severely psychotic and bipolar and my peers bullied me a lot. I live in 2009 in my head, thinking of my past in nostalgic ways feeling like nothing can give me the intensity back, my teenage years are still extremely hard to let go of even though I know I need to move on.

Note: this is mostly about my own history, including school and my mental-health conditions.

Being autistic/Aspergian especially without diagnosis can lead to strange ways of breaking rules. I asked questions about taboo topics and tried hard to hide my genuine self from rejection due to experience with very mean girls. I could not stop talking when I was anxious or manic, laughing at odd things and so on.

I also escaped from school whenever I could, knowing it wasn’t right according to the rules. My judgement was affected by bipolarity and severe psychosis and I don’t blame my child/teenage self for this behaviour, it got too much with the bullying and my Norwegian supremacist teacher who disliked me a lot.

(Btw if you don’t know my story I’m of mostly Sámi indigenous and Kven/Finnish origins along with the Norwegian ancestry, including around 1/4th Southern Scandinavian and of course significant Northern Norwegian).

I spent my truant days outside by the main road sitting on a very large rock while listening to music on my mp3 player, and trying to ignore the abusive voice-hearing and the shame related to my enuresis episodes in public spaces and the chronic bedwetting condition. I was very passionate about music and still so today.

I hope your days are good and that you had some happy moments during your youth years, I had fun sometimes even though my psychosis and bipolar was severe. Well wishes from Norway ❤

Depression is painful and also very dull, feelings of meaningless life are strong and you don’t want to do anything because the ruminating thoughts and the overall feeling of depressive state makes everything very difficult. My own depressive symptoms are related to my psychotic condition, it’s even worse if you consider the delusions and voice-hearing together with this state; I know that the hard way.

I am wondering what it would be like to live the winter season in a SnowCastle, I’m not cold at all in winter time, my cousin actually calls me ‘radiator’ because of my heat. I am also into Inuit culture like the traditional clothing and inspired fashion, like my Amundsen boots inspired by Arctic indigenous shoes made from seal hide.

So it would be a dream home, not entirely realistic but very cool (pun intended).

Daily writing prompt

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

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When I was a teenager I had a lot of difficulties of several types. I was untreated and undiagnosed with severe mental-health conditions and Asperger syndrome and experienced different kinds of youth adversity including bullying. I mentioned last time my enuresis condition and I think I describe that well enough in other post.

What I would tell my teenage self would be to see my own strenght in the face of hard times. Believe in my ideas and develop my talent for creative expressions. How the seasons affect us more than we sometimes believe, and self-punishment does not help anything. I would encourage myself to open up to someone about the adversity and mental illness. And I would also suggest to come out of hiding my preferred direction so I would have opportunities I have missed and regret it a lot now in my 30s.

And I would tell myself the truth about my identity, I’m like the Midnight sun in summer time; always there for myself for help even in the middle of night.

I really need to switch medications to high dosage quetiapine as soon as I can because this sleepless state makes me more crazy and the antipsychotics stop working decent when no sleep no dreams no rest. But I have the motivation to keep moving toward quetiapine instead of no sleep and psychotic thinking. I’m sorry if this made no sense. Hood evening front Norway

Daily writing prompt

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

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It would definitively be the experiences with my childhood adversity and bullying, my experiences with severe mental illness and my long-term recovery.

I just enjoy anything with this taste, I rarely drink true grapefruit juice due to my medications and the interactions but I enjoy small amounts in energy drinks or other soft drinks. I’ve tried finding pink grapefruit hard cider as well in our local store, I believe I found a possible candidate to try some time ❤

Thanks for the visit ❤

Explanation: this is to add on to my previous answer to this prompt. Hope it’s okay reading, and also thanks everyone for the visit ❤

I’m passionate about genealogy and family-history, including our cultural identity and genetics. So when I convinced many of my relatives to join me in DNA-testing, we have learned a lot about our connection with different relatives we didn’t even know of. The gift of this knowledge cannot be ignored and it’s actually profound in nature, compassion and unity.

I’m especially interested in our connection with indigenous cultures and Traveller peoples, and we are documented Sámi ethnicity of course like the genealogy research had shown. It’s deep within me to research history in several ways, my favourite ways being traditional genealogy and research related to DNA-testing matches.

I also write about our ethnicity estimates, my own recent estimate said around 75% Norwegian, 17% Finnish/Sámi, 7% Swedish and 2% Danish. My paternal grandmother also had around 2% Irish estimate, it’s so cool in my humble honest opinion ❤

On our family roots in Traveller cultures it’s on both sides; my father Scandinavian Romani from Trøndelag region and my mother indigenous Norwegian Traveller from Agder and Rogaland region, Scandinavian Romani of Trøndelag and Southern Sweden plus quite distant Yenish origins via the Agder+Rogaland Norwegian Traveller peoples. Our ancestors sometimes lived on boats year-round and the love of traditional travel by the Sea is strong in our family culture.

I’m a true far-left anarchist in my view of society and political themes, my political ideology. So I believe our family roots being very left-leaning or some cases communist ideology combined with ethnicity based discrimination and even violent racism has influenced us a lot.

Thank you, MyHeritage, for introducing me and others in family to genealogy research online. Have a wonderful day everyone ❤

I like most people, and I’ve heard from family members (and even doctors) that I have a friendly way of being that can help in communication in good ways. I’m autistic but social when my socialise energy is up. So I see potential in other people for kindness and unique way of living life, we need every person on Earth to have the best opportunity to shine.

I don’t know what more to write, thanks for reading ❤

I have plenty of shoes, especially boots. I’m going to post on other blog about these pairs of black boots, so that could be possibly interesting to read/see as well.

This is about two of my favourite boots from New Rock, I wore these even in winter time and I had quite good heel-walking skills back then, so it was great. One aspect of wearing high heels is the feeling of being average height, how strange it is to be able to reach objects you cannot otherwise.

And I went to a very small rave wearing them, being a badass rave girl. I write about the rave on this blog, btw.

Here are some pictures of both pairs:

I love these boots ❤

Thank you for visiting my blog ❤

Daily writing prompt

If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why?

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if I could be someone else they would have to be me for one day, which is terrifying to imagine. But if I would choose someone I know to significant degree it would be my fathers mother. The reasons are many, I thought of my father first but mostly change my mind. But I truly believe in boundaries and privacy so this deep change would alter everything forever.

Daily writing prompt

Share one of the best gifts you’ve ever received.

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I don’t exactly know who really gifted it, but it changed my life forever. It was when I found MyHeritage in 2007 and began researching our family history. I was 14 years old and my autistic passion was powerfully ignited by this deep discovery of my roots. I spent many hours every day to research and record our ancestry. (I was undiagnosed at that time, btw).

There are physical gifts included in this kind of interest, especially photos and other images of relatives and ancestors going back many generations. I love pictures and it’s one of my favourite aspects of genealogy, my grandfather gave me many old photos of his side of family. I wish he was still here so I could thank him again.

Many, many years later my father (I don’t really know him) agreed to do the DNA-test because I wanted to know more about our roots and this is one of the best gifts I have gotten in adult life. It shows me that sometimes the best things are inside of us always, our connection via DNA and history.

This is both interesting, insightful and fun. I cannot imagine life without genealogy, and it’s my roots and my destiny together.

thank you for reading this ❤

Norwegian language: Jeg tjener ikke så mye siden jeg er ung ufør uten jobb ved siden av, men jeg bor i samme hus som noen som har en ganske godt betalt jobb og min egen inntekt er meget stabil (heldigvis!). Men som jeg skrev om i går har jeg ikke et eget budsjett siden vi samarbeider om utgifter til huset og relaterte tema. Jeg prøver å tenke gjennom om jeg virkelig har behov for det jeg ønsker meg, om det er verdt pengene.

Now, some English language about my own astrology and money: I have a Mars/Jupiter conjunction (both in Libra) in 2nd house, the house of money, values and self-worth. I like buying shoes, clothing, tea, drinks, soft fluffy blankets, merino wool blankets etc. I like pretty sights and wonderful tastes, and feeling very comfortable and safe. My Moon is in 4th house, btw. I am lucky about my money even though I don’t make a lot of it or have a job. And I value fairtrade tea, organic food, co-operation for important justice causes, strenght and determination and an open mind.

Thank you for reading ❤

Daily writing prompt

Write about your approach to budgeting.

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I don’t really have a budget or a well thought out plan, but I do have some inner core rules I follow. I think twice before buying something especially if expensive and I check my account at least weekly. I actually don’t make that much money, but I have Jupiter (in Libra) within 2nd house in my chart so I’m lucky with posessions in some ways (but please don’t ask me what the bullies did to my things..) yeah life is good.

I really want to go to one large event/several day festival but my conditions make it difficult to predict my mood and mental state. I also am not used to lots of young party lovers taking different substances along with heavy drinking, I’m the kind of person who drinks alone listening to music not too loud to disturb my neighbors. I’m wondering why I want to go to festival now, honestly. Teenage dreams of times past?

But I might actually manage a one night music event, it’s my big goal to get there in the not too distant future ❤

Daily writing prompt

If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?

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the word is Norwegian and it’s the word “tilbakestående”. I want to get it out of use because it’s so offensive for the person being called this by someone using it to insult and hurt people and to the disabled people it’s referring to in it’s historical meaning. And it’s not enough to just ban the word, we must work for real changes to the way people think and behave.

Thank you for listening/reading ❤

I love Led Zeppelin and especially ‘Immigrant Song’ the title is inspired by the lyrics from it. And I come from the Arctic North regions and my name is Ingvild (one of three names I have).

I’ve written in other posts about my other topics included in hypothetical bio about me. So I’ll just mention some extra topics here as well. In particular it would describe what it’s like to have schizoaffective condition in my case, the individual experience varies with every person. But some aspects will always resonate with the other schizoaffective/schizophrenic persons experience of it, so it’s also useful to others in feeling not so alone.

Btw, here is Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin: